We have an angel in heaven!

Kim - posted on 12/16/2010

Thank you, Summer for your post! It's nice to talk to others who have been where we are! I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, it must have been devestating! When we first lost Ayden, I wouldn't hardly mention him, cuz it always made Kristina cry, but I soon learned it helped her more to hear his name and talk about him than to not! She was afraid everyone would forget him! We had him such a short time and it was such a whirlwind time in and out of hospitals for 5 1/2 mo.s that in some ways we all feel like it was just a bad dream! So, we all talk abut Ayden and have memorials of him in our homes. Kristina does not have any others yet, but her best friend has a boy 1 1/2 months older than Ayden and my youngest daughter just had a baby girl 5 months ago. Kailey was actually born 2 days after Ayden, 3 years later..kinda strange! Kristina is amazing with these other kids, you can see the hurt in her eyes sometimes, but she told me shortly after losing her son that it wasn't the other kids' fault and she loved them too, and couldn't take it out on them. Her and Ayden's dad had technically split up before Ayden was born, but they supported each other through everything, till the last year and a half. Kristina now has a new boyfriend of 5 months or so, they are very happy. I could easily see them getting married in the future, and they both want more kids! I can't wait, but I don't want her to rush into something she's not ready for either! She has amazed me through all of this. I never would've thought she could survive something like this, but she is so much stronger than I ever imagined...but at the same time, she doesn't fool me. I know she has bad days and long hard nights, I just always tell her I love her, and I'm here if she needs to talk...that's about all I can do. I have always had a very close relationship with my daughters and I think that has helped us all get through this! Thank you for advice, it helps me feel like I AM doing the right things to try to help her pick up and find a way to go on! Please, keep in touch!

Summer - posted on 11/26/2010

It takes so long...just love on her, allow her to talk about him or not as she goes through this agonizing time. My oldest daughter would be 14 yrs old today and I lost her when she was two weeks old. It still hurts, but I know that I can talk about my baby with my mom when I need to and that provides me a lot of comfort. It is so beyond hard to have your child die and there isn't much getting past it, but the pain does get smaller and with support there is a life that people move through with the pain.

I always felt that the pain I feel is a tribute to my love for her. I know it will never go away, but I don't believe she would want me to revel in it either.

Does your daughter have any other babies yet? I had a son about 3 1/2 yrs after my daughter died, and I was happy and sad when that happened. It was a time I needed extra support from my mom. :)