Eight-year-olds and loss

Shanna - posted on 01/01/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Wow! I thought I was the only one having problems with their eight-year-old. My son is going through a lot right now. His grandfather passed away over a year ago and he was my son's life. He is definitely tempermental. Does anyone have problems with homework? Anyway I would like to know how to deal with my son after so much loss.

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Meredith - posted on 11/12/2009

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Delaware Hospice has a great summer camp for children called Camp New Hope. It helped my son so much!!!

Trisha - posted on 10/22/2009

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my daughter is 9 right now. In the last year she lost her great grandpa and her great grandma just a few months apart. She spent all summer with them, and every weekend she could during school, helping to take care of them. My grandpa was blind, hard of hearing, and in a wheel chair due to getting part of his leg amputated, he was diabetic also. He loved having her over there and she loved helping. my grandma was having trouble getting around and was very stuborn about it, she was diabetic also and having heart problems. She loved having my daughter over there too. When my grandparents started getting worse i didn't stop my daughter from going over there, it really meant a lot to her to be there for them, and it meant a lot for them too. my grandpa passed first. she wouldn't go a day without crying, she went to my grandmas more often than usual, she had a lot of anger built up and blamed herself. For some reason she insisted she could have prevented it. When my grandma passed my daughter realized she couldn't have done anything for them but she was still hurting extreamly bad. I tried everything i could. Eventually i went to a place called Grand Lake, they provide couseling, therapy, and medication for those that need it. The couseling helped a lot but what i found that helped even more was releasing a balloon for them. I have been told that when you release a balloon you're telling someone in heaven you love them. My family does that for every funeral. For my daughter we wrote notes to my grandparents on the balloons with markers and released them at the river. My grandparents both loved to fish so the river was special to them. I feel that helped more than anything else could have. She is back to herself. She knows anytime she wants she can release a balloon for them and it helps. We buy balloons for their birthdays, their aniversarry, and the day they passed. It's absolutely worth trying.

Rabecca - posted on 04/28/2009

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in our area there is a center for grieving children I would see if there is something in your area it deals with counselling as well just being around kids who are going through the same situation we live in a small town so we have one here maybe there is one where you live

Dianne - posted on 04/27/2009

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The best advice I can give is to honor her feelings, rather than try to fix them. Death is hard on anyone, let alone a small child. With my daughter, I just try to be there for her and to understand that her outbursts are grounded in deep emotions. It's difficult, but like I said, time really helps.

Dianne - posted on 04/27/2009

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My daughter lost both grandmas two days apart this past November. She was so close to both of them, since they both helped raise her from infancy. For a while, she was afraid to be alone, even in the next room! I think time has helped. Though I wish she could talk out her feelings.

Bryce Van - posted on 04/16/2009

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Hello Shanna,

I am new here and I can relate to your concern, my son is 8 years old and my mother passed away December 2007, he was with her most of the time while I was at work and they had a very close relationship. I am still getting him out of his depression and grieving stage. He had a period that was called by the therapist "grieving anorexia", right now he is doing better, believe it or not time and lost of dedication helps a lot.

There were nights that he could not sleep, mood swings all the time, rejected everything that was school or homework. The only advice that I can give you and it really worked with my son, is to talk to him a lot and be with him a lot, make him understand with words and actions that you can not take his pain away, but you can hold his hand during his pain, that no matter what you will be there and when I talk to him about how I feel and that it is okay to be angry or sad it really works. I tell him all the time that he has to try to live the way grandma like him to be, smiling and doing his best.

I found that putting him to bed and stay with him for a bit and ask about the best and worst part of his day also works.

Patiente and lots of love is the only thing that will make him get better, I deal with mood swings all the time, but I just think that it is not on purpose, breathe and keep going on with him.

Hope he gets better and if I can help you in anything, please let me know, I am still dealing with loosing my mother=best friend=best grandma ever!

Take care

Vannesa

Danyell - posted on 01/09/2009

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I have two daughters my oldest will be 9 in March, their dad was killed in a car accident June 2007. This was a tragic life changing event from them, just as for your son. I know the one thing you have probably heard millions of times and are probably looking for a quicker fix but time really does help. A couple of things to help with the process was, at there school the counselor was very involved, it turned out that there were over 7 kids that had lost parents in the school. They teamed up with the county hospice and they did a grief group once a week during school hours for 6 weeks, this past summer right around the year anniversary, she attend a camp- "Camp Braveheart" its a day camp for kids that have lost someone close to them, parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. The loss of someone causes issues with many things, there mind is just not in homework and reminding them that the love one wants them to be happy and continue with the things they need to do (HOMEWORK) and the things that they enjoy as well.

Danyell

Ann - posted on 01/07/2009

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see if his school will help in counseling too.  it's free and he might be more open minded to talk to the counselor there since it's an environment that he feels safe in.

Marion - posted on 01/02/2009

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Have you tried having him draw his feelings? He may not be able to verbally express his feelings. If he gets angry, he can punch a pillow to get it out too. If you can get counseling, I would suggest that. It's amazing the insight you can get. They will probably do play therapy with him and he will express a lot. Also, you can do the play therapy at home. Take 30 minutes a week and let him direct the play. You just do what he says and ask questions. You can google it to find out how to do it. I hope this helps. Both my girls fought me on homework at 8. Just know that around 11 it gets better. You can do it.

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