Choice or Chance?

[deleted account] ( 78 moms have responded )

My daughter is 5 1/2 and it's been a combination of choice and chance that she's an only child. When she was 20 months old I was in a major car accident and broke both hips. Therefore, couldn't have a second child... then for several years chose not to risk major pain to have a baby. Now that I'm healed and functioning again we can't get pregnant and it's hard to think of starting all over again... diapers, bottles, potty training, not sleeping through the night? So, we have registered with two adoption agencies, and we're waiting.
What about you? I'd love to hear other's stories of why and how you've ended up as a family of three.
Thanks,
Natalie

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Heather - posted on 03/02/2009

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My husband and I decided that we were not having more than one child. He is an only child and live a wonderful childhood. His mother is an only child too and also lived a wonderful life. I was very young when our daughter was born but would not have done it any other way. We want to make sure she has every opportunity in life that is available to her, and in this economy, we are not sure we could provide that for her if we had more children. She is very out-going and active at school and in the community. We are helping her pave her way to a successful future by being able to devote our total attention to her and only her. I could not imagine having to split time between her and another child. She is all I could ever want, and all I will ever need!

Lesleigh - posted on 01/29/2009

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I'm the same as Karen - we were married for five years, and out DD was a complete and total suprise.  We had never planned on having kids.  She was a surprise - we won't call her anything but.  We love her to death, but I was sick the entire time I was pregnant, I had to be induced early, and it sucked.  I had post-partum depression, and the whole mix of new baby, new house, depression, put a HUGE strain on my marriage.  I'm not even remotely interested in going through any of it again.

Karen - posted on 01/24/2009

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Hi, I just found this site and community. My story is similar to Joyce's I guess. My husband and I were married for 7 years before deciding if we even wanted children. Then I decided I may regret it someday if I didn't have one. So it happened in the second month of trying. I was in hospital at 34 weeks and my son was born at 37 weeks. We were happy but it was a huge change to our marriage (stressful at times) and I suffered post partum anxiety and went on meds for that. Anyway, we love our son and I tell people he keeps me as busy as I need to be! He is 5 1/2 years old and I have never felt the desire to have another baby. When he asks about having a sibling I tell him that he is so special I don't need or want another child, only him. :)

Joyce - posted on 11/19/2008

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Definitely choice here...and I have to add, thank goodness you weren't hurt worse and I'm glad that you are alright now! My that must have been so painful! Anyways, I often feel bad telling people that only have one by chance our reasons because they may seem selfish...I don't know? You see I never really wanted any kids or let's just say that I never particularly liked kids nor did I ever babysit ever in my life! My husband and I went back and forth whether we wanted any or not. I went off the pill and thought, what the heck if it happens it happens! Well, it didn't happen until almost a year later and let me tell you it was complete and total shock. Anyways, it wasn't the greatest pregnancy, I spent the last 23 days in the hospital on bedrest with big fat swollen feet and high blood pressure, plus to add insult to injury it was CHRISTMAS!! To make a long story short, Christopher was born 5 weeks early and healthy and that was good enough for both of us and I am NEVER going through that ever again! I still don't particularly like kids all that much (but I love my own) and I could not IMAGINE having another one ever. That's my story.

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[deleted account]

Mine i would like the think is a choice but to honest i dont know if my daughter was a miracle or the doctors were wrong. I had appendicitus when i was 12 and it burst, poisoning the crap outta me (it was either surgury or i was gonna be dead in 3 hours) so becuase of that my docters said i was most likely gonna be sterile. so when i met my then fiance i told him and he wasnt bothered by it and we didnt bother using protection. So now she is a year old and im wondering whether or not to have another. But my issue is 1) i HATED being prego, it was painful cuz i have congenital hip dysplasia ( yes i know dogs get it lol). 2) do i really wanna be set up for a major let down and 3) can i handle another with the chance my husband could get deployed.

i have a conundrum lol

but its a big deal either way, we love our trio.



I am glad you didnt get hurt worse, and i think adoption is a great idea!

Gorett - posted on 07/07/2009

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Quoting Stacey:

My husband and I always talked about having only one child. I just had my sweet baby boy 5 months ago and we still feel the same way. I like the fact that I can spend so much quality time with my son and I'm fairly confident that I can provide a good future for him. It wouldn't be the same if I had more, there's just only so much attention and resources to go around. I love being a cozy little threesome and when the baby's in bed or entertaining himself my husband and I have a lot of time to be together and have "us" time. That may sound selfish to a lot of people (just talk to my inlaws), but that's the way we want it. We are so happy now, so why mess with a good thing? It's a choice for us.


I completely agree with you!

[deleted account]

Family of 3 by choice. I had 3 pregnancy losses, and did some rounds of Clomid, and 1 round of IUI. Matthew's pregnancy was natrually conceived, but I had progesterone deficiencies, and then pre-eclampsia with kidney failure. He arrived 4 weeks early weighing in at 4.13 pounds. After a few months of post-partum depression and not really bonding well with my son, difficulties with nursing, I knew by 6 months that I had zero maternal yearn for anymore children. My husband also agrees we are just meant to be a family of 3. My son is 4 and is a very well adjusted kid. Smart, thrives well, independent, and the love of my life!

LaCi - posted on 05/29/2009

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Choice here. My son is a handful, and I want to give him as much attention as he can stand, I feel like If I have another I won't be able to do that. Its also a financial decision, After my son was born I found a private school that I'll be lucky to be able to afford when the time comes, but I will do everything in my power to get him into the school, If I had two I definitely couldn't get them both in. After my son is older, in middle/high school I like the idea of adopting, but not having another of my own. There are already so many kids who need love and support, I'd like to be able to provide that. Maybe eventually we'll be a four person tribe, but for now and for a while we're sticking to three :)

Michelle - posted on 05/28/2009

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Choice here!! My husband and I had a miscarriage the first time we found out we were expecting which was a really big blow! We had planned the pregnancy and were really looking forward to it. We now have a beautiful little girl which happened totally by suprise! And she is the best thing that could have ever happened to either of us! We decided that we would stick to just giving her the best possible life and never have to worry about going through the pain of anything like the miscarriage again. Plus she has two soon to be three cousins which are very close to her age.

Rachael - posted on 05/27/2009

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Definitely choice! DH and I thought we want 4 when we first were married.After 2 yrs of trying we were blessed with Bella.I had a very rough pregnancy and we realized we love being able to hand the kids back over to their parents.No more spit-up,diapers or carseats.I also love the fact that we can give her more than our parents could.We both come from bigger families and we can't imagine having to split our time between siblings.

Lauren - posted on 05/21/2009

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for me its because my son is only 7 months old..i'd love to have another one when he's 4 or 5 if his father agrees to it of course at the time

Malorie - posted on 05/19/2009

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Although my son is 22 months old, my husband and I have decided that we are EXTREMELY happy with our family as it is. After he was born, we talked about having another and decided that if we had another, we would like for them to be close in age.. I have a sister who is just less than a year younger than me and he has a twin brother. We liked to say, at the time that we weren't trying, we just weren't preventing either. Shortly after our son turned 1, we talked about having another again and I broke down crying because I couldn't imagine another child taking time away from my baby.. we have a good thing going! That was when I decided I didn't want anymore. (I should say that my husband really felt that way the whole time. To quote him "why would we want another when we have the perfect kid already?" When anyone asks me about another, I tell them, very honestly, that when he is about 4 or 5, I might think about having another, but that doesn't mean that its gonna get discussed. I loved being pregnant and I loved having a little baby and I would love to do it again, but just for a day or two and then have him go back to a very high energy, smart, smiley toddler, who can tell me when he is hungry or thirsty or what hurts! Recently, my 3 1/2 month old neice came to stay with us for a few weeks and I am more happy than ever that I made the decision not to have a second any time soon!



My husband's twin brother and his wife have 8 kids and I can't tell you how many times we have been asked if we are going to try to catch up. I say NO! very quickly then add that is one thing I don't mind anyone beating me at!

Jessica - posted on 05/18/2009

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For me it's just bad luck. I would really love another baby but it just isn't happening. I am no longer with my son's father that relationship failed. Then had bad relationship after bad relationship. Now I am engaged to be married and I am hoping a baby isn't too far away we haven't been trying but we haven't been preventing one either guess it's time to put in some extra effort.

Lara - posted on 04/25/2009

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Choice. When we met my husband didn't want kids and it almost broke us up. We compromised on one and that's what we have. Since our beautiful boy has been here, husband was the first to flip-flop and entertain the notion of another child. We have flip-flopped together the last 2 years, but finally said that this is it. One and done. We feel secure in what we can provide for one, not so much with another. I have chronic back issues and was in PT thru my pregnancy, labor was long and difficult, then the infant days were tough. But even with all that, it's such a short period of time, I think we could still get through it. For me at least, it's the thought of two kids older that sticks in my mind. So we've left the door to adoption open if we feel as if our family isn't complete yet.
At the same time, I already feel like I don't give enough of myself to my child, my husband or my full-time job. How can I possibly bring another child into that mix? We have a great thing going right now with just the three of us and I am confident of what the future can be for our little unit.
I obviously continue to be conflicted. (oh, and we are in MI)

Heather - posted on 04/25/2009

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Oh my goodness, there are some very sad stories here as to why we only have one child. But thankfully we have one right? :)

I had to give up a successful career at 5 weeks gestation with Charlotte and take to my bed for 4 months or so with hyperemesis. I was so sick there was no way I could have looked after another a child as I could eat or drink or get up and had low blood pressure too which made me want to pass out if I stood up. I lived with my Mum for a while who cared for me then when a bit better, my husband had to spend loads of time off work to get meals and check I was OK. Toward the end of my pregnancy my baby was so big I could barely walk so it was very painful for a few months (I am knee high to a grasshopper). Terrible birth, I couldn't get her out as she was too big, ventouse in the end and very stressful.

The my baby cried 13 hours straight a day (without a break, just constant). Doctor's couldn't find the cause. This lasted 4-5 months, she wouldn't sleep much either. Then she started rapidly losing weight as I ran low in breastmilk from lack of sleep and stress (and she wouldn't take a bottle no matter how hard we had tried). Sorted when I took Domperidone for it. She was so clingy and grizzly for 12-18 months but no one could figure out why. She would only sleep a few hours at night so we were wrecks!

She is now so lovely after a lot of effort for us to break the cycle with her of suffering etc. We really enjoy her but it was such a hard time we both feel we couldn't take the risk again of having another time like that.

I enjoy being able to put all my time in to her, teaching her things and being a stay at home Mum, she's blossomed because of this we think, it was an effort but it's paid off now. :)

Kim - posted on 04/11/2009

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Well I guess it's sort of a choice. I had my son at 24 he is about to turn 2. I would like to have another one, but my fiance says he thinks one is enough.

Beckie - posted on 04/09/2009

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Both.I have a chromosome translocation so am at risk of having a baby with Down's.I had to have an Amnio with my daughter and at 17 that was scary!!!Since Beth(now 9) we have lost 4.There is a 9 yr age gap between me and my younger sister and it was hard especially as a teenager when i wanted to go out with mates and she wanted me to play with her and i am reluctant to put my daughter through that.I will be 36 when she is 18 and can have my life back,if this seems selfish it's tough!I am truly happy with my lot and count myself lucky to even have one child.

Jennifer - posted on 04/07/2009

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Unfortunately for us it's a matter of chance at this point.  We got pregnant with our first son through IVF because we were unable to conceive on our own.  We did another round of IVF last month which was a big failure.  We've decided to stay as an only child family right now due to the emotional roller coaster we just got off of.  We have a bunch of small vacations planned between now and next January, and so our plan is to take a break for the moment, enjoy our only child, and next year, we will attempt again.  I have to admit as much as it saddens me to even think about it, if we are unsuccessful next year, we may have to make a choice to be an only child family due to the emotions, time and money invested to do an IVF cycle.

Lori - posted on 04/07/2009

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My family of three is both by chance and by choice. My husband and I had been married two years when I was diagnosed with breast cancer--at the age of 23. I went thru surgery and chemo, and all was fine, for a while. Two years later the cancer came back at which time I had a stem cell transplant with very high dose chemo. That left me post-menopausal, at the age of 25. Seven years ago we adopted our beautiful son. We decided that he was a gift from God, and that we weren't greedy. We just feel truly blest to have him in our lives. BTW, I have been cancer free for 10 years!

Katie - posted on 04/06/2009

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Hi!  Im so glad your doing better now.  My family of three is a mixture of choice and chance too.  I had my son when I was nineteen and was seriously ill.  Following his birth I was advised to have a sterilisation because it was very dangerous to get pregnant again and I was unable to take the pill.  



I followed this advice and spent a long time coming to terms with the decision and the fact that I couldn't have any more.  I've now been told by experts that this was not the correct advice.  It is possible to have children with my condition with careful monitering.  I am now trying to decide what to do next.  I could have my sterilisation reversed but there is a low chance of getting pregnant after the procedure  so I may then need IVF.  



I've spent years tying to accept my situation and now Im terrified of getting my hopes up and going through all the proceedures and turmoil just to fail and have to accept it all over again.  

Lisa - posted on 04/04/2009

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We were chance. I don't ovulate regularly. As a matter of fact, the doctors believe that I've only ovulated four times in the past 10 years. One of those times we got very lucky and had our little miracle. I agree that it is hard at times being part of a family that seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. My brother has 4 children and my sister has 3. Neither had to "try" to get pregnant. I have gotten more advice on how to conceive than anyone ever should get. It took a lot of time to make peace with the idea of having only one child, but I have. He is funny, kind to others, and an all-around good boy. I believe that God knew one was enough for our family. I don't begrudge anyone their decision to have only one, none, or many. My decision was made for me, but I don't know that I would change it if I could. We have a very happy family of three.

Kate - posted on 04/04/2009

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i left my ex husband when my daughter was 1, and it was the best decision i made. i am now in the early forms of a new relationship, with a lovely man, and we both just arent ready for another child... and i dont think we would be for a very long time. by then my daugter (now 2)... i dont think id want a big age gap between the 2 children anyway. that and the fact, ill be honest, i am not fantastic with children! lol i love my daughter, but its hard work, and i honestly dont know if id want to go thru it all again!

Stephanie - posted on 04/03/2009

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It is my choice. I have PCOS. So I decided that my son is going to be the only child I have. I am getting fixed soon :)

Laura - posted on 04/01/2009

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Well, it's definitely not choice for us. We had Kayne pretty early in our relationship, totally unplanned!! (I know, bad us) so we weren't really ready for another right away. We started trying for another when he was 3. So far we have been unsuccessful and he is now 6. I have had several miscarriages and am trying to come to terms with the fact we probably won't have another. Kayne is wonderful and we can be happy with just him if that's what is in the stars for us.

Rabecca - posted on 03/31/2009

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Right now it's it's kind of both. I got pregnant with my son at 25 and had been with his father for almost 7 years when and the relationship was terrible and wonderful all wrap up in one I loved him even if I knew we were not right for eachother but that all ended when i found out I was going to have my son he left one day when I was across the state seeing my mom got home to find an empty house. I was torn apart but never did I regret the choice to have my son he has been a blessing in my life bueaty from ashes really. four 4 years it was just him and I it was hard but I loved every min of him I was really wanted to meet someone but live in a small town and know or have met most every availble man here, after a long 4 years I have truly met the man of my dreams (new to the area) he is the most amazing man he loves my like his very own ( does not have any of his own) we have been happy and in ove four almost 5 years now and if we can we would like to have more but he assures me that if we have only the one he would be just as happy. I dont know I kind of would like to share that experience with a loving man in my life. PS i live in idaho

Kathleen - posted on 03/27/2009

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We are from Canada but have been living and working in Hawaii for six years.

Kathleen - posted on 03/27/2009

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My first child, a boy, died at age 5 years from leukemia and I very nearly followed him over the next few years as I struggled to get up off the ground. Eventually I met my husband and we decided after knowing each other for less than two months that we wanted a child together and had little time to waste as I was 36 by then. Today we have a lovely 11 and a half year old daughter who used to guilt us out about being an only until she met her best friend who is the eldest of six! After a few sleepovers at their house she couldn't wait to get home to the sanctuary of her bedroom. The other day I overheard someone ask her if she wished she had siblings and I was thrilled to hear her say "No way! I don't have to worry about anyone messing with my stuff and I get my parents all to myself." I was happy to hear this and I highly recommend introducing onlies to kids with lots of siblings because each has the opportunity of seeing that the grass aint always greener on the other side of the fence!

Stacey - posted on 03/25/2009

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My husband and I always talked about having only one child. I just had my sweet baby boy 5 months ago and we still feel the same way. I like the fact that I can spend so much quality time with my son and I'm fairly confident that I can provide a good future for him. It wouldn't be the same if I had more, there's just only so much attention and resources to go around. I love being a cozy little threesome and when the baby's in bed or entertaining himself my husband and I have a lot of time to be together and have "us" time. That may sound selfish to a lot of people (just talk to my inlaws), but that's the way we want it. We are so happy now, so why mess with a good thing? It's a choice for us.

Pamela - posted on 03/25/2009

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I got pregnant with my daughter easily at 25. I had an awesome pregnancy but a hard delivery. After I had her we had some relationship issues and decided not to try for a second child. My husband and I worked out our problems and decided to start trying again. We have had no luck at all. We got tests run and tried some of the different options to conceive to no avail. After a really hard time full of heartache and disappointment we made the decision to stop "trying" and really enjoy our life as is. Our daughter is now 9 years old and I cherish every moment I get with her ( good or bad). If in the future we are blessed with another child we will cherish him/her. If not, then I still know in my heart that even if things didn't work out the way I may have wanted, they worked out the way they are suppose to.

Pam - posted on 03/25/2009

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Mine is a little of both. I had one in 2001 by accident. I have seizures so I was supposed to talk to the dr before I had a baby. He is now 8  and when I see a baby I want one but then I think about my son now and the NO Way comes to mind...lol. He has a sister with his dad and his girlfriend. He gets to see her every other holiday, and for now that will have to do.

Lin - posted on 03/24/2009

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Currently we only have one due to bad financial choices - we were both typical college students charging too much on credit cards.  Actually we went to a credit counselor the other day and she pretty much told us if we got pregnant again we would have to file bankruptcy, especially since the pregnancy would be a guaranteed high-risk due to my diabetes.



Once we get to a better financial situation we'll revisit the "one child" situation (I put that in quotes because Jeff and I occassionally act like children too LOL).



Oh, and I'm from SW Ohio.

Monica - posted on 03/24/2009

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Our decision is a little of both too. We couldn't get pregnant and after years of infertility treatments with no luck, we decided to adopt. Our first adoption failed because the birthmother changed her mind. However, it was a true blessing because we met with another wonderful birthmother and we now a son that is now six. We still keep in contact with his birthmother and her family and it's just wonderful.

We were a bit older when we finally adopted our son and went back and forth with adopting another one. The cost and emotional ups and downs probably have kept us from doing it again. But you're right, we've also gotten very comfortable and can't imagine doing it all over again. We are blessed and love our little family but one and done is it for us.

Best of luck with your adoptions - it's truly a wonderful thing.
Monica

Rae-Ann - posted on 03/23/2009

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First off, thank goodness your'e doing better! We are a family of three by chance and choice. We got pregnant right away with our now 13 year old daughter. We NEVER tried to not get pregnant. After 3 years of trying, I decided to let fate take its role. When she was 5, I fell on a patch of ice and injured my back. After 2 long years of daily pain, I finally had surgery and decided that getting pregnant would probably not be a good idea. We are now a very happy family of three and while I sometimes wish she had a sibling, I know that she is destined for greatness and will always have a family that loves her! Thanks for sharing your story!

Stephanie - posted on 03/22/2009

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Well mines is both, i can have more kids but choose not 2 i wanna enjoy my 1st c his 1st everythin, pay attention 2 him& well im not wit his father since i was pregnant wit ma son so datsz anotha factor

Sue - posted on 03/22/2009

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Someone just asked me yesterday if looking back at my sons baby pictures makes me want another one and I said no and she didnt understand it. To me, looking at the baby pictures of my son makes me think of HIM and only him and all the good times with him I cant imagine going thru it all again and having my time spend more with a baby then with my son

Carrie - posted on 03/20/2009

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By choice. My husband and I come from very dysfunctional famlies, I am diagnosed PTSD, sever anxiety and depression. With our only we have been able to buy her a pony, 2 horses (owned one at a time). We have traveled the world, she spent 7yrs in a Montessori school and as a result is fluent in French. For graduation this year we are able to take her and her best friend on a cruise from Venice to Athens to Turkey- back to 2 Greek islands and back to Venice for 3days. My husband and I travel in our jobs and so we have lots of FF miles. We never had any help or support from family and so had to make through those tough years on our own. We are able to send our daughter out of stae to University. We are a close loving family, not that we haven't had or share of tough times but I wouldn't trade this life for any other.

Janis - posted on 03/19/2009

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I hear you!! When my daughter was 11 mths I had a miscarriage, we werent ready for another child and also being young parents it really scared us, so I went on the depo for a couple years and soon decided we didnt want anymore kids , So we went and got a vasectomy. Now shes 7 and we really would love to have another one but...as you say it is hard to think about starting all over again , we would also hafe to pay $3500 to get it undone, with the pain of the surgery and the chances of being able to get pregnant again, its definily a major decision. I think we were to young to make such a solid decision and somtimes I really regrett it . We ve talked about it but not seriously, so for now I think we will remain as 3.

Janice - posted on 03/18/2009

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Well Natalie at the age of 30 I was told that I wasn't going to be able to have any children. At 34 I got pregnant and that was the only pregnancy. My one and only miracle. I'll keep her.....

Wilma - posted on 03/12/2009

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I'm an only child and initially I wanted two children. We put it off for a number of reasons and then in 1998 my husband got sick and started feeling his mortality. After things got sorted out he said "If we're going to do this we'd better do it." So our son was conceived (very easily) in March 1999. Everything was fine until my 7th month when I started showing symptoms of pre-eclampsia. It went from bad to worse until 3 days before Thanksgiving I had to be induced 6 weeks early. Then he wound up being born by emergency-C because his pressure was flat-lining with every contraction. Turns out the cord was wrapped around his neck. After his birth he seemed okay but I wasn't. Then suddenly his breathing got really bad and they had to take him to the NICU. My husband had them bring him over to me so I could hold him even though I was not very there. After they took him he held me and told me that our son had a less than 50% chance. Long story short, I wound up in the ICU being opened up three more times and had five blood transfusions because I was hemmorhaging but they couldn't find it because it didn't bubble and I was so swollen because of the pre-eclampsia. I didn't truly see Sean to really see him until he was almost 4 days old because I had a central line and couldn't get out of the bed. They told us that he would be in the NICU at least a month or more. When I was able and went down there I put the St. Jude medal my MIL had given me on his isolette. I don't let anybody try to convince me that there aren't miracles because we took our son home 11 days after his birth with no oxygen, no monitors, nothing. He's been fine except for speech issues due to weak muscles in the mouth area but that has been mostly remediated with speech therapy in school. He's down to "R" now and that is common, especially for boys.



We never actually discussed the issue of babies after his birth. It wasn't hanging there unspoken or anything, it was just a non-issue and so didn't need discussing. One day we were out and somebody asked us when we were going to have our second and we both said, "We're not, we're done" in unison and then burst out laughing because we had come to the same conclusion and just never said anything to one another about it. Our family is complete as it is. There are no regrets and no wishes for what might have been. We're happy and given the way things have worked out in the past couple of years it is a blessing that it is just the three of us. God knew what he was doing. Of course, he could have done it a little less drastically IMHO. :)

Wilma - posted on 03/12/2009

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I'm an only child and initially I wanted two children. We put it off for a number of reasons and then in 1998 my husband got sick and started feeling his mortality. After things got sorted out he said "If we're going to do this we'd better do it." So our son was conceived (very easily) in March 1999. Everything was fine until my 7th month when I started showing symptoms of pre-eclampsia. It went from bad to worse until 3 days before Thanksgiving I had to be induced 6 weeks early. Then he wound up being born by emergency-C because his pressure was flat-lining with every contraction. Turns out the cord was wrapped around his neck. After his birth he seemed okay but I wasn't. Then suddenly his breathing got really bad and they had to take him to the NICU. My husband had them bring him over to me so I could hold him even though I was not very there. After they took him he held me and told me that our son had a less than 50% chance. Long story short, I wound up in the ICU being opened up three more times and had five blood transfusions because I was hemmorhaging but they couldn't find it because it didn't bubble and I was so swollen because of the pre-eclampsia. I didn't truly see Sean to really see him until he was almost 4 days old because I had a central line and couldn't get out of the bed. They told us that he would be in the NICU at least a month or more. When I was able and went down there I put the St. Jude medal my MIL had given me on his isolette. I don't let anybody try to convince me that there aren't miracles because we took our son home 11 days after his birth with no oxygen, no monitors, nothing. He's been fine except for speech issues due to weak muscles in the mouth area but that has been mostly remediated with speech therapy in school. He's down to "R" now and that is common, especially for boys.



We never actually discussed the issue of babies after his birth. It wasn't hanging there unspoken or anything, it was just a non-issue and so didn't need discussing. One day we were out and somebody asked us when we were going to have our second and we both said, "We're not, we're done" in unison and then burst out laughing because we had come to the same conclusion and just never said anything to one another about it. Our family is complete as it is. There are no regrets and no wishes for what might have been. We're happy and given the way things have worked out in the past couple of years it is a blessing that it is just the three of us. God knew what he was doing. Of course, he could have done it a little less drastically IMHO. :)

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I also didn't intend my son to be an only child and my life is full of what ifs. What if i hadn't left it ao late to try for a second, what if i'd not gone back to work, what if i'd not had a c- section. I have to start to embrace the child i have rather than wonder about the child i didn't have. I know that, but it is going to take time.  I am sensitive to the fact that he is an only child and balme alot of things on this. I have at times an irrational fear that i will lose him. Only time will make me feel better and maybe counselling at some point.

Lisa - posted on 03/10/2009

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My husband and I discussed children before we got married and thought that two would be good.  A boy and a girl.  I have one brother and two step-brothers that I barley see and when Mom needs help, who does she call me or my husband, not my brother.  My husband on the other hand has 3 brothers and 2 sisters (actaully cousins, but his mom raised them for the most part).  We waited 3 years after being married to try and got pregnant right away.  Easy pregnancy, but after our precious ella was born (she's 4 now), I felt (and still feel like) a nervous parent.  It took a lot of discussions with my husband, family and a therapist to have most family stop judging me for only wanting one.  Our whole family knows it is my decsion to only have one an often they are not as supportive as I think they should be.  Knowing myself the way I do, I don't think I would be a good parent to more than one.  I finally have my husband on my side.



My new quote whenever anyone asked if we are having more, when we are having more, what ever is " there is a reason why one and done rhyme"

Pamela - posted on 03/08/2009

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We're stopping with one, although it's still hanging in my mind. I'm on an anti-epileptic drug that has a few risks, including not being able to stop it during pregnancy. Add that to the fact that before I discovered I had a seizure disorder DH and I had 6 failed fertility treatments and you see why I'm not trying again. I would NEVER do another fertility treatment. Luke is a miracle - natural conception after all that - and I love being his Mommy. I'm an only child, too, and would like to have had a sibling for Luke, but it doesn't look like it's in the plan.

Toni-Anne - posted on 03/08/2009

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For me it was chance.
I had my son when I was 17 years old, and th relationship with his father was volatile to say the least.
5 years later I found myself married to a man who, due to a previous marriage, had had a vasectomy.
It's now 5 years since i seperated from my husband and i now find myself in a happy relationship with a man I love very much, and pregnant.
My son will be 14 before his little brother or sister is born.

Kathy - posted on 03/02/2009

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I am an older mom and Laura came about because of ivf. I would love another but time and money rule that out. So one child by unfortunate choice.

Patricia - posted on 03/01/2009

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Quoting Lena:



I only have one child by choice. I grew up in a very large family. I was an aunt by the time I was five years old, and have over 20 nieces and nephews now. Growing up like that I always knew how much work/time/money.... that goes into chldren. I guess growing up in a huge famioly did show me the pitfalls of multiple children, and I just want to be able to provide for my son in a way that I would not be able to with more children.






We literally made a list.  On one side was Reasons To Have Another Baby and on the other side was Reasons Not To Have Another Baby.  We discussed each and every item listed.  Lena's story is my husband's story.  And that was the deciding factor.  Not that we spoil our son but if we chose to we would be financially able to since we had just one child.

Lena - posted on 02/27/2009

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I only have one child by choice. I grew up in a very large family. I was an aunt by the time I was five years old, and have over 20 nieces and nephews now. Growing up like that I always knew how much work/time/money.... that goes into chldren. I guess growing up in a huge famioly did show me the pitfalls of multiple children, and I just want to be able to provide for my son in a way that I would not be able to with more children.

Leslie - posted on 02/25/2009

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When my husband and I got together, he didn't want to have any children. He has 2 from his previous marriage and it's very complicated. He changed his mind and we had our son...I was 34 and he was 40. Our age, finances, and the complications I had during pregnancy made us decide for only one. We feel very lucky that our son is healthy and happy. It's hard for other people to understand why we don't "want" more.

Tina - posted on 02/24/2009

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Hi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you to you all for posting. I have been back and forth about having another baby for at least a year and a half now. My daughter is 3, my husband and I are 37 and 38. I had no problem getting pregnant and had a great pregnancy. The birth was a little dodgey, but nothing I wouldn't have done again. I haven't gotten pregnant b/c of money really and lack of health insurance. But also, at this point I'm not so sure I want to start all over again, a fact that I am embarrassed to say and a little ashamed to be feeling. It's stupid really b/c the 3 of us have a great time together and I don't feel like I'm missing something when we're together. We really make a great team. So why am I still wrestling with this guilt? I want to provide the best I can for my daughter and adding another might hinder that. All of you seem so happy too and it really gave me some relief and comfort to read your posts and know that I'm not the only Mum with one baby. But it sure feels like that sometimes!

BTW, I am from Hull, MA.

Gabrielle - posted on 02/24/2009

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My daughter is 2.5 and it's looking pretty definite that she will be an only. We got pregnant with her after trying for only 2 months, and it was a very easy pregnancy, so it's likely we could get pregnant again. But we're in our mid-30's and my DH doesn't want to have kids too late. He was last born in his family and felt like he missed out on some things because his parents were too old to keep up. It's also partly a financial consideration, a sanity issue, a sleep issue, and the fact that we love being able to give all our attention to our daughter. She's old enough now to take all sorts of places, she's potty-trained, and very out-going with lots of friends. We're enjoying this stage and I don't think we want to go back to diapers, nursing and broken sleep.



We're in San Diego, both originally from Los Angeles.

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2009

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I thought for the longest time that I wanted 2 kids. And then I had one....lol, the rest is history. It's not that I minded pregnancy (I actually  liked that). It's just that raising a child is more work than I ever thought possible. There's plenty of benefits and she's the light of our lives (almost 7 years old!), but I couldn't possibly go through the diapers, late nights, crying jags, potty training, etc. again. I look forward to watching her grow up and seeing where life takes her.



We had her when we were in our late 20s. By the time she was 6, I got myself fixed. I knew that there was no reason to leave that avenue to chance!



 

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