When your mom died

Jen - posted on 08/30/2012

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My mom died 11 days ago and I am completely lost. It was sudden and we were planning my upcomng wedding. I can't stop feeling sad, and guilty.... Awful feeling. I love you Momma....

Dulce - posted on 10/02/2010

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I was 1yr and 1month when my mother passed away, her death record shows her primary death was breast cancer. I did not know how she died until i turn 12yrs old. Before i found out the truth i had heard rumor from both sides of the family, I heard that my dad killed her, and that she was poison, etc, etc crazy lies. I honestly do not remember her other than what i see from old videos. Since she passed away my mother was my grandmother from my dad's side. For many years my dad couldn't be with me due to the fact that i looked so much like my mother. We never had a good relationship but even thru all he put me thru i will never hate him because he will always be my father. I seen him re-marry twice after my mother. He now has his big family of 2 girls and 2 boys and sad to say many of his friends did not know about me. They only found because I started going to college and studing law.

I currently have two children, my 2yr old daughter and my 5yr old son. They both know that my mother passed away and they have visit her grave in Mexico. They do not call my step-mother grandma because they say that they have a grandma and she is in heaven. But they do call my grandma "abuelita" and they do call my father grandpa. Even though I am 21yrs old i still have not being able to be at peace with the fact that my mother is dead. Each mothers day, each of her birthdays,and the each anniversary of her death i become depressed. It makes me break when i think of her because i felt like i never had a chance. I feel that im my mother was still alive my father and I would have had a better relationship.

April - posted on 09/18/2010

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My mother was a raging alcholic from the age of 13. She quite literally drank until her liver failed on her. That was in 2005, just a month before my 17th birthday. I am now 22 and the mother to the sweetest little girl in the world. Victoria will be 2 in November. I remember being in the hospital in labor, torn between wanting my mother with me and being very glad she wasn't there because she would have been drunk. She wasn't the best mother, but because of her addiction I don't drink, I've gotten my husband to stop, and I hope I can keep my daughter from drinking.

Kelli - posted on 03/31/2010

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My mom went into the hospital two months before my daughter was born; she was supposed to be in the delivery room with me, but couldn't because she was in ICU. She died a month after my daughter was born and never got to meet or hold her. She died a year ago. She was my best friend.

Tosha - posted on 03/01/2010

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my mom died when i was 17 dad died when i was 18 my mother was stuck by lightning in Arizona father had a massive heart attach my best friend was my mother she and i was very close my children are 9, 4, n 3 mths she had told me when she was living that she wouldnt be alive to see me have kids but she would be there when I did in spirit and I feel she is I just wish my kids would have got to know her I miss her so much it hurts to even talk about her im actually coming to tears writting this I have lost my parents and grandparents and I really have no one to fill a role of parenting for me no one to look to for advise cuz they were the ones I trusted and my mom omg she was the one I ran to for everything its been 13 yrs since I lost her and it hurts just like it did when it first happened dont get me wrong I loved my dad and grandparents very much but my mom was my adviser she was my best friend I had a relationship with her that I feel I will never have with any one I got real close to her mom my grandmother and then I lost her to cancer I didnt know how to handle that but I know they are all watching over me and my kids like I said I just wish my kids would have got to know them

Michelle - posted on 02/28/2010

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I was 14 when i lost my mother.. She was on a motorcycle with her boyfriend... on here way to the lake to see my brothers and i.. when she was hit by a truck.. she was dead on scene... My brother had a baby soon after and soon after them my other brother had one and now i have a 6 month old son..

Michelle - posted on 02/28/2010

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I was 14 when i lost my mother.. She was on a motorcycle with her boyfriend... on here way to the lake to see my brothers and i.. when she was hit by a truck.. she was dead on scene... My brother had a baby soon after and soon after them my other brother had one and now i have a 6 month old son..

Felicity - posted on 02/09/2010

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Hi My name is Felicity and My mum died when i was 8years old, she was 45. she lived with breast cancer for maybe 5years, well from what i know. i don't have that much memory of her only when we went to the hospital for her check ups and being at home a lot, and from photo's. she left behind my two older brother they were 22 and 16years. i had my first child at 20 he is now 6.5years and daughter 4 nearly 5years, and a baby due this month. the hardest thing for me is not understanding why? and having to bring my babies into this world with our my mum by my side. nothing can replace a birth mother, i never had anyone to stand in as a mother role to me either but i have a great dad and he is still with us today, thank the lord.

i had a very hard troubling childhood/teen years and only when i became a Christian (1year ago) i finally got my peace and closure. i believe God can heal anything. but i do how ever miss my mum like crazy.

it is really nice to hear there are many other women out there with similar stories to mine, i deeply sympathize with your testimonies.

Blessings to you all.

Aideen - posted on 01/26/2010

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I was an only child of a single parent. We had no contact with my father. Mom did a fantastic job and was such a strong, clever and admirable woman. She passed away just over two years ago now at 58, (I was 27) after a few years battling breast cancer. I'm so glad that she was a person I am proud of. It gives me such a warm feeling when I meet someone who admired her work or for whom she did a good deed and of course I am devastated at her loss all over again. Mom was close to her sisters and brothers and they have been very supportive. Luckily I have my own 2 children and their Dad to keep me smiling. She would have loved my little boy as much as she adored my daughter!

It's interesting to hear about mother envy...I though it was just me! and old age envy gets me every time...I wish my mom could have been old! My heart goes out to everyone here...some tragic stories.

Rebeca - posted on 01/26/2010

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I was 21 years old when my mom died.. SHe died on June 19, 2007.... almost 3 years ago. I was 4 months pregnant with my second child at the time of her passing and my daughter was 1 1/2 years old when she lost her grandma. This was a very tragic time for me.... she was my best friend... She suffered from diabetes, and kidney failure.... I will always miss her forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RIP mom...

Catherine - posted on 01/23/2010

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hi everyone! my mom passed away just last year, march 10, almost a year now,i was 30yrs old. she died of peri-ampullary cancer, one of the rarest and most difficult of the big Cs,at age 62, but the cancer was diagnosed early 2006 and recurred 2008. my kids are now 5 yrs old, a girl, who was a grandmother's girl, and 2 yrs old, a boy, who, thank-God, was able to have a glimpse of memory of their mamu (what they call my mom). the Lord is so gracious to me for letting me have my mom, even for just a short time,to help me learn the basics of motherhood. i would have never learned what i know now without her. how i wish i could still have her until my kids are grown-ups.

Brenda - posted on 01/21/2010

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My mom died 3 days after christmas and 10 days before I turned 11. She had been sick with diabetes all my life and then got really sick about a week before she passed away. I had no idea how sick she was or what was wrong with her. The first that I knew anything was wrong was 5 days before she died when the leukemia attacked her liver. Even after she passed away no one told me what was wrong with here, I am 55 now and wa finally told last year by one of my cousins that mom had been diagnosed with cancer 6 weeks before she died. My father wasn't around while mom was alive but when she died all of a sudden he was there and brought a long a step-mother for me. I wish that neither of them had come into my life because of the abuses that I endured during my teenage years from them, but in a way i'm glad what happened happened as it helped me to become a better mom and step-mom.

I was not blesssed with haveing children until I was 32 years old. I had gone through two bad marriages, then when I was 31 I met the most wonderful man who blessd me with 2 beautiful teenage daughters, needless to say our relationship has had many ups and downs but because of the way that was treated by my own step-mother I didn't force the fact that I was mom on the girls and it definately helped our relationship. My husband and I were together for a year and our son came along. 2 years later our youngest girl came along. Then when my youngest was 10 my other daughter found her dad she had been given up for adoption at birth without my husband knowing about her.

I am the proud mother of 5 and grandmother of 10. I talk to the kids all the time about there gramma and feel that I have a wonderful mother/daughter mother/son relationship with all my kids, and feel that I would not have been able to be the mom that I am if it wasn't for my mom being in my life for the time she was.

my kids are 40, 38, 36, 22 and 20 I have 4 girls and 1 boy

L. Susan - posted on 01/21/2010

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I was twenty-one when my mom died, and a single mother. She had a year and a half struggle after she was diagnosed with lymphoma. I still get all depressed around that time of year. . .

Allison - posted on 01/21/2010

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My mom died when I was 8 years old of Hep C... She was in her early 30's so it always scared me that I would die in my early 30's... I just turned 31 today and am a proud mother of a 2 year old boy and twin 1 year old boys. When I got married I had high hopes of forming a bond with my mother-in-law and that didn't happen. I still have bad feelings towards my mother-in-law and I think it will be awhile before things change. I was afraid to have kids in fear that I wouldn't know what to do. Before having kids, I worked in my church day care to learn the basics.

I didn't want a girl at all, because I was a tom-boy growing up.. I didn't and still don't know how to be "girly"... There are days that I don't feel that I'm giving the boys enough because I work full time, but then there's the moments where they do something that I've been working with them on and it's a great feeling. There's times where I long for my 3 boys to be spoiled by their grandma, but without my mom around and my mother-in-law doesn't do that because they're boys, I feel bad and sad - but it's out of my hands.

Christian - posted on 01/20/2010

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My Mum, Cathy Ward, will have been gone 5 years on Sunday, January, 24th, 2010.

She passed away from a Puliminary Embolism. We thought she had the flu. I fed her ice chips and wiped her chin when she dribbled. She tried to talk to me, but I couldn't understand her. I left the hospital afraid and the next morning she was gone. She died while I was taking my youngest to grade school and my oldest to high school. I miss her something awful. I lost friends who couldn't deal with my depression(your real friends come towards you while everyone else heads for the door). I have grown incredibly in these last few years. I still miss Mum, but I've learned I am a survivor.

I love you Crystal Carter, Pat and Carter Ward, my neice Courtney Ward and my Dad Patrick Ward Sr. and my Mum in Law Pat Nisbet. Thank you for your love. I lost one of my supporters to cancer Nov. 2008, Vicki Duquette. I love you guys. Love, Christian

Dellareese - posted on 01/20/2010

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For all of us here, this is a very tender topic.

My Mom died September 17, 2008. I was 27 weeks pregnant.

She had just retired July 31; turned 60 - August 10 (I truned 32 August 12);and was admitted to hospital - suddenly - September 7. We had been lisaing with varied doctors and to no avail were uanble to have an exact diagnosis on her condition. By the end of her first week she specifically told me not come back to the hospital ("Don't bring my grandchild back here. I'll be leaving to "go home" soon.").

It was back to school time and my siblings and I got into the groove of parenting but we made a point that one of us would visit her each day. I got a call in the afternoon of September 17 - Wednesday asking if I don't mind visiting her - as I hadn't see my Mom From that Saturday before I leped at the chance.

Looking back at that moment, a tearful smiled on my face; I remember her saying while kissing me with a smile on her (talking through her teeth I might add), "You still don't listen to me. I told you not to bring my grand child back in here." I replied, "If I had some way of leaving him (first time letting anyone other than his Dad know the sex of the baby) somewhere, I would. She smiled again and kissed my belly (and knowing her, she was mentally counting him as her 11th grand child). My stay lasted 2 hours and heavy hearted and tearful I left the hospital - only to be awakened after 1 am by my eldest sister's knock at the door (my children somehow had turned the ringer off on the only instrument in the house at the time) with the worst thing that can be said.

Dayvelle has the longest time line with "Gran"; and Erin, short percious memories. But Aiden, he (like all fo us) was robbed of the one person who's knoweldge and experience (I sorely miss) will have to be passed on by us all who has been touched by her life.

Goes with saying, the stress of it all sent me in early labour and 1 week neo-natel care for him.

Jamie - posted on 01/20/2010

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I was 26 when my mom passed away on christmas eve 2007. My mom and I never realldy had a good relationship most of my life, but started to change a few years before she passed away. In Feb of 2007, I finally got ahold of my mom after not talking to her for a couple weeks, she told me that she had just gotten home from her first chemo treatment and she had liver cancer. I was in shock, I had so many questions, but my mom never had answers. I tried not to stress out about it because I was 41/2 months pregnant with my first child. Thing seemed to be ok. In June my mom told me that the cancer was gone and that she would be able to come up for the birth of my daughter. I was so happy. She arrived the day before she was born. I was so hard to she her so sick looking and with no hair. I am so happy that my mom was able to meet her first grandchild. She stayed here for a few weeked before she went back home. Again in Sept. the doc told her that her cancer was still gone. As the next few months went on, I heard from her less and less. On Dec 19, my moms boyfriend called and told me that my mom had been in the hosptial for a few day and they were going to transfer to a rehad place. I had a very bad feeling about this, I knew she was going to die soon but everyone told me know she would be fine. The rehad place told us that she would be fine one they could get her out of bed and walking, On the 22 my grandfather called me and said that they had given her about a week to live and that I had to get down there. So the earliest flight i could find was on Christmas eve. We arrived in Florida less then a hour after she had passed. I was so mad, if our damn connecting flight wouldnt have been delayed, I would have made it in atleast enough time to say good-bye.

It has been a little over 2 years since she has passed and I still have yet to really grieve her death. I have so many unanswered questions that I know I will never get answers to. I know that if it wasnt for having to be strong for my kids then who knows what would have happened to me.

My daughter is now 2 1/2 and I have a 7 month old son. I am strong for them. They are my whole world. I still have major emotional break downs, when I think or talk about her a lot, but my kids make to easy to get over. I just wish she could be here to see them grow up.

Cindy - posted on 01/19/2010

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I was 13 when my mom died of an aneurysm in the brain. My dad did remarry a yr or say after my mom passed a way and that was the hardest thing for me, but they did not stay married but over the summer b/c she wanted him to get rid of me and that was not happening. I really never had any other women to look up and that was hard at times. I am married and have a 4 yr old and I am so close to my mother in law I love her so much and I'm so thankful I was able to get a mother in law that I did get along with. I do see my mom in me more and more everyday which is good b/c at times I am having a harder time r'ber her and what she was like. I just wished she could have met my son (in person) I know he has seen her when he was a baby b/c he would look in the corner and just smile and coo and I showed him a pic of her and he said Nana so I love that she is one of his many angels.

Christine - posted on 01/18/2010

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I was 40 when my darling mother Janet died at a young 61. My daughter was 17 and my son was nearly 2yrs.My father has never been apart of our lives and my husband parents are passed as well, it brakes my heart that my son will never have the pleasure of grand-parents, I miss my mother everyday. My darling grandmother has out lived all of her 4 children she will be 95 next mth,my pop passed 11yrs ago..

Kristine - posted on 01/18/2010

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My mom died about13 years ago when i was 8. I am now 21. She died of Leukemia and after she died we moved to south carolina. My dad got a girlfriend and she ended up being my step mom and i always blamed her and was always rebeling to what she said. at 16 i moved out and relized she was only trying to help me. In may of 07 she died 2 days after i got married. I never had a mother figure to help me with my son. He is 2 now and im due feb 17 with a little girl. And i kinda wish they were both here to help me.

Mickey - posted on 01/10/2010

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I am 58 and my mom died 3 years ago. She had five different types of cancer. Althought she was a Latter Day Saint, she had smoked the majority of her life and just couldn't get past the nicotine. I know how hard she struggled trying to eliminate that from her life and how difficult of a time she went through when she couldn't succeed.

My mom was my hero. She adopted my when I was just shy of a year old. She loved me passionately. She would always tell me that other mother's got "stuck" with their kids, she got to pick me. She would also tell me when I was frustrated, that "Angels could do no better". Her hugs could take away even the hardest of days. She was the most beautiful woman in the world with a smile that could be seen for miles and with that smile she could light up even the darkest of rooms. On the flip side when she was angry, those beautiful blue eyes of her would turn to ice and we would want to disappear around the nearest corner. lol

I watched her survive as a young mother with me at age 8 when my Dad died of a heart attack, how brave she was. She just got down to business. I know now as I am older she didn't have any choice we owned 15-20 race horses along with worrying abou the jockey's and a sporting goods/pool hall. She had a great deal of work to attend to after Daddy died.

I am grateful for the time I had with her. I am grateful for the example she set and the love she had for me and my family. I truly wish all children of the world could have what I had in a Mom. Oh how the world would be a much better place. Mickey

Karen - posted on 01/09/2010

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I was just shy of 25 when my mom died. It was almost 16 years ago. She died from a heart attack for months before my husband and I got married. People kept questioning me about the wedding and I just kept saying we have to go on with it. I know she was there with us that day. My dad died suddenly 5 years later. I did have one of my two children prior to my dad dying. The hardest part for me is not being able to talk to her and ask her how she got through all the different stages of childhood with my five sisters and I. I also greatly miss her at my children's activities as I know she would be at their sports and school activities. My sisters have been helpful but nothing could replace my mom. I miss her daily and can't believe she has been gone for almost 16 years. I miss you Mom...Shirley 3/3/1933-2/26/1994.

Eden - posted on 01/09/2010

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It has been a little over a year since my mom died and I am now 42 years old. Sadly, of my 3 sisters, I did not live with my mom during my teenage years (divorce and such; typical daytime talk show drama type of stuff). As an adult, my mom and I began to grow closer as time went on however.

She was barely 60 when what we thought was a stroke was really a brain tumor. With other ailments, the doctors said it was important that she have it removed right away. She lived with my sister at the time and I lived out of state. I flew in to be with her (my younger sister had flown in as well) and to help with her recovery afterward. The tumor had affected her speech and motor skills which made it difficult for her to talk. There were a number of times when we were in conversations and she would add a word here or there, but with difficulty. It was those times when I knew what she wanted to say and told her that I knew how she felt and that I loved her. The medication to help reduce the swelling in her brain (pre-surgery) affected her diabetes. None of us were really well versed on diabetes, so we were a bit fanatical about monitoring her levels which she thought was comical. To make a long story short, she did not make it through the surgery (massive stroke) and we did not get to really say goodbye. There are a number of questions (for the doctors) that will never get answered and I find that there is not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I try to share my childhood memories or general conversations we have had with my 12 year old daughter as well as those between her and my mom. She would be proud of the relationship that my daughter and I have as we are so very close and I see a number of influences come out in me as I parent. I miss her terribly, but am so grateful for the memories I am able to share with my daughter.

Sheila - posted on 01/05/2010

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my mom died just back in march 2009 she died of hiv, it was pretty sudden though she had been doing so well, she was my best friend. She was in the room when my son (now 5) was born and they seen eachother almost every day, her and my son had a very close bond noone could really understand. And now she is gone, we explaind to him best we could but he still sometimes asks if she can come back and not be sick anymore, im so lost on what to do

Charmaine - posted on 01/02/2010

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Hi My mum passed away 4 years ago from a rare form of cancer. My daughter was 2 and a half and my son was a month shy of being one. My mum was 48. She was the most amazing lady and was my best friend. I miss her like crazy. I miss not having her around to ring and ask advice or to tell her about the crazy things my kids do or say. She was my rock in hard times. The day before she went we were talking about christmas and organising my son's first birthday. She passed in November 2005.

She had 4 grandkids who she lived for. What makes it even harder is that my father has shown no interest in the kids knowing that my mother doted on them.

Also I lost my mother-in-law when my daughter was 6 weeks old, so they do not have any grandmother to spoil them with that special grandmother love.

My husband & I organised our wedding in a month just so I could have my Mum there which I'm glad we did because the next month 2 weeks after my brother got married she died. I treasure every moment I had with her. She was truly a special lady.

My heart goes out to all those who have lost their mums and whose children have to grow up without the love of their Grandma. Just reading the stories brings tears to my eyes and makes me miss her even more. I thank God that she got to meet my kids even if it was for a short time and got to feel her love. And it's because of my kids that I can go on.

Kristi - posted on 01/01/2010

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I can't yet. I will come back and do it though. Just not now.

Merry - posted on 12/30/2009

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My mum died nearly 15 years ago of myocardial infarction, I lost my dad to cancer 10 months before that. I was 41 & my children were 15 & 11 at the time. My marriage broke up 5 months after mum died. It was a very hard time for all of us, I just couldn't get my act together & be the mum I should have been to my kids. They were suffering too but I could only deal with my own pain & needs. I love them dearly and hope over recent years I have somehow made up for the pain & heartache I caused them.

I have a beautiful 16 month old grandaughter now, I love her very much and cherish every moment I am with her. She has brought a new meaning to my life & reminds me a lot of my mum in her younger years with her looks & facial expressions.

Rose - posted on 12/30/2009

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My mom died when i was 16 from leukemia she did drugs and was an alcholic, i barely knew her cause she gave me and my sibilings up to my father at a very young age. i didn't meet her until i was 13 or so than after that i only visited her a couple of times between than and her death. I feel gyped as well. My dad remarried of course but i hated her he got a divorce from her when I was 15 and remarried Satan recently so i don't speak to him no more. I never got to experience the mother daughter relationship. But now i have a little girl that is almost 2 and on on the way due in june. I plan on being a better parent than mine were!

Liza - posted on 11/05/2009

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I was 17 years old when my mom passed away suddenly at the age of 40 from congestive heart failure. I am now 24 years old and had 2 children. My daughter would have been 3 at the end of May, but passed away at 2 weeks old. My son is now 1 year 15 months old. Not having my mom be there for when I got married and had my 2 children was so hard for me, especially during the loss of my daughter. I have a sister that is 6 years older than I am so she is always there when I need her, but not having that motherly bond with my mom and her not meeting my son is so hard on me. She will be passed away 8 years in March and it still feels like yesterday. RIP Mom!!

Jennifer - posted on 11/04/2009

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I was 22 when my mother died (Dec. '06) after a year long fight with breast cancer. I happened to be 10 weeks pregnant when she passed. She did however know that I was expecting her first biological grandchild (I have 2 step-children who are currently 10 and 9). I am expecting my second child in May '10.

Angela - posted on 10/27/2009

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Hello,

My mother passed away 6 yrs ago of a massive heart attack at 49.I am an only child. I was 24 when she died.My 3 daughters were 3,5,6.My mother and I were very close she even helped raise my girls.I was 18 when I had my oldest daughter and was not ready.My mother had her for about the first year.She was closely involved even after that and always a phone call or 10 min away.Both of my grand mothers have passed as well, Its hard not having an older female to rely on and get wisdom from.

Romain - posted on 10/26/2009

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My mom died of a heart attack 3yrs. ago,Aug.20,2006. I was at work when I got the news.My mother took care of my kids while I worked 12 hr. shifts.Tomair was 6 and jay was1.My brother was 15yrs old.All the kids were at here house when she died.I've never felt pain like I feel since her death.Now I'm a mother without a Mother.

Fiona - posted on 09/01/2009

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I was 2 when my mum died. She died of breast cancer at just 27 years old. Unfortunately I never really knew her and have no memories of her, just photo's. I found it hard being a mum cos I had no-one to turn to for advise (my dad died when I was 19 yrs old - he was 42). I had to teach myself how to be a mum, but have to say I think I have done really well! I have 3 beautiful, great boys who are 5, 3 and 2. They may be hard work but I love being their mum!

Valerie - posted on 08/27/2009

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I was 16 years old when my mother died. She died of colon cancer and she was sick for a long time. The only other persons I had was my sister and my brother! I have learned to deal with my mother on my own!

My children are 3 and 1 and are both boys! I love them more than life itself!

Susie - posted on 08/25/2009

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I was almost twelve when my mother died - had just started junior high. My mother had been sick for several years with ALS (aka Lou Gehrig's disease) - also made popular by the movie/book: Tuesdays with Morrie. The adults in my life wanted to shield me from the fact that my mother was dying, which made it extremely hard for me when it happened. It took me years and years to work through it - counseling wasn't done back then. My dad remarried a year later to a woman who was threatened by me and made me believe I was a horrible brat - also took years to work through that.

I now have a 4 year old son and a brand-new baby girl. My daughter's due date was 2 days before my mother's birthday - I was so excited! Unfortunately, I developed high blood pressure and she had to be born 3 weeks early - she doesn't even share her grandmother's birthstone. But I've accepted this - my daughter is her own person, not a reincarnation of my mother. She shares her middle name, Elizabeth, which is a legacy of the first born daughter for at least five generations (except me!).

As an adult, I discovered the "Motherless Daughters" books and found healing at last - which is why I joined this group - it's important for us to share from a perspective that others can't quite understand. My experience has been that sharing helps others with healing. I hope I can help you as much as others have helped me.

Jen - posted on 07/22/2009

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My mom died this past May, on the day she told me she'd die: Mother's Day (how she knew that, I'll never know!). She was 68, and I was/am 40. My daughter, her only grandchild, is 4. My mom had been battling breast cancer for 14.5 years, and it metastasized to her bones, and then ultimately, her central nervous system & brain. She was my best friend, the best mom and the best grandmother. When I went through my mom's stuff, I saved letters, photos, emails, some clothes -- all kinds of things that I can share with my daughter as she grows up so that she'll know more about her grandmother.

Lillian - posted on 06/04/2009

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I was 39 when my mom died. Her house caught on fire and she died from smoke inhalation. I am 49 now and I still find it very hard to even write what happened. I hope that with the support of this group and reading all your stories that I can one day tell my story. She was such a special human being and I still miss her so much.

Lillian - posted on 06/04/2009

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I was 39 when my mom died. Her house caught on fire and she died from smoke inhalation. I am 49 now and I still find it very hard to even write what happened. I hope that with the support of this group and reading all your stories that I can one day tell my story. She was such a special human being and I still miss her so much.

Jennifer - posted on 06/01/2009

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My mother died June 7, 2005. That was the day my life changed forever. She was only 56 years old...I was 34. I don''t know which is worse...knowing that you are going to lose your mama or it happening with no warning, but I do know that it hurts either way. People tell you that it gets better, but it doesn't. I still, after 4 years, pick up the phone to call her. I see, hear, or smell something that reminds me of her every day and usually end up in tears. I know I sound like a basket case. I have been to counseling and am on anti-depressants, I just grieve this way. I lost her to a disease that at the time there wasn't very much known about....Lupus. She fought it for 16 years and by the time it was affecting her organs, she had given up and was ready to die. I lived 636 miles away from my mama, but made sure that I went and spent 1 week a month with her every month for the last year of her life. I am so very glad that I chose to do that. My sister lived 10 mins. down the road from her and rarely went to visit. During the time that I was there with her, we sat and talked about everything...all night sometimes. I told her and apologized to her about everything I could think of. There was no stone left unturned when she passed and I wouldn't change that for the world. She died knowing where my heart was with her and how very much I loved and respected her. She raised my sister and I as a single mother most of our lives, and though we didn't have much, we had what we needed...and that is all that counted! Kids don't realize that when they are young. Even mine don't now. My mama was there for the birth of all of my children and she had a wonderful relationship with all of them. There has been alot of health issues in my life that have come up since she passed away that I wish she was here for. I need her for these things! Not even a year after she died, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Luckily, I also had met a wonderful man that helped me through all of that. I often wonder if she sent him to me? Now I have degenerative disc disease and 9 herniated discs in my back. I am awaiting surgery as I am writing this post. I wish I just had her to talk me through these kind of things. I talk to her all of the time...she just doesn't talk back. Is it wrong for me to be angry about that???? Now, my oldest daughter (the one that I named after her) has been diagnosed with RA and Lupus! How much more can I take???!!! I need my mama. I miss her so much. There is nobody left in my family for me to be close to. Both of my grandparents died within 6 months of my mama's death. They were both sick and the death of their child was just too much. My father has never been part of my life. My mom had one sister and she tries to keep an eye out for me, but she has her own three kids...so. I am just glad that there are other people out there that might understand how I feel. Sorry for just rambling!

Sherri - posted on 05/31/2009

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I was 24 when my mom died, I am 43 now and it seems like yesterday. I still find myself going to the phone when something really important happens, then I remember. The worse part was when I found out I was pregnant with my first. That is something you really need to tell your mom, I still get choked up about that. By the way, I have 2 Children, Ekram is 2 almost 3 and Hamza is 10 months.

Melissa - posted on 05/30/2009

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Hi, my mother died in June of 1999... I was 25 yrs old ~ Its a crazy story & has been the same sort of crazy jouney for me with both emotions & feelings. After ending a 27 year marriage with my father in 1992 - She adventually remarried in 1999 - to a man, we all liked & she truly loved.... soon after their marriage, he murdered her - of course - back in 1999, it was not brought out as such - he (man) stated she left him... years later her remains were found etc... (the story is a long & hard one to tell) For me, its been very difficult, to speak to with most - due to the circumstances (plus the 10 yrs of drama of up/downs following this)- She was never there for my or my brothers wedding or the birth of our children - This is the hardest - not in whole for me, but mostly for the children - they will never know her - only through spirit - I often think how happy she would of been knowing her grandchildren & what she would of taught them... ~ I often get angry that someone can take it upon themselves in a moment in time to take from me & my children what meant so much ~ Today is her Birthday - & next month will be the Anniversary of her death... She would of been 61 today... Happy B-day Mom - Love beyond forever - xoxox

Rise - posted on 05/28/2009

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My mother passed away December 17, 1998 at 6:15pm. I will never forget that night. My mother was in Minnesota and I lived in Texas. Suddenly it felt like the world was never going to be right again and I have never had such a horrible feeling like that night before I called the hospital. My mother suffered from Multiple Sclerosis the last 2 years of her life. She was in such horrible pain and had to suffer the indignity of being bedridden. I love my mother. She was the single most wonderful aspect of my life. I was lost when she was gone. When I met my husband and we had our child Erik (who is 6 now) I started to fell somewhat complete. I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. I was so thrilled. I did have one moment of extreme sadness. I truely wished my mother was there so I could tell you I get it now. After that my father moved in with us. We had a bad relationship for a long time, but I felt my mother would want me to look out for him and I wanted my son to have a grandpa (something I never had) Dad was cool with Erik the first 2 years. Then he got really distant with my son. After a while it was like my son was a pain in the butt. After he moved into his own place it seemed like he forgot Erik. With that it brought back all of the resentment I felt towards my father. My husband one day asked if it had been mom how would she treat him. My hubby never knew how much that question crushed me. I knew my mother would adore Erik and probably spend every waking moment with him that she could. She would love him for who he is and she would love him just because he was my baby. I truly wish my son could have met her. All I can do is tell him about her and that just doesn't do her justice.

Wow I typed alot. Thank you for listening. My heart really goes out to those who lost their mother young or suddenly. I knew mom didn't have long and a part of me was releaved she didn't have to suffer anymore. But even to this day I truly miss her, Noone can tell me everything will be alright and I believe it like mom could. She was my rock.

Martha - posted on 05/16/2009

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Hi Carmela: What a touching story. It brought tears to my eyes. You have come along well. I'm proud of you.

Love,

Martha - posted on 05/16/2009

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Hi Carmela: What a touching story. It brought tears to my eyes. You have come along well. I'm proud of you.

Love,

Jodi - posted on 04/21/2009

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I was 20 when my mom died. She was completely fine up in till I even talked to her the night before. She wanted to give me something and wonderd when I was coming home. I moved into the apartment 2 floors below her about a month or so before. I said late so I would come up in the morning before I went to work. I went up in the morning and called to her...nothing. Just the dog barking. When in to find her unconscious on the bathroom floor. Screamed for Russell her boyfriend at the time and told him to call 911. I began doing CPR but nothing happened. I felt her ribcage cracked below my hands. Finally the ambulance showed up. She was rushed to the hospital. They managed to get her heart started again but, by then to much damage was caused to her brain. She was divorced and I was listed as her next of kin. 20 years old and having to decide my moms fate. After 24 hours the rest of her organs were beginning to fail and they said she was completely brain dead, and knowing how lively my mom was I knew the choice I had to make. I called as many people as I could to try to get them to say their goodbyes and at 5pm less than 48 hours after I found her we took her off life support. They said they thought it was caused by something called QT syndrome which is an arithmia of the heart.

Less than a year and a half later my daughter was born. To this day I don't know what makes me more upset knowing that I lost my mom so young or that she never got to see her first granddaughter.

Pamela - posted on 04/18/2009

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My mom died two and a half years ago at age 69 from her third bout of cancer. I was somewhat in denial because she had it before twice and survived, so I just kind of assumed she would this last time.

My son was 18 months old at the time and she adored him. I was 42 at the time. I was blessed to have my mom throughout my childhood and my adult life up to now, I have a lot of moments where I'd love to tell her "I understand..." or "I'm so sorry I acted..." or "Wow, I can't believe I said that to you..." etc. because I really understand how she mothered our family so much better now that I'm a mom.

Brandi - posted on 04/16/2009

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my mother died when i was 18. she was a heavy drug user. she died march 29 08 my daughter was born march 24 09... does the sadness ever go away??

Wendy - posted on 04/01/2009

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Hmm, let's see. I was already 33 with a 10yr old son when Mom passed from complications of Mulitple Sclerosis & pnemonia. She was admitted to the hospital 4-5 days after her 56th birthday diagnosed with pnemonia. A week later her Dr. told us "If she was going to get better she'd be showing signs of it by now. We'll make her as comfortable as possible but it's time to let her go."

She'd been battling MS for at least 22years & was at the point where she needed home health care aides and us (her family) to do everything for her so we always knew/had it in the back of our minds that 'this day would eventually come' but now it was to realize/accept that 'that time is here'. That was the hardest.

My family took care of my son while I took care of Mom, we wanted at least one family member there at all times so that she wouldn't be 'as' scared & feel 'alone'. I stayed at the hosp with'er for that last week, leaving only 4 times for no more than a few hrs each time but the whole time being on edge that I wouldn't get back 'in time'.

We spent Chrimstas Day/night taking turns sitting by her bed & telling her 'it's time to go'. That night, with myself, Dad, my 2 brothers & their spouses, she passed away. Christmas night every year since, we take a candle up to Mom's & let it burn, play 'Silent Night' & make 'Mom's Snow Angels'. This past year (2008), we recognized the 5 year anniversary by passing out 25 balloons after the Christmas Day service at our famlie's chruch & after services were over, we stepped outside & released'em.

June of 2010 my fiance & I will be getting married without our mothers. His mom passed away from complications to a massive stroke Jan of 2008. We plan to play "I Believe" before the procession and we're still doing the 'Mother's Rose' ceremony but we'll be giving the roses to our Dads. It'll be hard but I KNOW they'll both be there, even if it's only in spirit :) I plan to wear mom's rings (on my right hand) & garter for our wedding.

They were both great women who we miss every day & think of often :)

Anna - posted on 03/30/2009

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Hi. My name is Anna and I have just joined this group. I have been reading everyones stories, and now I think I am lucky to have had a mother for as long as I did.

Mum died in 2002 from Motor Neurone Disease. I was 25 and she was 60. She was sick for about 9 months, gradually losing control of her limbs and voice over that time. It was terrible to watch. I went to stay with her for her last two weeks. I used to lay awake at night praying she would die becasue she was in such pain and discomfort.

The day before she died, I stayed with her and Dad went to play golf with my husband so he could have some time away for himself, as he was her full time carer. That time alone with Mum, I think of all the things I should have said and would have said if I had known that the following moring she would be gone forever. Just to thank her for being such a great Mum...and to tell her how much I love her. Thats my biggest regret in my life.

I was already married, but with no children and my older sister was not married at the time she died. Im happy that Mum met my husband. My sister wasnt so lucky. Mum was never around for her wedding or the birth of my two children or my sisters two children.

Thats probably what kills me the most. Yes, I hate not having her around to ask her stuff about the kids and to have a chat, but Mum was busting to have grand children and not meeting them all would make her so mad and upset. She loved little kids. I was pregnant with a child just before Mum died, but I miscarried afterwards. At least she knew I could have children and would one day.

The next hardest thing is telling my kids about Grandma. I wish they could have met her. She was a great lady. Understanding why she isnt around is hard for my 5 year old daughter now. My son is only 1 so he has all that in front of him.

My Dad has remarried and it hurts to think that my kids will grow thinking that his new wife is their Grandma. I know Mum would be upset that another lady might take that role. I try and keep her memory strong so that wont happen. Does anyone else feel this way??? If so how do you tell your kids about their real Grandmother and make sure that she can still hold that title?

Looking forward to seeing everyone elses stories. And remember that you all have your mother in side you. Lets face it...we all end up like our mothers in the end! I hold onto that thought. If I can be half the mother my mother was, my kids will be ok.