depressed and dont no where to turn

Rebecca - posted on 10/06/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

26

23

1

is it just me or does every man on this planet walk all over their wife and expect total respect at all times?

i am a 24 year old mother to my 3 year old son and i am a newly wed of 3 months and yet i feel trapped and used :-(

my hubby does not have a job at the moment and so i though it would be kind of fun havin help with house work and child care but its all gone wrong and i dont no it its me or if every guy does this?

i get up every morning and take our son to school then come home and wake hubby up with a cuppa, who after a few hours gets up and then just plays on the comp all day, he snapps at me and has a go at me if i am to tired for sex. he never talks to me and is only affectioned when he wants sex.

i am sure i am suffering from depression but am to scared to ask for help as i dont wanna lose me son if people think i am not coping with it.

does anyone at all no how i feel and know a way of dealing with all this??

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

19 Comments

View replies by

Patrice - posted on 10/22/2009

10

16

1

sweetie they will not tell anyone that u cannot take care of ur son or urself..many women today suffer from depression and it is quiet normal..I wen through it for a few weeks when i had my daughter...all u need is courage to go and speak with ur doctor about it and you will see that he/she will be able to make u feel and handle ur depression a lot better. i wish you the best of luck.

Cynthia - posted on 10/22/2009

6

13

0

Just wanted you to know your still on my mind, and I hope things are turning around for you. Please let me know thanks.

[deleted account]

I have suffered diagnosed clinical depression for years it does not in anyway affect ur ability to be an amzing parent to ur little ones ! I would strongly advise seeking help and talkign about it. Talking it out really helps ! Some times its so much more simple to fix than u might think i take a low dose of antidepressants and it has changed my life i also sought help and talked to friedns and family and i started to see the light at the end of what was very dark tunnel im now a very happy mum to my new daughter who has made me so happy its like i was never sick ! Your definately not alone but u need to speak up about how ur being treated by your husband taking control of the things that hurt you is the first step if he loves you he will understand and want to support you. And if not then get some help and get out you need love and support not abuse its not healthy for u or ur little ones there is hope out there u just have to try and fight to feel better !

Adrian - posted on 10/21/2009

8

8

2

Rebecca honey keep your chin up. Your man is probably depressed because he doesn't have a job. Try to lead him in the right direction of some job leads. Men are different thinkers than us and they think they are defined by their jobs. Once he is out of your hair at home things will be better. He will be happier and so will you.
Also don't put out till he decides to be nice and tell him so. I know sounds tacky but oh well! Bribery is great plus it makes him realize he can't treat you that way and that being grumpy with you is not OK. Plus if he doesn't change, know in your heart you deserve better. But try to communicate with him first and give it a chance to change.
If your depression is bad enough you just wanna sit and cry or worse go in for a checkup and ask your Doc for some meds- it's NOT a reflection on your mothering skills at all. Also a few great ways to beat depression is to get active physically and socially. Turn to those who love you most. Good luck.

Eyvonna - posted on 10/19/2009

1

2

0

hey there my name is eyvonna and i just want to let you know that it doesnt matter if your depressed they wont take your son away everyone get depressed at times and its just a part of life but neways to my point i am bipolar...and i have a daughter that is almost 2 ive been taking meds since i was pregnant and have never had not one question as to whether or not i could care for my daughter...

Aline - posted on 10/14/2009

15

49

2

First of all, everyone gets depressed at times, and it is not a strong enough reason to loose your child, for what I can see, even depressed and going through hard times, you are still taking care of your child and commited to his wellbeing, and for that you should be very proud, cause mommies are humans too!!!

I suffer from depression aswell, and found that not asking for help only hurts me and my family , accept that you are human and embrace your feelings, they're nature's way of making you change something that is not right. Communication is key, talk to your husband with humility and love, and hear him out, it is very possible he's not so great himself... you can support eachother!! Marriage is a give and take of compromise, listening and understading, in a base of trust!!

Also, if you are not happy, take responsability for your own happiness!! talk to a therapist, It help me so much to have a private space for me to vent and ressolve issues, and i find it makes me understand others better too. I grew up in a home where Mom woukld leave us everytime she got depressed, and I always thought, if she had only asked for help. thing would have been better.

Hope this helps!! love!

Jan - posted on 10/14/2009

5

15

0

Sweetie, I feel for you. I know you're not perfect either, but your hubby NEEDS to take on some housework, washing clothes, etc.! And more so when he is not working! Stand your ground, firmly and as kindly and controlled as you can (it's not easy) and tell him what you need him to do. Don't ENABLE him! He needs to do his share! He can't expect you to have sex with him when he is not helping you and treating you so insensitively. You are NOT required to do it all!! You will wear out. This makes you depressed! You may have had some depression prior to this situation, too, and I'm sure you have your issues that need to be dealt with which will free you more as a person and enable you to deal with your husband and life better. Don't be a doormat! You are worth so much more---SO precious in God's eyes and ours! Find a good counselor (Christian, preferably that is GOOD) or pastor or wise, caring friend who you can talk to, and even if your husband won't go, you go by yourself and let them help you! This will help you soooo much! God can help you honestly and fairly confront your husband in a kind and non-defensive way. It will take time for him to understand that you have needs and that it is his job to do his share! Esp., if you're like me, where I felt it was always my problem and I didn't feel worthy to share that I had needs! My husband got use to not doing anything. They just don't get it until they're shown and told over and over and with lots of prayer. My husband has become so much more sensitive and is helping more cuz he understands alot better now. It's taken a couple of years through counseling, prayer, friends, etc. I felt hopeless alot, but I kept persevering and little by little my way was clearer! God bless you--I'll pray for you.

Cynthia - posted on 10/14/2009

6

13

0

It seems to me you have your hands full, and it's getting you down. I don't think your a bad mother or person so there no way anyone who take your child. I think you probably are suffering from some depression, and the newly marriage is just adding more on. I would get help with an professional that specialize in marriage councling. This will help with your marriage issues, and I bet everything else will fall into place. I'm not saying that it's a quick fix, but it's a working progress. You might be put on some medication for your depression, and it's ok it will help you to get through.This will help you to get through with your marriage counciling. I also say if your newly husband doesn't want to go through with the marriage councling, you still need something for depression. Call your doctor, and let him know what's going on don't worry your doctor won't spread/say anything about what you have told him( because of hippa). After you have started taken your medication, you really need to think about your situition with your newly husban. You might want to fly solo, and it's ok. I know if that's what it comes to your gonna be ok.

Darla - posted on 10/12/2009

3

10

0

Get help from a professional. You may need someone just to talk to. You would be much better off when you start feeling better about yourself. You will be in better shape to take care of your son. Make sure you do something fun for yourself. Maybe take a class or get involved with something that means something to you.

Anna - posted on 10/11/2009

6

20

0

Honey I think we all have them same issues. It isn't you but you should let your husband know you need help you feel overwhelmed and thats normal. I just left my daughters father foe alot of them reasons if I was home he would never help out. And as far as sex I never was in the mood. I was just tired by the end of day. There is nothing wrong with getting on a medicine to help with the anxiety. I am on celexia it seems to help. But I am 26 and he only gets our daughter 4 days a month. You really need to tell you husband to help you. You also sound like you could use a break!!!! I hope everything works out you are normal we all have them feelings trust me!!!!

Lyndsay - posted on 10/11/2009

2,008

19

175

If you think that you may need help then you probably do. (If you are posting on a forum that you need help, you probably do.) I suggest that you seek help... don't be afraid to ask, because there are lots of community supports set up to help you in these types of situations. You can get access to counselling if thats what you want, or legal advice if you want to leave your husband. Don't be afraid of losing your son or people thinking you're not able to cope, because you shouldn't have to feel like you're suffering through your existance, and asking for help is just one possible way of coping.

Rebecca - posted on 10/10/2009

26

23

1

Quoting Lisa:

If you think your depressed then you more then likely are depressed. Just remember that is ok, no one will take your son if you ask for help (and there is plenty out there). I know how you feel having went through it myself, and yes it is a struggle. Plus you have already took the first step by reaching out.
Your husband may also be having issues with his employment status and is unjustly taking it out on you, or he is nothing more then a lousy jerk ( my bet is on the second). Regardless of the answer to that you must address the issue before things get worse.



i dont no where to turn, i am to scared to go ask the gp as i feel like if am wrong n am not then i will be in bother. but i do feel so bad, i dont no how to get out of it, yesterday i was really ok like back to normal and today i have woke up and i feel that black cloud is back again, i have no idea why i seemed ok yesterday, i was hyper n had music on most the day n was singing n dancing but now am laid on sofa with son watching telly feeling shity :-S



 



ur right about my hubby he is a big jerk but when he gets a job am aure he will chill out, am sick of asking for help now and just egt on with daily stuff with me n son n let him do what he wants

Lisa - posted on 10/09/2009

24

8

4

If you think your depressed then you more then likely are depressed. Just remember that is ok, no one will take your son if you ask for help (and there is plenty out there). I know how you feel having went through it myself, and yes it is a struggle. Plus you have already took the first step by reaching out.

Your husband may also be having issues with his employment status and is unjustly taking it out on you, or he is nothing more then a lousy jerk ( my bet is on the second). Regardless of the answer to that you must address the issue before things get worse.

Bonnie - posted on 10/09/2009

6

6

0

HEY MY GIRL, IVE HAD HAD SEVERVE DEPRESION BEFORE AND I'VE ALSO HAD A LOSER BEFORE AND I CAN TELL YOU NOW THAT YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEME STAND UP FOR YOUR SELF .DEP. IS NOT SOMETHING TO FELL BAD ABOUT FIRST MAKE SURE THAT DEP. IS NOT THE PROB HERE AND WHEN YOU ARE SURE OR IF YOU HAVE SORTED IT OUT TELL YOU HUBBY TO GET OFF HES ASS AND HELP YOU. IVE BEEN THERE IF YOU ARE DEP. LIKE A LOT OF NEW MOMS ARE, YOU WONT LOSE YOUR CHILD YOU'LE JUST GET HELP. GO SEE SOMEONE IF YOU ARE NOT SURE....I DID AND IT SAVED MY LIFE

Rebecca - posted on 10/07/2009

26

23

1

Quoting Jaimie:

you won't loose your son!! i went to the doc for depression cause my Husband is a long haul truck driver and i was lonely, the doc put me on celexa and man it worked wonders!! I haven't taken it in awahile but i'm not nearly as bad as i use to be lol. prolly cause i have more to do during the day now. but he should not treat you like that maybe it's because he's not working! maybe he is depressed also and makes you fell bad cause he does.



wont the gp tell the health visitor that i am struggling to care for myself and my son propperly?



thats what am worried about as i no this is dession as i feel so low and have done for weeks, plus i have a lot of trouble sleeping and so i am so tired and low on energy all day that i sometimes dont wanna run abouot withn son :-(



 



my hubby not depressed he is just gone all mean and nasty, he says nasty things and draggs me down and then gets really mad if i dont do stuff for him when all he does its sits around on his arss. i have passed out 2 times this last few weeks from exhaustion n yet i still get no help



 

Rebecca - posted on 10/07/2009

26

23

1

Quoting Kristin:

Please, seek help. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it. I have had several friends who were battling depression. The ones who sought help are doing great! The ones who didn't have gone down very dark roads. You are not coping with it if you don't seek help. If you are being treated, you are dealing with it. You don't need to be scared. It sounds like your new hubby is also struggling with depression, and is dealing with it in a not-so-productive way and is hurting his relationship with you. If you don't find a healthy outlet for this depression, you could further hurt your relationship with him or hurt your relationship with your son. It sounds like no one is happy in your house, and that is not healthy for you or your son. How could anyone claim that you're not the best for your son, when you are looking to improve his home environment. Good luck.



i am very scared about going to gp to ask for help i have done it before and got shot down :-S



my hubby is not depressed he is just been a mean, rude and very disrespectful man at the moment as he just seems to think its ok to layz about in bed all morning then get up and do bugger all during the day. snapping at my n my son for no reason.



yesterday i was cooking the tea and burnt my arm in the oven and when i shouted through to the lounge where hubby was he snapped back at me like it was a massive annoyance that i dareed to speak to him :-( 

Kristin - posted on 10/07/2009

17

27

0

Please, seek help. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it. I have had several friends who were battling depression. The ones who sought help are doing great! The ones who didn't have gone down very dark roads. You are not coping with it if you don't seek help. If you are being treated, you are dealing with it. You don't need to be scared. It sounds like your new hubby is also struggling with depression, and is dealing with it in a not-so-productive way and is hurting his relationship with you. If you don't find a healthy outlet for this depression, you could further hurt your relationship with him or hurt your relationship with your son. It sounds like no one is happy in your house, and that is not healthy for you or your son. How could anyone claim that you're not the best for your son, when you are looking to improve his home environment. Good luck.

Jaimie - posted on 10/07/2009

209

27

29

you won't loose your son!! i went to the doc for depression cause my Husband is a long haul truck driver and i was lonely, the doc put me on celexa and man it worked wonders!! I haven't taken it in awahile but i'm not nearly as bad as i use to be lol. prolly cause i have more to do during the day now. but he should not treat you like that maybe it's because he's not working! maybe he is depressed also and makes you fell bad cause he does.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms