Anyone else have an only child *not* by choice?

Samatha - posted on 12/01/2012

Never give up if it is truly your dream to have more than one child! 6 years after my daughter was born we are finally pregnant again! I went through years of praying and a river of tears, and a miscarriage. I am due in February. Don't give up! Know that it may take more time than you want. But if it is what you want, don't give up!

Nicole - posted on 12/01/2012

It happened to me also. I have a 10 year old son and he really wants a sibling but it doesn't seem to be happening. I am 42 years old and my doctor is trying to help me but it still has no happened. So don't feel bad.

Sylviane - posted on 11/28/2012

I grew up wanting a big family, but like you & others who have posted here, I had a reproductive disorder which was diagnosed rather late in life, namely polycystic ovarian disorder. My chances of ever having children at all were slim to nil. However, after a painful divorce at age 35 or so, I met a man who was a believer.like me, who wanted children. He had 2 older kids from a previous marriage. We married in 1993 (I was then close to 40 years old) and both of us believed that God would heal me, and He did. I naturally conceived and gave birth in my 40s (age 44.5 to be exact). Our son is now 14 years old and living an active & happy life. I am so grateful to God, and to my husband for being patient in waiting for that miracle. After our son was born, I still hoped to have another child, but menopause has since crept into my life, and now, at age 59, I must accept the reality that I may never have any more children, through no fault of my own. I believe God has His divine purpose in all of this, however, and when I can, I try to encourage other women who have had similar struggles in life. One must come to terms with one's life and realize that whatever goodness & mercy one has experienced in life is a gift from God, just like the birth of a child. So, hopefully, this will have answered your question(s) & given someone hope that in the face of what seems an impossible challenge, God answers prayer and miracles do happen. Thanks for reading.

Eddie - posted on 11/28/2012

HI JoAnna,



I completely understand you and am feeling the same. I always wanted lots of children. At least 2! I've got one. I am gratful for having for having my daughter, but I also feel sad that I did not "manage" to produce a brother or sister for her. I have done everything I coould. It did not work. I am thinking about adoption but I have to think about it. That is a serious stuff so it takes a lot iof serous consideration.



I'd like to know how did you come to terms with that? I think I am still raw in that process of acceptance and would appreciate any tips.



All the best,

Eddie

Hope - posted on 03/08/2011

I too am a mommy of 1. I'm only 27 and I would love to have more children. However, during labor of my first daughter, age 2, I had complications and almost died. My doctor says that I don't transfer fluids during childbirth and some women are like that. She said it is too dangerous to try again. However, I would like more children, if the time is right and is meant to be, we will definitely adopt. I just don't understand why they make it so expensive to adopt. That is why there are so many children without families.

JULIE - posted on 03/01/2011

Hi Johanna, I see you have lots of message of support and hope they have all helped a bit... I feel your hurt too. I had to have a hysterectomy to save my life 5 weeks after my daughter was born due to post partum complications. this was not by choice, I was told when I woke in Intensive Care. My daughter is almost 2 and half now and my heart is still breaking, the grief hurts. all my friends are pregnant having second babies and the questions of when I am having number 2 are starting to stop now which is good. But I too struggle to find a place where I fit in ... I am not in the category of only wanting one child or the category of "we tried for no 2 and it didnt happen"... I would love to be in either of these two categories because the choice is still there to take or not. OUR CHOICE AND FREEDOM CHOOSE WAS TAKEN AWAY! Its grieving for the life you thought you were going to have. Time does make this easier though Iknow I changed as a person when this happened to me. I still ahve days where my heart aches for a sibling for my daughter and for another bub. But life carrys on regardless of what I choose to do... so in short I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND... its not nice that someone else has the same kind of circumstances as myself on here but so COMFORTING.. that someone else understands so thank you for posting this .. Julie x

Allie - posted on 02/25/2011

I always wanted children - 3 or 4. I have PCOS and was told at 22 I would never have kids. I found a wonderful Dr who put me on the right medication to balance my hormones and I got a happy surprise at 39. My boyfriend has a 31 year old son and we're looking forward to some grandchildren in the future. I have found peace with this :)

Michelle - posted on 02/24/2011

Your post was just what I needed to read - that I am not alone. We have 3 yr old and trying for awhile for another, but it just doesn't seem to be God's plan for us. The biggest problem I forsee is when our daughter goes to school = identity crises for me. I was made to be a stay-at-home Mom, but how and I go to fill my "free" time?

Amanda - posted on 01/03/2011

Hi my name is Amanda, I have an 8yr old daughter Arianna, I had her when I was really young. (17) When she was only 18months - 2yr.'s old I started having some extreme health problems, it all started with a Kidney stone...within 4 months they had removed it & I was supposed to start feeling better. Actually what happened after that was quite the oppisite, I started getting worse & worse pain as the years went by without a diagnosis , finally this year I did get diagnosed... with Endometriosis too. My husband & I had always said we were going to have a 2nd child but as you know that's no longer an option anymore. I just wanted to make sure you knew that you're not alone, I'm only 25 & I'm going through the same thing as you. So if you ever need someone to talk to who really does understand, you can contact me any time!!

Lisa - posted on 01/03/2011

I have one child, but really want to have another one. However, after three miscarriages (1st over around 10 wk; 2nd over at 6 wk; 3rd over before 4 wk) in two years. I am losing any hope that I can keep a pregnancy and give birth to a healthy baby.
I definitely didn't choose this life myself.

Carol - posted on 12/30/2010

I like you Joanna had my first child and set out for six more. Endometriosis robbed me of doing so. I tried adopting and got really close and the mom changed her mind at the last month of pregnancy. (her right) Ok we tried again and it fell through as well. I have no choice but to accept what happened and It helps to talk about it and often. :) And yes you do have plenty in common with many of us.

Chantelle - posted on 12/27/2010

i am in the same boat i have severe endometriosis and pcos... they told me i would never have babies and have wanted me to have a hystorectomy since i was 15. ive had so many surguries to clean it up i have lost count. dont get me wrong i am sooooo blessed to have my four yr old lil girl and i dont wana sound selfish, but i want her to have a sibling. i have one younger sister and there is nothing like a sibling bond.... she asks me all the time for a baby sister... i have no idea how to tell a four yr old that i cant give her that, and that she will be an only child. my husband and i have tried to have another and it results in miscarriage, so im scared to try anymore....

Sarah - posted on 12/23/2010

I would love to have more than 1 but am waiting on critical back surgery so not sure I'll be able to. Depends on how the surgery goes. They'll be redistributing my spinal fluid as part of the procedure. Being pregnant right now would mean I would have to wait almost a year to have my spinal tumor removed. I won't risk my daughter not having a mother for her to have a sibling.
Stay strong and thank God for what you do have!

Angela - posted on 12/23/2010

I would love another but my husband doesn't want more. I'm 41 and we had our son by IVF so our chances of having any more are very low anyway. I would be happy to adopt or foster but my husband is determined he doesn't want more so I have no choice. I know I should be forever grateful we were even able to have one and I understand his arguments that more than one means less freedom, more financial restrictions, more stress and so on and so on but none of it helps. I am slowly coming to terms with it, but don't think I will ever be able to accept it. It's a fact that only children are a minority and that goes a long way in making you feel like you're an exception.

Judi - posted on 11/02/2010

I also wanted many more kids. I have a 6 year old daughter. I previously had two miscarriages and a stillborn. I wanted to have many children and feel like I am missing out on something by only having one child. I sometimes feel bad and sad for my daughter that she is alone.

Sarah - posted on 11/01/2010

I am a mum of one, only because of circumstances. Her father and I separated 4 years ago and we are now divorced.I am still single. I am now 39 soon to be 40 and feel that I have 'missed the boat' when it comes to having any more now. My daughter is now 7 and I feel so blessed to have her, especially after suffering two miscarriages before hand. However, her father and I went through alot of difficult patches, and I felt that we also needed to improve our relationship before having any more. A few months later, he walked on us - for as it turned out, another woman!. She has two teenage boys and a now twelve year old girl. He is now playing 'step dad' to them instead!

Belinda - posted on 10/29/2010

I am 35. I didn't plan to have an only child...as I was raised an only child. I would love to have siblings...luckily I grew up with lots of cousins that allow their children to call me Aunt. My son however is 10 and destined to be an only child. I gave up dating after having him I put him first in my life. His father had already left the picture because he didn't want kids...oops...apparently he wasn't man enough to suck it up. However I work at a daycare and my son comes with when not in school...he loves it and I think it helps. I'm sure I could have had more children...but circumstances being what they are...I don't believe my child(ren) should have to be raised ins single family home. I was raised by a single mother as well...I hope my son does better in the relationship department. ;)

Emily - posted on 10/27/2010

My husband and I have discussed this issue as well. He brought it up. I was happy with just the one and he asked if i would have another.....then he changed his mind and refuses to even talk about it! so i am in limbo.....i want another now and he is back pedaling fast! So I do not know what will happen for my family.

Naomi - posted on 10/22/2010

I wanted more than one child. I actually wanted three total but would have been happy with two. My husband nixed that in the bud by getting a vasectomy when our daughter was 3 months old. He couldn't handle the lack of sleep that comes with babies. It took me a very long time to get over my anger and frustration. I seriously considered leaving him for awhile before I realized that this was not an option. I was putting my needs before those of our daughter. She's now 4 and I"m adjusting to being the mother of an only child. It's sad, I have pain but I can't dwell on it.

Susan - posted on 10/16/2010

Hi JoAnna - I also, like you feel the same way - born to be a mom. I always wanted 3 to 4 children. I met my husband late - we did discuss "before" marriage that we wanted children (plural). My husband worked full time and was going to school nights when I approached him with wanting to get pregant a five months after our wedding (I was 34 at the time - the clock was ticking!) He said he'd want to finish school first so he could have time with the baby. Well, three years went by, we then got pregnant and I gave birth at the age of 38 to a beautiful baby boy who is now 18 and off to college! However, at the age of 40 - I wanted to have our 2nd - by then my husband was travelling with work and gone every single week. I had to work full time to be able to make ends meet and our son had to be in daycare full time. My parents had already retired south and I had no other family nearby to help out even with my own son. So my husband said no that he did not want to have any more children, he was afraid of the risks at the age of 40 bringing a child into the world as well as me having to handle a toddler and an infant all on my own every week. He was looking out for me, and I do understand that. I love him for that, but....to this day at the age of 57 - I still struggle with the regret of not having another baby....we even went down the adoption path at one point also to adopt an older child - all the training sessions we attended, case workers at our home etc. and it did not work out - like you a "long story". I have worked in schools teaching for many years and have recently moved with my husband so am no longer working around children all day - but I will always regret not having a second. So now I'm looking for a way of getting over the regret. It comes and goes at different times during these last 16 years - if you have advice, I'd be happy to hear it!

Sue

Brandy - posted on 10/13/2010

hi joanne, i wanted a big family! i grew up as an only child and my dad was a foster child never adopted so i never felt like i had any family. i was told a long time ago because of health reasons that i couldnt concieve, but by some miracle we did after years of trying, unfortunatly i had jenna 3mths early and developed a whole new set of reasons as to why i shouldnt or couldnt have anymore, but i was still hopeful that maybe we could. and then this past summer i found out i have polycystic ovaries i had to have a partial hysterectamy and because of my history of preeclampsia and hellp and my current medical conditions i was forced to have my tube clamped on the other side, now i may have to have the rest of everything removed as well. its heartbreaking to me, and adoption really isnt an option financially and due to the fact that i now have kidney disease at the age of 29, even though i always wanted to adopt because of my dad.

Belinda - posted on 10/07/2010

Joanna I am one of those mothers. My son was 7 when I had to have my hysterectomy, and I tried for another in those years with no avail. I had polycystic ovarian disease and endometriosis. So this was something that was hard for me to come to terms with, but ive learned to tell myself that this was Gods Will, he knows what hes doing and there must be something more we are needed for once our children are grown. I understand its hard but keep trying to pull from the positive box, and kick the negative box in the river! Good Luck Hon

Laura - posted on 10/05/2010

I too, have only one and not by choice. I had cancer cells before I had my child and after she was born, it came back along with endo and ovarian cysts. They did my first partial hysto 1 year after having my daughter and my second hysto a few years later.
I sometimes fantisize about having another baby. I want another child soooo bad. we are in no financial position to even try to adopt and it's so sad to think of wanting another child.
I will see my friends getting pregnant again right and left and even though I am happy for them, I can't help but feel jealous b/c I want to be pregnant too.
I see small babies and wanna cry sometimes.
Don't get me wrong, with all the medical problems I have had, I thank GOD everyday for the miracle of my daughter..she is a blessing and I am thankful for her....

Cynthia - posted on 10/05/2010

Unfortunately we were only blessed with one beautiful little boy. I was told I couldn't have any children because I also have endometriosis and pcos, the 2 leading causes of infertility. But after 8 long years, my little miracle came to be. I don't know why I was finally able to conceive, but I don't question it either. While I would love to give him a brother or sister, it isn't in the cards for us. I am 40 now and at the rate it takes me to get pregnant I'd be 50!!! So I just thank God everyday for allowing me to have this one angel in my life to love and spoil, because it really could have been a different story.

Raisa - posted on 10/04/2010

I am a young mother of one but im dreaming and planning on having my second in the comming future im really happy with the one but loved to have a pair.im so sowi for moms who has fertility or other complication who will love to have another one are unable to but as i have no obstacles im takin gmy chances.

Mimi - posted on 10/04/2010

I am one of the women that should have had 4 or 5 kids. Being a mom was the only thing I ever wanted to be. I have only one who is now almost 8. I was just unable to have more than one. We didn't do the adoption route for many reasons. I feel cheated that I only had the one. We tried for 10 years before we were able to have my beautiful Jamie, he is the absolute joy of my life. I was 38 when he was born and I feel it was a miracle. Jamie is autistic and has been a challenge for the last several years. I think God probably gave me what he thought I could handle. It has taken me 8 years to come to terms with Jamie being an only. All things are for a reason. I am truly blessed with my only.

Mimi

Lorna - posted on 10/02/2010

What a shame for you. My son was a miracle and although I feel so blessed to have him I do wish I could have more

Carol - posted on 10/01/2010

I would love to have another but my daughter is getting older and I'm not sure how my fiance truely feels about it. So it seems for right now my sweetie is my only one unless God chooses for us : )

Karen - posted on 10/01/2010

i totally understand, I have severe endo and am waiting on a hysterectomy - my dd turns 1 on October 6th. I do try and see the positive in having my miracle baby but do get upset when I think I won't have an other baby and seeing others having babies doesn't help.

Crystal - posted on 09/30/2010

I would love to have another. But I can't. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. My husband's arguments - can focus more on the one, no accidental favorites, world's overpopulated, etc - help and that's what he's trying to do, but he doesn't really get it.

At 16 I was told something was wrong - very small, maybe endometriosis, etc etc - and that I would never have kids. Devastated me. They put me on birth control pills to control serious problems that nearly landed me in hospital every month. At 24, 2 months after I got engaged, I found out I was pregnant with my son. We nearly died during labor - and I'm not joking on that one.

I was delighted - I can have kids! I want 2! Nope...not going to happen. Our son was a miracle. Apparently, he was supposed to be here despite my being on pills (which knowing me I didn't do right anyway) and being told I was physically unable to ever have kids. But now, not possible.

It's hard sometimes. I have a neighbor who is always asking about when I'll have another. And a sister in law who doesn't get it and calls me selfish and cruel. She thinks I'm fibbing and letting my husband decide. He's happy with the one; he'd have been happy with two. I have days I hate having an only and days when I think I'd go insane if I had to deal with more than him.

But I don't know - I've not found a place specifically for those of us who would have liked more but it wasn't in the cards. Being here helps me come to terms with all the reasons why it's great to have just one.

Leonora - posted on 09/30/2010

I am sorry to hear what you are going though I too only had one. My son is six years old and i found out two years ago that because of being on the Depo shot for so long that it put too much homones in my body and was told i cant have anymore child at first it hurt but son makes up for any extra love i think i lost

Kathy - posted on 09/30/2010

I never thought I even wanted children, but once I had my daughter who is now 8, I wanted to have more. I ended it up with endometriosis as well as fibroids. My daughter was also 2 when I had my hysterectomy. My daughter knows now why she is an only child, but it is still difficult, I would have loved her to have a sibling. I am lucky that my brother and sister in law and a close friend also have only children. I have found many of my daughter's friends are only children.

Donna - posted on 09/29/2010

Joanna, I am a mother of an adopted 13 year old girl from Russia (adopted at 10months), who is the joy and light of my life. I was single when I adopted her and am still single, however I always wanted more than one child. I had always planned on foster/adopting through our local county (since foreign adoption can be expensive) and was working towards that when I lost my job 18months ago, so that had to be put on hold (btw I am 51 now and adopted at 38). When we get back on our feet I still would like to do the foster/adopt program and I hope that might be something you would consider. There are so many children without permanent homes that you (or many others) could make a part of your family. Good luck.

Sylviane - posted on 09/29/2010

I absolutely hear you loud & clear, JoAnna! I, too, share the same fate - having an only child, and not by choice. I was told by the medical profession that I would probably never have children, as I had a polycystic ovarian disorder. I found out about this diagnosis, only after a first marriage of ten years without children. I, too, wanted many children, and had wondered for years what was wrong with me! Well, after a painful divorce, I met a man who believed in God and helped me trust in Him that we would have a child some day, even though I was already 40 years old. He was right, and, out of the blue (with no medical help at all), I conceived and gave birth to our son at the age of 44 and a half, to the Glory of God Almighty. He is now an active 12 year old. It was a marvelous, miraculous, blessing and I will be eternally grateful for that. I have learned in life that all children are miracles. So, my words of advice to you is to have an attitude of gratitude that you were able to conceive and give birth to one special baby girl. You did nothing wrong, it is just your destiny. You'll see, your special daughter will grow up to be a valuable member of society and perhaps, through her, you may have the many children you always dreamed of.
I share that dream with you. We all have a special destiny. I strongly believe that there is a special purpose in all we do and in all that happens to us in life. May you find out what that special purpose is for you and your child and your whole family. God bless you in a special way today. I have learned to trust that what sometimes doesn't 'feel' right, is actually what IS right, by Him.
All the best to you and your special family! Suzanna

Jo Anna - posted on 09/28/2010

Desirae - your story sounds just like mine. I was 16 when my doc said I'd never be able to carry a baby to term. Had 2 miscariages (one technically a stillbirth because of how far along I was) before my daughter was born. When I was pg with her, I went into preterm labor at 22 weeks and spent the rest of my pg on bedrest. She is now 16 and very healthy, and I am thankful for her every day (even when she's a typical grouchy teen!)

Desirae - posted on 09/28/2010

I was told at age 17 that I may never have a child because i had a so rare and irregular cycle. I was able to get pregnant... but kept having miscarriages. I finally had one daughter (now 7 years old) but right before I found out i was pregnant I had a back injury that only got more severe throughout the pregnancy. I have also had undiagnosed vertigo since the age of 15 which only got worse during pregnancy and has only gotten worse over the years since then as well. My dream was to have three children, but, with my medical condition it is not advised. I have also been told that there is a huge risk of never being able to walk again if i go through a full term pregnancy again.

Toni - posted on 09/27/2010

Jo Anna, we currently have one 11 1/2 month old son and we really want another two children, but that may not happen for us. I have PCOS and a blocked fallopian tube and my hubby has a very low sperm count, as such we were told that adoption was a good option for us - the Consultant did not think we would get pg even with IVF. Luckily for us I had ovarian driling to help ease the cysts and was pregnant within three months. However, we have used no contraception since my son was born and I have not yet got pregnant, we believe we were just incredibly lucky with my son. I don't know if I'll ever be completely happy if we only have one child although he is my precious little miracle and I could not love him more, I feel my family is bigger.

Jodi - posted on 09/27/2010

JoAnna, I know what you're going through! I always wanted 2 kids, & I really wanted twins. My husband & I met later in life, so getting pregnant the 1st time was quite a feat (we had to go the IVF route.) In fact, we had twins early on, but Baby B didn't continue growing. It was very early in the pregnancy, so it's almost like we didn't really have twins, but it still was sad at the time. Although there is nothing technically wrong with my husband or me, we weren't able to get pregnant on our own before, & we can't now even after having our daughter. I was sure I'd be able to get pregnant within her 1st year since a woman's fertility is increased during that time, but it didn't happen. My daughter is now 17 months old, & I still keep hoping, but I just don't think it's going to happen. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with that since I never wanted an only child, but I'm not quite sure yet. I am so thankful for my daughter each & every day, & it wasn't easy to get pregnant with her, so I try to focus on that. It's easier said than done though. You're definitely not alone in the desire for more kids. For people who have 1 & want only 1, that's great for them. We just don't fit into that category.

Jo Anna - posted on 09/27/2010

Wow! You guys are so awesome - thank you all so much for sharing your stories with me. Honestly, I think its great when people make a plan for their family and are able to have exactly what they plan, including an only. More power to 'em. The reason for my post was that I have been on "moms of only children" groups in the past where they basically bashed people who had more than one child. Since I knew my heart wanted more than one, I couldn't stay there and listen to that desire being looked at as foolish. I would never intentionally put someone down for choosing to have an only, and I hope no one took my post that way. I just wanted to be sure that people who didn't choose it weren't looked at as "strange" for mourning the loss of a bigger family.

Thank you again for all of your stories. I can not wait to get to know all of you better!

JoAnna in TX

Michelle - posted on 09/26/2010

I can relate I too have Endometriosis. I have a wonderful son who will be 5 in a few short months. I feel so bad that he will be an only child. I was so happy to have him and often think how lonely he will be without a sibling. I have one sister and my DH has 3 brothers so we can not relate to him. I do my best to keep him busy and have scheduled many play dates. However, I truly believed he would be happier with a sibling; until one day I was talking to a friend from work who was in fact an only child. She assured me that it would make him a stronger person and a true friend. How fortunate he was to be able to choose his close friends who would be like siblings for him.

I feel we were robbed but blessed at the same time. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason.

Donna - posted on 09/24/2010

i always wanted at least two, chase my son is now 9 and im 35 and with all the probs i had carring him we decided not to have anymore, well let me say that differently no dr in our area would or will treat me if i get prego again because if how high risk i am. i am an only child and my dad was an only child and it wasnt that bad growing up, but i really wish i could have had another. over the yrs i kept saying well maybe next yr now im 35 and i would be in a whole new high risk group, not only would there be the problems with my body but there would be the risk of genetic problems so ill be happy with the one i have.... good luck and no ur not alone. if ur wondering about the body issues i had cervical cancer 3 times this weekend my female organs so bad that i barelly made it to 7 months with my son truth be told i probably shouldnt have

Steph - posted on 09/24/2010

I also have endometriosis along with several other fertility issues. We were blessed with our only living child after 9 years of marriage and she is now 12.
You are not alone at all. And silly us- we are still trying. Yep- I am an OLD lady but still trying. LOL!

Trisha - posted on 09/24/2010

You are not the only one. I am an only child of an only child and I never wanted to repeat with my family. However, my daughter is soon to be 8 and her father and I are now divorced. We didn't try purposefully and then did try before he decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore.

Now I am in a new relationship and would still like more children. However, with my age I just do not know if it will be possible. I have to leave it up to God.

Just know, you definitely are not alone! People can be cruel too. I was told by someone that I am not a "real" mom because I did not have more than one child. It really hurt because not only was she talking about me but also MY mom and grandmother.

Amanda - posted on 09/24/2010

I to have gone through that this year... I wanted to have more but for the same reason as you I only have the one... I had endo to and had a hysterectomy this year its a hard thing to come to terms with i have struggled with it since june when i had my surgery and sometimes its so overwhelming. Your not the only one!

Tina - posted on 09/23/2010

I think this is a great post you made.....
I too wanted to have more than 1 child for the simple fact I grew up an ONLY and came from a very loving family, still I didn't have the sibling interaction. Which made me really want that for our son (who just turned 5). My husband has a brother and sister each 5 years apart and each have kids of their own.....2 each. So, now my son is growing up an ONLY and I did NOT wish for that, for many reasons. I have severe Endo. and with that came a difficult pregnancy leading into Preeclampsia and difficult birth. I have been told there are ways to go but with hubby and I both 35 and my medical difficulties, I really don't see it happening again. I've been told by friends just be happy for your BLESSING and we are, still I have thought it would have been nice for him to grow and play with other children too.

Darlene - posted on 09/23/2010

Dear JoAnna,
I understand and feel your pain. I too am a Mother of 1. My daughter is now 20 and in college. I was diagnosed with POS or Polycystic Ovarian Disorder just 1 year after my daughter was born. The doctors told me that my ovaries were so entangled in cists that it was a miracle even conceived the first child and that I would most likely not be able to have others. Much to I was never able to conceive again and still to this day suffer from the cists that rupture from time to time. However, I believe God has a purpose and a plan for everything and I truly believe that because of love for children HE has over the years placed me in may opportunities where I have work with and mentored children of all age. You see my husband of 10 years decided the no longer wanted to be married and walked out on us when my daughter was only 9 years old. And I believe God know that was going to happen so HE blessed me with one of my own to love and cherish early in life and sent hundreds my way throughout the years that needed to be blessed, loved and even at times protected by Him and HE used me to do that.
My advice to you would be to just ask God where can He use you to bless children in your area. I think you will be just as surprised as I was at how many children you can love that are not actually yours.

God Bless
A single mom of 1

MaryEllen - posted on 09/23/2010

Oh, I hear you! As a kid what I wanted "to be when I grew up" was a mom. I wanted a large family. We had a son and many miscarriages. I finally had a second child when our son was 16yo.

It was hard dealing with not being able to have another child. In our case, obviously, it wasn't an impossibility. It just wasn't happening. More than once my husband announced a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage.

People - family and stranger - called us selfish for having only one. My husband's grandma called up in tears. She had chosen to have only one and didn't want us to "make the same mistake."

After that conversation, I turned to my son. "Do you feel you missed something because you have no siblings? Do you ever regret it?"
He did not, not really - only when he wanted someone to play with and he couldn't get to them or get them to us.

Months later I felt ill and tested positive for pregnancy. My doctor put me on bed rest immediately. Sarah was born when Patrick was 16yo. He moved out at 21, so we're back to raising an only child..

I was 37 when my daughter was born and suffered another two miscarriages after her birth - the last being on my 42nd birthday. I'm now going through menopause. So at least there will be no more miscarriages :-)

Cie - posted on 09/23/2010

hi, it doesn't feel right for me either. I would love to have another one as a companion for my 2.5 year old boy and just the fact that I love large noisey families and could always see myself with one. I am 43, we have tried over and over again to have another - bar going down the IVF path I htink this is it. But in the last couple of months I have been thinking that maybe I am meant to only have one, maybe God or fate (whatever you believe) has decided this and in actual fact there is nothing I can do about it. We are blessed with one and lets celebrate that! Cie x

Emily - posted on 09/22/2010

Okay, I may have chosen to be a mommy to an only child, but after several miscarriages and a stillborn daughter at 30 weeks, my heart isn't in it to try again. My only living child of 6 pregnancies will soon be 3, and the joy of my life. My husband and I have been through too much heartbreak, and we are content to focus on our one and only. I think sometimes that it really would be great to have another. I don't want to say it's not worth the risk, because it IS (worth every moment, every heartbreak) but I think there is a time when you "cash in your chips" and call it good. My baby girl doesn't need to see Mama and Daddy cry over a lost sibling that she was joyfully expecting too.

Erin - posted on 09/21/2010

Hi JoAnna, I most definately want more. I love my son with everything I have. He is seven now and I am a single mom( very very long story). I don't get out at all and I am only 27 but I feel like I am not going to have the chance to have any more. I just can't seem to find anyone for me and my son. I really don't want to accept that I may not have any more but you are not alone. I would love to have more! I come from a big family and I can remember tons of stories about my siblings and I. My son doesn't get to have that. I feel like I am depriving him of that. I understand how you feel.