Do you feel that an "Only Child" is sometimes viewed by families with multiple children as "Spoiled"

Carol Ann - posted on 05/06/2010 ( 42 moms have responded )

41

0

1

I think there is a huge difference on how some families view "only children". In my experience only children are stereotyped as "spoiled" and that as parents we are looked at as "selfish" for not giving our "Only" child a sibling. What are your thoughts? Sounds crazy right? But I see it and feel it and I know it's not all in my head!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Beth - posted on 05/07/2010

1

1

0

I have felt it too so it can't be just in our heads. Sometimes I feel like wearing a sign around that says "Yes, I only have one child, we wanted another, but I had a couple of miscarriages and a stillbirth and then stopped trying." Or something like that....

Crystal - posted on 05/08/2010

15

18

1

I have an only child, she is 4 now. People ask all the time if I am going to have any more. I would love being able to have more. I am 32 in June, not currently in any sort of relationship of any sort, with any1. Working hard to do what it takes to make sure I am as a single parent able to provid for her takes up alot of time. I have had to let go of other peoples thoughts. I know my daughter would not be so stuck (like glue) to my side if she had a sibbling. She does not even play in her room, unless she has a friend over to play. I put her in daycare @ 2. Thank my lucky stars knowing she was able to interact with others her age b4 starting pre-school. They have always said she is very smart for her age. Do people not get that in our situation, she is all I had that kept me going. I talked to her alot. We have been through alot 2gether. We dont need to and another child to our situation, who has a daddy such as hers to not be around, much less pick up broken peices of her heart @ times. I do what I am able to do for her. If that makes her spoiled then so be it. She is a well behaved 4 year old. Willing to learn, curious of everything. I agree with that capricorn story above. We talk to complete strangers everywhere we go, cuz she likes to talk, to every1. These days we are working on not talking to them. Its hard though. She has done that alll her life. in turn helping me to be able to talk with others. We were in a dark place 3 years ago. I had to get me some of them BiG gIrL pAnTiEs. Stand up 4 both of us. Its wasnt just me anymore. I had this tiny person, who I had to make a better place in this world for her to grow. I sure knew staying with dad was NOT helping. So, on a 700.00 take return, we moved. I was @ that time babysitting for a woman with 5 children of her own. She said she would give a notice, That did not come true 3 short months later. There I was. No JoB, Her to care for. and no place to even take her to be able to go look 4 a job. What would have been sinceable about bringing another child in2 that mess. We have come a long way since then. She is about to complete her 1st year in pre-school. She is taken to daycare after school to wait on me. I am @ the end of this year going to have an associates in Electrical Technology. We have come a long way. Mentally i am 100% back to where I was b4 I ever laid eyes on her. However, I got the best gift a man has ever been able to give me. I have her to enjoy my progress with. Life is good. I wish she had a sibbling to grow with. It would not have been in our best interest for me to decide to find another (Tom-Dick-or-Harry) like her daddy, to make that possible. Some things are just not ment to be. Even if it is not what we wanted things to be like. We were sent here with a laid out plan. We have no control over the total outcome. We have to be able to live in the now. Enjoy what we have as we continue to move forward in this game we all call LiFe. Nothing is handed to u. U must work for a better way in life. Make better choices. In doind so, make a better place to just be, who we want to be.....

Amber - posted on 05/06/2010

2

7

1

I hear all the time that my son is spoiled. And maybe he is, but so what? He's still a good kid, we're just able to occasionally give him things that he wants.
I also feel I get looked down on for not having a second child. I hear all the time, "he needs to have somebody to play with". I think he's doing just fine. And it's not like I haven't tried to get pregnant again, it just hasn't happened. But I am very happy with my ONLY child. He's amazing.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

42 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

My daughter is an only child. We wanted more kids, but I couldn't have anymore due to health issues. Yes, others sometimes say that she is spoiled. I say SO WHAT!! It's my child and I can buy or get her whatever I please. I'm sorry others feel she is spoiled, but I don't have any other children that I have to provide for, so of course she is going to get more for her Birthday or Christmas. Other people should just realize that all children are a gift from God and not judge others on their Parenting, including spoiling their kids! My daughter may be 'spoiled', but she is also a good kid. She likes to share, is very helpful and a good student. As far as others calling you selfish because you did not give your child a sibling? It's none of their business. It's your life and your decision.

Amy - posted on 06/27/2010

12

13

0

Sometimes it really makes me angry. Those people usually have no idea of your reasons for having only one child. They assume that you are selfish, etc. Some of us can't have any more children and it just about kills us. If someone is really rude or intrusive I usually say, "Well I'd love to have more but a hysterectomy at age 35 usually makes that impossible". They typically shut up after that.

Karla - posted on 06/23/2010

1

16

0

Yes!!! That is usually how they are treated.. I am a single parent of a 10 year daughter . I don't want anymore!! LOL LOL But people always ask her wouldn't she like to have siblings.... If only it was that simple for me to have children soley for her to have playmates. The positive side is, because I don't have four or five other kids , I can afford to provide alot ot her desires. But she earns all of those things by being a straight A student in the magnet program, good behavior , and chores. If that's being spoiled, (Oh Well!)

Liz - posted on 06/18/2010

269

3

36

Children can be spoiled no matter how many are in the family.



My BIL's 2 children are little terrors. My son has never really had to share his toys with anyone, as I dont have any Mommy friends. He behaves much better than they do with it comes to sharing.



I also hate the thought that just because I only have one child and I'm not pregnant that he was an "accident" or that I didn't really want children in the first place.



My son was planned, just like #2 is/will be.

Jennifer - posted on 06/18/2010

3

68

0

The way I personally see it...If you can't feed them, then don't breed them. I am incredibly proud of how my only son is turning out. He has cousins that have multiple siblings, I don't see where they fair any better than he does. I do know for certain he appreciates his time much more when he plays with friends. He is the friendliest kid on the playground for sure. We never get the whole "when ya gonna have another one" question. Fortunately. People are far too oblivious (even parents) to what it takes to raise ONE healthy, productive kid...much less a whole mess of them. Liz, like your daughter, my son has VERY close relationships with our family members. Although he's more on the independent side, but I push him to be that way.

Liz - posted on 06/18/2010

2

9

0

We are a one kid family - I love that description and it fits us so much better than "only" - What I notice about my daughter is that is is hard sometimes when the attention is not on her and that she thrives in close relationships where there is a strong bond...something she feels with our family. I tell my daughter there are all types of families...our is just like any other's just the number differs.

Manda - posted on 06/17/2010

12

13

1

its so true your children are concered to be selfish also, it shouls be an indivdual choice of how many children to have an n one has the right to preasure you into having another child because it is selfish of harmful to the ONLY child. my daughter is an only child an its not fair the way people force their opions on you. so over all i have to say that i totally agree!!!

Jessica - posted on 06/16/2010

106

5

10

Yep to the spoiled. No one ever looked at me like I was selfish. I think most of my friends are just proud of the fact that the one I have is doing so good as I am so scattered.

Rudder - posted on 06/14/2010

1

0

0

Why is it that people keep asking us if we're going to have another one? Is that any of their business? Just wondering, probably should be a new thread, but I get the "spoiled" thing all of the time. But my son isn't spoiled.

Kimberly - posted on 06/13/2010

1

9

0

I agree with the spoiled issue but am perfectly happy having an only child. I cant have anymore children for medical resaons, and I dont want more even if I could. The way I see it is, it is none of your damn business why I have an only child so go bother someone else who is willing to put up with you.

[deleted account]

my daughter is a only child and she shares fine with other kids and she enjoys playing with her cousins as often as possiable she does have her moments like all kids today but I think as long as you teach them to play and share well with others whats the problem? I am un-able to have other children so yes I do go a little out on birthdays and such but not to spoil her I want her to rember having a great childhood.

Jennifer - posted on 06/07/2010

3

68

0

My son is an only child--and most likely will be. Sure, I get baby fever every now and again--but to be honest, I like our life the way it is. I do not come from a big family, and had planned on having a big family. However, I see what it takes to raise a child. I want to give my son the best of what I can give him. He deserves that. I'm not saying other people who chose to have multiple children do not feel the same--I'm just saying this is what I can give. Is he spoiled? I don't know really. He's an only child. He certainly doesn't act like it. He's well-mannered. Albeit, he does assume that everyone is out to buy him treats LOL.

Melanie - posted on 05/25/2010

10

35

0

Well my son is an only child and he is spoiled but I dont really care what anyone thinks of that. I am not selfish I just had him in my mid thirties and dont know if I really want to have any more children so close to 40. I dont want to be old when my child is grown and not able to do activities with him. So no it is not selfish to just want one child. Selfish is having too many children you can not care for in my opinion. I also have several family members with only children too. So it is not really a big deal in my family.

[deleted account]

Sometimes I feel that way, BUT at the end of the day you have to do what's right for you! I chose not to have a second child for many reasons-like....More quality time for my son....My age (I don't want to be an older mom & maybe not as active.)...& lets be real- It is expensive to raise, & educate a child today. (Not to mention extra acivities outside of school). I consider it the "responsible" thing to do...."If you can't afford it...don't have anymore!"

[deleted account]

I have a daughter and she is our only child. We plan on keeping it that way. We don't want anymore. I do feel like some people think we're selfish, but I've asked my daughter (she's almost 3 and understands the question) if she wanted a brother or a sister and she has always answered no.

We're happy with our little family and feel like we are raising a well-rounded child. She is by no means spoiled but we are able to give her everything she needs. She gets things she wants in moderation.

Raising a spoiled child is up to the parent. I personally know a few parents raising spoiled children in families that have two or three kids. My daughter knows how to share, where as in my experience some of the children who have siblings don't.

Shelley - posted on 05/24/2010

5

5

1

It is absolutely NOT in your head!! I find ppl are amazed when they discover my son is not a spoiled brat,but a kind,considerate & giving child. As far as the selfish thing....yes all the time...And also the notion that my life is a breeze because I "ONLY" have to take care of one child....I have been told directly that I had no way of knowing how hard it is for parents of more than one child & that i had no room for being tired or excuses for having a bad day....ppl can be so annoying

Tianna - posted on 05/24/2010

14

28

1

I am a only child as is my daughter, Being Spoiled in my oppinion is a definate sterotype.

HOWEVER...I Believe being spoiled is measured in a childs attitude...Not by materialistic items. A child with siblings can be spoild when refusing to share with their siblings...on the other hand... an only child may be more willing to share because.. there isnt that feeling of pressure to share with siblings....

Ive known many children who are spoied and have siblings..

However i feel there is a pressure on moms to have more than one child. I've felt it from the beginning. People always asking me when im going to have another....im not sure i want another so back off is what i feel like saying...lol..If it happens it happens and if not then not...but im not trying...lol... :) but thats just me.

[deleted account]

You aren't crazy! My family and friends have made this mistake and it kind of hurt my feelings. It seems like my daughter gets less of everything, particularly their attention, because they often behave as thugh they're jealous or disapproving... and it's based on their own assumptions and not on reality.Those I've discussed this with seem to have come around to what life is really like for my daughter and are noticeably more receptive to her now. Isn't that weird?

Jennifer - posted on 05/20/2010

16

14

1

I cannot agree with that. I am a single mother of an only child. I will not consider having another child until I am more financially stable, I am married and I am plain ready. My daughter has a great life and is far from spoiled. She is punished for misbehaving, but she also knows that I do not have it easy and I work two jobs just to take care of her. I keep the real world a reality in her mind and tell her that you have to work ahard fr things that you want in life, not a single thing is handed to you. She does want another brother or sister, but she knows that now is not the right time because I have had a talk with her about it.

Aleisha - posted on 05/19/2010

1

12

0

My son is an only child and yes he sometimes gets lonely, but i try to keep him in activities and let him hang out with his friends i enjoy doing a lot of things with him now that he is 14 we are able to travel together we keep busy so he will not get bored, hes not a spoiled kid but he does get all of my attention and he may say i stay in his bussines but you have to these days i can say so far hes still a good kid im so proud

Lisa - posted on 05/16/2010

1

12

0

I had my son after 11 years of marriage so needless to say he was a "surprise". I used to be asked when my son was going to get a sibling all the time until people realized that my husband is too sick for us to have another. I tell them that my son was not supposed to exist yet he does so I am grateful for what I have been given. Shuts up everybody :-) My son is not spoiled and he has a cousin 8 months younger than him who he plays with.

Donna - posted on 05/16/2010

1

7

0

You are right on with all of your comments. I went through the same issues when my only child was growing up. When she got older she told me she was lonely as an only child. I felt guilty but my life during child bearing days was not conducive to having another child. My daughter made sure she had two children of her own so they would not be lonely.

Meegan - posted on 05/12/2010

12

20

1

Being spoiled is not an awful thing as long as your child appreciates what they have. I am an only child, and am the mother of an only child, by choice! My daughter is a wonderful caring generous soul. Yes she has 2 of everything but she shares with everyone she meets. It could be her favorite toy or the food off her plate. If she sees someone going without, she will offer what she has.

Tina - posted on 05/12/2010

28

7

0

I too have lost three before our son came along. I tell people that God only had him in mind for us. He is our true blessing. I don't want to explain that we have tried and failed several times. I also tack on that I have a health condition that is contributing to the enability of conceving. That ususal stops the questions? All is true non is a lie. I due have several health conditions one I am a sever asthmatic that it is now affecting the blood flow to my heart and I have Overian sists which cover most of my overies along with where they appear gives off false positive's on home pregnancy test and enhibits the ability to get pregnant. So, my easy answer works. I don't need everyone feeling sorry for myself and our child. He is spoiled by my in-laws because he is the only grandchild and that is just fine. My husband and I struggle to give him what he needs and therefore limit giving him the things he wants. I do not care if they think our child is spoiled he was a gift from God.

Missy - posted on 05/11/2010

2

1

0

i only hear children with many siblings feel my daughter is spoiled, my daughter is disiplined and the only spoiling may be the attention one child recieves? the only ones that worry your child is spoiled are the ones that dont and cant spend their time with their children..

Jamie - posted on 05/11/2010

12

8

3

I agree that you just have to do what is best for your and your child and that parenting keeps them from being spoiled. I always felt that people judge me too however we just kept doing what we were doing. We were hanging out at a local miniature golf complex that has games inside a couple of weeks ago and a couple of my son's friends were there and he asked if he could share his tokens w/ them so they could play games w/ him (they had done batting practice instead of games). My response was they were his tokens and he was welcome to share if that is what he wanted to do. He then shared w/ both the other boys. When were getting ready to leave the father of one of the boys came and thanked me and told me how thoughtful Cristofer was and how nice it was that he shared and that he did it because HE wanted to. So, like my son I'm sure your child will eventually prove to the world that it's ok to be spoiled as long as your not rotten. Being spoiled doesn't necessarily mean that you are a difficult child or selfish it just means you sometimes get a little more because you don't have to "share the wealth."

Michelle - posted on 05/11/2010

1

19

0

You know I always tell people I just wanted one child to be able to give her all of my love and attention and not one person has judged that answer. As far as spoiling, my husband and I give Zoe things by her earning them....chores, good grades, being kind to others. The moment she acts "spoiled" we stop giving her gifts. She is such a well adjusted child, sweet, and an angel. Don't worry what other people think. Do what is best for you and your child.

Celeste - posted on 05/09/2010

1

14

0

that is a very good question! my daughter is an only child and she is spoilt, she is only 5 and she demands to be allowed to wash dishes and vacuum, she does such a good job there is no need for me to do it again so i am more than happy to buy her things that she wants as long as it is within reason, to me whatever she gets she has earnt.

Kathie - posted on 05/09/2010

23

67

3

I agree with you. I have an only and I hate to admit that she is spoiled- we needed asistance in conceiving her and lost another when she was 3 so I am blessed that I have her and do spoil based on the above- do I care what people think? No! With her being an only I will be able to provide her with everything she needs and be able to do things with her that we may not be able to do if we had more than one. People who are close to us know about the conceiving problems and miscarriage and don't ask when we are going to have another one and for those that aren't close: forget them- it's none of their business,. Love your child and do what you do for them and forget what other people think or say,

Pam - posted on 05/09/2010

1

22

0

I know exactly how you feel. My 13 year old daughter gets told all the time from my friends and family how "spoiled" she is. I have 8 siblings, all brothers, all older except for my twin brother. I grew up with not alot and was happy don't get me wrong, but I decided that I wanted to have only one so I could give her what I didn't get as a child. Attention, praise, and more than what she "needs". Yes,my daughter get alot of stuff but only when she works for it (good grades, chores done, helping others) but I am taking care of her not the friends and family that say she is spoiled!! She may be spoiled but she is never disrespectful, is a good student, and well liked by almost everyone she meets. I must be doing something right.

Emma - posted on 05/08/2010

18

3

2

i get this all the time.. i do spoil my son but he isnt spoilt" persay
he doesnt act it, and he doesnt expect things, there is a difference.

Vanessa - posted on 05/07/2010

45

31

11

I keep getting asked when we are having another. Our daughter is 2 now and I am just not sure whether or not we will or won't have another. As far as children being spoiled, I don't think it depends solely on whether or not the child is an only child or has siblings.

Miz - posted on 05/07/2010

2

18

0

yes and they/WE usually are!! Now that i'm older i look back and i was and i know my daughter is even tho i try to make sure i don't spoil her i do still.

April - posted on 05/07/2010

58

6

14

People are always asking why I only have one child and I hate having to explain myself. We lost 3 children before her and one after. so we also gave up trying its to hard emotionally and I hate having to explain that. I also get alot of greif about her being spoiled!! It even comes from family, my daughter may be spoiled but she is a very good child she says yes mame and please and thank you and gives big hugs. If I have the money and buy her something then I dont see why people should judge you buy giving things to your children.

Tina - posted on 05/07/2010

28

7

0

Yes, but I do not care. I was only blessed with my son after trying for years. Shortly after my tenth wedding anniversary we found out we were pregnant. We would have loved to have had him when we were younger. That just did not happen and we would have loved to have had at least two children, but again that was not to be. My health was not the greatest and so I am thrilled that I have my son. He is a handful but he was worth the wait. He is a child that will keep you busy. I will give him what he needs and try to give him some of what he wants. He is my heart that was handed to me the day he was born.

Michelle - posted on 05/07/2010

67

56

4

I have an only child and I think it's great! I would love to have a house full of children but it's just not in God's plan. We are to be happy with what we have and where we are. Who care what other people think?! Enjoy you only child! (So what if they may be a little spoiled!) :)

Carol Ann - posted on 05/07/2010

41

0

1

LOL! Beth - It's sad that we feel the need to explain why we have Only One! Zac was a handful as a toddler, he was a great baby, slept through the night at 2 months old, walked and talked under 12 months old. THEN......, he turned 2 and all hell broke loose! There was no way I could have even thought of having another one. He was and still is a very curious child, if he had his eye on something he wanted to see or touch he would persist and persist.(typical Capricorn!) Even if we diverted his attention he would swing around and go to what he had his eye on. We had to constantly keep our eyes on him. We even bought him a harness when we went to the mall, he hated sitting in his stroller so on went the harness and off went Zac, he'd stretch that lead to the max!! Too much! LOL! But he loved to run and say hello to people and explore. You couldnt imagine some looks we got from people about the harness, (yet another post!) Zac never crawled he stood up and ran. I imagine that's why he excels in Soccer!

Carol Ann - posted on 05/06/2010

41

0

1

It sometimes makes me feel somewhat discriminated against and I also feel my son is somewhat blamed also. Some people are so mean spirited. : (

Janice - posted on 05/06/2010

25

16

5

I am an only child, as is my daughter. Only children can be spoiled but so can children with siblings. It depends on how you parent them

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms