going to church

Bonnie - posted on 08/25/2009

Honestly, on a developmental level, a 2 1/2 year old should not be expected to sit still and listen to a sermon that is geared toward an adult intellect for more than 10 minutes. They are not being naughty, they are being 2 1/2! I agree with not rewarding behavior you don't want to encourage but I don't agree with expecting children to perform tasks or engage in behavior that is against their very developmental stage!

Someone said they didn't want to send their children out of service to lear about God but are your children really learning when they are sitting through a service that is targeted towards adults. The language and concepts are usually beyond what small children can even comprehend. It would be like expecting you to sit through a sermon for an hour or two in another language. You'd not get much out of it, I'm sure. Most Sunday school or children's churches are geared towards their age group. Children learn best by playing, not by being talked to. They need to experience things, manipulate things, move thier bodies, and have things explained at their level. That's how preschoolers brains make connections and develop.

If you're unsure what behvior you should be able to expect from your child get in touch with a preschool, contact your local school system for some information, talk to your doctor or pediatrician. There are many, many resources out there!

I'm not trying to come across as holier than thou or a know it all but I have worked with hundreds of preschoolers as the director of a christian based preschool/child care center. Development plays a huge part in how children behave at certain ages and stages!

Cassi - posted on 07/31/2009

Our church has a program they call "Wiggle Worship"... It's for those wiggly little bottoms. They do it for kids ages 2-2nd grade. The nursery is only used for kids under 2 and some of the kids under 2 like to go to "Wiggle Worship" too. They get to do a craft and they have music and some toys too. Worship services are too long for children to sit and listen to. I don't even know that kids under 10 really understand what is being read or said. Maybe you can talk to someone in your church to have something like the "Wiggle Worship" started. At first when we started trying to send my son to Wiggle Worship he wasn't too sure about it, but after a couple times he loved going and making things for his grandma...

I think it's wonderful that you want to take your kids to church! I am the same way with my boys. I think having a church family and knowing you can turn Christ and them in a time of need is very important, and I know that as my boys get older they will know that they have so many people that love and care about them!

Neva - posted on 07/26/2009

Our church has a wonderful children's church for children under the age of 6, it's not just a play time down there. They sing songs, listen to a story and play bible games. I have 3 boys and one girl and they love children's church, well the youngest boy will turn 1 on Saturday, so he is still in the nursery, but I'm sure will be in children's church over the next year.

Kristy - posted on 07/24/2009

Glad to here that there are other Mums who want help with this! Me too!!!!!

My Joshua is happy to sit still, with a book or drawing, or something else that's quiet...

(But not Hannah (3 1/2), Chelsea's pretty good so far... but she's only just turned 1.)

Our new pastor has recently stopped the children's talk, so now there's nothing to break up the service for them and give them a change... He says that now there's a good Sunday School program, we don't need the children's talk. I spose this does make sence, but I am NOT happy about sending my kids OUT of church to learn about God!!! Does anybody else have a problem with this? Sunday school is now for children from age 2. I don't want to send my 3 and 4 year olds out of church now. I'm sure they'll get to an age in their lives where they are happy not to come to church, then they'll be reminding me that they've been sent out of church for as long as they can remember. What am I going to say to that?!!!?

Now that I've got that off my chest... sorry; here's my ideas that might be a help.

I bring special containers full of dried fruit, or sandwiches, or special little packets of things to eat; and books to draw in; little cars; things that they could all play with quietly.

Now that all the children are sent out of church, there doesn't really seem to be much point trying to keep them still or quiet at all!..... (Bad attitude, I know.... Sorry)

When I was little, Mum used to give me little quiet things to do too, there must be something in that! Hope you find something that works for you...

Kristy - posted on 07/12/2009

Great ideas from people. Our son is 2 and a half and I usually get him to stay in for the first 40 mins (singing prayer etc) then let him go to creche for the sermon. Even that 40 mins is tough but I have built up to it in small increments. Good luck!

Heather - posted on 07/03/2009

I actually have to agree with debbie...I was raised a preachers daughter and I knew if I got loud there would be a trip to the bathroom where i knew my mom would paddle my butt....if that doesnt work for you the best thing that works for my kids is making sure i have a pen in my purse and i usually let them draw on the bulletins.

Rosemarie - posted on 04/29/2009

We have always brought our kids to weekly mass since they were newborns and they're now 13, 11, 10, 6 and 3. The older 4 are boys so I know what you're dealing with! And I'm totally with you about avoiding the crying room. I often found that it reinforced not paying attention during church not only for the kids but for the parents as well. If I'm making the effort to go to church, I want to hear the message not the latest scoop!
The only way they learn to behave is by going every week. The best thing I can say to you is to just relax and not stress about their behavior unless it gets totally out of hand. Can you remember ever being bothered by a child at church? I can't. I think that when we become parents we also become at bit more self-critical and want to make sure we do everything "right." You're doing something right by bringing them there!
When the kids would get fidgety I would offer a book or cheerios (one at a time to make them last) and then I would simply whisper to them in language suitable for their age that we were here to say thank you to Jesus for all of our blessings - thanks for their grandparents, siblings, parents, toys, etc. This would usually begin a short dialogue about why we were at church and why it is so important to be polite and thoughtful because everyone else wanted to listen and say thank you too. It sounds simple but it really did work for us.

Jacquie - posted on 04/17/2009

its hard for little kids to sit for such a long time, i know we had a minister who overpreached all the time, making service even longer than an hour! we stopped going, there was no nursery.
the kids are older now, we belong to another parish, the other closed up. one is 3 and the other is 7yrs. its tough sometimes still for the younger one. but theyd o have sunday school during church, which is great so my husband and I can get something out of it, we also have the quite room in back and I have been know to bring snacks and colouring things. i know it will eventually come. we pray at home and do bible stories at home so they can start to understand.

Terri - posted on 04/14/2009

Thank you everyone im getting some good ideas. I think the one thing that will occupie him the longest is taking a picture book with his cousins and grandparents,brother, and himself. he likes to look in the mirror alot!!!

Amy - posted on 04/14/2009

do you go by yourself? My hubby does not go with me to church so I have found that if I sit by older people that don't have children or families with teenagers that they sometimes help entertain my boys. I have a 7 yr, 2 1/2 yr and 10 month. I have had neighbors offer to help and it is a nice relief. My church is 3 hours and the first hour is the hardest. the next 2 is where my youngest boys like to go. It is geared toward them. A lot of times I leave my baby with my hubby at home. the other suggestions of quiet books and toys and treats only work for just a little bit. Do your best and keeo him there as long as possible. Use the toys as a reward for sitting there quietly throughat least part of the meeting. Just keep at it and he will learn. and good for you.

L - posted on 04/14/2009

I would first suggest a nursery if provided by the church.... a couple of churches I have been to do not expect a child under 5 to attend the adult service due to their minimal attention span.

If this is not an option and you really want to continue going to this church, then I have to agree with Debbie's post - bring a few things with you to keep them occupied... even at 5 my son was not always the best behaved, so we had christian related coloring & activity books for him to do.  I did always expected him to participate in the singing and prayer....

Debbie - posted on 04/13/2009

My hat is off to you for wanting to teach your children to respect church, and also not wanting to reward misbehavior.  I know spanking is a touchy subject, so I hope I don't offend anyone when I say that our boys got taken out of church and smacked on their diapered little bottoms when they got really out of line.  It wasn't enough to hurt them, but it sure got their attention and hurt their little feelings.  We always had certain (quiet!) toys/books set aside that were for church only:  those Crayola Color Wonder books and markers are great, stickers, color books, a notebook and pencil, a Gumby, a photo album with pictures of themselves and other people they know, one of those quiet books (you know those ones with snaps, zippers, buttons, etc.), a little container of Cheerios or other snack, and of course regular books.  Also you might consider practicing at home for small chunks of time.  Maybe start with only 10 minutes reading books, then increase it to 15 minutes, etc.  It's SO hard for 2 and a 1/2 year olds to be quiet and still, but they absolutely can learn to do it, so you go, Mom!