Why is it that I can't have a dream of my son? After Losing HIM!

LIL - posted on 07/07/2009 ( 27 moms have responded )

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I lost my son to Cancer. He was diagnose with Wide spread Metistaic Adenocarcinoma on Jan. 13, 2008 and LOST him to the CANCER on Feb. 21, 2008. He is my only son of my 3 children. My girls are the eldest and youngest. Losing a child is so HARD. Why can't I have a dream of him?

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Doreen - posted on 05/13/2014

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It has been 25 years since I lost my son to leukemia at 4 1/2 years old. He was so very sweet and I still miss him so. Maybe it would be too much for your mind to take right now to dream of your son. Be patient with yourself. It takes so many years to grieve. The grief changes with the seasons of your life and becomes less painful. But that place in your heart will always be held by your son. Always. Don't worry about not having a dream. I pray and hope you and I will see our sons again one day. Love to you.

Ann - posted on 05/24/2014

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my husband pass away 3 month ago and I have not dream of him but I do see the memory that we make together not sure if I want to dream of him scare I would wake up crying and heart broking again he is all ways and forever in my heart

Bernie - posted on 08/05/2009

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I lost my oldest child, my daughter, when she was 20. She had Cystic Fibrosis. When She first died, my dreams were how she was when she died..in a wheelchair, on oxygen and at age 20. It's been 11 years and now my dreams are of better days. Sometimes she's a baby, or 10 or 15 and we're shopping or doing fun family things. The hardest part is waking up and realizing she's not really here. :( Your brain, Lil, is probably in a defense mode right now. The good dreams will come and you'll see your son in better days.

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Yolanda - posted on 10/15/2013

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I witnessed the death of my son on 9/15/13 from a gun shot wound. He was 21 years of age. Today is exactly one month since his passing. I dreamed 3 weeks prior of finding him dead with his eyes opened and that is exactly how he passed. I want so badly to dream of him. My son carlos has suffered with epilepsy since the age of 6 and later diagnosed with bipolar. I ve had 2 dreams of him however it was always about him suffering with a seizure or being mentally unstable. I long for him to come to me in my dreams to let me know that he is ok and that hes no longer suffering

Paula - posted on 02/26/2013

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Very sorry to hear! :( can't imagine! :(
For what it's worth, all of the traumatizing stuff ive encountered, the dreams came years later. Idk why but the dreams about getting sent to boarding school, I had about 6-7 years later and then they just came flooding!

Katie - posted on 08/08/2009

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lil all these women are correct in so many ways .. im 29 and 7 years ago i lost my little boy from S.I.D.S he was 8 months at the time .. so the last image i have of him - is finding him in his crib already gone... that imadge will never leave my mind and i wish it would - but anyway i had one dream of my son it was 2 years after he died i was pregnant with my 3rd child (my second son) and at about 7 months i did have a dream of him- in the dream i wasent pregnant and i was walking over to a basinet and in the basanet was joshua ( my son that passed ) and he looked at me and said don't worry mommy im ok !!! and i woke up. and thats the only dream i have ever had of him.. and it took me a while to realize why i had that dream it was becouse i was pregnant and i was kinda resenting it .. wondering if joshua was upset that i was haveing another baby and stuff like that but i also know he was and always here for me .. he came to me when i needed him the most and im shore ur son will to .. i wish u all the best xoxoxo one sad mother to another

Diane - posted on 08/03/2009

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i had the same feelings .no dreams of my son for 5 years and then i dreamt him two times in 1 week.i was waiting for so long it really shook me up and i spent all day crying.but just to let u no you will dream one day and you have always got your precious memories.thinking of you.xx

Nicole - posted on 07/29/2009

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L lost my son at the age of 10 he would be 18 today i lost him to C.P and it took him it hasn't got easier over the years but i keep his memory alive remmebering him every day it hurts just not as much cause i know he's doing things up there that he couldn't here so he's happy and safe .... i to wish i could dream of him am told i won't cause he and i r at peace now i'd rather he be at peace than be with me worrying bout me :)

Bettsy - posted on 07/28/2009

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I lost my almost 2yr. old 2 days before his birthday last month. It seems like everyone dreams of him but me. I think sometimes it's just because I want it so bad that I try too hard to make it happen.

Zawanda - posted on 07/27/2009

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I thought that I was weird or something because I only had one dream of my son about a few monthes after he died and thats been 8 years ago. I haven't had a dream about him since then. I guess because we know they are in a better place with God. But they shall be forever in our hearts.

Loren - posted on 07/26/2009

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I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my first baby almost 12 years ago. It was months before I could even sleep at night and not just during the day. I think that you will dream of your son when you are ready to handle it. My first few dreams of my son made me cry for days afterward just like Jennifer. Just remember good times with your precious son with your family. God Bless You and your family.

Michelle - posted on 07/24/2009

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I lost my son in 2-2007 and I have only had one dream, lots of friends and family have told me that he has come to them but the only time I have had a dream of him was during my other sons soccer weekend tournament....I am sure that the dreams will come when the time is right.

Hope - posted on 07/23/2009

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Lil, So sorry for your loss. It is not unusual that you're not dreaming about him. When you do dream of him (and you will) it will be a good dream. I dream of my son now and then and although he does not talk he is smiling and happy. God bless you.

Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2009

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I lost my daughter 2 months ago.. she would be 1 year old on 8/21.. I did have one dream of her a few weeks ago.. I was dreaming she was healthy and happy and we were getting her to say "mama" and laughing.. and in my dream I thought how strange it was and how it must have all been a bad dream and she was never even sick! I woke up and my heart broke all over again when I realized she was gone.. I cried for days and days.. so maybe its a blessing that you haven't??

Karen - posted on 07/22/2009

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I only had 1 dream of my son and it was after my 2nd son was born. and the two became intermixed. It is a dream I have never forgotten and I have never dreamed of him since. I am so sorry for your loss.

Libby - posted on 07/22/2009

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My daughter was stillborn on December 3rd, 2008. I too haven't had any dreams of her. I don't know why. She's on my mind a lot. I just thought I would've had one by now.

Corrie - posted on 07/22/2009

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I also lost my son to cancer in 2000. I know what you mean about the dream. It took a few years before I dreamt about him, other than the nightmares I had right after his funeral. My mother in law and sister in law and friends would say, OH I had the most wonderful dream about Dylan last night and I would get so angry because I wanted to have the dream, to see him to have the sense he really was OK. Every one told me I would have dreams about him when I was ready, when I had healed enough to be able to emotionall handle it. I thought "they" were all crazy and I aske them not to tell me about there dreams any more.



Then, about 4 years after Dylan died I had THE DREAM. I remember it so clearly I am not sure it was a dream. It was a warm afternoon, I fell asleep on the couch while my infant daughter napped and my son watched cartoons. In the dream, Noah (my living son) was playing in front of our big picture window that was closed but I saw his hair move like someone ruffled it. Noah got scared and ran to me. I said "Dylan is that you? Please let me see you" And there he was, standing in front of me and he said I am ok mom, I love you and then he was gone. I woke up crying, but felt the peace I had been waiting for. Like I said, to this day I don't know that it was a dream because of how real it felt. But everyone was right, you will dream about him when you are ready, when you can handle it.



I hope that helps in some way, at the very least you know your not alone. God bless.

Karin - posted on 07/22/2009

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Hi Lil, The dreams will come, believe me they will. Some will be good, and others will leave you feeling devastated. Accept each one for what they are. Give time, your conscious is still in denial, and that is the brains way of protecting you in your sleep. As acceptance comes, so will the dreams. My first one came nearly a year after Vincent passed away, and he hid away from me in my dream. He hid behind a towel hanging on the bathroom door!! And then slowly but surely he came into more and more of my dreams...

Gina - posted on 07/18/2009

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Suicide would be another tough one. Really, I don't think there is no "easy way" to lose a child. We just shouldn't have to endure that type of pain. Paula, you have a great outlook on things, I am just not where you are yet. Casey was 19. He turned 19 on Feb. 27, 2009, the day he got out of UCLA with a blood clot in his heart. Casey died of complications due to an enlarged heart. Long story. I don't want to take up the space of others talking about Casey. Again, hang in there Lil.

Paula - posted on 07/18/2009

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I wanted to say I am sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through. I lost my son on Feb. 2, 2009. He was 17 yrs. old. I didn't lose him by pregnancy or as an infant, but I lost him. He completed suicide. I know it is different, but it is still a loss. It is the most devasting thing that I had to ever have to go through. I have only had one dream of him since he passed. I am also looking for a sign in my dream that he is ok. But the most important thing to me is I was blessed with 17 yrs. of wonderful memories that I still have in my heart, that is what helps me get through.

Gina - posted on 07/18/2009

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This is something as Moms we didn't sign up for. No one should lose a child. I don't have the answers for you either. I just lost my middle child, Casey April 6, 2009, and I am looking for some thing in my dreams that says he is OK... We are in the same boat. I am looking for dreams where Casey and I are hanging out. It isn't happening yet, so you are not alone and I hear what you are saying. I have no clear cut answer....Sorry. I am here as a Mom who has lost her son, so please reach out of you would like to, OK? :)

Marinda - posted on 07/16/2009

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Hi Lil, so sorry about your boy. All that I can say is be patient, you will eventually dream of him, I`ve found that if I`m too set on it, it just didn`t happened, but as soon as as I`ve let it go, there seh was, and I`m blessed to say that I dream now on a regular basis of her. please take care, be gentle with yourself, all of my love an blessings

Leila - posted on 07/15/2009

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When I first read your message, I wasn't sure if you weren't ABLE to dream of him or you weren't ALLOWED to dream of him. In either case it's that terrible YEARNING to spend time with your son. It's normal to want that, but it's not always possible. I lost my son to cancer and I only reached some kind of internal peace when I finally realized that all the talk of "letting go" was crazy. We will NEVER let go. There is NO letting go of our loved ones. We keep them alive in our conversation, memories and in our hearts for as long as we live. Don't worry about dreaming of him. Keep him "alive" for yourself by talking about him, loving him and praying for him. I started some rituals that helped me. I have donated blood on the anniversary of my Dylan's death every year! I donate toys to a home in need every Christmas in memory of him....these small things give meaning and purpose to his life and the impact his life has had on mine.

Dawn - posted on 07/15/2009

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im sorry for your loss. we lost are daughter jade in 2001 aged 11 .it will happen iv had dreams about my daughter she dont allways look the same sometime she doing thing she couldnt do when she was alive

Laurie - posted on 07/07/2009

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I am so sorry for the loss of your son, but I do know that the only person who knows what is truly in store for us in our Heavenly Father. We can not control our dreams but I am sure that you can look around and see all the beautiful memories that you and your son created together while he was here on this earth. These memories are not fleeting, like a dream, but are forever, in your mind and heart. Our God is a good and loving God, and though we may not know why He directs our lives down a certain path, I am praying that you will be able to heal enough so you may enjoy your 2 daughters and all the precious moments with them. I hope that the 3 of you will continue to build beautiful memories together and talk about and remember all the beautiful times you had with your son. Keeping him alive in your heart will be better than any dream, I think. Take care, Lil.

Laurie - posted on 07/07/2009

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I'm so sorry for your loss of your son, but I am sure that you must have so many beautiful memories that you don't have to dream about. No one really know why we can't comtrol our dreams, but I believe that even though we may not understand God's plan, He is a good and loving God, and only He knows what will happen. I bet you can look around you house and heart and remember your beautiful boy in ways too numerous to count. These are blessings that dreams can not duplicate, things that are not fleeting, but forever in your mind and heart. I am praying that your healing will continue and that you are able to enjoy your precious moments with your 2 daughters, making memories that will also last you a lifetime. Good luck, Lil.

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