New motherless mother here...

Elizabeth - posted on 12/16/2008

Hi Colleen, I am the mother of my sweet Emma age 6.



My mothr died shortly after my 16th birthday. I have had ALOT of struggles without her love in my life. She was the foundation (like most moms are), it strange that I am now that person. I know how you feel about approaching the age of when your mother passed away. I think well my mom was 44 and I am now 33..so I have a least another 11 years..then I kind of think..What am I thinking?! But, it is always a thought. I am reading Motherless Mothers and have read Motherless Daughters. I use it as a guide to help remember that my thoughts are not just mine alone. It is a great tool to help keep your emotions where they should be, You should start reading it..it is very helpful and theraputic. Thank you for reading this.

Denise - posted on 11/22/2008

Hi. I lost my mom four years ago. I was 44. I keep wondering, is there ever a time that you are ready to lose someone so important to your life? I know that though I was an adult, with children and a grandchild, it still didn't matter. It is still hard everyday, knowing that, that one person who loves you most in the world is gone. It never gets easier to deal with, just different. I hope I can help someone out with answers to questions that I have already dealt with. Take care

Melissa - posted on 11/21/2008

It's a tough book to get through. It brings up a lot of emotions. Like Kerri, a lot of people (well everyone) thinks its ridiculous how much time I spend with my daughter. She is my life. I try to keep a journal of things I think she would want to know if something were to happen to me. Questions about how my pregnancy with her was, what she was like as a baby and toddler... It's nice to know I'm not totally abnormal and others are experiencing similiar situations. I know what you mean about the big events-- My mom died when I was 16. I missed her so much when I graduated from high school, got married, got my first "real" job (would she be proud I became a teacher...would she be surprised...) but the hardest of all was having a baby. My husband's family is slightly unbalanced and I'm not close to my dad, but my mom was my friend. I made a scrapbook with every picture I had of her and my daughter and I look at the scrapbook and talk about her a lot. My mom won't be the big part of my daughter's life I'd always assumed she would be and so many other people take for granted, but I do want my daughter to know something about her. Before I made the scrapbook, the most surreal things were happening. My daughter was talking about my mom like she knew her (my daughter was almost 2). Then one day she told me that my mom was going to see Sarah (my dog that I'd had since I was 12) soon. One month later Sarah died. It gives me goose bumps. My mom's there. She will always be a part of my life and I will try to teach my daughter all of the good things my mom taught me and continue her legacy that way. Wow--I just wrote more than I expected. Like I wrote earlier, it's so good to have others who can relate in a way that no one else can.

Kerri - posted on 11/20/2008

Hi Colleen,



I know exactly how you feel. My mother died tragically when I was 7 and she was 34, I am know 35. and surpassing my mothers age at death was extremely difficult. I suppose it puts into perspective how young she was. I have a two year old son and virtually no support network other than my husband and friends and as none of them are in the same situation it is difficult to relate sometimes. At times I get branded as an over protective mother just because I would rather be with my son every moment of every day than to give him to a stranger at daycare. He is my whole world and I couldn't imagine if we were torn apart. All I want is for him to have many memories of the two of us together and to always know how much I love him, as I don't have many memories of my mother. Any way enough of me babbling.



I have the book "Motherless Daughters" and thought it was amazing. I didn't know about "Motherless Mothers" so I think I might just have to go and see if I can find it.

Tara - posted on 11/20/2008

Colleen, thank you for inviting to your circle of moms. Although I have not lost my mother, My mother lost both her parents at a young age. I can only begin to imagine what it must be like. It sounds like you are close to your mother-in-law and although she can never replace your mom, I'm sure she can offer you some of the support and closeness that you need. Because I know the kind of person you are and your values, I can tell that you are a great mommy! And I'm sure you will be in Miranda's life for a very long time! Cherish every moment you have together!

Shaye - posted on 11/18/2008

this could have been my post. i lost my mom when i was 9. do you think about how she felt leaving young children behind? i think about that at every major milestone my son has...



take care.

Jackie - posted on 11/17/2008

i can sympathize with you. my mom died 2 months before the birth of my first child... it makes motherhood hard... so sorry for your loss.

Sharon - posted on 11/17/2008

Anyway - welcome to our group!!

Sharon - posted on 11/17/2008

READ IT!! Especially as you go through this rough time you mentioned. That was a hard time for me, too, getting 'older' than my mom. It is a profound thing. Hope talks about women reacting in different ways to that fear you mentioned, too, of your daughter having to go through what you went through. Some women go to extreme measures to stay healthy and safe in any way possible. Other's (like myself) figure, what good is it going to do to do all that crazy stuff, something random like a brain tumor can still come along and wipe you out. It was just good for me to read about how others react, and maybe make some changes to the way I am reacting, that are a bit more healthy (like staying healthy for ME - because >>I