Liz - posted on 04/14/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )
I love this community. I feel so much better knowing I am not the only one out there that is motherless due to a mother (and I use that term very loosely) that can not mother at all.
The summer between 5th and 6th grade I shattered my wrist when I fell off my bike doing a stunt. Yes, I was a tomboy. I walked around the zoo that night with a shattered wrist in excrutiating pain because it was "parents night" night at the zoo and we got special treatment because we have "adopted" a polar bear. My mother wasn't missing that special treatment for anything. Not even her daughter in excrutiating pain. So, the next morning my wrist was of course about 3 times it's normal size. My father scooped me up and took me to the ER against my mothers wishes. It was shattered and why wasn't I brought in when the accident happened and shame on my parents. Back then they would have not called the authorities over something like this. These days they do. Thank goodness. So a temp cast was put on and off to the ortho the next day. At the ortho my mother would not give permission for them to numb up my wrist before resetting it. Let's just say I almost passed out from that pain. Cast on for almost 4 months. Never lived it down I broke my wrist.
I have stories like this that go on and on and on. They get worse when my parents divorced and my father remarried a bi-polar woman that didn't believe she had a problem and didn't take meds for it. It was a wonderful life as you can imagine for me. My father had custody of me since my mother stated "I never wanted that child I had her for you so you take her." Nice, eh? Well, they ended up passing me back and forth and then I got pregnant at 15 (go figure eh?) while I was at my mothers house. Well, it was abort the baby or be kicked out. I chose kicked out. They chose a home for unwed mothers and to sign away their parental rights of me. I adopted out the baby since I am pro-life to the very core of my being. 3 wonderful years in foster care. Met my 1st husband while I was in foster care. Got married and pregnant and divorced within 18 months because he beat me so badly my mother didn't recognize me. Walked right past me in my hospital room. Asked me what I did to deserve being where I was. Helped ex husband take my son away from me as well. Met my 2nd husband. Lived together for 4 years, got married, had 2 wonderful little girls and we are still married.
Tried to involve my mother in my adult life. Until she began to emotionally abuse me once again. She couldn't physically abuse me this time since I am an adult now with a husband that would make sure she went to jail for a very long time if she hit me. The abuse kept coming until I just stopped contact. She saw both of my youngest girls just one time each. That ended because she would tell my young toddler that she better watch out for me since I will be a bad mommy to her. She looked at my youngest daughter (she is a beautiful young lady with beautiful auburn hair) and said to me that this one will give me problems and she is glad she will and she hopes that my daughter beats the crap out of me for being a bad mother. MMMKAY. Buh bye now lady. You are no longer my mother but my egg donor.
She loved my older half brother and he could do no wrong even tho he did drugs, got DUI's, and got into all sorts of trouble. He was her light and her love. MMMMKAY. You can have him too lady.
My father apologized and asked for my forgiveness for treating me the way he did while I was growing up. We had a very close relationship until he died on 9/24/2004 from cancer. I love him and miss him tremendously. He loved all the kids as well.
I have a happy ending though. I have overcome and I am nothing like my mother at all. My teen girls are wonderful young ladies. They are respectful of themselves and do not have pre marital sex. They do not drink or do drugs. I am disabled from severe rheumatoid arthritis and they take care of me while their father is at work (he works 2nd shift.) They do housework, they cook, they love their niece and nephew. The baby I adopted out found me when she turned 17. She is now 24 and has given us 2 beautiful grandbabies. My son that my mother helped to get taken away from me is now in the Army and we have a relationship as well. Me and my 2nd husband are happily married and deeply in love. 21 years together now. Praise the Lord!
You can overcome. If I can do it anyone can do it. My children will never ever feel the way my parents made me feel. They will know only love and being cherished. YOU CAN OVERCOME!!!
I have many more haunting stories from growing up but the old arthritis keeps me from typing too much at once lol. If you want to know more about me or how I overcame to be the wife and mother I am, just ask me.
Once again I will say this....YOU CAN OVERCOME!!!! It takes a lot of hard work but you can do it. Give your children what they deserve and not what you had.
It is difficult to live without a mother. I had to raise these kids with no one to give me advice. I read books. I went by my gut and instinct. I treated them and still treat them to this day how I would have wanted to be treated. I still wish I could have had a mother. But I am thankful my children will have a mother to go to and in fact our oldest daughter does come to me and not her parents that adopted her and raised her.
The bottom line is this. With or without a mother we can still mother our children. Just a little bit more difficult at times and more lonely at times. Maybe find a woman in your neighborhood that can be a mother figure to you. I have done that before. Some of my friends mothers have become my substitute mothers. I know it isn't the same as the real thing but it was better than nothing.
YOU CAN OVERCOME!!!