WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO SPEAK ABT THE ADOPTION?

Anne - posted on 07/18/2012

I tell my children that God chose them to be our children from the beginning of time. He knew that we belonged together. My son said he was sad that he wasn't in my tummy and I told him that I wished I could have had him in my tummy, too. But I love him just the same as if I did.
Annemarie

Cybil - posted on 07/17/2012

BTW Jamie Lynne, EXCELLENT book!!!

Cybil - posted on 07/17/2012

I think it is best to start talking about it right from the beginning. Just as some kids ask questions about when they were babies, make it part of that story. When my daughter was 14 months, we adopted her from China. Yes she looks different, so it was inevitable that she would know. We made it part of her story. A lot of moms say to their biological children, "when I was pregnant with you, (insert story here)". So we speak the same way to our daughter, "When we were in the adoption process with you, we got your room ready for you to come home, etc...". When she started getting older, we showed photos of our trip to China to meet her and bring her home. The conversations sounded a bit like this, "Here is a photo of the plane we took to get you. This photo was taken moments before we met you. Here is the very moment we met you. Here are all the cool places we took you when we were in China together. On Christmas Eve while we were there, we shared the best Christmas of our lives-especially since it was your first Christmas. " You get the point. Now as a thriving 6yo, she OWNS that she is adopted. It is not her identity, but it is something she is proud of and can talk about easily because, to her, it is just her story... much the same as a biological child has their story with their family.

Jamie - posted on 12/11/2011

at birth or from the very minute you bring them home.

There is a great book, "Twenty Things Adoptive Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew"
-It is written by an adoptee that was adopted at birth.

Julie - posted on 08/11/2011

My two children were both adopted at birth and brought home from the hospital. The oldest was three in June and the youngest is currently 19 months. There are two books that I recommend reading to children at any age. The first is by Jamie Curtis, “Tell Me About the Night I was Born”, which would be a good story if you adopted a child that you brought home on a plane.

The other is “I Wished for You, an Adoption Story” by Marianne Richmond. Someday I think I’ll make it through this story without crying – ha. It chokes me up when I read the part “I waited for you through mountains of paper work and through all the phone calls….. but I held onto my wish.” Oh so true!! And the part about how the mom and her friends all cried when they heard the news about the adoption. It’s a very sweet story about what a mother and her adopted child are experiencing.

This book also addresses that family members are different colors and don’t look the same. The mother says it doesn’t matter what color you are, that what makes a family is love.

I have a friend that was adopted at birth and is my age. He has given me great advice on how to handle the situation and what it’s like from his point of view. I recommend talking with someone, your age, that is adopted. It’s a great support group.

Best of luck, and know that your wish came true each time you look into your child’s eyes.

Adoption Learning Partners - posted on 08/11/2010

I recommend this course from Adoption Learning Partners: Let's Talk Adoption: A Lifetime of Family Conversations.

This course pulls from the wisdom of adoptive parents, adopted persons and adoption professionals to help parents identify and overcome barriers to talking about adoption.

Adoptive parents will learn to:
Explore their child’s developmental stages and learn strategies for addressing questions at each stage.
Communicate strategies through the analysis of actual parent-child dialogues.
Build a collection of tools for talking about adoption.
Share in the wisdom and experience of adoptive parents, adopted persons and professionals through adoption stories.

http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/...

Judi - posted on 06/08/2010

We discuss the fact that she is adopted openly and we always will. I tell her stories about the baby cub being adopted by the turtle because the mommy bear couldn't take care of him. My daughter is one. We will always be open and honest and let her know she is adopted that is the easy part. The heart breaking moment will be when she asks who her biological parents are.

Zoe Lees - posted on 02/17/2010

i was adoptehink from a young age and i think it would be best to tell them from when they are old anuff to understand becouse if you dont they may rebell as teenagers... i was told from the day i was addopeted and it didnt do me any harm

Kim - posted on 02/14/2010

I read the book "Talking with Young Children About Adoption" when my daughter was a baby. Now that she is 3, I find the stories and ideas in the book very valuable. Might check it out.

Rita - posted on 02/12/2010

I have 2 daughters through adoption and I give adoption presentations to high schools. I don't believe you need to wait to speak to your children about adoption. My husband and I have always shared their adoption story with them from the beginning, which in our case were infants. So with our oldest we had lots of time to practice before she understood. But adoption language was always part of our household conversations.

Silvia - posted on 02/12/2010

My son is 3 years old and i really dont know how and when to tell him. It is a very big headache for me is somebody can tell me how to do it

Estelle - posted on 02/04/2010

We adopted our youngest girl, we had her since she was just 4 days old. The phycologist told us that the best time to tell a child that he / she is adopted is when they go to primary school... She is almost 1 now, so i still got a while to go before i get there, Good luck

Brandi - posted on 12/14/2009

Good morning. Both of our children are adopted and we've been honest and open with them all along. They are 7 and 5. We have told them that they are special and that we chose them...we wanted them. Our case is a little different. My husband and I are both white, our daughter is bi-racial, and our son is white. But even if we were all the same color we'd have been open from the beginning. Good luck, Farhana!

FARHANA - posted on 11/25/2009

Thnx for the feedback...really appreciate it! Take care!

Donna - posted on 11/22/2009

We chose to be very open from the very beginning. Mind you, our daughter is Chinese and we are not, so it's obvious to her something is going on. I think if you are open and honest from the beginning, it helps the child be open and honest with you. That way, they will come to you with questions and feelings as they get older. Just my two cents...

Corinne - posted on 11/17/2009

Hi, I have a 3yr old i adopted and we are telling her everything as we go along we see her play adopting animals an says she could give it a good home. so i think she knows some things but ya we don't want to hide anything from her. i think 5 an up is a good age to let them know, of course are fare is they will be thinking of the birth parent but we just have to let them know how loved they are an give them the info. so they know how they came to where there at now.Hope everything goes good, take care