1 day i want another baby the next i dont help

Hillary - posted on 12/18/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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So my soon to be Husband and I have been talking alot over the last year about having another baby come feb. when we get married. & i cant make up my mind if i really want one or not and its driving me literally crazy. One day i am all about another baby. & the next i dont want one at all. Our Daugher now is 2 and by time we would have another baby she would be 3. she is getting alot easier now to care for. & i dont know if i want to go through all it over again. Can someone help please. Has anyone else felt like this b4?

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Sharon - posted on 01/14/2010

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Hi Hillary. I have 1 daughter aged 9 and I was the same when she younger. I think that the reason I had those days when I did not want another child was because I didn't. My sister, who has 2 daughters, never experienced the doubts and is happy with her 2 children. I think you are having doubts because you are not sure and therefore should not commit just yet. Two things to remember that my sister told me. 1. You will never regret having a baby but you may regret not having one. 2. Two children are not double the work of 1 child - its FOUR times the work!! I have never regretted not having another one and really enjoy my small family. I make sure my daughter is occupied and has friends to play with or something to do. She is not unhappy at all. Don't make the mistake of having another one because people tell you it is selfish or cruel to have 1 child and that they will be lonely. It is YOUR life. Make the decision that is the best one for you, your partner and your child.

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Purvi - posted on 01/17/2010

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i am pondering abt the same question myself frm the past year. my daughter is 4 nw and she dosent want a sibling as she dosent want me to go to the hospital, she's also very possesive abt me, i want a baby badly nw, but i dont know hw to deal with my daughter...

Larissa - posted on 01/16/2010

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It's so strange to hear others going back and forth over the same thing... My daughter just turned 16. Years. I'm only 36 but... My ex and I raised his son and step-son, who are 17 and 22. AND my boyfriend of 2 years has 2 boys, almost 5 and almost 8. So, as much as having one together would be awesome, I have to be realistic. Where is the college money coming from for my daughter? If my boys need some financial help, can I afford to? What about finishing raising his 2 boys? So many other priorities for the children already a part of my life... My ex and I decided not to have any together for the same reasons...college, cars, life in general. Be sure you can commit to affording all your current child will need before bringing another one into being. Besides, in my case, I'll have an empty nest by the time I'm 40! Hello travel!!

Alisa - posted on 01/15/2010

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I'm going throught that right now I have a 17 month old girl. My hubby is all for it cause he wants to try for a boy, but I know girl or boy, it will be on me until they get older. Don't get me wrong he TRYs to help, but he works and I'm home more and the type where it is easier for to everything then to let someone help because they wont do it my way. but back to the point we have just decided to leave up to whatever and not prevent it but not really try. If it happens great if not great more time for my first. I have two sister one wanted another but it took along time before she got a second and The other sister said no more and three months after having the first she pregnant again. The point is the both love and care for both kids just as much as the other and as much as when the only had one. The truth is You will manage either way you go and you will be happy with 1 or 4.

Megan - posted on 01/14/2010

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If I were in the financial position to have another, I would. My daughter is 5, and I'm not even half way through college. By the time I'm able to ahve another, there will be a huge distance between their ages. I grew up with 3 younger sister, there were 2 years between me and my closest sister. We are pretty close, and I couldn't imagine growing up without her. I wish I could have another now, so that my daughter can have that closeness. She gets bored easily and I am always trying to think of things tokeep her busy. Plus, she gets super jealous when my friends are around and I talk to them more then I do her. She's only 5!! This is definately because she's an only child. I don't like it at all.

Danielle - posted on 01/14/2010

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only everyday! I know exactly how you feel. can't really say what to do as I am in the same quandry. all my thoughts on the matter were, well I won't try for one, but i wont try to stop one either, so no birth control. I guess if the possibility comes up it will happen.

Shenae - posted on 01/14/2010

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Hi Hillary!
Yes, I've felt like this before. I gave birth to a healthy baby girl in August of 2008 after miscarrying twice. A couple of days after my daughter was born, she was crying nonstop. I cried as well and told my mom that she'd be my only child. I always say that when she's in one of her moods. Other times, I want another child. Part of me is hesitant because of my two miscarriages and the chance of it happening again. The other part of me is willing to go through it again. This pregnancy was pretty much a breeze. My advice is to do what you think is best for you and your significant other. If you're a Christian, pray about it. I hope this helps.

Jessica - posted on 01/13/2010

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Don't wait too long. Your daughter could develop issues about accepting a new baby. When I ever heard my boyfriends horror stories of how he didnt want a sibling and what he did for attention and to his sister...Anyways as you are deciding, keep your daughter around other family babies, then she can learn to realize she's not the only one it will help her.

This doesn't give you an answer, but think about how your daughter will react. And if you can deal with that.

Lisa - posted on 01/13/2010

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If you are going back and forth on having another child then I hope you are using birth control. I say that simply because you wouldnt want to decide againist and come up pregnant. If you cant decide you need to talk to your soon to be hubby about this, so that he knows that going into the marriage.

Eve - posted on 12/26/2009

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Hillary every female has felt like this. All I can say is you think you are in control but you are not. God only has the plan. So wait and then try, if it is meant to be you will conceive, who knows it may not happen. Relax and enjoy the wedding and the life you have now.

Dawn - posted on 12/26/2009

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How does your husband-to-be feel about the situation?? Make sure this is something you both agree on (even if it is to agree to be undecided); it would be bad to have him thinking you def. were wanting another child or vice versa.........



With that said, my husband and I always said 2 would be great, but then we had our son and I honestly can say that, unless our living situation were to drastically change )ie: winning the lottery!), we are done having children. Right now we could not afford anymore children and I wonder if I could go through this again (although I am better prepared now I guess) as far as my patience and energy levels go. Since I am still young (31) I am not doing anything drastic just yet because I know how minds and feelings change over the years. Believe me, I already miss holding and caring for a newborn, but I can rationalize that it is probrably just related to my son growing up so fast (he turned 10 months Christmas Eve).



Just really think about your feelings and be OK with them for now....just keep listening to them for changes though and keep your husbands feelings in mind too.....GOOD LUCK!

Kara - posted on 12/25/2009

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I completely understand! I am so back and forth about it too. My son is nearly 3 and I'd like him to have a sibling, but I'm just not sure that I have the time, money and patience for another child. I say if it happens I'd be happy but if I can help it, I'd like to wait another year or so. If you are in a place in your life where you have the time and means to try for another child, go for it :) best of luck!

Kelly - posted on 12/23/2009

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I feel that way too. I have one 14 month old and i just turned 40. I am a full time working mother. I LOVED my babies infant stage but I don't have the energy for it. I have this conversation with myself all the time. Sounds reasonable right?

Amy - posted on 12/21/2009

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My husband and I left our options open for years. Your daughter is getting easier to care for but right now there is still so much to do. I met my husband when my daughter was 5 and we didn't start to seriously think about having another one until around 7 then it was the on off every other day. We never were completely comfortable with the idea so we didn't as time went on we finally became sure that we didn't want anymore. I think when you're children are young you feel like it would just be easier to have them closer together but I think it would be easier to have another when the first is more self sufficient. As long as you're not sure I wouldn't go forward with any permanent decisions, wait till you find an option that feels right for you. And some days not many I still think it would be nice, deciding not to have another child is probably the hardest decision to stick to.

Cindy - posted on 12/20/2009

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Hello Hillary.....I totally understand where you are coming from. Although we have decided that 5 is enough...(before you get too light-headed, I only have two of my own, lol), many times I find myself yearning for another little, Johnson's baby lotion scented bundle of joy. When I find myself with this, almost unbearable feeling, it seems almost a matter of mere seconds before I wake up to my 8 year old son and another EXTREMELY EVENTFUL day...lol. Doesn't take long, after that, to re-evaluate and reclaim my position once again with those who insist ..."never again!". I have two children, a daughter 16 and a son 8. I have seen and heard, the pros and cons of having children closer in age, and then far apart. As you can see, mine are 8 years apart. Many would probably like to think that this would make things easier, oh contraire!! My kids are okay around each other for a good 5 minutes, MAYBE, and then it's no holds barred!! Now obviously, one of the up-sides to having children that have a few years between them, is the fact that you are able to get more, quality one on one time with them, and without a jealous sibling underfoot. Now this isn't ALWAYS the case, but since the two usually have such different tastes in activities, or levels of such, it tends to lower the jealousy factor a bit. It seems to me, from my experiences, that the closer in age the siblings are, the better. It sort of, automatically gives them their very first "friend for life", and in the most genuine form available. Obviously these things don't ALWAYS work out, but from all of the relationships that I have witnessed, this seems to be the case.

Now, obviously the most important factor would be, What are you wanting for yourself, and your family? Do you have any specific plans? Where do you plan to be a year from now, 5 years from now? I'm not stating these questions in an attempt at confusing you even more. These are just basic questions that could possibly spark a more realistic evaluation of your feelings.

I believe that the main thing for all of us to remember is that, as a rule, we will always adjust. Not only do we adjust, but most of the time we claim to have no recollection of our lives before the newest addition. I believe, what this basically means, is that no matter what you choose to do, it will all work out. It always does, of course there will always be obstacles and "happenings", but that's just life in a nutshell. I would say that the moment you allow yourself to just let go of needing or wanting to know "right now!", and when you least expect it, you will have an epiphany.......one way or the other. So in the mean time, enjoy the life you have now, with the people that you already have in it, and just take some time to breathe and relax.........it will come.

Cindy

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I felt the same way for many years, we have a 13 year old daughter, and I heard the question"when are you having another one?" so many times!!! I really had to decide if I really wanted another one, or if I was just doing what I thought everyone else wanted me to do, you have to decide it for yourself.

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