When your mom died

Sharon - posted on 11/03/2008 ( 179 moms have responded )

85

35

17

So, lets all chime in (especially those who are out there, but have not posted yet!! We want you to take part in the conversation too!!) How about if everyone posts a short paragraph about how old they were when their mom died, and how old your kids are.

I'll start.

I was seven when my mom died. She died of a brain tumor, so she was ill for over two years before she died. I have a step mom, she's nice and all, but just not a mother to me, really. My great-grandmother and grandmother, and my aunt have played big roles in my life, but none of them fill that hole either.

My kids are 14,12,9,8,5 and 3. The last three are adopted. The three birth children are all girls, so I am really enjoying being in that mother-daughter relationship again. It is such a special thing. The boys are special too, but it is just a different thing than that special mother-daughter bond. The youngest is a girl, too, but we have not formed that bond yet, she just came to us, within the last year, and she is still trying to learn how to trust enough that we can start having a relationship.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

179 Comments

View replies by

Martha - posted on 05/16/2009

17

6

3

Hi Carmela: What a touching story. It brought tears to my eyes. You have come along well. I'm proud of you.

Love,

Martha - posted on 05/16/2009

17

6

3

Hi Carmela: What a touching story. It brought tears to my eyes. You have come along well. I'm proud of you.

Love,

[deleted account]

I was 20 when my mom died. She was completely fine up in till I even talked to her the night before. She wanted to give me something and wonderd when I was coming home. I moved into the apartment 2 floors below her about a month or so before. I said late so I would come up in the morning before I went to work. I went up in the morning and called to her...nothing. Just the dog barking. When in to find her unconscious on the bathroom floor. Screamed for Russell her boyfriend at the time and told him to call 911. I began doing CPR but nothing happened. I felt her ribcage cracked below my hands. Finally the ambulance showed up. She was rushed to the hospital. They managed to get her heart started again but, by then to much damage was caused to her brain. She was divorced and I was listed as her next of kin. 20 years old and having to decide my moms fate. After 24 hours the rest of her organs were beginning to fail and they said she was completely brain dead, and knowing how lively my mom was I knew the choice I had to make. I called as many people as I could to try to get them to say their goodbyes and at 5pm less than 48 hours after I found her we took her off life support. They said they thought it was caused by something called QT syndrome which is an arithmia of the heart.



Less than a year and a half later my daughter was born. To this day I don't know what makes me more upset knowing that I lost my mom so young or that she never got to see her first granddaughter.

Pamela - posted on 04/18/2009

55

7

9

My mom died two and a half years ago at age 69 from her third bout of cancer. I was somewhat in denial because she had it before twice and survived, so I just kind of assumed she would this last time.



My son was 18 months old at the time and she adored him. I was 42 at the time. I was blessed to have my mom throughout my childhood and my adult life up to now, I have a lot of moments where I'd love to tell her "I understand..." or "I'm so sorry I acted..." or "Wow, I can't believe I said that to you..." etc. because I really understand how she mothered our family so much better now that I'm a mom.

Brandi - posted on 04/16/2009

44

36

5

my mother died when i was 18. she was a heavy drug user. she died march 29 08 my daughter was born march 24 09... does the sadness ever go away??

Wendy - posted on 04/01/2009

3

0

0

Hmm, let's see. I was already 33 with a 10yr old son when Mom passed from complications of Mulitple Sclerosis & pnemonia. She was admitted to the hospital 4-5 days after her 56th birthday diagnosed with pnemonia. A week later her Dr. told us "If she was going to get better she'd be showing signs of it by now. We'll make her as comfortable as possible but it's time to let her go."



She'd been battling MS for at least 22years & was at the point where she needed home health care aides and us (her family) to do everything for her so we always knew/had it in the back of our minds that 'this day would eventually come' but now it was to realize/accept that 'that time is here'. That was the hardest.



My family took care of my son while I took care of Mom, we wanted at least one family member there at all times so that she wouldn't be 'as' scared & feel 'alone'. I stayed at the hosp with'er for that last week, leaving only 4 times for no more than a few hrs each time but the whole time being on edge that I wouldn't get back 'in time'.



We spent Chrimstas Day/night taking turns sitting by her bed & telling her 'it's time to go'. That night, with myself, Dad, my 2 brothers & their spouses, she passed away. Christmas night every year since, we take a candle up to Mom's & let it burn, play 'Silent Night' & make 'Mom's Snow Angels'. This past year (2008), we recognized the 5 year anniversary by passing out 25 balloons after the Christmas Day service at our famlie's chruch & after services were over, we stepped outside & released'em.



June of 2010 my fiance & I will be getting married without our mothers. His mom passed away from complications to a massive stroke Jan of 2008. We plan to play "I Believe" before the procession and we're still doing the 'Mother's Rose' ceremony but we'll be giving the roses to our Dads. It'll be hard but I KNOW they'll both be there, even if it's only in spirit :) I plan to wear mom's rings (on my right hand) & garter for our wedding.



They were both great women who we miss every day & think of often :)

Anna - posted on 03/30/2009

2

27

0

Hi.  My name is Anna and I have just joined this group.  I have been reading everyones stories, and now I think I am lucky to have had a mother for as long as I did.



Mum died in 2002 from Motor Neurone Disease.  I was 25 and she was 60.  She was sick for about 9 months, gradually losing control of her limbs and voice over that time.  It was terrible to watch.  I went to stay with her for her last two weeks.  I used to lay awake at night praying she would die becasue she was in such pain and discomfort. 



The day before she died, I stayed with her and Dad went to play golf with my husband so he could have some time away for himself, as he was her full time carer.  That time alone with Mum, I think of all the things I should have said and would have said if I had known that the following moring she would be gone forever.  Just to thank her for being such a great Mum...and to tell her how much I love her.  Thats my biggest regret in my life.



I was already married, but with no children and my older sister was not married at the time she died.  Im happy that Mum met my husband.  My sister wasnt so lucky.  Mum was never around for her wedding or the birth of my two children or my sisters two children. 



Thats probably what kills me the most.  Yes, I hate not having her around to ask her stuff about the kids and to have a chat, but  Mum was busting to have grand children and not meeting them all would make her so mad and upset.  She loved little kids.  I was pregnant with a child just before Mum died, but I miscarried afterwards.  At least she knew I could have children and would one day.   



The next hardest thing is telling my kids about Grandma.  I wish they could have met her.  She was a great lady.  Understanding why she isnt around is hard for my 5 year old daughter now.  My son is only 1 so he has all that in front of him. 



My Dad has remarried and it hurts to think that my kids will grow thinking that his new wife is their Grandma.  I know Mum would be upset that another lady might take that role. I try and keep her memory strong so that wont happen.  Does anyone else feel this way???  If so how do you tell your kids about their real Grandmother and make sure that she can still hold that title?



Looking forward to seeing everyone elses stories.  And remember that you all have your mother in side you.  Lets face it...we all end up like our mothers in the end!  I hold onto that thought.  If I can be half the mother my mother was, my kids will be ok. 



 

Anna - posted on 03/30/2009

2

27

0

Hi.  My name is Anna and I have just joined this group.  I have been reading everyones stories, and now I think I am lucky to have had a mother for as long as I did.



Mum died in 2002 from Motor Neurone Disease.  I was 25 and she was 60.  She was sick for about 9 months, gradually losing control of her limbs and voice over that time.  It was terrible to watch.  I went to stay with her for her last two weeks.  I used to lay awake at night praying she would die becasue she was in such pain and discomfort. 



The day before she died, I stayed with her and Dad went to play golf with my husband so he could have some time away for himself, as he was her full time carer.  That time alone with Mum, I think of all the things I should have said and would have said if I had known that the following moring she would be gone forever.  Just to thank her for being such a great Mum...and to tell her how much I love her.  Thats my biggest regret in my life.



I was already married, but with no children and my older sister was not married at the time she died.  Im happy that Mum met my husband.  My sister wasnt so lucky.  Mum was never around for her wedding or the birth of my two children or my sisters two children. 



Thats probably what kills me the most.  Yes, I hate not having her around to ask her stuff about the kids and to have a chat, but  Mum was busting to have grand children and not meeting them all would make her so mad and upset.  She loved little kids.  I was pregnant with a child just before Mum died, but I miscarried afterwards.  At least she knew I could have children and would one day.   



The next hardest thing is telling my kids about Grandma.  I wish they could have met her.  She was a great lady.  Understanding why she isnt around is hard for my 5 year old daughter now.  My son is only 1 so he has all that in front of him. 



My Dad has remarried and it hurts to think that my kids will grow thinking that his new wife is their Grandma.  I know Mum would be upset that another lady might take that role. I try and keep her memory strong so that wont happen.  Does anyone else feel this way???  If so how do you tell your kids about their real Grandmother and make sure that she can still hold that title?



Looking forward to seeing everyone elses stories.  And remember that you all have your mother in side you.  Lets face it...we all end up like our mothers in the end!  I hold onto that thought.  If I can be half the mother my mother was, my kids will be ok. 



 

Anna - posted on 03/30/2009

2

27

0

Hi.  My name is Anna and I have just joined this group.  I have been reading everyones stories, and now I think I am lucky to have had a mother for as long as I did.



Mum died in 2002 from Motor Neurone Disease.  I was 25 and she was 60.  She was sick for about 9 months, gradually losing control of her limbs and voice over that time.  It was terrible to watch.  I went to stay with her for her last two weeks.  I used to lay awake at night praying she would die becasue she was in such pain and discomfort. 



The day before she died, I stayed with her and Dad went to play golf with my husband so he could have some time away for himself, as he was her full time carer.  That time alone with Mum, I think of all the things I should have said and would have said if I had known that the following moring she would be gone forever.  Just to thank her for being such a great Mum...and to tell her how much I love her.  Thats my biggest regret in my life.



I was already married, but with no children and my older sister was not married at the time she died.  Im happy that Mum met my husband.  My sister wasnt so lucky.  Mum was never around for her wedding or the birth of my two children or my sisters two children. 



Thats probably what kills me the most.  Yes, I hate not having her around to ask her stuff about the kids and to have a chat, but  Mum was busting to have grand children and not meeting them all would make her so mad and upset.  She loved little kids.  I was pregnant with a child just before Mum died, but I miscarried afterwards.  At least she knew I could have children and would one day.   



The next hardest thing is telling my kids about Grandma.  I wish they could have met her.  She was a great lady.  Understanding why she isnt around is hard for my 5 year old daughter now.  My son is only 1 so he has all that in front of him. 



My Dad has remarried and it hurts to think that my kids will grow thinking that his new wife is their Grandma.  I know Mum would be upset that another lady might take that role. I try and keep her memory strong so that wont happen.  Does anyone else feel this way???  If so how do you tell your kids about their real Grandmother and make sure that she can still hold that title?



Looking forward to seeing everyone elses stories.  And remember that you all have your mother in side you.  Lets face it...we all end up like our mothers in the end!  I hold onto that thought.  If I can be half the mother my mother was, my kids will be ok. 



 

Anna - posted on 03/30/2009

2

27

0

Hi.  My name is Anna and I have just joined this group.  I have been reading everyones stories, and now I think I am lucky to have had a mother for as long as I did.



Mum died in 2002 from Motor Neurone Disease.  I was 25 and she was 60.  She was sick for about 9 months, gradually losing control of her limbs and voice over that time.  It was terrible to watch.  I went to stay with her for her last two weeks.  I used to lay awake at night praying she would die becasue she was in such pain and discomfort. 



The day before she died, I stayed with her and Dad went to play golf with my husband so he could have some time away for himself, as he was her full time carer.  That time alone with Mum, I think of all the things I should have said and would have said if I had known that the following moring she would be gone forever.  Just to thank her for being such a great Mum...and to tell her how much I love her.  Thats my biggest regret in my life.



I was already married, but with no children and my older sister was not married at the time she died.  Im happy that Mum met my husband.  My sister wasnt so lucky.  Mum was never around for her wedding or the birth of my two children or my sisters two children. 



Thats probably what kills me the most.  Yes, I hate not having her around to ask her stuff about the kids and to have a chat, but  Mum was busting to have grand children and not meeting them all would make her so mad and upset.  She loved little kids.  I was pregnant with a child just before Mum died, but I miscarried afterwards.  At least she knew I could have children and would one day.   



The next hardest thing is telling my kids about Grandma.  I wish they could have met her.  She was a great lady.  Understanding why she isnt around is hard for my 5 year old daughter now.  My son is only 1 so he has all that in front of him. 



My Dad has remarried and it hurts to think that my kids will grow thinking that his new wife is their Grandma.  I know Mum would be upset that another lady might take that role. I try and keep her memory strong so that wont happen.  Does anyone else feel this way???  If so how do you tell your kids about their real Grandmother and make sure that she can still hold that title?



Looking forward to seeing everyone elses stories.  And remember that you all have your mother in side you.  Lets face it...we all end up like our mothers in the end!  I hold onto that thought.  If I can be half the mother my mother was, my kids will be ok. 



 

Anna - posted on 03/30/2009

2

27

0

Hi.  My name is Anna and I have just joined this group.  I have been reading everyones stories, and now I think I am lucky to have had a mother for as long as I did.



Mum died in 2002 from Motor Neurone Disease.  I was 25 and she was 60.  She was sick for about 9 months, gradually losing control of her limbs and voice over that time.  It was terrible to watch.  I went to stay with her for her last two weeks.  I used to lay awake at night praying she would die becasue she was in such pain and discomfort. 



The day before she died, I stayed with her and Dad went to play golf with my husband so he could have some time away for himself, as he was her full time carer.  That time alone with Mum, I think of all the things I should have said and would have said if I had known that the following moring she would be gone forever.  Just to thank her for being such a great Mum...and to tell her how much I love her.  Thats my biggest regret in my life.



I was already married, but with no children and my older sister was not married at the time she died.  Im happy that Mum met my husband.  My sister wasnt so lucky.  Mum was never around for her wedding or the birth of my two children or my sisters two children. 



Thats probably what kills me the most.  Yes, I hate not having her around to ask her stuff about the kids and to have a chat, but  Mum was busting to have grand children and not meeting them all would make her so mad and upset.  She loved little kids.  I was pregnant with a child just before Mum died, but I miscarried afterwards.  At least she knew I could have children and would one day.   



The next hardest thing is telling my kids about Grandma.  I wish they could have met her.  She was a great lady.  Understanding why she isnt around is hard for my 5 year old daughter now.  My son is only 1 so he has all that in front of him. 



My Dad has remarried and it hurts to think that my kids will grow thinking that his new wife is their Grandma.  I know Mum would be upset that another lady might take that role. I try and keep her memory strong so that wont happen.  Does anyone else feel this way???  If so how do you tell your kids about their real Grandmother and make sure that she can still hold that title?



Looking forward to seeing everyone elses stories.  And remember that you all have your mother in side you.  Lets face it...we all end up like our mothers in the end!  I hold onto that thought.  If I can be half the mother my mother was, my kids will be ok. 



 

Stacey - posted on 03/30/2009

27

28

0

I lost my mom on Oct 11, 2007. She was 64, and I was 33. My dad passed away 5 yrs before my mom.

I'm new here and a first time mom to be (due in Aug...actually my due date is my parents anniv. date) and I can't help but think this should be a happy time for me, but all I feel is alone and scared. I am faced with the possiblity that my baby has problems....and no mom to talk to about it, and I hate it.

My mother had long had health problems but mainly heart problems. She went into a diabetic coma on Sept 26, 07, which caused brain damage. My family decided she would not want to live that way, and I know she wouldn't but I couldn't help but want to fight for her....she was the only person left in the whole world who would always fight for me, be strong for me, and I so feel like I quit on her by giving into my family on what they wanted (family which consisted of her mother, her brother, my sister and myself) Food and water were taken from my mother and every day it feels like we killed her. I am the only one who seems to feel this way...everyone else feels they did what she would have wanted but I feel like I gave up on her. That I stopped fighting for the only person who would stand beside me no matter what, and it makes me feel like such a bad, weak person, and gets in my head to the point I wonder if I will be able to be as good of a mom to my child as my mom was to me.

Now almost 2 yrs after her death, I am pregnant, have no relationship with my sister, and was told by my grandmother (my moms mom) that my child is a bastard child who is a disgrace to my family. So each day I know I have no support system, that my child will have no grandparents (or any extended family for that matter), and that there could be problems with my baby...not that it would matter or make me love him/her any less....it's just so scary. I know my mom would have the perfect thing to say...not that it would fix all the scary stuff, but she just knew how to make me feel like it would be ok, and I could do it no matter what the outcome was and most importantly that she would be there for me and for this baby. Her love was my everything and I just feel lost. My one go to person is gone. I just can't help but wonder, can I do this without her? Some days it feels like I can hardly breathe without her and my dad...after all they were the most wonderful parents anyone could ever have.

I know I was lucky to have my mom as long as I did, I see from the post here that a lot of people didn't have the time I was blessed with, and my heart goes out to each and every one of you. I hope and pray I can be as strong as all of you!

Amy - posted on 03/30/2009

1

22

0

My mum died when I was 39 weeks pregnant with my third child. I was 23, my mum was 54 and although she was ill, her death was sudden. I was the only person there with her, I'd just popped into the hospital to see her and minutes later she'd gone. I reacted quite bizarrely, in hindsight, just getting on with things and helping arrange the funeral for the following week. Obviously, my baby arrived on the day of the funeral, an hour before the cortege left, so I couldn't attend. As much as I love my baby boy, I was devastated. I have since had my fourth child, a girl, who's middle name is my mum's name. I know that these things happen but it still felt like the end of my world.



x

Erin - posted on 03/29/2009

6

5

0

My mom died on November 11th 2008 of breast cancer that had gone to her lungs. I was 25 when she passed. At the time I was 6 months pregnant and didnt know it ( i didnt know that I was pregnant until the day I gave birth long story) My sister was also pregnant she was 5 months. It has been really hard because there are so many things that I want to ask her as far as raising a child. My mom was the best mom she took care of my sister and I so well that sometimes I feel cheated that she died so early, its a loss that never gets easy to get over but through the last couple of months I have learned to live with the pain. I just wish that Evan (my son) had the chance to get to know her because of what a wonderful person she was. 

User - posted on 03/26/2009

12

3

0

I was 19 when my mom died of Cancer, she would have only be 56 that year. One good thing she told me when she first got sick was not to cry but rather to remember all the good times we had together. I tested this at her wake, it was obviously an emotional time and all those hugs and well wishes just want to make you cry but as I stood with my sister, I looked up to the light fixture which was quite dusty, I knew what my mom would say and do if she saw and then got my sister laughing about it. Everyone thought we were insane but a clean house was very important to my mother, it made us feel better to think about all that she had done for us in her life rather than focus on her death.



I'm now 34, it's been 15 yrs and I have a three yr old son, it does get harder now since I know my mom would have loved my son to death. It is especially hard when other women try to take the place of my mother like my fiance's mother, she could never fill my mom's shoes and I get so angry when she tries. Certain events will make me sad about my mom dying but I had 19 great years with her, there were so many good memories to look back on.

[deleted account]

Hi everyone :)  My name is Joy.  I'm a 37 year old first time mom to my 17 month old son Jacob.  My mom died December 6, 1997.  We had a really rocky relationship.  She and my father lost custody of me when I was 10 and my Aunt Dottie took me in and raised me until I was 15.  I was a "difficult" child and eventually my aunt and I couldn't deal with each other so I chose foster care.  I was emancipated a legal adult when I was 16 and have been taking care of myself ever since.  When I was in my early 20's I got married (he's my ex husband now) and shortly after that I reconnected with my mom.  We ironed our some of our issues and I got to a place where I could accept her for her and let go of a lot of my childhood.  When she died, we had enjoyed 2 years of friendship...a strange friendship...a mutual understanding of each other.  Call it what you will.  We found a kind of peace with each other.  When she died (brain aneurysm in her sleep), I was devastated by the loss because I had missed her for most of my life and had just gotten her back.  I know it's hard for people to lose their mother when they are close.  But it's almost harder to lose your mother when you aren't close...because you mourn not only the loss of your mother, but you also mourn what could have been and what you never had.  It took me a LONG TIME to recover from her death.  Every birthday, every Christmas (because she died right before Christmas) I would shut down.  It literally took me off my feet.  Even now, 11 years later, I still cry for her sometimes because of all she is missing and all that my son and are missing out on.  People used to tell me I look like my mom and it used to piss me off.  Now, when I look at my son I see her eyes (my eyes) and I see the shape of her face (my face). 



When I met my boyfriend (soon to be husband in 3 weeks!!!), he helped me fill a void in my life that had a lot to do with a loneliness I always felt.  When I got pregnant, I sorta had to keep my mom on a back shelf in my mind because it felt like I needed her more than I thought I could or should at that point. 



Even now, I still feel like I have this "love - hate" relationship with her.  On one hand, I miss her like crazy and wish...OH HOW I WISH...she could be here to see my beautiful son.  To be proud of me.  On the other hand, I find myself catching my temper sometimes when I get frustrated day to day.  I take lots of deep breaths and calm myself down...but I get that from her....the anger part, not the control part.  So at least she taught me what NOT to do. 



The thing about a woman losing her mom is...no matter what kind of relationship you had, no matter if you were close or couldn't stand each other....there will always be the pain of loss inside, there will always be a sadness in missing her.  It just gets easier...it never goes away.  And sometimes it comes back in a huge wave and you feel like she just died yesterday.  I think that's just the way life is. 



And I thank God every day for the people who love me.  And I put one foot in front of the other and take baby steps through my life.  I can't talk about this anymore right now.  Here comes a small wave.  Thanks for listening.

Martha - posted on 03/15/2009

17

6

3

Hi Linda:



I am just so shocked at what you've had to go thru.  And yet you are getting by, raising your family and keeping things together.  I drew alot of strength from your post.  I've lived my entire life without my parents so it's always been so, but to have both of them taken away so tragically would devastate me.  You re amazingly strong.  Keep up the good fight.  I'll think of you often.

Erin - posted on 03/15/2009

3

24

0

My mum passed away from breast cancer in 1992, I was 8. My dad remarried 18 months later and since being a mum, 5 years ago I appreicitae my step mum much more. My first born was named after my mum. Julie is the first grandchild so my dad and her have such a special conection. I find it so hard knowing my kids will never get to meet her and also my husband. I think of my mum every day and still miss her so much. She was my everything and if i can be half the mum she was I'll be very happy.

Johnell - posted on 03/13/2009

1

0

0

My mother also died from lung cancer May 2007. I had my first daughter in May of 2008.  She fought it for 10 months.  It is very hard not having her here. She was my best friend and I still miss her very much. 



Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that knows what my daughter is missing out on.  My mother was a wonderful Grandmother. She would take her grandkids on trips

Kathleen - posted on 03/13/2009

33

37

2

i was 16 when my mom died in a car accident that killed her and her best friend it was so hard cuz my famnily was split up and sent to diff relative no one was going to be staying in my moms home town where i had school friends a music team and so on i just couldn't leave so i was sent to live with a church family i barly knew i am now 20 with a 4month oldboy named brandon  and everyday i wish she was here to help me

Stephanie - posted on 03/10/2009

4

56

0

it was actually 9 days before my 15th birthday when my mom passed away. she died in a car accident well they ruled an accident but if you look at the police report it does state a possible suicide by vehicle accident. my mom and dad at that time had been married for 23 years 6 kids (one past at birth and that would have been my only sister) um th us 3 younger kids were in foster care for about 2 years because my mom and dad got drunk and he was a druggie and he would just beat her almost everynight of our lives i mean i remember being 5 years old and thinking my dad was going to kill my mommy i would jump on him and he would throw me off of him so ne ways thats a short story on how we ended up in foster care well i was with my foster family watching a green bay packers football game sunday and my foster dad i had asked me to come out side with him so i did and i saw my dad and my 3 older brothers with my counslor and the first words out of my mouth were*you finally did it you finally killed my mom you bastard* i went up and i jacked him in the jaw and growing up with all boys i knew how to hit so it wasnt just a sissy punch if you know what i mean and then he told me what really happen and i punched out the bars big glass window and went bazurk it took a very long time for me to settle but about 3 months after that i met my now husband and father of my 3 kids and realized that all things happen for a reason i am not mad at my mother that she probably did take her own life oh and about 4 years after she past is when i got a copy of the death certificate and police report i dd not want to confront my dad so iasked one of my brothers about that day and he told me that mom was actually leaving dad her first time doing so ever and she died! i never lost love or respect for my dad if anything it is way stronger now i love him with all my heart and even though he made some terribly disgusting choices in life he still gave me my life and with out that i would not have the loves of my life if my mom wouldnt have died i would have never met my husband and would have never had my babys life is nothing but a big choice making cycle i chose to turn everything that has happened to me in my life into a positve it has made me a better wife friend sister daughter aunt lover mother etc now my brothers on the other hand chose to make it a poor pittyful me negative and they turned into drunks and druggies them selves one of my brothers was actually murdered and i believe if he didnt live that lifestyle all because our mom died and our childhood then he would still be alive. so think positve in the worse situation regardless of what people are trying to feed into your ears

Ann - posted on 03/09/2009

4

14

1

My mom died on Dec. 4, 2005. I was 25 years old and 8 months pregnant with my son. We dont know how she died, she had many health problems like diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholestrol and many others. My son was born 8 days after my  mom died he was 4 weeks early. When I was pregnant I joked that my son had a 8 day window to come out, he had to be out between Dec. 12 and Dec. 20 so that we would be home for the holidays and before Jan. because of taxes. I went into labor on Dec. 9 but did not give birth until the 12th at 3:27 am which 327 is my birthday. I know it sounds strange but I think that was my moms way of telling me she was there. I had moved to Florida (I am from NY) in 1999 leaving my mom and everyone else in NY still. My husband and I decided to move back in March of 2005 I am so grateful that we did because I was able to have 9 months with my Mom before she died. If we wouldnt have moved back I wouldnt have been with her and it wouldve killed me. I still remember going to my 3D ultrasound with my Mom and my husband, I remember her crying when she seen my son, the tech printed her her own set of pics and wrote hi grandma on them. I told my mom I was pregnant on Mothers day 2005 I bought her a Grandma mothers day card and signed it baby to be, she cried and so did I. I have 2 Sisters and 2 Brothers and I know they all miss her in there own way but I dont think they will understand what I feel. My Mom was my best friend and I miss her everyday, I reminded of her in so many little things that my heart breaks a little each day. She was a wonderful women with a big heart who would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it. Thank you for letting me tell my story I needed to get it out.            Ann

Ann - posted on 03/09/2009

4

14

1

My mom died on Dec. 4, 2005. I was 25 years old and 8 months pregnant with my son. We dont know how she died, she had many health problems like diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholestrol and many others. My son was born 8 days after my  mom died he was 4 weeks early. When I was pregnant I joked that my son had a 8 day window to come out, he had to be out between Dec. 12 and Dec. 20 so that we would be home for the holidays and before Jan. because of taxes. I went into labor on Dec. 9 but did not give birth until the 12th at 3:27 am which 327 is my birthday. I know it sounds strange but I think that was my moms way of telling me she was there. I had moved to Florida (I am from NY) in 1999 leaving my mom and everyone else in NY still. My husband and I decided to move back in March of 2005 I am so grateful that we did because I was able to have 9 months with my Mom before she died. If we wouldnt have moved back I wouldnt have been with her and it wouldve killed me. I still remember going to my 3D ultrasound with my Mom and my husband, I remember her crying when she seen my son, the tech printed her her own set of pics and wrote hi grandma on them. I told my mom I was pregnant on Mothers day 2005 I bought her a Grandma mothers day card and signed it baby to be, she cried and so did I. I have 2 Sisters and 2 Brothers and I know they all miss her in there own way but I dont think they will understand what I feel. My Mom was my best friend and I miss her everyday, I reminded of her in so many little things that my heart breaks a little each day. She was a wonderful women with a big heart who would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it. Thank you for letting me tell my story I needed to get it out.            Ann

Susan - posted on 03/06/2009

3

2

0

Hi

i always find it amazing you experienced such loss but were abled to give. Thats very special xx

Amy - posted on 03/05/2009

1

28

0

Hello, my name is Amy, and I just joined the group! It was 2 months after my 16th birthday that my mother passed away from cancer. My 12 year year old sister, father and I were devastated, but my father really came through for us and was able to get us by! Life was hard,and I still find that it can be, especially after my son, Russell, was born 3 1/2 years ago. Not having my mother around to help and give the advice, that I saw a lot of my other friends mothers giving them, was really tough to take. I could have really used her support and love, and nothing would have made me happier than to see her hold her first grandbaby!!!!! I will forever miss and love her!

Shala - posted on 03/04/2009

4

20

1

I am new here. My mother dies last year from a rare disease called AMYLOIDOSIS.  I was 40 yrs. old when she passed. She passed 13 months after diagnosis. My kids at the time were 17yrs.old and 10 yrs.old.  My mother could not wait to see my daughter graduate. She passed in Feb. and my daughter graduated in May.  I know in my heart she was there watching over my daughter as she walked across the stage.  My mother was my best friend. We were very close and talked to each other about everything.  I could always go to her with any type of problem.  Does it get any easier?  My children still have a very hard time.  My mom's best friend has told me I can talk to her anytime about anything, but it is not the same.  I am so glad I have found this group.

Tonia - posted on 03/01/2009

4

27

0

My mother died in October 2005 after a 5 year bout with cancer.  She was 49 and I was 31.  My son was 6 and my twin girls were 2 at the time.  My son was extremely close with her and still talks about her and misses her to this day.  My girls have only faint memories, mostly from stories told about her and pictures.  We were extremely close.  We talked every day and her phone calls are what I miss most.  To make matters worse, my father started dating again only 1 week and 2 days after my mother was buried and married before the first anniversary of her death.  I still have a hard time dealing with this but know that my mother would not want me to hang onto these negative feelings.  I miss her every day but know that I will one day be reunited with her again in heaven.

[deleted account]

I am the 2nd oldest of 5, and I was 19 years old when my mum passed away from colon cancer. She had battled it for 4 years. I had lost my maternal grandmother when I was 10 from it as well.



There are some days when I feel gypped, my wedding day, when both my children were born (daughter 7, son 2). But most days I am grateful. I think of my husband, who never had a good relationship with either of his parents. I think of when I was in my early teens, when my mum and I didn't get along well. I always loved her, but we were so alike, stubborn, quick-tempered, that it got in the way of being close. When the cancer came back for the 2nd time, we both made a huge effort to mend the relationship, and it worked. She was best friend, I was able to confide in her things that most teenagers would never mention to there parents. I may not have had the quantity I wanted with her, but I definately had the quality of an entire life.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/27/2009

18

16

0

I was 22 when my mother Annabel died - 4 years ago this Jan 4th.

She had seen her doctor about an irregular heartbeat, but after having it analysed, she and her doctor decided it was nothing that caused serious concern.

Whilst taking my brother, who was 12 at the time, to school, she stopped so he could run into a local shop and buy a new school tie. When he returned, she had collapsed at the wheel of the car and was rushed to hospital.

My sister, 20 at the time, myself, my brother, step-father and mothers sister waited as doctors tried to save her, but to no avail.



I miss her everyday. She was my best friend; she made me giggle, she was vibrant, elegant and very beautiful.

She died knowing I loved her, and I know in my heart that there was nothing I had left unsaid.

I felt an enormous sense of calm after she died, but since having my own child, a son, 10 months ago, I feel so aware of my own mortality - sometimes sooooo much it's hard to be rational. Never before have I realised how powerful it is to be a mother now I am one.....I can't bear the thought of my son not knowing me, or feeling the loss I felt.........I love him more than I could ever imagine.

I have also been through the most overwhelming 'mother-envy' .......even towards my husband.......!!



But my mother had two sisters who, between them, I see glimpses of my mother, and it is the most wonderful comfort.

She used to say she never wanted to get old....and at 46, that was a bit too young....but I want to be VERY old and wrinkly when I die.....!!!



It's lovely to know you are all here to understand. x

Nicole - posted on 02/27/2009

2

2

0

My mom died this last august. She was 49. She was sick with stomach ulcers, but we did not think she was going to die unexpectedly like she did. She had some other issues. My whole life I felt like I had no mother. She had us with no father, we lived in poverty, in foster homes...and she had mental health issues. We were raised differently. I always wished I had a mom...but after she died my whole outlook on life and her changed immediatly. It has been about 6 months and I have changed so much. My brother has not dealt with it well, he is 30. I went to college and am an RN, so I am glad I was able to do something before she died...so i can keep focused. I actually recently went thru some VERY difficult times after christmas and ended up getting fired from my job because I was so angry, ect.....but then I was blessed to be offered to transfer to another facility within the company. I still have so many times I get angry, feel guilty, and helpless. My mom was "out of her family" for like 10 years, while I was a child. So her family has guilt, but they have many issues of their own. Her mother (my grandma) is nicer to me now but there are so many issues. I was cleaning out her house after she passed and found a birth certificate and baby pictures of a child she had when she was 17. That child was put up for adoption at birth. My brother is like 2 years younger then that child. Well, i went online and found the girl....but she didnt want anything to do with me really. We exchanged some emails and that was about it. Sad, really...she had anger her whole life about my mom giving her away, but after I explained things maybe she was more at peace knowing the truth? ....but I have never talked to her or met her (as she did not want to). It was a huge let down for me, here I thought I had a sister I always wanted...but anyhow. I just try to go to my new job with a good attitude and try to move on. i guess I have realized there are so many things i could have done and maybe her family could have done...but now just to move on and make a better life for myself. I just find it interesting when someone else out there has had the same situation....their mother passing...

I sitll can't believe it....and it's like this thing that is just there....sometimes I dream about her coming back, but then I wake up and it's not true. It's just kinda crazy......but being cooped up all winter has not helped either. Well enough of my babbling..if u have any other advice or things to share please do!

Julie - posted on 02/24/2009

14

22

1

My mom died just 7 months ago from a very rare form of cancer. She was 54. I was 26 (now 27) and my girls were 6 years old. It still hasn't really hit me yet, that she is gone. We were about as close as 2 people could be. I was her caregiver for 3 years, and still have a hard time doing day to day activities. She was so much more than a mom to me- she was my best friend. She was also like another mom to my kids. She was in the room when they were born, and helped me raise them. I have so many mothering questions that I still need answered, and nothng can even compare to the advise that she would give me. So my sister and I are stuck helping one another out with whatever parenting questions we may have. She has 2 boys, ages are 2 1/2 years and 9 mos.

Helen - posted on 02/17/2009

19

15

2

Hi Jen, just read your story about you and your mum...I think your mum would forgive you for being ( in your own words) "selfish"and I think you said absorbed with cheerleading and boys...remember your mum was 12 once too...she would have only expected you to have the maturity of a girl, not a grown up woman.....you need to forgive yourself so you can be the best mum possible to your children.....and to be a bit kinder to yourself.

God bless you for your honesty.

Helen - posted on 02/17/2009

19

15

2

Good on you Martha for being a courageous person and for bringing your own family up differently to the standards you were raised under...what a monumental job you have done and are doing. Keep up the good work!

Martha - posted on 02/16/2009

17

6

3

Wow, these are all so touching, sad yet filled with strength.  I'm really proud of all of you.



I'm 45. I have 1 daughter who is 24. I have a granddaughter who is 8 and a grand son who is 18 mos. prox. My mother died from cervical cancer when I was 2ish. She left a family of approximately 10-12 children, ranging in ages of 2- 28 (I think). We were put in foster homes together, girls with girls and boys with boys.  Later we ended up in separate foster homes. When I was about 4 my eldest sister took me in. I never knew her before that. She beat me and mentally and emotionally abused me. She didn't speak to me unless it was to reprimand me. She was married w/2 children.  I have spoken to her since I was 13. Anyway, flash forward to 45 and I still miss the mother I never had (I don't miss the father I never had though. I never knew who he was.) But I'm so proud of my little family. And being a grandmother is probably the most spirit lifting job in the world.  When my grandson reaches for me, I melt and nearly cry.  My granddaughter is so confident - she doesn't need anyone until nighttime when she wants to snuggle with you.  Life is really good, but I still suffer from the effects of my upbringing.

Julie - posted on 01/27/2009

1

3

0

Hi - My mom died Oct 2007 at 65. I am 36 and my children are 8 and 4. I'm still grieving a lot. I helped care for her, took over her business and got divorced during the time she lived with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). She stayed at home and died at home peacefully. Her partner of many years was her main caregiver and we had wonderful women who helped us as she chose a ventilator and feeding tube to prolong her life.



She was very well-known in our community. Her name is on a building and I drive by the cemetery every day where she's buried. Sometimes that's very hard. Sometimes it's nice to have the connection close. I have siblings but we are all dealing with the loss of my mom differently.



Someone left flowers for her this week. Thank you!



Thank you for creating this group. Feels a little less lonely.



 



 

Amy - posted on 01/27/2009

3

25

0

I was sixteen when my mom died. Tomorrow will be 14 years since the day of her passing. She passed away after fighting breast cancer for 4+ years. I am now 30 and there is not a day that goes by, that I don't think of her, whether it be happy memories, sad, or just plain thoughts about her. I am pregnant with my first child (I have two step-children but it's not the same) and I am so nervous about not having my mom here for the birth and raising of my child. I also have so many questions I wish I could ask her about her own pregnancies.
Although I've grown and learned from the experience of losing my mother, I will never forget and life will never be the same as a girl who gets to have a relationship with their mom.

Susan - posted on 01/27/2009

3

2

0

Hi. I've also just joined this group and am really moved by some of your experiences. My mum died when I was 6. She had schizophrenia and suffered a great deal. I miss her a lot but at the same time the concept of having a 'mum' feels strange and unfamiliar. I have 3 children the eldest my son is 21 years tho I'm only 39! And I have 2 beautiful daughters, who I cherish.
I don't think you ever really get over the loss and for me there will also be part of me missing but hey I'm pretty strong and feel that it's given me a great insight and understanding of the value of being a mum, if that makes sense. I do feel sad that I don't really have anyone to talk to about her, I moved from my country of birth and where my mother died. Unfortunately I went into the care system a few years later and have suffered with depression for most of my life, so far! But I have to say I've come out of this well and made some good friendships with other women, funnily enough who don't have very good relationships with their mums. I eventually qualified as a social worker and am strong enough to be able to support children and families.

You can live and have a normal fulfilling life whatever is thrown at you.

Veronica - posted on 01/27/2009

4

34

1

I was 18 when my mom passed away. It was very sudden and completely unexpected. My oldest was 10 mths old at the time. I am an only child and never knew my father, so my mom was truly my only family. My girls are now 9 and 11. In fact my youngest is named in memory of my mother and was a big part of me dealing with her loss.

Betsy - posted on 01/26/2009

1

0

0

My Mom died On February 11,2001. She battled lung cancer for just over 6 months. She valiantly went to chemo treatments knowing, as a nurse herself, she had only a 4% chance of kicking this ferocious disease.



    Mom lived withe my husband and 2 boys for almost 4 years prior and my boys adored their nanny. She was the 'fun' one when Mom said 'It's too dangerous", the tender one when they needed a little hug when Mom was too strict, the mishievious one when Mom said no treats after 8pm, she would give them one of her mints. They loved her and I loved the way they loved her.



     Mom and I were very close and she wanted me to try to have a daughter , she was relentless. But after my last pregnancy and the 4-5 miscarriages prior I knew I wasn't going to go through all that again. And I told Mom I was quite content with my boys. I grew up with only brothers and I was Lego Queen and  the Matchbox matriarch of the family.



    I knew she only took the chemo to get by Christmas and my birthday, and in the first week of January I was getting stuff ready to get her to her appointment and  she informed me she wasn't going. I'll never forget the look in her eyes when I looked at her......she knew and in that very instant I knew....it was the beginning of the end.



    For four weeks we prepared, we talked about everything, how proud she was of me and my boys, her wishes for me and our family. I was very fortunate, not many people get that opportunity to say goodbye like that. Mom never stopped laughing though, she continously joked about life and smiled to make me not worry.



     When she finally passed away, I was devastated. I did not know how to go on.How do I explain this to my 4 and 10 yr old?



      I made myself sick with despair, and I visited the doctor, he told me I was run down after taking care of my MOm and I needed to take care of me now. Nonetheless, he ran a bunch of tests. I was so extremely exhausted.



    A week later I got a call from the nurse and she was overly excited......"You're Pregnant!!!"



Well, I was floored....when in the past month did I have the time to get pregnant?!?! And what about  the doctors telling me there was no way I could get pregnant again, my hormone levels were so low I was perimenopausal at 33yrs old???!!!



    To get to the point....Mom died February 11th, 2001.....my third SON was born December 11, 2001. Exactly 10 months after Mom died. He looks just like her and out of the three boys he talks about her the most, wants to know all about her. He has her eyes....and when he says 'I love you Mommy", I swear I hear her say "I love you Betsy"



    Mom lives on in all my boys, Tyler has her compassion, loves everyone. Brandon has her snappy sarcasm, always has to have the last word and Joshua, he has her presence. I feel my mother when he is near me. How lucky am I ??

Gabrielle - posted on 01/26/2009

159

63

54

Hi Tamara, my heart yearns for solace for you. I feel your pain, and the intensity it can get when we are going through life's accomplishments and blessings... and even our negative moments; and we are desperately wishing "mommy" was there for those events. Its only been three years for me (my story is above) but the pain never truly goes away, we carry that with it forever. It has indeed altered our personality and our lives. But... we remember the children will see her through you. Talk frequently about her, recall stories and tell them to the children, bake (or cook) some her favorite things if you can remember, have the children help make a scrapbook for Mimi, Nana, Grandma... whatever name you have designated for her. That way they are involved in the memory making of her. I'm not sure if you have a faith, but I believe in God and He has also helped ease away the gut wrenching pain by crying out to Him... tears are cleansing and refreshing. We can accomplish alot when we cry, we are releasing that energy... I hope this helps and if you don't have a relationship with Christ and you want information and/ or relationship, feel free to ask. Take care my dear, ~G

Tamara - posted on 01/26/2009

4

3

0

I was 16 when my wonderful mother lost her life. She was shot by her ex-boyfriend. To this day, and I am 36, I don't believe I have accepted it. Each event that happens in my life makes me miss her more and more. I thought graduation, getting married, and growing in my career was difficult without her but raising my children has truly been the ultimate challenge! I know that she would have loved my kids with everything she had and it hurts so bad that we never had the chance to make those memories. Someone please tell me when the days are supposed to get easier!

Crystal - posted on 01/25/2009

11

29

0

I was 24 when my mother died....my now oldest daughter was days away from turning one...she was buried on her birthday.  It was  very sudden and sad for myself and family to lose mom.  Through out the years my brother, sister, father and I as well as the older grandchildren have had our highs and lows dealing the loss of our mother.



 



Even now, 14 years later I still have my "mommy moments' where I want to, or wish I could call for advice, or just to talk.  I have accomplished things in my life I wish she could have been here for. The pain never really goes away, it just lessens a tiny bit over each year.



 



My heart goes out to all of you...I truly feel your pain.

[deleted account]

Hi, my name is Robin and I just joined this group.  It's comforting to know that there are others out there going through the same thing.



My mom died in December 2002 from leukemia.  I was 25 at the time, my mom was 53.  She was sick for about two years before she died so we knew it was coming, although we hoped until the day she died that by some miracle she would get better.  I met my husband while she was sick, so fortunately they got to meet each other before she passed away.  She told my husband that she was glad to know that he would be there to take care of me when she wasn't there, so she didn't have to worry about me.  My mom and I were VERY close.  We usually spent an hour on the phone with each other pretty much everyday.  She was the person I could talk to about almost anything.



My daughter was born this past September and is now about 4 months old.  It makes me sad that she will never meet her grandma.  My mom was the kind of person who would have loved and spoiled my little girl as much as she possibly could.  When I was younger I always imagined that when I had children that my mom would be the one that I could go to for advice and ask crazy questions like "Is baby poop supposed to be that color?"  I have wonderful friends who very supportive but it's just not the same.  It really feels like there is just a big hole in my life that can't be filled by anyone else that my mom.  I miss her so much.

Tasha - posted on 01/24/2009

3

16

0

I was 15 when my mother died.  We didn't share a close bond because my dad was very abusive and would not let us speak to my mom.  I f we did we were conspiring agansi him.  I know very little about her.  She was in a car accident and was dead when the ambulance arrived.  She took with her my five month old baby sister.  I have alot of mixed emotions about the whole situation and I don't think I have dealt with it properly but I do know that I am trying to be the best mom I can possibly be and so far it works!!

Laurie - posted on 01/24/2009

4

28

1

I was 19 when my Dad died from colon cancer and 29 when my Mom died. She had MS since she was 21 and various other illnesses. Mostly I think she was lonely and ready to see my Dad again. My oldest son was 18 months old at the time. I was an orphan for a second time before I was 30. I was adopted as an infant, but my parents were my parents and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I now have 2 sons, 13 and 10. I remember when I was pregnant with my oldest. My Mom wanted to know what it was like. She was never pregnant for more than a month or two. I'm so glad she got to experience her first grandson, even if it was for only a short time.

Yolanda - posted on 01/23/2009

1

4

0

I was 28 when my mom died within 3 months of being diagnosed with colon cancer. Unfortunately, we weren't very close. I regret that, but it also has made me who I am. I believe I'm a better mom because of the relationship I had with my mom. My children are 19, 8 and 20 months. The first two are boys, who I adore. Then there is my little girl, who I finally get to have that mother-daughter relationship with. Don't get me wrong...I loved my mother, but unfortunately, she was a single mom and worked and like to go out on weekends to enjoy her life. She just wasn't there to protect me, as I was abused by my brother. I do miss her. My older son's paternal grandmother was my "mother" for the past 20 yrs. She died in November of cancer and I miss her so much!

[deleted account]

Just seeing this community made me cry. I didn't really understand how much I miss my mom and wish that she could be here right now. She had diabetes and everything that could have gone wrong did, in just about three years time. What she couldn't over come was kidney failure. She fought for over a year before she had enough and decided to stop. She stoped dialysis September 3, 2008 and passed Setpetmber 10, 2008. I found out that I was pregnant Setpember 16, 2008 The doctor told me that I was 6 1/2 weeks along. We have our little girl due May 11, 2009 and my mom missed knowing by 6 days.

Mallory - posted on 01/22/2009

3

9

0

My mom died 13 months ago, at age 56. Her death was completely unexpected and sudden. One night she was fine and the next morning I got a call that she had died. I was 24 years old and my daughter was 2 1/2. My mom was my very best friend and I still have days when I wonder how in the world I am supposed to raise a daughter myself when I don't have my mom. I am doing it, though. I just wish she was still here to see Chloe growing up... This is the time that I need her the most, and I don't have her. I have a wonderful support system, but a huge void in my heart and my life. I am 25 now and this is by far the toughest thing I have ever had to go through.

Laura - posted on 01/22/2009

3

2

0

My beautiful Mom passed away March 25, 2008 at the age of 57.  My daughter, Audrey, was 8 weeks old.  It is hard for me to sit here and write this because I miss her so much.  I have plenty of women in my life to help me raise my child, but none of them are my Mom.  I will always remember Mom being with me while I was in labor.  I did not even want my husband there for a little while....just my Mom.  She fed me ice chips & massaged my legs.  She spoke quiet words of reassuarnce & wiped a cool rag on my head.  She did all of this while she was so sick.  It was such an intimate moment for me as a daughter and about to be a Mom.  Does it get easier?  I feel like I have been really strong...not a lot of tears (at least not so others see).  I feel like no one truly understands the loss I feel!

Sarah - posted on 01/22/2009

2

107

0

I was was 23 when my mom passed away. She died of severe acid reflux.She had been ill for a few years, it was just that no one but her and her dr. knew how sick she was. my grandma(mom's mom) has been a great motherly roll to me and so has my fiance's mom.But ofcourse, no one can ever fill that hole or my real mom!!!



My boys are 8(in april) and 2(in july). My oldest never really knew my mom. he remembers her and shurley misses her alot!! my youngest never got to see or even know her. I try so hard to have a great motherly relationship with my children.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms