Feelings on Mother's Day?

[deleted account] ( 16 moms have responded )

My mom passed away under three years ago, and being a new mom I still have mixed feelings about the holiday. I was wondering if anyone else shared these thoughts?

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User - posted on 05/06/2011

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im a mother 3 mother"s day is a hard day for me i lost my mother4-5-1994 and my father on mother:s day 1994 i miss the both so much.

Jennifer - posted on 06/02/2009

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Yeah, its really hard. I was 3 months pregnant when my mom lost her battle with breast cancer. Just knowing that my son will never know her breaks my heart, especially because all she ever wanted was to have grandchildren.

Amy - posted on 05/26/2009

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I totally understand how everyone feels. My baby is just 7 months old and my mom passed away when I was 8.5 months pregnant. Mother's Day was such a roller coaster between happiness over it being my first mother's day with my son and depression b/c it was my first mother's day without my Mom. I just kept thinking it might have been easier if only she had lived long enough to meet my baby. It took a good week after Mother's Day for my emotions to level out and it was definitely the most difficult time since the funeral. Like I said to my sister, it's hard to continue being in denial when you don't have a mom on Mother's Day.

Caren - posted on 05/19/2009

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Jodi, I so get what you are saying!! Mother's day last Sunday and today (Monday) my Mom's birthday. It is so hard. My kids are 22,19,14 and 5 and I want them to feel that I am excited for what they have done for me, but at the same time I feel like why am I celebrating...My Mom is gone?
Mine will be gone 3 years next month. She died of cancer in California with no health insurance. I live in Indiana and my husband was out of work and I couldn't get out there to see her. LOTS of guilt!!! But I know she knows I loved her and she is with my dad and my daughter so that gives me a measure of peace. I am so grateful to be talking about this. I have no sisters and no one really understands what I mean, so thank you!! I have a blog entry about Mom amd Mother's day. Feel free to visit: http://madhousewife-caren.blogspot.com/

Caryn - posted on 05/13/2009

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I just lost my mother Jan. of this year. The days leading up to Mother's Day and that day were the hardest since the funeral. Mother's Day will never be the same for me. I couldn't get it over with fast enough.

Michele - posted on 05/13/2009

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My mom passed right before Mother's Day in 2005. I am still so blessed to be a mom of two wonderful children. I can't seem to seperate missing my mom so much an that day or any holiday. I need to learn how to celebrate being a mom myself with my children it's just soo hard. My daughter is a teen now and man do I need mom's advice and I think that's the hardest part. Thank God for our moms!

Sharon - posted on 05/11/2009

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my mom passed away when I was only 7, so the whole mothers day thing, without my mom, has been something I have had to work through repeatedly over the years. I know alot of people who are experiencing their first motherless mother's day, and I think that must be especially hard. I say prayers for them, because I know from experience it can put a damper on the entire spring (my mother's birthday, my parents wedding anniversary and the date that she died all fall between the beginning of March and now) But, I also know from experience that it is just part of the grieving process, even years and years later. If we didn't miss them, that would mean they were not important in our lives, and they WERE!! It got harder when I first had my kids, and then it got WAY easier, over the years. This year, I'm just gonna string my kids up, on Wednesday, when I get home, because they didn't even call. They say they tried three times, but I'm just not so sure... : )

Not having a 'mom' to leave does make the thought of moving clear across the country a little easier. I will miss visiting her grave though.

Anyway, I'm praying for all of you. Hope your days are looking brighter already! Focus on your kids and the blessing you have in the mother-child relationship you have with them. : )

Nicole - posted on 05/10/2009

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My mom passed away 9 years ago and I still feel like a part of me is missing. As much as I love my three children, there are moments on Mother's Day (and others) that keep me from being completely happy. :-(

Theresa - posted on 05/10/2009

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My Mom passed away under 3 years as well, when my son was 7 weeks. I don't really like Mother's Day anymore as my first Mother's day as a Mom I was motherless.
i feel it's kinda unfair for my kids and my husband but I just want it to be like any other days.

User - posted on 05/09/2009

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my mom died 3 years ago new years day.. my first mother's day as a mom was also my first mother's day without my mom... mothers day is always hard for me and i have great expectations and always am dissapointed and cause fights with my husband not because of him, but because i am missing my mom and i just start stupid fights... i am hoping to break that cycle this year and make it happy. i have no expectations anymore and will hopefully enjoy the time with my children... hope you have a happy mother's day... i am sure your mom would want you to...

[deleted account]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughts on this. I really don't have anyone else to talk to about it. Its great to know that you're not alone. I'm just torn between missing my mom and celebrating myself. I've never been the type of person to put myself first so its very hard to put her out of my mind, especially when her birthday is always so close if not on the same day as mother's day. I feel like I should be being strong for my daughter, but the pain is still there.

Danielle - posted on 05/06/2009

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yes, i lost my mom in 1991, and all holidays are rough for me. But for mother's day it's definetly mixed. Your afraid to be excited that you are a mother, when you have no mother to celebrate. everyone is sending me Happy Mother's day emails and such, and i'm happy and sad to receive them. it's tough!

Crystal - posted on 05/03/2009

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I lost my mother when I was 6 years old. She passed away in a diabetic coma when she was 24. I am now 31 and have two sons of my one. My boys are 8 and 3, they never got the chance to meet their grandmother, but I feel she is with them all the time. I feel lost at times because now I don't have a mother to turn to with my questions and concerns. My grandmother and father did a wonderful job of raising me and my sister, but she passed away in 1997 before my children were born. I get very sad at this time of year but I try to keep my spirits up for now I am a mother.

Liz - posted on 05/01/2009

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I just lost my mother in law in Feb. and I was close to her. It is going to be rough this mothers day for me and for my husband.

I think what we are going to do is just spend a quiet day together with the girls. I don't think the focus will be on me this year, but memories of my mother in law. We have yet to spread some of her ashes and we might do it then. We will light a couple of candles and make some time to share some memories of her together.

Just remember it is ok to feel upset and lost on days like this. Time will make it a little easier but those feelings never really go away. If you have children on your own that will miss their grandmother, encourage them to share those feelings with you and depending on the age of your children, you can always do a little art therapy with them. How you handle these types of days and holidays are how your children will learn to handle them as well.

People often say you have to be strong and stuff like that. I always say you have to be you and grieve in the manner you feel like grieving. I would never have told my husband he has to be strong for his children. I told him he has to show them his emotions so the kids know it is ok to grieve and they don't have to hold anything in.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you face a rather difficult day. Take comfort in knowing that your mother knows just how much you love her and think about her.

My daddy passed 5 years ago and I still cry on fathers day.

Pamela - posted on 04/29/2009

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I can so relate. My mom died three years ago and my son was only 18 months old. Mother's Day is something to get through. I love being a mom and enjoy Mother's Day for my son and husband, but all the advertising and sentiments only remind me of my mom. Mother's Day was always about her, not me.

Bobbi - posted on 04/29/2009

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It has been 14 years since my mom died. I still get very depressed on Mothers Day, her birthday and other holidays. I live in Kansas and she died in Colorado so my sister and I used to try to go out there on these days and place flowers on her crash site (car accident). That became very difficult due to money and having children. Although I would love to still go out there, I know that my mom hears my thoughts when I tell her I love her and miss her. I think these feelings are very natural and hard to control. You will always miss her, but as long as you are keeping her in your thoughts she will know it. Don't let the holidays get you down, you need to be there for your child(ren) now. Don't know how much this helped, but I hope you get through everything ok.

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