Why didn't my baby count? (Death certificate)

Susie - posted on 05/20/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My baby was born at 18 weeks and I day, he passed away from a cord accident in the womb.. The hospital told me that since my baby was under 20 weeks that I wouldn't be given a death certificate. That the State looked at my baby as he was a mass of tissue. That's not okay with me! I'm his mom! My baby boy Aaron is a person, who meant the world to me and to many people. I felt his life move inside of me, Aaron counts to me and my family. My son was here! It drives me nuts to know my perfect little boy's life dosen't count to the state. What's wrong with this world? I want to fight for the rights of my baby! I just don't know where to start? If anyone could help or is going through the same thing let me know your story or help me find away to fight for the rights of babies under 20 weeks. thank you!

Aaron Paul Dunkle I will forever carry you within my heart! I love you!!!...xoxoxo........

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Sorry I let that post get out there and didn't answer the main question. I would bring it up with a local pro life group they might be able to direct you to the right people to talk to. I would even go to the head of the hospital and demand a certificate. Even if it isn't a legal one.... it still is one. A state legislator might also be able to help. I'd be careful on which you contact though, some extreme pro choice would bar you from getting what you want.

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User - posted on 11/12/2012

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Thats so sad how cruel. I believe life starts at conception I didn't have. A loss. Myself but I Count. Every day of baby's life meaning my baby girl. That I gavebirth to on 4-10-2012 Is 9UTERO+7 AFTERBIRTH MONTHS &3 DAYS OLD TODAY.

Alison - posted on 05/29/2011

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yea i just hope when we try again everything works out,if that happens to be the last child i can have then ill be fine with it cuz ill have my 2 beautiful babies one in heaven n one here,but i wouldnt mind havin maybe 2 which will really be 3 (: idk how im gonna act when i get pregnant again ill prob be a nervous reck

Erin - posted on 05/28/2011

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Well i had 3 miscarriages after the loss of my twin and yes i under stand the hurt of seeing babies and pregnant women. i got to be so bitter. and then i was told that they didn't believe i would ever carry a health child broke my heart. so when i became prego last yr with my son i was terrified and didn't even try to hope he would survive but though it was rough and i keep bleeding going in to early labor and all someone was watching over us and i have my son. i can't have anymore bc they found the cancer after he was born but i got him. sorry to get off the point but neway Alison i understand your pain in a way and yes i agree i don't wish the loss of a child on anyone its like it the loss of their lil lives take a part of you that you can never get back a part of your heart and soul. and even after 8 yrs i feel the loss of my boys and i miss them. the day of their birth is always a very depressing day for me every year.

Alison - posted on 05/28/2011

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thats wrong they should of gave u the choice of what u wanted to do,they were ur children,i was in the hospital for a week tryin tosave our lil girl but wasnt much more i could do so i had a vaginal birth about 7 days after findin out i went into early labor,it was one hell of a week,then had to come back the same day n have a dnc the next day,our lil girl lived for 6 hours,9mins tho we spent the whole time with her even the whole day after they said she passed which was the hardest part,we miss her so much,it hurts to see babies,pregnant women all the time,all i can say is i dont wish what happend to me or anyone that lost a child on anyone

Erin - posted on 05/28/2011

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i lost a set of twin boy at 19wks and5 days by that time i felt them move and even had their names picked out. i was pushed down stairs and went in to labor.at the hospital i gave birth to these two tiny tiny but developed lil babies. i was sedated because i wasn't taking it well by the time i came to i never seen them again and they never told me what happened to their tiny bodies i have foot prints but thats all i ever got. to this day it bothers me to know what happened to my lil angels. its been 8 yrs and now i have a healthy 6 month old who have both my twins names as his middle names. i believe they are up there watching over him. it always bothered me that i never got to say good bye or even get to bury them. which i felt i needed but i was always told i was too early and they didn't count as full babies but i seen them they had every thing they were suppose to and looked like perfect lil angels to me i mean yeah their ears wasn't fully developed but i though they were perfect.

Alison - posted on 05/27/2011

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thats bullshit that they would say that,that baby has a heart beat,moves and even looks like a baby by then just a small one,i had my daughter at 20 weeks 6 days and we got a death certificate,one reason u might not of got one was because if the baby died inside you they dont,but if they have a heart beat when they come out they do,our daughter lived for 6 hours,9mins so we got one,that could be why u didnt get one,it shouldnt be because ur baby was under 20 weeks thats rediculos,im sorry for ur loss! ♥

Carol - posted on 05/26/2011

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He does...close your ears to the heartless words...they're just not true. Know that your Aaron is now in heaven with Jesus...I believe he was an angel who had to go through a test to get his wings...then when the test was accomplished, Jesus took him home.

Susie - posted on 05/25/2011

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Sarah wow I'm sooo sorry for what you went through. Did you get to hold your daughter? What is her name?
In Washington State they would have given me a death certificate if my baby was above 20 weeks but I know every state is different. And every hospital is different in how they handle the loss of a baby. Someday I hope to see my son Aaron again untill then I will be sad but I will live for my two boys on this earth and try to be the best mom for them even though my heart is broken.

Sarah - posted on 05/24/2011

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I lost my daughter due to placenta abruption a very rare thing to happen during pregnancy. I went into hospital with abdominal pains and when i went for a scan she was still alive inside my womb. When the doctors finally decided to operate and investigate what the free fluid was it was then that they took my baby away from me and they had to give me a hystorectomy and when i woke up from the op they told me she was to early to be classed as a still born so they put her down as a miscarriage because she was born at 22 week and wasnt aloud to get her registered. We buried her so we have some where to visit but i never got all the answer i needed and even though its been nearly 6 years i still feel the loss of her like it was only yesterday !!

Jennifer - posted on 05/21/2011

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We received a Certificate of Fetal Death that looks just like a birth certificate in our state. I think it was because we had our son cremated and it had to be recorded. It was little comfort but I did appreciate having that document that recognized that he was here, even if he didn't make it.

Susan - posted on 05/21/2011

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I lost my daughter two years ago. I haven't received her Death Certificate either, i was 5 1/2 months along and the hospital i had her at was very understanding and cooperative, they said she was stillborn, but they say after you are so far along they make you deliver the baby. and you have to have some type of burial for your child. My daughter had Turner's syndrome/cystic hygroma and we knew from the very beginning what she was cause of the test we had. I personally would raise heck with people. Im a strong believer that no matter how far along you are that baby deserves a name!

[deleted account]

I had that problem too Erica. I hemorrhaged with my first miscarriage so it was basically get a D&C or die (I had already lost pints of blood). With my last miscarriage I made them wait a while since my hormone levels weren't dropping. I went for multiple ultrasounds. The last one before my D&C showed that the baby was no longer there. But I DID have clots that weren't leaving (hence the D&C). I was 8 weeks with my first but it was a missed miscarriage and I found out 2 weeks later. I even went into labor (which was horrible). With my second, it was extremely early (about 4 1/2 weeks). He wasn't in the right spot and my hormones were way off, so they monitored me, but the bleeding never stopped even on progestin.

I get a lot of flack from people over naming them. Jamie was my first. With the second it has been hard to think of one. He saved my life... if he had survived I would have most likely died from a ruptured uterus. I just can't think of a name that is right, nothing fits him.

Erica - posted on 05/20/2011

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A lot of people have told me the same thing about how surpised they are that I had a D&C that far along, but the doctors all acted like it was the only choice at the time. And I have tried asking for my medical records, they just say that I had a D&C and really nothing else. It doesn't even say how far along I was. I asume its one of those cases where the doctors didn't do their jobs right. Wish I had known a little more about it before hand, but then again I wasn't expecting anything like that to ever happen to me. And apparently a lot of doctors around here associate the term abortion with a D&C. I'm pregnant again now and have had a few simi serious problem that I had to go to the hospital for and everytime I meet a doctor for the first time they say something like "So I see(looking at my chart) that you've had an abortion before." Its so frustrating! I'm constantly correcting people and they act like they don't think its a big deal and I'm being a drama queen or something. I think its amazing that you were able to hold your son. I'm sure it wasn't easy, but I do wish I had had the chance.

Susie - posted on 05/20/2011

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Erica I'm so sorry for your loss. Brennan is a beautiful name. Wow you have been through a lot. I can't believe they didn't let you know the sex of your baby. You might be able to get that imformation from your hospital records? I don't blame you for not signing the paper that said abortion, I wouldn't either. They need to be more sensitive to the families that lost their love ones.
I was induced and delivered my baby boy in 3 hours and 45 minutes. I'm surprised that they did a D&C on you. My Dr. said that at this stage 18 weeks the baby was to big to do a D&C? Which I was very thankful for because I got to see him and hold him and I don't no what I would do if I didn't get that time with my baby. I'm sooo sorry and sad for you. The grief of losing your baby and not getting the oppotunity to see and know things about your baby. Go to the Hospital and get your records and I think you should talk to the human rights person at the hospital too. It sounds like you weren't treated right. Thanks for sharing your story.

Erica - posted on 05/20/2011

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That's actually something I hadn't thought about, and a very good point! I lost my first baby at 18 weeks too. I had a severe panic attack and a week later when I went to the doctor(the appointment when I was suppose to find out the sex) she couldn't find a heart beat. I didn't miscarry natually and had to go to the hospital to have a D&C. I got really upset when they asked me to fill out the paperwork before the surgery because it said "abortion" all over it. I was furious! I was not choosing to have the D&C!! I refused to sign the papers. Later when I asked if the baby was a boy or a girl I was told that they couldn't release that information to me because I didn't fully cooperate and sign all the paperwork! Plus, the hospital doctors acted like "why does it matter?". I never found out if I lost a little boy or girl. A death certificate was never even mentioned. I ended up picking a name anyway because, like you said, my baby was a person that was here and mattered! Brennan for some reason was the name that kept comming to mind, even tho I had never heard it before, and it seemed to fit nicely for a boy or a girl. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Brennan and how rediculously the doctors treat these kind of situations. I'd love to fight for more rights for people and their baby's in our position, but like you, I have no idea where to start. If you hear something please please please let me know.

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