Being judged by having just one!?

Jillian - posted on 01/24/2009 ( 122 moms have responded )

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My daughter is only 9 and 1/2 months, but I feel like there is a lot of critisism of making the choice ot have just one!.....I have heard many times people say "only children don't interact proper" or "they turn out weird" etc... I also feel like your pressured to have them super close together, 1 or 2 years apart...and if you do wait , then they won't be as close and what not.

I am almost positive that i don't want anymore children, I had a beautiful, healthy baby girl (always wanted a girl:)...and i got her) ...I feel like that is enough for me:)

Does anyone else feel the way I do??? please write back, I would love to hear all opinons and views:)

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Sally - posted on 03/25/2009

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I have a 17 year old only son---he is completely social and interacts better than alot of kids who have siblings. People often comment on what a great kid he is! I don't think that is so much being an only child---but more on what you expect them to do and the situations you expose them to. Alot of times you just want to do the easy thing when they fuss or want something--it's easy to give in because you only have one---but when he was a toddler I found myself saying no to things just so he could learn to handle not always getting his way or what he wanted. The other thing is that his dad i like a child too---in that he loved to get down and play with him---so he learned from playing with us as well!!

Good luck and have fun--every person is different! No one can pressume to tell you what is best for you and your family!!!

Mom of One

Sue - posted on 04/07/2009

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Quoting Soneni:

YEAH ITS A BIG GAP BUT IT'S OK,,,MY DAUGHTER IS 6 SO WHERE IN THE SAME BOAT,,,,IM NOT SINGLE SO IM IN THE PROCESS OF WORKING ON MY 2ND CHILD...GOOD LUCK.



Good for you,  I dont even understand why you are on this site.  You are not just having one and seem to be bragging about being married and having more than one.   Your reasoning is a bit odd and I think people seem to have more than 1 because thats what "society" tells you to do.  Im glad I think on my own and dont come up with ridiculous reasons stated in this group by one or two people on the reasons of having more.   People like this are the reason we have groups like these       One is Fun!

Tamera - posted on 03/25/2009

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Quoting Stacey:

My daughter is 9 1/2 and when she was younger,friends would tell us that she needed a sibling to play with and site how wonderful their siblings were to them. Well, my sister and I have not spoken for years due, and my husband and his sister are not close either, so I never bought that argument. We also were older when we had her, and we realized very quickly that we only had the energy, time and money for one. I can't imagine having more than one.



My daughter is 2, and I am almost 42.  When friends (who are the same age) ask when she is going to get a sibling, I just say whenever you get pregnant and spit one out, then we'll call it.



I have two stepchildren in their teens that I have raised for six years.  They did nothing but fight and argue and blame each other for everything.  I didn't get along with my sister, and still don't.  My daughter also has second cousins the same age that we visit often and a nice play group.  We go out to playcenters all the time.  And there is nothing more I like better than being her playmate!

Darlene - posted on 03/17/2009

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Yes you got it - I love the feedback. If you can ignore it - do it. I could only have one and used to be offended. My daughter is a 14 year old well rounded child with morals who would not behave at all like some of the spoiled kids I have met in my time. Why is it that people with more than one (or none) seem to think they know??!  How about how some of the others turn out - do we judge? Like, oh your middle child is sure a middle child!! Or your youngest is taking all the attention away from your bratty eldest who resents the younger one - and so on. Having one is far from being selfish. I see parents who should have had one because they are overwhelmed with more than one. They take it out on the kids... there are so many ways to look at this but the bottom line is - if you dont know, mind your business and dont judge. Look at yourself and your kids and enjoy the way you have and like it.

Lisa - posted on 03/10/2009

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I have a couple of things i like to say when people start asking when we are going to have another.  (sometimes works on my husband when he says it too).



"There is a reason why one and done rhyme"



"If you want me to have another child, you come and raise it for me" (I don't use that with DH).



We have gotten judged a lot about having one and up until about a year ago (our daughter is 4), my husband was part of that.  He has always wanted to and honestly so did I up until Ella was born.  i got pregnant easy, had an easy pregnancy and she is a wonderful child, but I just don't think I would he a good parent to more than one.  I want so much for her in life that I don't think we could afford ($$ more than anything else) more than one. 



She goes to daycare, has a best friend and lots of other friends.  She is very independant and plays nicely with others and by herself.  The stories she comes up with are amazing.



she is vey nice and well adjusted. 



If this is your choice (like it is mine).  Be happy.  Everything will be ok as long as you are strong in your decision.

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Patricia - posted on 10/12/2012

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Someone is always gonna have an opinion. All that matters is what you want for your family. Ignore all those comments. I do not know why people have to be so ignorant.



We have one child and that was all we wanted, but also found out that was all we could have.

Carla - posted on 06/05/2012

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I have a two year old..But I took her to her first check up and people( even the Pediatrics Doctor) asked If I was pregnant again. (And I thought I was loosing the baby weight) When I told all of them no, they asked why? Right now my husband and I do not have any extra time or money for another one. As it is we both work so my mom has to babysit most of the time.

Hope - posted on 06/03/2012

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Well to quote on the Children being the only child, and not being able to interact properly, or turn out weird, well pardon my language is Bull sh@t cause my daughter is the only child and she interacts just fine with people, and I've had strangers tell me that she is very articulate and good with her language for a 4 in a half year old. And she is very social and friendly. And it is everyone's choice on how many children they want. People need to worry about themselves and not other people. As long as your child is happy and content and healthy. Not everyone can have more than one kid either.

Michelle - posted on 06/03/2012

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Jillian,
I can understand that now you don't want another, for it diffently hasn't been that long ago, that you just went through labor. But, if you diffently don't want another, you shouldn't feel pressured by noone. It is your decision, noone elses at all. I do think that it is good to have 2 though, for the first one will have a friend. Besides that children are a great joy and a blessing. No matter how many you may have or just want one. There isn't nothing wrong with that. As for having another child 1-2 years apart is good, but then again, some has others around 4 years apart. Put it this way, my mom had 3 , me and my 2 sisters. Each one of us..my mom had 4 years apart. I am the baby of the family and my middle sister is 4 years older than me, I barely speak to her, but then the oldest of all of us is 8 years older than me and I speak to her about every day.
Me, I have 6 children and they are between 1-3 years apart. They are close. I did say after having my first that I wanted another so, my oldest wouldn't be alone. After my second...I didn't want anymore at all...well out popped #3 and so on. I wouldn't give then up for the world, they are my pride and joy. So, just go with your heart of what you decide. It is your decision. If someone don't like what you decide...Heck with them, it's not for them to decide. As long as you are happy for where you stand, that is all that matters.

User - posted on 05/31/2012

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Some times it's not a choice... leave with it people!, you have no idea what some of us have to live through to have a kid. I always say we can't judge from what we see, there is always a story behind... I wish I could of have more kids, but I was lucky and got 1, my beloved 9 year old miracle, when I was told I can never have kids. I'm blessed and the rest of the world can fall apart I don't care.

Paula - posted on 05/29/2012

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Honestly, don't worry what other people say, the comments will start coming as people can be very judgmental. My daughter is now 11 and she's fine. You may get some cutting comments from people with 2 or more children but at least you can give your child the best of you and it's more affordable to have 1. Just remember to make sure that she becomes independent, you will be her playmate as well! My daughter and I are very close. Good luck

Tanya - posted on 01/27/2012

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go with your heart and if you feel like not having anymore then don't just show her that your there for her and spend as much time with her as you can

Johanna - posted on 01/25/2012

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I am very content in just having my one child (daughter) I wouldn't want it any other way. I realize things could change in the future; however, as of right now I am glad it is just my daughter and I. she's everything I need ...I love my only "mini-me"(O: She has been asking me...if she will ever have a little sister though, its because there's a new baby at the daycare and the 3year old boy is a big brother.

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Tell them to stuff it! There is nothing wrong with single children and the world is filling up with unwanted people as it is. Give all your love to one and help her to grow to be a healthy, responsible adult. That's all you need worry about.

Trisha - posted on 01/24/2012

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There are times where I think about having another child. I feel like since I'm in my 30's that I'm getting older and there are higher risks involved. Lately, I've been thinking if I don't have another one in the next couple years I'm totally done. My daughter is almost 5 and I do feel like I waited too long somewhat. I don't know how people do it with having two under two and I knew I didn't want that. I think now that she's getting older I am getting baby fever because I miss it. My problem is I almost died having her....gestational diabetes, renal failure, pre-eclampsia, I passed out in labor and a team of nurses gave me oxygen and my babies heart rate was rapidly going down, after 37 hours in labor I had a c-section. Then I needed a blood transfusion since I lost so much blood during the surgery. Not to mention I put on 80 pounds...40 of which were water that was lost in the hospital. My main problem is fear! I just wish people would mind their own business. As mothers we make decisions that we feel is best for us and our families. We have to trust we are making the right one!

Stephanie - posted on 01/08/2012

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I told my mother-in-law and sister-in-law that we would have another baby if they agreed to pay for daycare. They both said that they couldn't help and I responded "oh well...looks like she'll stay an only child". That shut them up fast!

Jenna - posted on 12/08/2011

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honestly, having an only child is not going to be better or worse. all kids are different. If you'r ehappy with one, have one. It would be worse if you were to have another and then resent that child because you felt pressured into having it

User - posted on 05/05/2009

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My son is also 7 and people can be so insensitive so I have decided to be the same way so now tell them the truth that he is a much loved and wanted child but because they found that I had ovarian cancer and my husband and I had to decide if our son had a sibling or a mother we chose a mother. it makes people stop asking instantly, mean huh?

Brenda - posted on 05/03/2009

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As a mother of only one I must say I know how you feel. I'm further down the road with an almost fourteen yr. old daughter. My husband and I have a very well behaved, loving, kind and well adjusted daughter. I am the youngest of three girls and love my sisters dearly, but I know how time and sometimes distance hinders even sibling relationships. My best girlfriend and I share much more than I do with my sisters and I hope my daughter finds someone as wonderful as my dear friend when she's an adult. She has already made very good girlfriends that I think she will keep for life. I had a "relative" state, for my listening ears, that only children are usually spoiled and act awful. Luckily, my mother-in-law came to mine and my daughter's defense by saying that that statement is not always true. If you know how to parent you know that a brat is a brat. If you don't want your child(ren) to be brats, then parent with love and authority and teach your child to love, respect and think of others. The same rule that applies to one should apply to all. Good luck and know your one and only is a gift from God to treasure and remember to ask Him to watch over and protect her all of her days.

Susan - posted on 05/02/2009

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I get asked that constantly! By family (because both sides of sibs are still having more), and by friends. I am a bit different though...I want another one and my husband doesn't. My daughter is absolutely wonderful! But we had so many issues after she was born that I'm not really sure I wanna do it again. I know that it could be completely different the next time. So I just tell people that we can't. It's not their bussiness anyway, and my family all knows why we aren't having another.

Tina - posted on 04/30/2009

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My son is 3 1/2 and we have been trying for another baby, but I have Endo. which can make it very difficult to conceive in the first place. I was blessed enough to have my son, yet people STILL ask why didn't you have another right after him OR are you still trying?

Yes we are, but I have to realize really it's nobody's business but your own.

Alaina - posted on 04/29/2009

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I totally agree! I've seen more families with 2 spoiled children than with one! I have health issues and I get tired of feeling like i need to explain that. I am able to have more, but not really sure i want to. I am just not ready to share my husband with someone else. we have little time as it is.

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I totally agree with you that we as parents of only children feel pressured into having more than one. My daughter is 12 and I never wanted to have anymore after her. I was blessed with a great kid and didn't feel that I could "handle" having another one. Your daughter is only 9 1/2 months old enjoy her while you can. The grow so fast. I just let those who tell me things about only having one, say what they want, they always will and I go on. There is NO reason to feel guilty for only choosing to have one child. My daughter interacts nicely with other kids and being the only child she has a lot of chances to do things that her friends don't since they have to share time with other siblings. I'm am always hers, one on one, no one to come in and say they need my attention. I'm also a single mother, so I have two strikes against me. Don't let those people bother you, just love your daughter and yourself for making the decision.

Amy - posted on 04/29/2009

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I have always wanted more than 1 child, but it has not been possible. I had to have a hysterectomy at 35. We've talked about adoption, but have decided its not for us. What I can't stand are the people that make snap-judgements about you because you only have one child. I find that when people ask me if we're going to have more, I tell them straight out that I can't. That usually shuts them up pretty quickly.

IMHO, there shouldn't be any stigma associated with the number of children any given family has. I know families that have 8+ children and some that have an only, and anywhere in between. Every family needs to do what's best for them.

Hope - posted on 04/28/2009

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What the hell is it with people and the urge to bug people with just one child..Like basically they are only bringing another child into the world just so their child can have a play mate is all it is..and I know people who are only child and they grew up just fine. It all depends on how they were raised or maybe. Only children do not always grow up weird. People like that have nothing better to do they are bored so they like to butt their nose where it don't belong cause its fun to them.

Marie - posted on 04/18/2009

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Totally agree with what everyone has said. My son is 17 mths and as i ws high risk with him due to medical probs most people are sympathetic and understanding, so dont ask, they compliment me on the decision etc. But what gets me is strangers. The other day someone said to my son (luckily he didnt understand!), 'Ooh nearly 18mth i bet mummy has a baby in her tummy already for u to play with or there will be soon.' I was so shocked i just said i wouldnt contemplate another til he was at school cos i think its unfair not to give them the most time individually as is possible.So insensitive for all they know i had to have fertility treatment etc to get him! Worst than stangers tho is my mother-in-law, who has four kids and thinks if you have less than 3 you're some sort of freak and not a proper woman/mother. She, even knowing my situation, and despite the fack my hubby told he docs have banned me from more babies (even tho this ist true, she was tld it to stop her asking), sh still asks, or did up until he was 14 mths and i was quite rude to her. But then his auntie aske if we were having more, when i said no she started saying what a shame it was (she has 5). ITS NOT A SHAME! Its wonderful to have one kid so you wathc them grow and know everything about themand so have a close relationship. My hubys mum knows nothing bout when he walked/potty trained etc, she even mixes up all her kids. Sorry rant over :) You do know to in England the av no of kids to have nw is only 1.6 and its getting lower, so we're actually in the majority not the minority :)

Leeann - posted on 04/17/2009

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I know how you feel. My son is four years old and i still get critised about having the one. But a long as you are happy with your choice who cares what other people think.

My son goes to kindy and he mixes in well with the other chilren. Go with your instints and it has nothing do with other people. It is up to you and hubby. Be happy with your chioce.

App+7mnejhu - posted on 04/15/2009

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Please remember that at the end of the day you have to be the provider and be on full time duty!! People say their opinions but they are like butt holes we all have one! I know it sounds mean but parenthood is a life-long job.

Johanna - posted on 04/15/2009

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I believe it doesn't matter how many kids that you choose to have and no one has the right to judge you for living Your life the way you feel comfortable. That is sad that people try and put down or tell someone that they need live their life a certain way when they have their own issues that they can't even deal with. So let everything that is negatvie and/or jealous people say go in one ear and out the other. It's not even worth listening to and they need to learn to keep their noses out of other peoples business and work on fixing their own family.



 



I want to have more kids myself but I am struggling and i don't want to bring my family down just to have another child. All my friends have more than 1 child and they ask me when I'm going to have another one and I usually say, "when the right time comes or I want to focus on my daughter during these young and important years of her life."

Laura - posted on 04/14/2009

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I don't think people are judging me for having only one child, I certainly hope not. It's nobody's business unless I want to talk about it (like here :) Anyway, people judge one another all the time for being childfree or childless, and that is a really personal issue. People judge others about having too many kids, mixed marriages, biracial marriages, etc. The list could go on. As for only children, I think it's more common nowadays than it was in years past, so I've never really had anyone make comments to me....

Sonia - posted on 04/14/2009

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Do I ever relate and does it ever feel good to read people with the same presure and the same decision I have to have only one child!! My daughter is 6 years old and she will be our only child. It was decided from the very beggining, we were not even sure if we were going to have a child but we left it to nature to decide and here she is. She is smart, outgoing, makes friends very easily and is very good at playing by herself and make believe. She's got great imagination. She is sometime asking if she's going to have brother and sister but when we tell her that she is all we want and that we chose to give our love and attention only to her, she gets pretty happy ;) I'm an only child, my mother is an only child. Sure it's though when we get older and see ours parents get sick and everything, we carry all the burden but that's why we have great friends and greater spouse. I think only child make for more loyal people. . I do feel guilty sometimes because i know what it is but at the same time, and it might be selfish but I don't want to have another child just so my daughter has a "friend" when she gets older, I know so many people that don't really get along with their sibling that I don't feel that i'm missing out on anything. I am convine that i'm a better mom because I have only one child.

Crystal - posted on 04/14/2009

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I totally agree with you! I have a 3 year old boy who is my angel! I had a really rough pregnancy and I know that I do not want any more children. People tell me frequently that it's selfish of me not to give my child a sibling. My response...? How DARE people make me feel guilty for my life choices!!! On another note, my best childhood friend (we're still friends to this day) was an only child and she turned out JUST fine. Don't let people make you feel guilty...just do your best with the child you were blessed with and live your life! People are too quick to "offer their opinion"...and most of the time that opinion is not even asked for!

Sue - posted on 04/14/2009

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Heres a new one for me... We are moving to a bigger house (we are renting and the house got foreclosed so we found a good deal) and because its bigger NOW WE CAN HAVE ANOTHER! We moved because we HAD to and its cheaper because we cannot afford to buy one right now so just because we have an extra room doesnt mean it comes with extra money. The new landlord even said my son needs a playmate.. well give us the money and fix my anxiety and Ill be happy to :)

Stephanie - posted on 04/13/2009

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I have an only child and am an only child and can tell you that only children can turn out just fine! I would like a larger family sometimes but appreciate the closeness that our small family provides. My daughter is really not around other children daily as she doesn't go to school yet but has adjusted rather well and is much less agressive than other children we see. It is absolutely ridiculous to think only children will be strange!



Steph

www.savingwithsteph.com

Angela - posted on 04/11/2009

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i am an older mom. i was 35 when my daughter was born and my husband and i decided one was enough for us. we hear alot from his mother that our child will be a spoiled brat because she is the only child. that is not true. my husband and i are comfortable with just one and that is all that matters to us, no matter what others say think or do

Julie - posted on 04/11/2009

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Anyone who tells you all that ridiculous garbage probably are insecure themselves. I was an only child and I'm just fine. In fact only children are usually  more independent. So, don't worry. Ignore them and enjoy your little girl. Love is what she needs to grow up happy, not siblings.

Anne - posted on 04/11/2009

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Quoting Jillian:

Being judged by having just one!?

My daughter is only 9 and 1/2 months, but I feel like there is a lot of critisism of making the choice ot have just one!.....I have heard many times people say "only children don't interact proper" or "they turn out weird" etc... I also feel like your pressured to have them super close together, 1 or 2 years apart...and if you do wait , then they won't be as close and what not.
I am almost positive that i don't want anymore children, I had a beautiful, healthy baby girl (always wanted a girl:)...and i got her) ...I feel like that is enough for me:)
Does anyone else feel the way I do??? please write back, I would love to hear all opinons and views:)


Jillian,



I get that question at every family gathering. The only one who doesn't ask me is my uncle, who is the father of an only child....my cousin, who is 4 days older than I am. I always hear "well, when are you having another." Or the one I LOVE is "you are our last chance for a baby around here." LOVE that one!!!! Nothing like a guilt trip!



 



My husband and I made the choice to not have any more children. Our daughter just turned 7, and having another one would be like starting over. It would be unfair to her, as she has had our undivided attention for 7 years. We can go to her soccer games, dance recitals and concerts without having to worry about missing something. Sure we have to rush to get her to these things, but we don't have to worry about leaving because we have to get another child somewhere.



It is no one's business as to why you only have one. I feel like I have more time to devote to my daughter, and in the long run I think she will thank us some day!

Anne - posted on 04/11/2009

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Quoting Soneni:

HEY I USED TO FEEL THAT SAME WAY UNTIL A FRIEND OF MINE SAID TO ME, IF GOD FORBID SOMETHING WAS TO HAPPEN TO U UR DAUGHTER WOULDN'T HAVE ANYBODY WHO WILL FEEL THE WAY SHE FEELS,OF COURSE PPL IN UR FAMILY WILL MISS U BUT KNOW ONE CAN'T FEEL THE PAIN THAT UR DAUGHTER WILL FEEL,B/C HER MOM HAS PASSED AWAY,UR COUSINS WILL STILL HAVE THEIR PARENTS AND ECT. SO THATS JUST SOME FOOD FOR THOT. NOW IM WORKING ON MY 2ND CHILD...I WOULD LIKE FOR GOD TO BLESS ME WITH 3 CHILDREN IN TOTAL.SO WITH THAT BEING SAID TAKE CARE.


I am new here, so I am not sure why you are posting if you are planning to have more than one child?



Having a child out of fear that they will be alone is not a very good reason to have one, in my opinion.



My daughter is an only child, and not ONCE have I worried that she would be alone if something happened to my husband and I. I know that my family and friends would make sure that she never felt alone.

Sue - posted on 04/07/2009

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Holy Crap! I would have socked her LOL Really, that is probably the rudest thing someone could say AND SO FAR from the truth! Wow that really got my nerves going for you right now

User - posted on 04/07/2009

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We didn't actually plan on having only one child, it just turned out that way. He is now a grown 25 yr old and a wonderful caring considerate person. 



 



When he was younger and playing soccer, I once had another mom on the team make a statement that I didn't know what it was like to be a mom since I only had one child!!

Sue - posted on 04/07/2009

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Quoting Soneni:

YEAH ITS A BIG GAP BUT IT'S OK,,,MY DAUGHTER IS 6 SO WHERE IN THE SAME BOAT,,,,IM NOT SINGLE SO IM IN THE PROCESS OF WORKING ON MY 2ND CHILD...GOOD LUCK.



Good for you,  I dont even understand why you are on this site.  You are not just having one and seem to be bragging about being married and having more than one.   Your reasoning is a bit odd and I think people seem to have more than 1 because thats what "society" tells you to do.  Im glad I think on my own and dont come up with ridiculous reasons stated in this group by one or two people on the reasons of having more.   People like this are the reason we have groups like these       One is Fun!

Sue - posted on 04/07/2009

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Quoting Soneni:

YEAH ITS A BIG GAP BUT IT'S OK,,,MY DAUGHTER IS 6 SO WHERE IN THE SAME BOAT,,,,IM NOT SINGLE SO IM IN THE PROCESS OF WORKING ON MY 2ND CHILD...GOOD LUCK.



Good for you,  I dont even understand why you are on this site.  You are not just having one and seem to be bragging about being married and having more than one.   Your reasoning is a bit odd and I think people seem to have more than 1 because thats what "society" tells you to do.  Im glad I think on my own and dont come up with ridiculous reasons stated in this group by one or two people on the reasons of having more.   People like this are the reason we have groups like these       One is Fun!

Melissa - posted on 04/06/2009

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Thank you so much for posting that! I feel the same way, I wanted a girl, thats what I had, and she is almost 5 yrs old. we love her so much and she is all Iwe want. I use to hear all the time, so when are you having another, oh you don't want her to e lonely, etc. we love our life together and all the time Iwe have to focus on her and all the amazing things we get to do together.  I thought I was crazy feeling upset about the comments I hear, I am so happy there are more people that feel the same way!!

Kate - posted on 04/04/2009

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i have had these questions and statements and frankly it annoys the hell out of me!



 is it really any of their business anyway?



i have been quite adamant since faith was born that i wouldnt have anymore. and  i broke up with my daughter's dad a year ago, and in a new relationship... i am even less likely to consider it.



has anyone had this... where you say straight out NO! and they are like ' ohhh you will! i bet you will have another in a couple of years!'



UMM... hello! i think i know what i want! damn ppl >.

Tracy - posted on 03/31/2009

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My husband and I are asked that all the time now that my sonis 3 and loves to play with other children. The only thing is they don't know what we went threw to have our son and its hard to do it again. I love my son and its hard work dealing with one child I don't know if I can deal with more then that. If that makes me seem bad to people then thats their problem.

Jen - posted on 03/29/2009

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People ask me the same thing sometimes. I'm very happy only having one. Ever since I was a kid I only wanted one child (a little girl, which I got luckily). My personal circumstances are just not right to have more than one. Besides, I don't think those stereotypes are true. We have preschools, day care and play dates. Many of us have found that extended family and close friends often fill those spaces in our lives that siblings may occupy. I can't tell you how many families I hear about where, sure there are lots of siblings, but they fight so much they never talk to each other. Or they live so far apart that having a daily, meaningful relationship is difficult, if not impossible. Having a sibling does not guarantee one an automatic friend. And, on the point of "only kids being spoiled" that's a crock. It has nothing to do with whether or not the child is an only or one of many. That has everything to do with how the child (or children) is raised. Parents over indulge children. I've seen many a family on shows like Oprah where they just can't understand why their children don't respect them (the parents) when the parents have given these children everything they ever asked for and never made them earn it.
So both of those things are where I place my energies. I have a great relationship with my sister and make sure my 2 1/2 year old only has a close relationship with her two daughters (ages 13 years and 3 years). Since her two girls are so far apart in age, it may turn out that her 3 year old daughter & my daughter will be closer friends. Look for opportunities to build relationships, not relatives. And be conscientious about not giving your only everything his/her heart's desire. That's the best we can do.

Tanaura - posted on 03/29/2009

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I too have just one child by choice. I once had a woman tell me how selfish it was because when my husband and I are dead my son will be alone in the world. Honestly? Who says that?



 



I found the best response is to simply say we're happy with our family the way it is, thank you. Very few people have the nerve to continue at this point, but if they do, the easiest thing to do is to say, well, if I change my mind, you'll be the first to know, and smile. End of subject.



 



I don't know why people think it's so dreadful to be happy with one child. My son is lovely (he's 6) and he has lots of friends, is well adjusted, great at school and so sweet to people. It's your choice!!



 



 

Julia - posted on 03/29/2009

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I wanted to have another child for years (about 5 years) but I never got it. During those years I observed other families a lot. I was brainwashed to think that an only child would be unhappy, unsocial and the most important: very lonely. I soon noticed that`s not the case! All the families where there was 2 or more children were not what I had thought. The siblings were fighting all the time (honestly). The mothers were tired and yelled a lot. They thought having 2 children would be that they played together nice and quiet but actially two children do mean doublejob.



My good friend had then 3 children. My daughter didn`t like going there because the noice was so terrible. My only child was the only one in that group who could share toys without crying. I think that when you have many children they feel threatened all the time (their position, sharing toys, sharing their parents attention and love etc.) and I can`t figure out what in that situation is so much better that having not to struggle??



Many times after visiting those families I thought afterwards that my daughter is quite lucky to be an only child. She got to play with other children every day but didn`t have to share us and listen to noisy sisters or brothers in the home anymore. I rrally started to wonder WHY do people keep siblings so important? I have a sister and a brother but I´m not close to them at all. My later in life- friends mean much more to me that siblings. When my parents die I know I will get more comfort from my friends than my siblings. My childhood was always struggling with them and many times I remember wishing that I was the only child.



Recently after giving up hopes having another child I understood that maybe (??)I really didn`t want another child in my heart. I wanted it because you are supposed to have at least two children. My daughter turns 8 in september and we all three enjoy our lives. I have a hobby I love and beeing able to go to that hobby you can`t have small children. We like to travel and take quick take offs and we can afford it with only one child. I enjoy my daughter`s friends but it`s also wonderful when they go home and the silence falls in our home.



I was amazed to learn that mostly in many children-families the daily life is rough for parents and for children. I really began to doubt if two children are doubleluck. Many times I felt much more luckier for having just one ;) I also work with old people and I have noticed that many times only children are much more closer to their old parents that siblings! If there were 2 children many times only the other one took care of the parent and that of course wasn`t good for their relationship. Only few times there were equally participating siblings!

Sharon - posted on 03/27/2009

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Quoting Soneni:

HEY I USED TO FEEL THAT SAME WAY UNTIL A FRIEND OF MINE SAID TO ME, IF GOD FORBID SOMETHING WAS TO HAPPEN TO U UR DAUGHTER WOULDN'T HAVE ANYBODY WHO WILL FEEL THE WAY SHE FEELS,OF COURSE PPL IN UR FAMILY WILL MISS U BUT KNOW ONE CAN'T FEEL THE PAIN THAT UR DAUGHTER WILL FEEL,B/C HER MOM HAS PASSED AWAY,UR COUSINS WILL STILL HAVE THEIR PARENTS AND ECT. SO THATS JUST SOME FOOD FOR THOT. NOW IM WORKING ON MY 2ND CHILD...I WOULD LIKE FOR GOD TO BLESS ME WITH 3 CHILDREN IN TOTAL.SO WITH THAT BEING SAID TAKE CARE.



What if God forbid something happens to your spouse and you are left raising 3 kids alone. What if God forbid your family lost thier income and you have 3 mouths to feed and no food to put in them. What if God forbid you would get sick and not be able to care for them. What if God forbid one of your children would have special needs and you wouldn't be able to get the proper support to care for them and the others would feel neglected. It's a never ending argument on both sides of the coin. Their are just as many what ifs to having more children as there are for not having more.  Couples should have as many as they feel they can handle and/or as many as God blesses them with. And not make thier decisions out of fear or guilt!

Kathleen - posted on 03/27/2009

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I just smile and say "Oh, we don't have to have any more - we got it exactly right the first time!" HA! Yes, I know that could offend some people but then being judged is offensive too.

Toni - posted on 03/27/2009

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I also made the decision to only have one child-health matters were an issue, but after giving birth to my daughter, who is EVERYTHING I could ever want in a child, I knew that she was enough and have had no desire to have more children. While, I am from a large extended family, I am the only child also and "didn't turn out weird".  I do believe that only children need to be involved in as many activities as possible to help strengthen their social skills among their peers-and allow interaction with other children outside of school.

Toni - posted on 03/27/2009

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I also made the decision to only have one child-health matters were an issue, but after giving birth to my daughter, who is EVERYTHING I could ever want in a child, I knew that she was enough and have had no desire to have more children. While, I am from a large extended family, I am the only child also and "didn't turn out weird".  I do believe that only children need to be involved in as many activities as possible to help strengthen their social skills among their peers-and allow interaction with other children outside of school.

Wilma - posted on 03/27/2009

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Quoting Soneni:

HEY I USED TO FEEL THAT SAME WAY UNTIL A FRIEND OF MINE SAID TO ME, IF GOD FORBID SOMETHING WAS TO HAPPEN TO U UR DAUGHTER WOULDN'T HAVE ANYBODY WHO WILL FEEL THE WAY SHE FEELS,OF COURSE PPL IN UR FAMILY WILL MISS U BUT KNOW ONE CAN'T FEEL THE PAIN THAT UR DAUGHTER WILL FEEL,B/C HER MOM HAS PASSED AWAY,UR COUSINS WILL STILL HAVE THEIR PARENTS AND ECT. SO THATS JUST SOME FOOD FOR THOT. NOW IM WORKING ON MY 2ND CHILD...I WOULD LIKE FOR GOD TO BLESS ME WITH 3 CHILDREN IN TOTAL.SO WITH THAT BEING SAID TAKE CARE.



With all due respect that's a pretty ridiculous reason to have more than one child. My husband has three siblings. None of them shared the pain of their parents' passing with him. He was the only one who even cared when their father passed and he was the only one here when their mother passed. His one brother did show up to help clean out her apartment but that was it. So much for family togetherness. Having more than one only guarantees that you have more than one. It doesn't guarantee that they will have anything in common or even get along with one another at any stage in their lives.

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