Anne - posted on 12/15/2008 ( 52 moms have responded )
Anne - posted on 12/15/2008 ( 52 moms have responded )
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Shelda - posted on 12/12/2012
Daughters are nit picky you have to watch every word you say or they shun you. My son is wonderful though he accepts me for who i am. I have daughters and think if they were sons i would do better.
Wendy - posted on 12/12/2012
Hi, am so amazed and a little heartend to hear so many stories of other Mums whose grown children have gone to live abroad for better opportunities and better weather! (we live in England). I have three sons. My first son initially went to Japan to teach English as a foreign language for 2-3 years and has been there for 8yrs now! That was hard emotionally. Now son number 3 has gone to live in Australia and has been there for just over a year and loving it! Is it me or do other Mums with sons fair worse? I so envy Mums with girls as their daugthers seem to be better at keeping in touch? My oldest son does come over once a year ( at huge expense!) to visit us and we keep in contact, ususally by facebook and my youngest does occasionally skype or facebook, but not as frequently as before, so I feel as if I'm losing him, too. When you have been the centre of their world for so long, it's just so hard not to have that face-to-face contact with them on a daily basis. I have friends whose kids do not live abroad but have left home and only live a few miles away. I so envy them the opportunity to just pop over for a coffee and a chat! I feel as if I'm the only one going through this. I have one son left who is at University in his last year. I'm dreading the words" Mum, I've found this great opportunity for work in............." By the way, I'm married for the second time and my husbands children, 2 of which live at home with no signs of moving out and one living in London, have no desire to work or live abroad. Help!
Shelda - posted on 12/06/2012
I never wanted my kids to leave Angie. I do not know how you thought this. I wanted my kids to live with me forever.They were unhappy with me not the other way around. Every day I do not pray as I do not think it does anything. I believe in fate though. I am getting along better now without my children and hope they are happier in their new lives. I am discovering me again I am an interested viable person too.
Katherine - posted on 12/06/2012
I wish my kids would do reverse aging. Go from 21 and 22, to 19 and 20....10 and 11....7 and 8...3 and 4. Maybe stay there and we can do it all again, this time do it better, knowing how they change, become independent, go out into the world, and I'll be missing them like crazy.
Last week, I went to Life of Pi with my son and we loved it. It was special because I gave him the book for Christmas when he was 14. We went out to the mall and bought each other a Christmas gift. He started a new job and called this week to tell me about it.
My daughter and I sewed a crazy Christmas sweater for a party she was going to last Friday night. Later this week, we went out for dinner and watched The Secret Life of Bees together.
But on the days and nights they weren't around and I was alone, I felt edgy and lonely, a sense of great loss. I'll be alone for long hours many evenings. No one is coming home to chat and have tea before bed. Makes it hard to sleep. Sometimes I cry a little. But I used to sob every day for months. Now, I am checking out what I can join at the Community Center.
I have my ups and downs. But still have some nice times with my grown kids.I want to make some good memories with them when I do see them.
Angie - posted on 12/03/2012
Shelda, This will help please it may be hard to hear this but remember you wanted them out and now they are out .... but you can still fix this....it may be hard at first but you will prevail and they will return to either visit or just stay together. First thing is be grateful with what you have right now and make a list of all the things to be grateful for especially your children. keep doing this daily morning and night even if you repeat things its okay however there is a lot to be grateful for from the sun coming up to be able to just speak to a stranger. BE GRATEFUL you are not alone. and its not your fault because we are all human but that doesn't mean we take aways our responsibility and accountably of out actions.
Angie - posted on 12/03/2012
Shelda, I am not sure where you live but there is help for you in various programs. Since your child has disabilities ...... well i volunteer with the Arc of San Diego .... its a program that assist parents with there children of disability so parents can work. This program help these children and adults of disability to gain some independent .... its a wonderful wonderful program .... please look and see if there is any where you live.... I am so sorry you are having a hard time i will pray for you took with all my heart ... I promise.....
God Bless you..
Angie - posted on 12/03/2012
First I am very sorry. My heart goes to you and I will pray for you i promise. Your question.....You don't but the good side is that i do believe God called him or her for a reason to do some special work for him. I also believe that your child did or is doing what he promise God. Whatever the reason your child is gone I can tell you that your child is loved and is in good hands.
My advice is look at all the wonderful things you did with your child and be grateful you had that time ...... because the way I see it ...... its like a promise you will see your child in heaven. Your child is like a guardian to you in manes ways whether he went away for college or he or she pass away. A child love can never be destroyed. Please Listen so you will have some peace and only focus on things to be grateful for so you don't have to spend the day in heartache and tears. I am always with the needed and my heart always in filled with nothing but love and comfort for you.
God Bless you
Lynn - posted on 11/08/2012
I wish my two would leave. I am in poverty due to my ex husband's cheating and cannot support them. My daughter has a severe learning disability and cannot hold a job and my son is a full time student in college. I still have to make a house payment and run my daughter everywhere since she could not get a driver's license. I am frantically looking for a job but I cannot support them and make a house payment. Someone please help!!
Polly Sue - posted on 10/24/2012
I am a omo whose been looking for two of my NOWgrown daughter's, But have not been succesful. Both were taken as babies one was in 1980 but born in 1979 the other was born 1983 and taken three days after her brith.
Rebel - posted on 09/13/2012
Not dealing with this well at all...I feel like I'm falling apart!!!!
Francine - posted on 07/11/2012
My dad tells me you never get over missing your kids. I'm learning that first hand now that my soon to be 23 year old left home on bad terms. The best thing you can do is pray for them and let them know your always here for them to listen and you love them. Their in gods hands though.
Shelda - posted on 07/07/2012
I do,when my kids first moved out it was exiting and now I miss them too much.They have their own lives and have no time for me anymore.I am hoping to get to the point where I can do other things now.Wish I would have known about this pain as it seems most parents can hardly wait to get them out...not me.
Mary - posted on 08/11/2011
i realy wish i knew shes 18 and gone im so lost i dont knw what to do with out her .it realy sucks i lost a little boy and yes it was horrible i dont know i couldve stayed sane without her now im goin insane with out her
Mavis - posted on 08/07/2011
My house was emptying out. I am the mom of six children, (two boys, and four girls), I was complaining about my house getting empty, and guess what, they came back home, now I can't get rid of them. Lol!!!!! I love it, but sometimes it is hard as they all know how to push each other's buttons.
Cindy - posted on 12/30/2010
Hi Anne I have 4 children. 3 girls. 1 boy. All grown up. They gave me 5 Beautiful grandkids! ! :) the best thing is that we all live in Las Vegas so I am able to see them when ever I want. Anne I have a couple contest going the prettiest grandmas,and the sexiest grandma. . Please anyone that reads this can join right now I only have a few contestants we need more!!! Let show these young beautys we are to Beautiful! ! So please join the contest. Go to contest and it will say the prettiest, and sexiest grandma's. It will be fun plus you can vote for yourself everyday too.
TU Cindy Cummins
Bonnie - posted on 09/10/2010
It's hard but gets a little easier each day. When our daughter first went away to university, I missed her terribly. I talk with her almost every day on the phone (she lives about 800 miles away) so we keep up to date that way. We also Skype each other and then we can at least see each other, which helps a lot. We usually get to see her about every other month. She is 23 and has her own life now but it's great that we are still close. Try Skype.
Nettie - posted on 06/11/2010
I am Nettie. My daughter lives in North Carolina. Growing up, we were not only mother and daughter but best friends. She went into the US Air Force, was deployed to England, married, returned to the States to NC. We keep up with each other on Facebook, now. She and my son-in-law adopted a little girl from China and she got out of the AF to stay home and be a full time mommie. I was to go keep my granddaughter while she finished her clinical's and got her degree in family counseling but have developed some serious disabilities which have hospitalized me several times. So, I must be content to wait for their visits to us in Mississippi or my son and daughter-in-law to get off for a trip to see them. As a way of keeping everything alive within me, I am creating some keepsakes in the form of special books for both my children and grandchildren with photos and stories of when I was growing up and how we lived and then my life with them - I raised them without their father. He chose to make a new life for himself. Then after my children married, they decided they wanted to get to know their father and half brother and sister. They came to me and asked if I would be angry with them. I love them, how can I be angry with them?
I feel happy that they will have these keepsakes of me and my parents and siblings growing up, rich stories of our lives and love for each other to share. It doesn't stop me from missing my daughter, but I know I hold a special place in my children's lives as they do in mine.
Eileen - posted on 03/29/2010
I am lucky. My daughter is local with her two little ones and I see them often. I miss my son who is four hours away but he is pretty good about staying in touch. Our youngest son moved back home a few months ago and is looking for full-time work after living away for several years. I do best when I keep myself busy with work and school. I went back and got another degree and am working on a certification now. Keeps my mind sharp and keeps me from missing the mass confusion so much. Do something for you. If you are like most mothers, you need to remember how to do that. Good luck!
Laura - posted on 03/24/2010
My daughter lives far away from me and I only get to see her once a year if I'm lucky. Since she lives with an invalid boyfriend, she cares for him and can't come to see me. I talk to her on the phone and through AIM but it's not the same. But if she's happy than I can rest easy but you never get over missing them. I've missed her from the time she was 18 and she's 28 now.
Jennifer - posted on 02/10/2010
My sons are 30 and 28 and I lives in California, the other in Florida and I have 3 stepchildren. I miss my sons so much it hurts still! They do come home for periods of time and it is hard to turn the mothering on and off. No grandchildren yet but I still have hopes!!! I do work full time and have 2 dogs and a horse and really enjoy spending time with my husband but the space in my heart occupied by my children is somehow seperate. Parenting is certainly bittersweet!!!
Sheila - posted on 01/31/2010
LOL - Hi Anne! Like many others, I was happy for about a week. Then I cried and missed them horribly for the next... well.... it's been 6 years now. This last one has been the easiest. Then hardest part is that we wrap ourselves up in our kids and put so much time and energy into them.. and that's a GOOD thing, don't get me wrong. I know I was a good mom, but being good moms mean we've raised happy independent adults. Now we wonder what is next. We need something to fill that void. Something that makes us feel just as satisfied and needed and complete as being a mother did.
You know, I have a HUGE craft room, full of projects waiting to be completed. More photos than anyone I know of my family, waiting to be scrap-booked and made into projects. A HUGE yard with many many flower beds...all of these things that I thought, "when the kids are gone, I'll get to that and have time to do it". Well, the kids are gone and so is the desire b/c I have all the time in the world, so what's the hurry or the point for that matter..
It does get better, Anne. I'm no longer depressed, b/c I'm forcing myself to stay busy and busy is great - and exercise!!! -- helps you feel happier, it really does. The idea - and one I am still working on formatting, is deciding what I want to do with my life now..
I've asked my sweet husband if he would consider foster care. In a very few words, most of which should not be printed in any public forum, he asked me if I was nuts. LOL I took that as a 'no'. But then he is in his 50s and 8 yrs older than I and my three were younger than his 3 when we got married, so I get his point. He's tired and ready for 'our time' now. Problem is, he works shift work so although he makes me laugh and I love being with him, I am on my own frequently. Even the dog recently died. (I removed the magnate from my frig that says "Life begins when the kids move out and the dog dies" that I used to think was so funny.)
I have a lot of passion and I'm sure you do as well. We just need to re-think our lives at this point and find something that brings us happiness and satisfaction. A new job - or at least a new hobby. I will probably end up taking classes to learn something. So what if I'm older now? In 5 years, I'll still be 5 years older than I am right now regardless if I learn something new or not... so I'm starting to get excited about the future because there is nothing I can not do..just need to choose something. I know my husband will support whatever I decide - and what man wouldn't rather you did something to make you happy instead of mope around and feel sad?
But just so you know... I felt like my kids no longer needed me and It's possible you feel the same way.. but they really really still do. Maybe right now everything is smooth sailing for them, but life has a way of shaking things up. Whether it is something they need support in, or some wondrous joy they want and need to share with you.. they will need you to be there. So... start with you.. what would you like to do? The sky really is the limit. Good luck! ;)
Linda - posted on 12/16/2009
As several replies state, you dont really get over missing them, it just subsides and comes once in a while instead of always feeling heavy hearted over their absence. For sure do the best you can to stay connected; internet sites like facebook (even if they dont say much to you you can see a bit of their life. Webcam is really great! But the one thing I didnt notice the empty nest moms saying (didnt read all the replies though) is pursue the things that you tried to pursue when they were at home. Go to college and get a degree in something you have always had an interest in, decide to give yourself a make-over, shape up or lose 10 pounds, redecorate your place (it can be done on a shoe-string if you set your mind to it) in other words change your world. Become a little more concentrated on what you like and want outside your kiddos and set a goal or two for yoursel! And let it be said, You should always miss them. They are your family! After the initial tidal wave of sadness you will probably get your perspective and adjust to being the independent mom they need rather than feeling like you are pulled by an undertow = )) Getting on sites like this is healthy too I think. Chin up girls! It gets better! Lots better! Oh and one more thing--Probably the most vital for me has been to pray for them and have faith. Trust God, really.Hugs!
Jude - posted on 12/15/2009
I dont think we are supposed to get over them. My oldest is 36 and youngest 27. They are my best friends, but in the part of my heart where they live they will always be 7.
Linda - posted on 10/26/2009
Hi. I am Linda, a single parent empty nester arrrrg. I have 3 wonderful grown sons and 2 grandsons 4 and 6 years and that little granddaughter FINALLY! My oldest son is 400 miles away and my 26 and 28 year old sons are about an hour away. It was initially so hard when they were all out of the nest. I cried a lot at the most unexpected moments. What has really helped me is I directed my energies toward things I enjoy. I grew some awesome flowers, re-decorated my apartment on a shoestring, which meant always bargain hunting and I had an epiphany of how fortunate we all are to be in good health. I get to see my sons that live an hour away a couple times a month and my grand daughter. The one who lives 400 miles away I keep in touch with him and his wife by seeing their postings daily on facebook. Also we web cam on special events AND I go bargain shopping for my grandsons and mail them a package when I can. All these things help a lot. Also I began looking in my community for free fun things that are going on and planning a girls night around the event. Laughing and giggle-ing even at 59 is very therapeutic!! Just start. Do things you enjoy, even through the pain. It gets better and they really haven't disappeared.
Margaret - posted on 10/16/2009
My 2 oldest have been out of the house for years now. At first I really missed them being gone. But as time went on I realized that I had to do more for myself to fill that gap. Now I keep in touch by email, or when I go to the grandkids outings. Then I get to see my kids more.
Christine - posted on 08/24/2009
I feeel that will never happen. The umbilical cord has yet to be severed.
Teresa - posted on 07/24/2009
I have six children but cannot get used to missing them. I remind myself, when they are all visiting at once, about the fatigue and the harried feeling I had when they were all home. Even so, I loved having them home and loved raising each and every one of them. I do love my quiet time and love the freedom to come and go whenever I want with no loads of laundry waiting for me when I return.
ValarieAnn - posted on 06/30/2009
The fact is, we never get over missing them. The best we can do, is to keep the communication lines open and never take this opportunity for granted. I got an unlimited long distance plan so that i can call whenever i wish, and so that if they call me, I tell them to hang up and I call back so they don't spend their $$$ on LD plans. I also keep in touch via email, and facebook. My kids have their own lives now, and I try to give them that space, but, you always miss them, especially when some live half way across the country and annual get togethers are almost impossible.
I also like to send them little surprise packages of things that i know they like, just to let them know that their mom is always thinking about them. This will also give them many fond memories in the years to come.
Ruby - posted on 06/20/2009
Hi, My name is Ruby. I am the mother of two grown daughters. My youngest daughter is married with two sons and they live four hours from us. My oldest daughter still lives with us. She is mentally handicapped and will probably always live with us which is fine. But living four hours from my other daughter and my two precious grandsons just kills me. I love being a grandmother but I so wish I could see them more often. I go as often as I can but don't want to go too often so they can have their space. I went thru a depression when my daughter moved out the first time just into an apartment. After they graduate from highschool its just not the same. You stay so busy going and doing while they are in school and then it just comes to a screeching hault. That is why I love scrapbooking so much. It fills a void for me. I look at those pictures and I am right back there in the moment!! I don't think you ever get over your children leaving home and living far apart from them is even worse. You miss out on so many day to day moments in their lives. When we moved out of state from my daughter and grandson it was the hardest thing in the world to me. Scrapbooking helped me make that transition though and finding friends that shared that same love of the hobby made it so much easier. I still get teary eyed when I think about what I am missing though and I guess thats the way it will always be because we are always "Moms" and "Nanas".
Beth - posted on 02/10/2009
Hi!! My name is Beth. I have two children. My daughter is 26 and living in Texas, USA since April 2007. She has two girls (almost 6 yrs old and 5 mths old). My oldest granddaughter and daughter moved back home to live with us after her first marriage fell apart. So Emma lived with me from the time she was 1 yrs old to just over 4 years old. I MISS HER SOOOOO MUCH!! I was able to go to Texas to meet my youngest granddaughter, Ella when she was 2 days old. I got to spend 3 fantastic weeks with "my girls"!!
I also have a son who is 24 yrs old and still lives at home while attending college. His girlfriend of 4+ yrs also lives with us during the school week. They both pack up and go stay with her family on weekends. I do not like the sound of a very quiet house during that time. It makes me miss "my girls" even more.
I understand that this is part of life, but - a quiet house is hard to get used too!! Even though my husband and I have 4 cats to keep us company, they do not want to be around you unless it is on their terms!!
My daughter understands (I think)!! We chat using yahoo messenger almost everyday!! She posts new pics of her life and girls on facebook almost every day. I am so thankful she does, but it really is soooo different than being there in real life!!
I think you make the best of it. I keep myself busy!! I have a full time job, on the executive of my union, I quilt, crotchet and have my own home based scrapbooking business. But there are a few minutes every day that my heart hurts for my daughter and her daughters (and even her new husband)!!
Jackie - posted on 01/30/2009
Hi Anne, My name is Jackie, I am from Massachusetts! Trust me, You never get over missing your own children! I have 4 grown, married children. My family immediately doubled to 8. I love now all 8 of them! They instantly all became a very special part of me. Luckily, They all live within a 30 minute radius of our home. I see them all often. And trust me when I tell you it isn't always easy to get to see them all. When your kids get married, They also marry another family. It is very tough to share. It is something that I have have had a very hard time learning. Along with learning, Life became easier to deal with. Then the amazing wonder of "Grandchildren" appear. It's better than anyone has described to you. It is another life after life with your own, except you get to give them back when you want to. In a short span of 8 years now, My family of 6 counting my husband & I, Is now 19 persons! There is a lot of sharing of nana & Grampa that goes on in our lives!
Do I still miss my 4 kids, Absolutely, If I could only twitch my nose and turn them all into toddlers again, Trust me I would! But, I have become now such a more important needed Mom & Nana, That I can tell you only this this, "I LOVE IT MORE EACH DAY OF MY LIFE." I truly hope I have helped you answer any questions you may of had!
Fondly, Jackie :)
Marie - posted on 01/30/2009
after retiring I moved to Florida to be peaceful and independent...........after 10 years I realized that I was missing out on so many things, birthdays (sending a gift or check was not the same as seeing their faces as they opened their gifts), holidays(sometimes you just can't make it home) and sometimes when a family member passes away, you make it home no matter what ,,,,,,,,,I finally decided it wasn't worth it after all.....so I moved back east....belive me, as much as I LOVED LIVING IN fLORIDA, i AM SO HAPPY TO BE CLOSE TO MY 6 GROWN CHILDREN MY 8 GRANDCHILDREN AND MY 7 GREAT GRANDCHILDREN THAT i WONDER WHY i EVER MOVED AWAY IN THE FIRST PLACE........SECRET IS YOU NEVER STOP MISSING THEM.....ANSWER IS...STAY NEARBY...........NOTHING IS MORE FULLFILLING THEN SEEING YOUR WHOLE FAMILY ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON
User - posted on 01/25/2009
Hey Debbie, I got a cat, too! I NEVER was a bet lover. A matter of fact, I kinda hated animals and couldn't understand why people got so upset when they lost their pet. But oh my goodness, Howie (male cate) has brought me so much joy!!! I love him sooo much!!! You are so right, a pet fills in the gap. We play chase, fetch the ball, and believe it or not, hide & go seek. And at night when he purrs and curls up with me he helps put me to sleep. I too think of my children every day - many times a day and wish we could go back to when they were younger. But I did my job well and they must fly forward and raise the next generation. That's what us mothers are here for. I highly recommend a pet!
Debbie - posted on 01/25/2009
When my first of three sons left for college, I thought it was the end of the world. But when my third and last son left, I really, really had a hard time. He came home from college and worked in our business during the summer between freshman and sophmore years and during that time just before going back to school, he came to me and said, "Mom, I think you need a small dog to keep you company, so he found an ad in the paper for miniature dachshunds and took me with him to pick one out. They had two left-one very docile one and one very frisky one. I thought the docile one would be a good choice, but my son said he thought the other one would be better because he would do things that would entertain me and make me laugh. It's been 8 years and I have loved every minute with Hot Dog-he's definitely funny and so much fun. That does not mean that I don't miss my boys because I really do, but now I have wonderful daughters-in-law and 4 precious grandchildren-3 of which are girls! Life does change, but it does get better-you'll see! I wish you the best. I was there so I know how you feel, just hang in thee!
Jackie - posted on 01/24/2009
Hi, I'm Jackie, And You ask? How do you get over missing them? Well, In my case I never have! I deal with it the best I can, But boy is it ever hard! I had 4 babies in 5-1/2 years, 4 little ones all running around and we had a ball. Then 4 teenagers, I thought I would go nuts, instead I just tried to flow smoothly through all the obstacles. Then, In there 20s, They all moved out within 1-1/2 years. With each one moving, It all started over and over again. I would cry as they left the driveway, as they left with Mom's care packages by emptying my cupboards and fridfe! My babies always needed to eat. Somehow, I thought they would starve without ME! They didn't. When the last one moved on with his life, He took my heart and soul right with him, I thought! Now, One would think that they all moved far away, No, All 4 of our married children live within a 30 minute drive from us! We see them and My beautiful 9 grandchildren all the time! I am the "Nana" that loves to spend her weekends taking grandchildren to the zoo, the beach, a park, everywhere! But..... Do I still miss my own 4 children, Immensely!!! I would love to twitch my nose and turn them into 4 lil' toddlers again. The time with them was far too short. I love being a Mom, And best of all, Comes being a "Nana." The feelings are always still there! Now, I try really hard to make them happy feelings! I have no great advice, but to say, Go with the flow, Because you can't stop it! It is a great thing in our lives, Called "Growth."
User - posted on 01/20/2009
My children were my whole life and then one day they are gone. I was a mother and then I wasn't. They no longer needed me on a daily basis. So my husband I sold our home and bought a condo. I never joined anything in my life and stuck to it. Never really liked group activities. But a neighbor asked me to get on our Board of our condo Association so I ran and won. To my surprise I loved it! And better yet, I was good at it!! I gave 200% to it and stayed in for 3 years. I lost by 2 votes the next time I ran. So I am no longer on the Board. However, I now know I need to do for me, which got left behind the first half of my life. Then our daughter took us on a 10 day cruise to Europe. I have taken a lifetime of vacations and after 5 days would tell my husband "been there, seen it, now lets go home". Didn't even really like Hawaii. I don't like water, don't like museums or old stuff and certainly wasn't sure I even wanted to go on this cruise even though our daughter paid for it in full and the air fare. But it was book so we went. My husband and I loved it!!! We both loved Europe and after 10 days I told my husband I was staying on the ship. He could go home and work and just send me his pay check. I didn't want to get off the ship!!! We have been on 2 cruises since within a year. I miss my kid every day and probably always will. But we text, e-mail, do Facebook with pictures and I try to talk to them at least once a week on the phone. But they are extremely busy and sometime I feel like when I call I am bothering them or interrupting them. So I wait till they call cause when they call they have time to talk. And that is so much joy because we then talk for an hour. You never stop being a mother. But you know have the 2nd half of your life and have to find what makes you happy. I thought only my kids could make me happy. But to my surprise I found volunteering gave me great joy and I LOVE CRUISING!!!! Both of which I would have never expected. I found Roxanne again and Anne you need to find Anne again, too. Good luck and God Bless, Roxanne
Julie - posted on 01/20/2009
Sorry to break this to you Anne, but missing our grown children is nothing we will ever get over. I think the most important thing is learning how to "deal" with thier absence. I try to text just a little something to my two grown children every day. Calling them is not always convienient, and this gives me just a little sense of connection daily. It's okay to miss them Anne. For me, missing them so much makes me feel close to them all the time. I would consider myself crazy and selfish if I didn't!!
Julie - posted on 01/18/2009
I know what you mean Karen, 5 of my 7 have left home although 4 of them live nearby. As each one leaves you feel an emptiness and you feel really sad when you look at their empty room. It makes you realise how important it is to make the most of every minute with your children, and enjoy their company.
Alethea - posted on 01/17/2009
u never do ... there is no 'out clause' on the b'cert ... LOL ... i have 8 al2gether ... some live 'os' others live in different 'oz state', others live 90 mins away ... i miss them ... but enjoy my own life ... we talk on 'skype', mobs, & landlines ... they give info of their lives on a need-to-know basis, (for which i have grown to b appreciative of) ... i love and adore each and every one of them and would still walk over hot coals for them .. and i respect that they have their lives and do not really want me sticking my 'bippy' in ... i love they r grown up and successful (in spite of me), have their own personalities, and i get to c, hug & kiss my grand children, (not as often as i'd like) ... just luv them as u did b4 and they will come back often to c u and bring their families ... u have to wait 4 them to come to u, b patient it will happen ... get on with the thing u always wanted to b4 they came, get busy with ur life and they will include u in theirs ...a(thea)
Fran - posted on 01/13/2009
I don't think you ever do...it's hard to stop being a parent once you've become one, but I fill my time with other things and that helps. My kids and grands are scattered in three different states. Cell phones, email and FACEBOOK help keep us connected as well as being intentional in planning visits back and forth. Having a network of girl friends helps, especially if they are in the same boat! :) Fran
Linda - posted on 01/02/2009
You don't ever get over missing them. I have four adult daughters. After my divorce a few years ago, I moved out of state to return to school and finish my education. I don't live too far away, but far enough that it isn't easy to just pop in to see them.
I cope by utilizing facebook...they are all on it. I visit about once a month. One of my girls just moved out to Utah, so we are now learning to have a LONG distance relationship. She calls me every day, almost.
Kahlil Gibran wrote, "Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."
I try to remember this philosophy each time I long for the days when my girls were home with me.
Jean - posted on 12/27/2008
I know your children miss you, too! I was the child that followed my heart and moved 280 miles away 40 years ago. I traveled the road home every 6-8 weeks while single and then not quite as often when married and then with 3 children. And always called once a week. I have returned or traveled to every wedding, funeral, important event in the lives of my extended family. We went home for every Christmas until 10 years ago, and had to build our own traditions without them. It was quite a transition for us and missing my family on Christmas. And I still always missed my family. One tradition of all those years that really kept us together was vacationing with my parents, brothers, sister, and their families every summer for at least a week at the beach. That way my children spent time with their cousins. My parents, sister, and neice have all passed away within the last 3 years. Of course I miss them more than imaginable, but I am so thankful for all those trips and vacation memories. My family (husband, 3 children, 2 guyfriends, and a grandchild) and I still travel that road home and visit with my brothers & families, my sister's son still in college, and all the grandbabies - at least 3 or more times a year! I have unlimited free long distance calling on our cell phone family plan and keep in touch with them almost daily. Also, email and FB help me keep up with extended family. I missed my daughter when she went to college 60 miles away. Unbelievable how I missed her and she was so close. Then, my daughter followed her heart and moved to what I thought was the end of the earth, a 12 hour drive. That's when I learned what missing a child truly means. She lived there a year, and then moved home because she missed us too much. So, I am fortunate to have my older daughter close, my middle daughter and grandchild and my youngest, 20 year old son, still living with us. Talk to your children and their families as much as you can, When I am at an event, I always text a picture to my brother and sister-in-law. My daughter always texts me pictures of events. Take advantage of the internet, web cam, phone services, and pictures. And build fun traditions for yourself and local family and friends. I also enjoy the young people in my church as they are all on facebook and I enjoy being close to them through their daily activities. The best to you,
Susan - posted on 12/23/2008
Hi Anne, I know what you mean. When my 3rd child went off to college I was ecstatic- for a week- then I cried for years! 2 of my children live in the next state with 5 of my 10 grandchildren. My oldest child lives 1400 miles away with 3 of her 5 kids; the other 2 live in different states. I agree with the comments and advice given by your other respondents. I keep up with them all by phone, mySpace, Facebook, text messaging or whatever they are involved with. My door is always open and I visit as often as I can. If I don't keep busy I get lonely & depressed. The best thing I find is helping others & I especially look out for young people in my area who are away from their own families, especially single moms. Merry Christmas.
Marsha - posted on 12/20/2008
Change is good but difficult at times. I never really stop wishing my daughter was home. I just try to remind myself that she is continuing the circle. I take great pride in what she is accomplishing and cherish the times we have together. I'm updating our life with new memories to add to the ones we have already collected. Talk to your children as much as you can. If there are grandchildren talk to them as much as you can. Make things and give them to her and the kids. Encourage them to do the same. It gets easier with the passing of time.
Brenda - posted on 12/19/2008
I don't care how far or how close your children live it's still hard either way. My daughter only lives 1/2 an hour away in the county and I'm in the city but still I find myself missing her quite often and now that she has given me my first grandchild it makes it even worse. I have a young son of 10 still at home and I love him with all my heart but he still is not my daughter, I hate to see when it's his time to leave home,but I know that this is the way life goes no matter how hard it is to let go or how much it hurts, you do what you have to do for them just as you did when they were still with you. Love them all no matter what, and let them know the door is always open.
Linda - posted on 12/19/2008
I don't think we ever get over missing them. We just have to do what ever we can to keep connected with them where ever they are. My son is 29, and lives only 1 1/2 hrs away and I still worry and miss him. As our lives start to slow down and their lives get busy with family we need to help, call and visit as much as they will allow us to without being too pushy. When the grand-children start coming then we miss seeing them even more. So I guess staying as much a part of there Lives as we can, will lessen how much we miss them. I get to see my son every week and watch my grand-daughter while he works near the area that I live. But when he doesn't make it up here for a week, I miss them alot. If your son or daughter live out of state, I think I'd do the same thing. I think once you have that Bond with your children from little on, its always a need to stay connected.
Caroline - posted on 12/19/2008
I am so sorry, but i don't think you every really get over missing your kids, no matter how old they get! My daughter is 25 and my granddaughter is 6 months old now. We have had them both over for 3 months this year when Isabella was 2 months old and could make the long trip to Ozz to meet the family. I sometimes find myself crying while washing the dishes or doing the washing, I then take out all the photos, make a cup of tea and spend a good hour, laughing and crying over them. It makes me feel better for a while and then I jump on the phone or internet and have a good old goss with her. It really is a bitter-sweet feeling, you want your kids to grow up and be independant, happy and strong and yet on the other hand you get to feel so sad and very alone. Sorry, i am sure that doesn't make you feel any better, but it sure did a lot for me..
Janice - posted on 12/18/2008
Yes, Karen, I feel that way too. For years when the kids were young I could not wait til they move out, now I feel different. I have my 17 year old still at home and I don't want to let him go when the time comes. But i have to deal with it as it comes...
Karen - posted on 12/18/2008
My girls have left home. My oldest has a little girl and is expecting twins early in 2009. My other daughter is only 16 but where we live there is nothing I can do to bring her home. I hate the silance in the home. We've been "kidless" for a little over 2 months now. Sometimes the quiet is a good thing compared to the fighting matches between our kids but I can't see me ever getting over the fact that they are on their own. It seems like yesterday that we had them and waiting for the day they move out but now that it's happened I wish I could go back to when they were little. Anyone else feel that?
Lynn - posted on 12/18/2008
I try to stay in contact with my son as much as I can. He is pretty good about calling me once a week. We also both have accounts on Facebook as well as Myspace so we send messages back and forth alot. I am grateful we are close enough that I can go see him pretty much whenever I want, but I try to give him his space too.