How Much Is Too Much?

Rena - posted on 10/28/2008 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Always a discussion starter - have any of you had any problems over-indulging your grandchildren? I have 5 children and am "grammy" to 14. A couple of our kids think we do too much for the grandkids and spoil them. I always tell them that is my job. My own grandmother was my role model and I thought she was a stellar grandparent! What do you think is too much? And how do you handle the discussion of this subject with your kids?

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i have 2 sons only 1 is married with 3 children..i too am guilty of giving whatever i can and want to give..but i'm lucky because my son and his wife dont say much..as a matter of fact my youngest grandson(3) has a pj top that says 'what happens at grandmas stays at grandmas' and its so small on him that im thinking of making him a new one cause i cant find another one larger..then my d-i-l saw a pair of pjs at the mall that said 'what santa doesnt get me grandma will' and she told me where to buy them..lol..so i think they understand that i'm going to do the spoiling

Rena - posted on 11/09/2008

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That is so unfortunate, Mitzi! I am sorry you are having these issues with your daughter. I think sometimes it is so difficult for young parents to give up any control of their children's lives. What they eat, what they do, what they wear, where they go, and so on. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your grandchild and it would be such a tragedy for her if she does not get to spend that time with you. I would just suggest perhaps writing your daughter a letter - it is always easier for me to express myself in a letter than in a phone call or in person. I don't get as emotional and I have time to chose my words carefully and thoughtfully. Explain that you have no wish to override her authority, but that she needs to trust that you would never do anything to harm your grandchild. Good grief - whose kid hasn't come home from a sleepover with friends and not been tired and cranky? It's simply a normal part of childhood. Unless she has some kind of medical condition, where this miight be something life threatening, suggest to your daughter that she might make her take a nap if it is too difficult for your daughter to cope with. You may be willing to compromise a little yourself, in order to ensure that these special Fridays continue. Good luck!

Mitzi - posted on 11/09/2008

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I find it nearly impossible to discuss things like this with my children. Every Friday is "Grandma Day" for my soon to be 4 year old Grandma. I pick her up,we go to the store and buy chocolate milk and whatever snack food she wants, and we come home and snuggle and watch tv. Her mom told me Thursday that she was cancelling Grandma Day because my granddaughter is tired after spending the night with me and is grouchy the following day. She expects me to keep the same bedtime as she does at home on a school night, and I allow her to stay up later. My granddaughter loves to spend the night with me and always wants to stay up as long as I will allow it, and then in the morning she wakes up at the crack of dawn out of pure excitement, ready to tackle the day with Grandma. Anyway, I tried talking to my daughter, and she gets so defensive that it just ends with me in tears!

Peggi - posted on 11/05/2008

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I don't think I spoil my granddaughter, but I do more things with her than I did with my kids because I don't have all of those other responsibilities like when my kids were young. Plus I feel more comfortable with her since my own kids already broke me in.

Rena - posted on 10/29/2008

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Yes, I was 19 when I began to have my children. Each of them has two or more children, so it adds up after a while! I am glad I am still young enough to enjoy them all it takes a lot of energy sometimes. I related to what you said about money being tight when we were young parents. I am sure that is one of the resons why we do so much for the grandkids now. Even though we are always on the lookout for toys and games we think they'd like, we do try to do other important things for them as well - like music lessons or sports activities or academic tutoring. We try to make sure they get to a doctor or dentist when they need to go, too. We decided they should be able to have as many opportunities as they have interest for, and we know their folks could not afford to do many of those. As I said before, the most fulfilling thing we do is just spend time with them - I like to think that several of my grandchildren have a love for literature, music or art because of the time we spent appreciating those things together. "Papa" has taught all of them to play chess well. Ours are mostly well-behaved when they are with us - they know we will send them right home if they are not, LOL!

Debbie - posted on 10/29/2008

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Rena - First of all WOW!!! 14 grandchildren,how blessed are you,I can only imagine the laughter in your home..as far as over-indulging the grandkids your right that is our job.I don't know about you, but money was pretty tight when my children where growing up, so therefor if I should see something that I think the grandkids would like, I would get it for them,after all isn't that what grandparents are suppose to do.We as grandparents can relaxe and have fun,we don't have to make all the rules and guidelines like the parents do, after all thats the parents job.I'm not saying we should let them run around like wild indians, but maybe it is ok if they have that extra scoop of ice cream every once in awhile or not eat all there dinner every now and then..

Sunni - posted on 10/29/2008

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I have never had a better role in life as a grandparent. even as i type this my 18 month old grandson is trying to type too. it is such a great joy.
that is put very well when no one else has the time to do these fun things with them. i better go and some spend some time with the little guy.
if you add me to facebook you can see lots of pics of the grandkids.
take care

Rena - posted on 10/29/2008

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Sunni - I so agree with you! I've always felt is not our role to parent but to fill a special role of loving and appreciating the child with no expectations - accepting them for who they are and loving unconditionally. I concentrate on the fun part. Doing things with them that no one else has the time to do. My favorite thing is just spending time with them and listening to them - as we all know, some of the best things (and sometimes wisest) come out of their mouths. I am always amazed at the way they view the world around them. I think being a grandparent is the best job you can ever have - and we contribute so much to our grandchildren's lives that make them a whole and loving person.

Sunni - posted on 10/28/2008

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my son is always telling me not to baby his 18 month old son, i cuddle him and kiss on him. that is what we do. I make my grandkids mind and have threatened to spank their bottoms if need be (I wouldn't do it) but we are supposed to be their best friend. I just tell my son that I am going to continue doing what I do because that is what makes me happy. congrats on 14 grandkids

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