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Is it okay to reward good behavior at school at age 12?

Jen - posted on 10/19/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have an almost-12 year old boy (6th grade) who's just lately having behavior issues at school. He's in a small private school and the 5th & 6th grades are combined, so he's got the same teacher for the 2nd year in a row. He really likes her as a teacher, but she just let us know that he's having behavior issues in school - mostly being disrespectful, turning in assignments late, and talking out of turn. We've tried grounding from the computer, video games, tv, etc.. but that doesn't seem to work. I asked him what he thought WOULD work and give him more incentive and he said instead of taking things away, he'd rather be rewarded.



Do you think this is okay for a kid his age? I feel like he's at an age where I shouldn't need to do this, and also seem like I'm bribing him to get the good behavior to come, but I'm not sure what else to try. I read on another website that the difference between bribery and rewarding is that bribery is done spur of the moment, to get a kid to stop doing a bad behavior, where rewarding is more pre-planned and rewarding for good behavior. Still wondering if this is the right thing. Any thoughts?

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Heather - posted on 01/28/2013

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Well I don't know if you will see this a bribery or not but I pay my older ones for their gades. We wrote a contract togeather and the child and both parents signed it, they get 20$ for As, 10$ for Bs, nothing for Cs and grounded till next report card for Ds. Which in my house means no games and no friends coming over or him going to thier house. Luckly its never gotten that far. But my son works hard for those 20$s because he wants the money. Hes never had a C and he gets upset with himself when he has a B. I know your asking about behavior not grades, but my point is I think every kid should have something to work toward and be proud of themselves for. So if hes money motivated like my son figure out a contract or something similar that would work in your house. But make sure he helps make up the contract, not just you saying ok if you do this you get this. He needs to be the one to decide whats in it. Hope this helps a little.

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