Sonya - posted on 08/24/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )
My son who is almost 9, but also gifted (so very high level conversationalist) had a break down today while we were cleaning his room. I was helping him because, yet again, it had grown into an overwhelming mess with tons of junk that he always seems to think he needs. I was explaining to him that when people hoard things, that is an after-effect of them suffering loss and then attempting to gain some kind of control because they feel helpless due to the loss. He all of a sudden raised his voice and cried, "I DO feel loss. I feel loss of my family!" I asked him to tell me about what he meant. He said that he feels sad because he doesn't even remember his biological mom. He is mad because "they" (the state) took him away before he got to know her. I told him he was allowed to visit her during his first 2 years while she was given an opportunity to get him and his sister back. He said that he was upset because when he went to those visits he "clung to dad like a cat because [he] didn't know who she was". He said he feels guilty about that. He said he just wanted his "moms" to love him but they didn't. (If you haven't read my introduction, my son and daughter were adopted after their bio mom lost her rights and were subsequently sexually abused by the adopted mother).
I just held him and told him I will be his mom now and forever and that he will always be my son. He cried on my shoulder and whispered "I know. I know."
After this subsided, he started talking about how he thinks he is so lucky because if he hadn't come to live with me he wouldn't get to be in dance and cub scouts, and be an altar boy at church, or have a gifted IQ, etc.
P.S. - I did explain that his giftedness is hereditary but that it may not have been recognized or nurtured ;)
Thanks for letting me spill my guts. This was so heart breaking for me too. I hate to see my kids hurting.