Stephanie - posted on 08/21/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )
i haven't filed for anything yet, but it seems like its going to me my next move.... so here's my story (i'm using posts i've made other places so i don't have to re type it all)
first off i'm 20 (21 in nov.) and hubby is 25 (26 in nov.) we got married on july 26, 2008
my husband spends all his time on the computer, i go to be every night by myself. last night he didn't even spend time with jasmine. he sat in the back seat of the car with her on the way home from work, but then did nothing but play on the computer. it seems like I'm a single parent, i understand he works all day and needs to relax but he didn't come to bed until 4AM. he doesn't get up in the middle of the night to feed jasmine (he used to but hasn't in over 3 weeks). he claims he doesn't hear her, but most nights when she starts crying he elbows me to wake me up then puts the pillow over his head.
I understand that I'm home all day and don't have to work so its my job to keep the house clean, but I'm not his slave, he doesn't even rinse his dishes and put them in the dishwasher... i just now got him to put his clothes in the hamper after bitching about it for 6months i never knew what was clean or dirty cuz all his clothes ended up on the floor.
I'm so upset and pissed a month ago i asked him to stop playing this stupid computer game he said he would HA that didn't happen.
I'm just so lost at what to do, when we first started dating his house was spotless( yes it was only him there but still) he did his own laundry and cleaned up after himself, not if i don't clean up after him he freaks about the house being a mess.
we fixed things last night
i went in the bedroom and cried for probably 30 minutes, when i came out to take care of dinner stuff he asked if i was sleeping i said no he asked if i was crying i said YUP he asked why i told him because he spends more time with his computer than me, he replied that he only did that last night cuz he was pissed at me, so i pointed out that he doesn't spend time with jasmine either.. that HIT HIM HARD i could see it in his face. he said he's so sorry and that i'm right and he deleted the game.
well he spends more time with her, but the physical part of our relationship is very lacking.. i almost have to rape him to get more than a peck for a kiss.... i'm still doing all the house work, but he does pick up his clothes MOST of the time now.. i told him from now on when i do laundry on Thursdays if its not in the hamper i'm NOT washing it..
jasmine is teething and she was so fussy yesterday i had a headache when i picked him up at work, we got home i warmed dinner while he put her to bed(first time in 3 months he has done everything to get her ready for bed) then we sat down and ate... after dinner instead of cuddling me and spending some time with me to help me unwind from my very stress full day he gets on the computer.. grrr so i just went to bed... i wish he thought sometimes a lil back rub would have helped me relax but nope
sometimes i wish i was a computer.. then i'd be important
today my grandparents came out and took me to lunch for mothers' day (yum)...
Paul half ass told me happy mothers' day and didn't even get me a card. i think i may have slight PPD.. but i think most of it comes from feeling unappreciated... i asked him for some cuddle time (i know I'm not getting sex, my shot runs out on Friday and he doesn't want to chance it, even though after my 4 week appointment when the doc told me that we had to use protection or not have sex until i was on BC... then he was like a horny teenager, but now nothing.. he wont even make out with me.) and he said he would be a Lil while longer on the computer then he would spend time with me.... that was at 8:30.... I feel like I'm just the Nanny/chef/maid/chauffeur.. but some times i just want to be his wife.. I'M SICK OF COMING SECOND TO THE COMPUTER!!!!
Update!!!!!!!!!!! evilness things aren't getting any better... we go like 6 weeks with out sex he just keeps making excuses to why he doesn't want to have sex with me... he told me a few weeks ago he wasn't attracted to me anymore because i had gained weight and wasn't taking care of myself.... I JUST HAD A BABY WTF!!! and when do i have time to take care of myself.. i'm luck if i have time to even remember to shower everyday
then last night he started bitching about how the house is a mess.. its not a mess there are lil things laying around.. and jasmine's toys are out most of the day.. an oh no i didn't get time to sit down and fold the 8 loads of laundry my sister and i washed the other day... its my fault he's too lazy to hang his shirts back up after work.. if they didn't get thrown on the floor they wouldn't get wrinkled or dirty
he told me i should take a few days off and he will show me how easy it is to take care of jasmine and keep the house clean... i don't think he realizes its harder than he thinks.... he doesn't even get up with her for breakfast... how does he think he will do when i'm not here to get up with her
sorry this is so long.. i just need advice and support.. when he gets home from work tonight i'm going to try to talk to him again... he says he wants to be married to me but has a bad was of showing it
what do you ladies think, i've tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn't let me finish a sentence, he keeps saying i know i notice more than you think and says he's trying to change, but nothing is changing. I love him very much, but i'm not sure how much longer i can deal with this...