You never get over it you just learn to live with it better!!!

Nancy - posted on 06/07/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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On Oct. 4,1997 our 19yr.old son was shot and killed by his friend. It was an accident so we had a hard choices to make. You see Bobby our son was very popular and we had over 300 teenagers watching to see what we would do. This is the hardest thing I will ever do in my life but it was the most rewarding thing I will ever do in my life. We decided to teach the power of forgiveness to all the teenagers watching us. So we forgave the friend who did this to our family. When the time came for his court hearing we were there. His own Mother and Father didn't go so we helped him through it. I know in my heart this is what Bobby wanted me to do. It's been 12 1/2 yrs. since we lost him and I miss him more and more everyday. I miss the grand children he never gave me but most of all I miss not knowing the man he would have been. I still see alot his friends that helps. As for the young man who changed our lives so much. He has kids of his own and the girl that stood by him through out all of this. Each and every day he is missed and I wonder what would have been. All I have is memories so that is what gets me through another day.

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Teresa - posted on 06/17/2010

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I'm so sorry for your lost, but like you said we can only learn to live with it.......

Nancy - posted on 06/17/2010

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Debbie and Teresa,
Sorry for both of your losses. Debbie our stories are a lot alike. I'm sure you will find the strength your son would want you to have to forgive him. As we all know hate will consume us and our children wouldn't want that for us. My belief is God only puts on our plate what we can handle. God bless you both. :-)

Debbie - posted on 06/11/2010

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hi nancy i lost my 20y old son last year he was killed in a car accident and it was his best friend who was driving. My situation is very much like yours i know that my son jonathan would not want me to hate his friend but it hard not too because after the accident his friend left the scene without looking for my son who had been thrown out of the back window. This makes it so difficult not to hate him jonathan was laid in a ditch for an hour before any help was called this young man has also a baby and his girlfriend also stuck by him and because of his actions has taken away all my hopes and dreams i had for my son and that he will never have what his friend has . I try to be strong cos i know thats what jonathan would want me to do but it is so so hard to see the driver getting on with his life and being happy when through him my son will never have what he has your storey is very encouraging and i thank you for writing it on here . much love debbie x

Teresa Marie - posted on 06/09/2010

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You're right, there is a certain cry mother's have when they lose a child. I thought it was a quirk of me because I don't personally know any other moms like me. The sound of a mother's broken heart is right. It's those gut-wrenching sobs that come right from your very bones and soul and heart. Nice to be able to put a name to it.

Nancy - posted on 06/08/2010

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Yes Teresa you are so right. We must go on and live life the way we did before we lost our lovedones. We can help eachother through the pain that never goes away, but by dealing with it better. For me I wasn't sure I would make it without him but I knew my other children and my husband needed me there so as painful as it was I did make it. I have 2 friends that have lost sons and when I heard then cry I realized the cry I was hearing was a cry of a MOMS BROKEN HEART!!! I felt strange knowing that cry and wish I would never have to hear it again. It is nice to have a place to go to where Mothers know what how this feels. I hope Mothers here don't have to belong to another group as I do Mothers of murdered children the stories there will break whats left of your heart.

Teresa Marie - posted on 06/08/2010

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[[[hug]]] Your subject line says it all.

You never "get over" loving someone, you simply learn to live with the pain and (even though it seems impossible sometimes) go on with your life the way you know your loved one would have wanted.

Every year on my son's B.Day I think of the balloons I'll never blow up. The parties I'll never give. The presents I'll never wrap. He would have been 30 this year on his B.Day. I look at men that age and wonder what my son would have been like.

I have two other children now and I love them dearly, but each in a separate, special,unique way. It's been almost 30 years for me and the grief is still like a knife in my chest sometimes (like now), but not so often these days. It doesn't get better, it doesn't get easier ... but you DO get used to the pain and eventually it does dull enough so you can breathe again.

Hope this post helps someone.

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