Does any ever wonder what if?

Abigail - posted on 03/12/2009

I am slowly dealing with that issue. My daughter was a suprise after having a miscarage the year before. I would love at least one more child but my husband does not want another. i keep hoping for the day that more of our friends and family start having kids hoping that it will change his mind. but right now the magic 8-ball says "out look not so good" i guess i just deal with it one day at a time. I look at my daughter and wish that i could give her a sibling but enjoy every moment i have with her and try not to dwell on the what if's of life. because there will always be more what if's around the bend. enjoy everyday you have with your daughter and thik of that you can do with her since you only have her and not more children. the extra attention, the special trips that are just you three or two. Like being a stay-at-home mom and deciding in the morning that you are going on an adventure to the local zoo or park. yes, it would be wonderful sharing those moments with another child, but you can do more with the one you have.  I am not sure if this helps you or not, but that is how i deal.

~Abbie

Rae - posted on 03/11/2009

I am an adoptive mother, I am 44 now and found out at 21 that I could not have children.  If was not a huge deal back then as i was not married.  I love my son so very much and he was a suprise even being adopted.  We had decided not to have children and then one day my husband felt like we were missing something - our son!!!  I have diabetes and as much as I love my son, Sometimes when you set yourself up for the decision of not have children or not having more - there is an alternative plan out there - just not the time yet.  We had been married for 11 years before my son came into our life only 15 months ago.  So I was bless later in life.  Wondering what if is normal but not something to dwell on - I wonder what we would have made together but I am happy non the less.  God Bless

Amber - posted on 03/11/2009

sometimes i wish i could afford to have another child for my son to grow up with, but the way i see it, with an only child you can be completely 100% focused on that child. i like that idea. i have some medical issues that may prevent me from having another child (even though i'm only 23) and hemophilia runs in my family and is only inherited by males, so if i had another boy there's a good chance he could have. i would hate the bring a child into this world that would have to suffer like that. i grew up with a hemophiliac brother, and that was tough enough....long story short, if you haven't had luck conceiving another one, then it's probably meant to be. enjoy your gorgeous daughter and be grateful everyday for her!! I know i am for my little boy, because i was told i couldn't have children at al!! good luck!!



much love,

Amber

Michelle - posted on 03/07/2009

I wondered that for years. I also suffered through 2 miscarriages, and just this year have I finally realized that we are blessed to have our son. it took me 13  years to give up on having a sibling for my son. So don't be too hard on yourself.

Joyce - posted on 03/06/2009

My situation is different because my husband and I only wanted one kid (and even THAT took a lot of thinking about, let me tell you!) Anyways, my "what ifs" come about when I see Moms or parents with more than one kid and I think "What if that was me?," then I see the kids screaming with snotty noses with two in diapers and one running away and I think "Thank God that isn't me!" Just another way to think of it, I guess.

Gabrielle - posted on 02/25/2009

Quoting Tina:

Quoting Gabrielle:

  My husband doesn't get my emotional dragging on about it - he's logically made up his mind and so he doesn't dwell. So I will wistfully wish and wonder, and then try to move on. 

My husband is the same!  I thought it was just him.  I keep saying, "Aren't you sad that we won't be having another baby?"  And he replies, "How can you miss something that you don't have?"   I too agree with you that I love the freedom and ease that comes with my daughter now being 3 yrs old and it just being her.  That makes it all the more difficult to think about starting over again.  Thanks so much for your post, it really helped me out!

 

Tina, I'm glad I could help.  There can be so much guilt tied into being a mom these days (one kid, more than one, work, stay home, etc) and we don't get enough opportunity to share and reason we're not the only ones dealing with this.  Any decision we make that we believe is in the best interest of our kid(s), our family and ourselves, is the best thing.  Thanks for sharing with me (and everyone else).

Melissa - posted on 02/25/2009

my situation isn't what if..we were pregnant last year then we lost it. my fear of trying for another one is that i don't want to have to go through another one of 'those" procedures. i want one and i enjoy my time with my husband but i am so scared of it happening again. my fear has overtaken me for months..now i am living in the now. no more "what ifs" if it happens or doesn't happen then so be it. it's all in god's hands. if i am only supposed to have one child then so be it. so in the mean time i just try to spend as much alone time with my husband as i can.

Wendy - posted on 02/25/2009

My daughter is 10 almost 11 and I still wonder.  I just hate the guilt of her being an only child.  

Carla - posted on 02/24/2009

I would like another child...we did try for two years but nothing. I have come to the conclusion that one is enough. There is so much to love about one child. I get excited when I think of all the things he will learn and the opportunities he will have being an only child. The only down side being that he will not grow up with a sibling...another kid who will understand him the way no other kid will.

Tina - posted on 02/24/2009

Quoting Gabrielle:

  My husband doesn't get my emotional dragging on about it - he's logically made up his mind and so he doesn't dwell. So I will wistfully wish and wonder, and then try to move on. 

My husband is the same!  I thought it was just him.  I keep saying, "Aren't you sad that we won't be having another baby?"  And he replies, "How can you miss something that you don't have?"   I too agree with you that I love the freedom and ease that comes with my daughter now being 3 yrs old and it just being her.  That makes it all the more difficult to think about starting over again.  Thanks so much for your post, it really helped me out!

Tina - posted on 02/24/2009

I'm also lucky enough to say that I did not have a hard time getting pregnant. And that's probably why I feel guilty about (most likely) not having another baby. I will be 38 this year and I'm back in school trying to complete a paralegal certificate. Financially, things could be a lot better. I hate thinking that my daughter (who is now 3) will not have a sister or brother growing up. But we really need to get our life together re: money and health benefits. Mostly I focus on how happy we really are. The fun the three of us have. After dinner tonight we had sword fights in our living room with long balloons. She is NOT missing any attention, that's for sure. But you all know, that little voice remains in my head...what if? I also know that I'm going to be able to provide this beautiful little girl with the best of everything that I can. We are a happy three and we're all really lucky for that!

Gabrielle - posted on 02/24/2009

We aren't prevented from having another by cruel biology, but by hard choice based on finance, age, etc. But I still wonder and wish. My daughter was born with a slight hip dysplasia that was easily fixed over 9 months with a velcro harness to hold her legs in the right place as her joints solidified. It didn't hurt and was fine to deal with, but it still changed a few things from the way I had been expecting/looking forward to. I find myself longing for those things I "missed" - holding a naked baby on my chest, taking her picture in one of those sleep gowns, bouncing her in a standing position on my knees. But then I tell myself that it's foolish to want another child, another whole person, just for that. And what if my next child has the same thing or something much worse? It's not worth it to project such expectations. And I love the freedom we have with just one. My husband doesn't get my emotional dragging on about it - he's logically made up his mind and so he doesn't dwell. So I will wistfully wish and wonder, and then try to move on.

Kathie - posted on 01/20/2009

No it's not wrong of you or shelfish of you.  We aren't able to get pregnant on our own, and after I lost one last year and two more attempts my husband said we were done.  He also tells me to be thankful for our daughter- they say they understand but they really don't. I have my good days and bad days- when I think that I am okay with our decision something will happen and I will start to wonder what if again.  IT was around this time last year that we started again so this week has been difficult.  I believe everything happens for a reason- if we were to have another we would have to stay where we are (not a good school district) but by only having one we will be able to move to a better school district before my daughter starts school- and we will be able to give her more- but there is still that part of me that longs for another one. it helps having other people feel that same way as I do and for that I thank everyone who has responded to me

Christy - posted on 01/20/2009

My husband had told me that he never really wanted kids, but we'd try for a while and "see what happens". Well 5 years later we finally had our son. When he was just about to turn 1 I had found out that I was pregnant again, I was overjoyed!!! My husband wasn't happy at all! Shortly after telling my husband I lost the baby, I was only 8 weeks along. This has been 6 years ago now. I desperatly want another baby, my husband is very firm on the fact that we have one and we should feel lucky that we were able to have him, which I do I love my son with all my heart but it never stops me from wanting another one. Is it selfish of me to keep on my husband about wanting another one, probibly, does it torture me that I keep wanting for something I'm not going to get, deffinatly! So I pray, what else can you do?

Kimberly - posted on 01/20/2009

sure I do, but I cant dwell on it.. its too overwhelmingly sad for me , even though I am without a doubt that having one is the best choice for us. I am so sad that my son will not have any siblings closer to his own age, and no cousins  really either. But that just means I have to work a little more to make sure he gets the interaction he needs.

Lisa - posted on 01/19/2009

Yes.  I had my one son at age 38.  He has the blessing of the attention of two parents and knows experientially that he is well loved.  He loves his friends and helping others with little kids.  I'm so proud of him.  He does ask for a sibling or a pet once in a while.  I tell him God blessed us with one, the best one for us.

Julia - posted on 01/11/2009

Oh yeah... It was very clear to us that we`re gonna try to have another child but we knew it wasn`t gonna be easy. I have a diabetes (nasty one, very hard to handle) and PCO so we knew we`re gonna need fertility treatments. Our daughter came with very easy treatments, I had to eat pills but that`s it. Well, we had different kind of treatments for 4 years and I had two misscarriages. Finally in 2006 we decided to let go. I have struggled many years with this. Tryin to accept the fact that this is it. We`re never gonna have another child. I don`t know if I can ever accept it fully but it`s a lot easier now. Still- it hurts when my friends get more children.



I have actively tried to think everything else and I think I`m starting to have a life that is good now. We can travel and I can go to my hobbies freely etc. There are lots of good things about having only one child. It took a long time after the decision not to try have another child when I thought days and night should we still try one more time. But now... I don`t think it very often cause we made our decision.

Donna - posted on 01/10/2009

I wondered that for several years! It is heartbreaking when you want to give your child a sibling and you CAN'T!!! I just couldn't imagine going through in-vitro and and all those fertitlity drugs. I did clomid for 3 or 4 months and THAT made me not myself, so that was it for me!! It was not easy to finally let go. I am 43 now and KNOW, I will not have have any more children. It took me several years to finally get to this place, but I do, still wonder....."what if...."

Kathie - posted on 01/10/2009

I am sorry for you loss- we suffered one in Feb of last year as well.  I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels that way especially about the "just knowing" part.  thank you for replying back to me. I wish you and your family the best

Kathy - posted on 01/09/2009

I wonder it quite often.  Our daughter is 4 1/2.  For the first couple of years, we wondered if we should have more but didn't feel ready.  Last year we did try and suffered a loss.  Now, we usually feel like its okay to be the family that we are, just we three--but there is still that little part that wonders 'what if', and a part of me that is a little sad even when I'm feeling content with one.  I sometimes wish I would just 'know' and stop wondering...