Does anyone know any adults who are happy to be only children?

[deleted account] ( 74 moms have responded )

Hi everyone. My husband and I are looking for other adults who are happy to be only children. We feel like there is a lot we can do for our son, who is 2, when he is small, but we're both close to our siblings now as adults, and our real concern about stopping with one is what his life will be like when he is grown. Unfortunately, we only know a few adults who are only children, and all of them felt very strongly that they didn't want to replicate that experience for their own children. Are any of you only children yourselves, or do you know any only children as adults who are happy with that?

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Rae - posted on 03/04/2009

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Hello... I dont know if u have found the answers you were looking for... or if your child still an "ONLY child"...



Im a 37yr old female & I am an ONLY child! (also a Mother of an ONLY child) ... I gotta tell you pressuring my mom for a sibling came & went quickly! ... I think it was more the influence of OTHERs who would suggest more children- someone for me to play with.



As a child the "make-believe" buddies/scenarios are endless... & as a teenage it was a WAY to unfold... your communication skills are put thru the grind! ... ONLY bringing you to a heathier adulthood! ... YOU know communication is KEY ... & as an Only child that gift, comes 2nd nature! ... Insight, comprehension & compassion all will intertwine.

... nuturish it ... condition it... encourage it! ... feeling ONLY can be rewarding!!!



Ms. Rae

Lisa - posted on 03/04/2009

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I am a happy adult only child.  I am 33 and my parents are 60 and 55.  I have been extremely close to my parents my entire life.  I will say I always had a very close friend who I spent a ton of time with in different phases of my life.  A neighbor girl in my very young years and then stayed over at best friends houses throughout school years (weekends).  I was very involved in sports and activities which kept me occupied most of the time as well.  I never felt like I was missing anything.  I think the key to happy only children are good friends, a strong marriage between you and your husband, and extracurricular activities.  I don't  feel that I was spoiled with material things but I was probably spoiled emotionally.  I found as I got older that I was closer to my parents than many of my friends were to there parents.  Also, think about family vacations and it how it will always be you and your husband entertaining him.  For example, you are at an amusement park and he wants to ride 20 things then you will have to ride 20 things too!  It's no fun to do it alone. 



My parents divorced when I was 23 and I was devastated.  I sometimes think it may have been easier if I had a sibling going through the same thing, but then again maybe not.  Also, after the divorce my mom became very ill and was hospitalized for 2 weeks.  I felt very alone and like I was 100% responsible for her.  It was a stressful,  but I was not married at the time either.  I did not have a husband to lean on.  Having a sibling may not have mattered because many times responsibility falls on one sibling anyway instead of shared burden.  My parents are civil to each other and I still have a very close relationship with both of them and they are both very involved in my son's life.  I only have one child as well, he will be 3 next month.  We are in the process of deciding if we want to have another child too.   Hope this helps.  Sorry I going on and on. Let me know if you I can help any more.  



Oh one more thing.  I have a best friend who is a happy and successful adult only child as well.  Now you know two!!



 

Deena - posted on 03/03/2009

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I'm an only child, and I have always enjoyed that fact. My two closest girlfriends are only children as well, and they too are satisfied with their lives. I myself have only one son. As I was growing up, I got all of Mom and Dad's attention since there was no one to compete with. Everything I did was amazing to them, and I got to be the star of the show all the time. I also learned to play by myself really well and was a very studious and imaginative kid. I think there are definite benefits to being an only child. I attribute my artistic impulses and comfort in my own skin to spending so much time by myself when I was growing up. There's no reason that you have to have more than one kid. Do what you feel is best. Your baby(ies) will grow up just fine as long as you give them the love and attention they deserve.

Robyn - posted on 03/03/2009

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My sister in law is an only child and said that she wouldn't have been able to experience half of the things that she did had her parents had more children. In other words they wouldn't have had the money and time to do all of the activities that she participated in.. When you have an only child (ours is 3 1/2) and you come from a family where you have at least one sibling as I did, it is an honest concern about whether he will miss sibling companionship. The truth is that they don't know any different and when they are adults they may feel that they liked or disliked the experience of being an only. You have to choose what is right for you and your husband and deal with any concequences as they arrise.

Cassie - posted on 03/02/2009

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I am an only child and I feel I wouldn't have had the benefits I had if I had siblings. All of my life lessons would have been diminished with another child in the household and the amount of education I received would have been 0 for college. I think I was blessed to be an only child because I dedicated myself to my education and career making me a better and more responsible person for my son. 

Jennifer - posted on 03/02/2009

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Thank you all for talking about this intelligently and lovingly. So many people raise eyebrows when you say you might be stopping at one. I struggle with this decision almost daily but love that there are people like you out there!

Allison - posted on 02/27/2009

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I love being an only child. I am 32 and still enjoy it. Sure at times it would be nice to have that other person to talk to about my parents, but at the same time, I believe that I am stronger and more independent than I would have been with a sibling. My parents did a great job filling that space as I was growing up. Everytime we went on vacation, we took a friend with me...what's the difference of paying for that 2nd child whether they are a friend or family. It's less of a strain finacially, because you are only paying for one most of the time.



I have an only child as well, and I'm happy with that she is very social and I plan on keeping her that way, so she will always have someone to talk to and learn how to handle herself. She does a great job taking care of herself and I wouldn't do it any other way. I personally don't have the patience for another child....maybe that's because I am an only child or becasue I am just that type of person. I think it's all in how you were raised and how social your child is. Hope this helps.

Rachel - posted on 02/26/2009

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I also have an only child who is two. I know many adults who are happy to be only children. Fortunately, my son has 6 cousins close to his age and another on the way. I ponder over the same feelings. I think they tend to do very well. The adults that I know who are only children are very well adjusted and being an only child is not a big issue to them.

Maria - posted on 02/26/2009

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I am an only child, my husband is an only child and we have a daughter who will be an only child. We originally felt that we would NEVER do that to our daughter. After she came along and we realized it was financially and physically taxing on us, we decided to make her our only and dedicate our lives to her alone. If it were up to me, I probably would have another child, but only if it was feasible.

To be honest, I am on the fence about being an only child personally. I loved the fact that I was, as my parents barely had the means to support me. My family as a whole really took good care of me. I have solid relationships with my all my relatives, including my cousin who is close with me in age.

The downfall to me is the responsibility of being an only. You have to look at how much stress and decision making this can put on one person, with regards to parents in the aging process, properties, etc.

Jacqueline - posted on 02/25/2009

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Hello i'm an only child and so is my daughter,who is 8yrs old.. I was ok being an only child.... I whated to have another child but my hubby doesn't what anymore kids ... so i had my tubes tied.....5yrs ago....

Morgan - posted on 02/25/2009

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This is a really interesting topic.I was an only child until I was 9 - I now have three sisters, ages 14 to 18. I am 27. So I kind of have both perspectives. I had my daughter at 19 and she is now 8, so if I do have more children, I am putting her in a similar situation as the one I grew up in.

I always wanted siblings growing up and was always jealous of my friends who had sisters and brothers. But I did grow up extremely independent and still enjoy my alone time.

I've often wondered if I do have more kids if it will be fair to my daughter. My boyfriend of nearly five years is an only child. I've never thought to ask him if he enjoyed it, or wanted siblings growing up.

For myself, I am still sometimes jealous of my sisters getting to grow up with eachother. I was much too far apart from them to ever really be close. I am just getting to know my oldest sister now.

Being the first grandchild and an only child though, for nearly ten years, as another poster mentioned, I was the center of grandparents and parents lives for a long time, as is my daughter, also being the first grandchild (and great grandchild) It is a special bond to have.

There is a lot of great feedback on here! It's certainly given me a lot to think about.

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2009

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Well, I have a brother and a sister. I am very close to my sister and not so close to my brother. Having siblings is a mixed bag. It's truly hard to say whether someone would have been happier having a sibling or not. They either have one or they don't. So, they really don't know what they are missing.



My husband is an only child and he is quite well-adjusted (wouldn't have married him if he wasn't!) He doesn't "miss" having a sibling. Really, it's up to you and what you can handle in your family. I know for sure that I am done in the baby-making department. It's never a good idea to have another child to satisfy a quota of sorts. Not that that's what you are doing, but this question basically comes down to numbers as opposed to your desires. If you want more children, then by all means have them. If you are done, then don't let sibling guilt get in the way of enjoying what you have created.

Connie - posted on 02/23/2009

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Hi I am an only child. My son is an only child. My dad is an only child. My son is 8 and he's well adjusted. I never minded being an only child. I grew up with lots of cousins and friends. I'm trying to bring up my son the same way. Yes, sometimes he gets lonely, but there is no guarantee if he had a sibling they would even get along. Enjoy your family. There is nothing wrong with being an "only".

Brandy - posted on 02/22/2009

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My mother is an only child who had planned to be a parent of an only child with my father. My brother came along 3 1/2 years after myself and I then became a "sibling." While my mother loves my brother the same as she loves me, she knew how much she loved being an only child and wanted it for me. I had a great childhood, but have never been close to my brother. (had nothing to do with my mother!) She always brags about having the full attention of her mother and father. She never wanted or had to share. Yes she shares and is a wonderful person, but she loved being the sparkle in her grandparents and parents lives!! She also knew her mother wanted her so much there was no need in her or my grandfathers life for another child. She was the highlight of their lives and she was taught right, not spoiled. My son is an only child who we asked if he would like a younger brother or sister and he very sternly said "NO!" By teaching this bread of children how to be independent and prepared to befriend others to fill the so-called sibling hole, they will be ready for the world. I have every confidence my son will be just as happy and successful as my only child mother in life and love. Luck to you and your family.

Jen - posted on 02/21/2009

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Hi! I've had the same question as you ,so I asked around. A couple of my friends are only children and told me it didn't bother them & they never knew any other way of life. I however , have a younger sister (3 years apart) & we fought all the time!! I believe having more than one does not mean they'll be close or even get along. I've seen how much energy, attention and time more than one has taken, by observing other friends & family. The most positive response I received was only children tend to be independent,motivated,and very close to their parents. All of my friends who are only children are happy with their lives.

Dawn - posted on 01/31/2009

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Hi Jennifer, my son is 19 and his happy to be an only. He has cousins he can visit when he needs "sibling" time but even they are much younger than him. He does great socially and has tons of friends. My son is an only not by choice but because I could not have anymore and it just killed me for a long time because I also am close to my siblings now but he is a well adjusted kid and loves being an only. When he was little he would tell my husband and I that he did not want siblings and has stuck to that all his life. Good luck with your decision. He has said when he is ready to settle down he does want more than one child but for him being an only was very positive and he has had all our love and attention and college times more than one would kill us.

Karen - posted on 01/31/2009

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I have asked this question many times. My husband and I have made the decision to have one child. We have a 6 year old son who brings us joy. Our family feels complete. My husband is an only child and I think he would have enjoyed siblings, but is a very well adjusted adult. SInce our son was a baby we have always prioritized playdates and have made friends with many families who have multiple children. We moved to the town where my sister and her three sons live so our son can go to school with his cousin who is 2 years older than him. We have fostered a relationship with cousins so that they are like sibilings. At the end of the day, we are a raising a happy child. I try to focus on the positive aspects and not think about what he may be missing.

Sandra - posted on 01/30/2009

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Sure ! My dad and my husband. . . . The thing about being an only child, even though they don't have brothers or sisters, they still have great friends that are just as close as brother or sister. Having a brother or sister doesn't guarantee a close relationship with your sibling. I have a blessed relationship with my sister, but that's not always the case in families. My husband has a very close friend he has had since high school and our daughter (who is 15) calls him "Uncle Jay". I see that happening to our daughter . . . my sister has a son who is 18 and our daughter considers him her brother who doesn't live with us. Being only doesn't me alone . . . .

Jen - posted on 01/30/2009

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Hi, I'm an only child with an only-child son.  I always wondered what it would be like to have siblings but I wouldn't say that I wasn't happy being an only child.  Being an only child is just reality for me.  I can't say whether having siblings would have made my life any easier.   I'm somewhat of a loner and don't mind being by myself although I do enjoy the company of my family and friends.



I expect that my son will be an only child throughout his life too.  I see it as a good thing because I will really be able to focus all my time and resources on just him.   I guess the only-child lifestyle is normal to me and I'm not really sure how to manage the lives of more than one child.



 

Michelle - posted on 01/29/2009

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Hi Jennifer,



I am an only child and I agree completely with Cheryl's last line.  There are downsides to both - having siblings and being an only child.  We had some fertility issues after having our son, so we wanted more children.  But now that I know I'm having just one I focus on all of the things I love about being an only child.  Most of them have been mentioned already.  But I agree that only children are a bit more mature, independent and able to be alone.  I have support from friends and cousins as mentioned below too.  But also I'm not afraid to be alone.  Your son will be very lucky to be an only child because he will get so much attention, so many opportunities and love from you.

Lesleigh - posted on 01/29/2009

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My dad was an only child, and he has no regrets.  I think he may be a bit lonely now that both of his parents are gone, but my mom comes from a huge family, so that does compensate for him. 



In fact, when he hears people give me a hard time for not wanting a second child, he makes sure to tell me that he supports my choice and that there is nothing wrong with it.

Blazenka - posted on 01/28/2009

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Hi Jennifer,



I struggle alot with my decision to only have one child however my cousin is a 32year old man now who is an only child and he is happy with his life and doesn't feel he missed out by having no siblings as does my best friend who is 53years old and has never wished for a sibling and is very happy with her life too.



I hope that helps.



Kindest Regards



Bianca (mummy to one)

Candy - posted on 01/25/2009

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My son and his wife are both only children, and think they will only have one child if they decide to reproduce- they are both very happy with that situation.  They both got the best their parents could afford, had their problems noticed and attended to promptly, and grew up extremely self-sufficient.  Family isn't everything- they have a very wide circle of friends and rely on them for the things others might look to their siblings for.  They are well-educated, well-spoken and adaptable after growing up surrounded by adults, and will eventually inherit enough property to actually survive financially in an extremely difficult world.



Of course there are drawbacks, but it's better to have the number of children you really want and can support than to have another child just because you 'ought to'.  That's absolute nonsense.  I am one of two children and feel very little in common with my sibling at all- not because of anything he's done, but just because he really isn't much like me in any way... I am much more connected to my friends as an adult. 



You do what FEELS right to YOU.

Cheryl - posted on 01/25/2009

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Hello! I am an only child and I have an only child. I always said that I would have at least 2 kids but I didn't realize how hard it would be until I had one. I really like being an only child because I did not have to compete for my parents attention like so many of my friends did. I was also able to be involved in a lot more things since I was the one and only. I have a great relationship with my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Also my son has lots of cousins so he definitely has people to play with and grow up with. There are downsides to either choice but I feel that I can provide more for my son if he is a one and only.

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