How do you punish your 9 year old

Elmary - posted on 10/17/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I am at a loss when it comes to punishing my 9 year old I take a way his DS, Wii, TV ,the computer his friends. Nothing seems so work he still does what he wants. If I tell him not to do something he will wait until I am busy with something and then go do it. I always catch him doing things that he knows are not ok. any suggestions?

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Samantha - posted on 05/13/2013

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My son who is 10 has been caught lying a couple times about the smallest things. On top of that his new favorite thing is when he is caught doing something he is not suppose to be doing he back peddles and says "i did not know i was not suppose to do that" or "i forgot". Knowing good and well he knows the rules and has been told several times. What do I do about this? I have preached til I am blue in the face, I have had him write sentances, spanked him, washed his mouth out with soap. I am at a lost. Please give me some advice.

Gailann - posted on 02/24/2013

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Elmary, you posted this question over 3 years ago. How is it going with your son these days?

Wendy - posted on 02/10/2010

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My 9 year old HATES to go to bed early. I tell her that if she acts like a baby she can go to bed early like a baby. Her regular bedtime is 8:30 pm. When she gets in trouble it's 7:30 pm or earlier if she keeps arguing with me about it, which, invariable she does!! If she doesn't listen and keeps getting up when she has been put to bed, she has to go to bed early all week, through the weekend, as long as it takes. She went through a lying phase and occasionally will try to lie about things but always gets caught. I had a video about lying, we talked about how no one will believe anything she says or trust her (ala "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"), and she had to go to bed early. It's especially infuriating for her when this happens and her younger brother gets to stay up longer.

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I have a book that I've read by Lisa Whelchel (Blair from Facts of Life) called Creative Correction. I've tried many things in the book that work wonders with my 9 year old. It even has a quick reference so that you can quickly turn to suggestions for certain offenses. One suggestion for lying is to "spank" the child's tongue by putting a tiny drop of hot sauce on your fingertip & dab it onto the childs tongue. It only stings for a moment, but the memory lingers much longer. I haven't tried it, but I would if I needed to. Usually I can see right through my 9 year old, but if I think she's lying, I tell her that she can lie to me all she wants, but God always knows the truth. If she's lying, she usually feels guilty enough to fess up.

Gailann - posted on 11/29/2009

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Hi Elmary,

I feel for you. What used to work when our kids were younger just doesn't work any more. I kept trying to figure out something for you, and the more I thought about it, the more I kept coming up with: instead of trying new ways to punish, how about trying to find new ways to help him succeed? Imagine if you were at work, and you kept making mistakes, or just couldn't get the hang of something. If your boss kept yelling at you, or "punishing" you in some way, you'd start to see your boss as the enemy, and not want to do a good job. Eventually, you'd find a new boss by changing jobs. We don't want our children to see us as the enemy and want to change moms! Especially not when they're still 9!



I think it would be better to see yourself as a coach. A good coach doesn't just yell at her players to do better, or isolate them. She works WITH the player to figure out how the player can improve. I think that our jobs as parents are similar. We want the children to win, not to live in fear of punishment. They want to know that we are on their side, not the enemy.



So, talk to your son. Nine-year-olds are starting to see themselves as being able to be in charge of their own lives, even though we know better. Have him help answer some questions, like: What does success look like? How can we get there? What can Mom do to help? What will the boy's responsibility be? (let him come up with that, then show your approval) What rewards will there be when we have success? What consequences will there be when this contract is broken?



And maybe, just maybe, if he sees you as an ally, he won't feel the need to lie anymore. I hope so. Good luck to you, and let us know what happens.

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Savannah Marie - posted on 02/23/2013

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once in a while she just she will be good, but then she will hang out with her friends at school and just starts lieing over and over and over again!!! i just can't take it!

Savannah Marie - posted on 02/23/2013

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i always punish my daughter savannah because she lies to me over and over again!!!!

Beth - posted on 02/26/2010

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make sure the punishment relates, with regular reminders
our daughter when taken tv etc away, then whats the relation to a lie ???

Michelle - posted on 01/31/2010

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I have on going problems with my daughter, i find that when she looses everything in her room except her bed and dressers, all toys friends, things she enjoys gone..she gets to read when she wants. and i make her earn all of her things back...its taken a long time but it sinks in that what i say goes..not what she want but what she need, she is aloud...you just have to be consist with discipline. If you have to lock his game away, in the basement in your closet, or in the trunk of the car where they can't get to it...hopefully this helps

Jodi - posted on 11/30/2009

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I understand fully i have 9 year old twins and they lie constantly and misbehave all the time we have tried everything from taking away their things to grounding but nothing seems to change they dont even seem bothered by it most of the time. I too would like some advice on this matter as i'm worried what will happen as we aproach their teen years??

Keri - posted on 11/26/2009

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set aside an activity which he must perform while in grounding or time out, such as reading. At first it will be seen as punishment but in time you will find the child searching for new and more interesting and challenging activities to keep him occupied( and hopefully for constructive) Video games, tv and computer are great activities but need to scheduled, same as homework. The routine takes hold and they seem to be easier to communicate with and more accountable with their time and actions.

Jenica - posted on 10/30/2009

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try time out. sit him in an area of your home that does not have anything to distract him that he can play with ect. have him sit for 9 minutes add 30 minutes everytime he is disruptive. sit near area or check every minute or so. good luck!

Elmary - posted on 10/23/2009

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Manly its about lying. I can not stand being lied to so when he does something and i find out later he lied to me about doing it he gets these things taken from him. Its not so much what he does it, Its that i ask him about it and then he lies to me. I explain to him that it's not ok to lie, but it does not stop him from turning around and doing it again.

Jody - posted on 10/22/2009

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I think it depends what he is being punished for? I try to pick my battles, and I don't sweat little things. I know from experience that you can't expect too much from this age group! Otherwise if I know it is something that can hurt my child, I would be firm but let him know how important he is to you and reinforce trust between you. He might feel better if he knows you won't blow up about something he's done:)

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