Lost

Erin - posted on 03/27/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My story is pretty screwed up. I get to go see my sons the weekend after Easter!! YEAH!!! The thing is it is my parents that adopted them. I had till they were 3 and 5, then I got lost to an addiction and asked my parents to help so I could get it together and get clean. When I got clean they told me i sign the adoption papers or never see them again. So, i only had like 60 or so days clean, I was so scared I would never see them again so I signed. Given it took me 3 yrs. to get it together and get clean. I FUCKED UP! Now Have a husband a 3 yr. old and a 1 yr. old. The problem would be my parents force my sons t call me there sister and me to say they are my brothers, if I don't i can't see or talk to them. So, I do even though it kills me. I miss my abaies so much. With out them I would of killed myself when I was in the dark depth of my addiction. i have over 5 years clean now but it kills me to call them my brothers, they are MY sons. What do I tell my childrenI live with now to call them? My parents say they are their uncles and I just can't do that. What do I tell my 3 year old he loves my older sons to death. What do i tell my younger children and even my older and if this is so confusing to me what is it doing to my 4 sons. Oh man do I need help. Why was i such a fuckup? Mom said she prayed to God for sons of her own and look what he gave her but why didit have to be me? Why does God hate me and love her so much more? I am so lost and confused. If I don't play by my parents rule I can't have contact with my sons but this is getting so hard. Sorry i am rambling but I have never talked about any of this with anyone before. Some pain is to deep to talk to people about unless you have been there too.See, I cry way to much. Iam so sorry i was a fuck up but why does this still hurt so bad ? I t has been around 8 years but what do Isay to my sons? Please help. I do know this is all my fault, it waS MY CHOICES THAT BROUGHT THIS ABOUT AND i COULD HAVE DID IT DIFFERENTLY AND IT IS all MY FAULT. i KNOW THIS BUT IT STILL KILLS ME.

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2 Comments

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Jeannette - posted on 08/06/2009

911

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78

I don't understand how you, the biological mother, don't have legal recourse? With your circumstances; you were strung out with an addiction, you sought help, you got clean, but your parents bullied you into signing over your children? I had a horrible time with my mother. I was 18 when my daughter was born, and I needed help from my family. I lived on my own, but if I needed diapers and didn't have the money, my mom would tell me to let her take Sara for the weekend and she would get her what she needed. Sometimes, my mom would keep her for a week and I would break down from not seeing her for so long. My mom constantly told me I was a fuck up and to let her and my stepdad adopt my daughter. I reminded her that she was the one who raised me, so how could she guarantee my daughter would turn out any better? About the time my daughter was 3 I got married. My mom hated this because what I said went, because my husband backed me up, and HE took care of us. I helped however I could (I worked until we got married, he wanted me to stay home with the kids) and several years later my mom finally started respecting me and my husband. Now she thinks we're wonderful parents, but I really could have used her support (moral as much as anything) then. I have told my 3 kids I will love them through whatever mistakes they make, because I trust they will be okay in the end. I don't think I could ever ask my kids to give up their baby to me! I kinda understand how bad you hurt. Your mother, the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally, put conditions on her love for you. I am so sorry, but I would seek legal counsel on this and not give up!

LeeAnna - posted on 05/13/2009

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oh hunny hang in there although i havent been where you are i can feel your ppain its so sad that your own parents would do such a thing!!!! and how confusing for all your children!! could you go to court and fight to get them back now that you are clean??? and cograts on getting clean that is a very hard thing to do!!! CONGRATS..i do not thinkits god that hates you mommy i think this is just one of his many tests hang in there hun and feel free to mesg. me if you need an ear *hugs*

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