Please help. Bipolar, out of control affecting my ability to care for my family while running a buis

Kelly - posted on 09/16/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Please help me someone. I have bipolar and was diagnosed at the age of 18. I have never fealt this much rage before in my life. One of my children is ADHD, ODD and is being assessed for autism. she is so hard to handle and even though I am married I feel so alone and out of control (husband also has ADHD and is very supportive though). I am a perfectionist and obsessive lately. I want everything a certain way and if anything is out of order I just blow a gasket. My meds are nto working. I stoped taking med during my last pregnancy hand have been put back on after i finished nursing. I have been back on for 4 months after sucesfully being off them and doing well. I was spinning out of control and decided to go back on them. I was put on lamotrogine wich has worked great in the past (100mg) But now it will not work,
I am so angry all the time and sad and happy I just cant explain it. I am scared I will hurt my special needs child. She gets to me so much. I love her dearly but I just feel like I cant cope. she was but into isolation at school yesterday for the first time for running around the work stations and hitting all the kids.I need some sugestions to cope.
My mind will not shut off so I cant sleep and at times my home is so messy than I realize it snap back into robot mode and obseivley make it perfect, tossing out everything in my way and constantly sanitizing. My husband and I have no sex life and I feel badly for that. We are starting to drift apart.
I have no friends and my family are all miles away. I see a doctor in 2 weeks for a med change but I am so worried of how I will cope until them.
I have resorted to spanking my 1 daughter on the bum a few times when she has really got out of controll. I have tried removing her toys and rewards and nothing is helping. I really do not want to medicate my child any more than she is. I try my best to be a good mom and keep a clean home and cook healthy meals but sometimes I cant even remember simple things like bathing my kids and brushing their teeth.
I cant figure it out, I cant keep on top of the laundry for a large family but I cant remember to bathe my children :(
I am sorry this is so long I just really need to vent and let this out.
At the same time I am trying to make an income from home babysitting 2 other children and with direct sales but I am feeling to low to call people for my sales and worry about my ability to care for , nurture and educate these children.
I am also trying to work on my history degree and feel it has been put on the back burner.

Is their anyone else that has had these extream fits?
Please any advice on meds or copeing techniques for me and my special needs child will be helpful.

thank you
and please don't judge because I just want to be a good mom

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Shakera - posted on 09/30/2009

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I really understand, i have 6 children,married one child w/depression & another with ADD

i curently see a doctor & therapy & on 3 meds. I feel so alone, i have a very supportive family,huband,but these mood swings are out of control.i cant work a job an i am very irritated most of the time when im not napping.i have bipolar ( hypomania ) where i feel the sky is the limit.i am full energy,impulsive,confused,cant concertrate etc....shopping and other crazy things.. i ask myself when will this cycle end.we are good mom,but just have to press through our illness... Shakera

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