Maggie - posted on 11/20/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )
I lost my daughter June 8th of this year; I was 19 weeks 4 days. I have not gotten over what happened that day, nor have i pieced together the events. I wasnt in "labor" for too long, nor did it hurt physically, but the emotional pain is unbearable at times. My daughter, Amia, would be about a month of if she was born on her due date. I named her, obviously, and looked at her and touched her.
I feel somewhat guilty for her demise. Almost my whole pregnancy I didnt want her. In the begining I considered having an abortion, but just couldnt do it. I even considered adoption, but couldnt do that either.
I was very excited about being a first time momma. My mother was also excited, probably more excited than I was.
I feel like I not only let down my mom, but I let down my daughter as well. What was wrong? Why couldnt my body do its job and keep her safe and alive? What did I do to deserve this??
I dont know anyone personally that has gone through what I have, so I really dont have anyone to talk to. My mom says that I can talk to her, but everytime I bring Amia up she cries. I want to be able to tell her all the things she didnt know about Amia's birthday. I want to be able to talk to someone without them "grossing out" or crying!!