Guilty with the right decision

Sue - posted on 03/18/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Even though I know we are only having one because 1) We cannot afford another one whatsoever, and 2) We dont think we can handle more than one. BUT I still feel that guilt that my son may be mad at us when he grows up. Im an only child and was never mad, but it was due to my moms health issues. I feel our reasons are right for us but since its not medical I always still question if Im being selfish. Anyone ever feel this way?

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Patrice - posted on 03/20/2009

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I D0NT THiNK Y0uR S0N WiLL GR0W uP aNGRY, aS L0NG Y0u L0Ve HiM uNC0NDiTioNaLLY, He WiLL Be 0K. JuST aSSuRe HiM iN eVeRyTHiNG THaT He aTTeMPTs iN LiFe.  "Y0u CaNT MiSS S0MeTHiNG Y0u NeVeR HaD". iN oTHeRWaRDS, He W0NT MiSS HaViNG SiBLiNGS (aS Y0u SaiD Y0u NeVeR DiD), BeCauSe He NeVeR HaD aNY. i THiNK He WiLL GR0W uP a HaPPY, SuCCeSSFuLL, MaN THaT FeLT LiKe HiS PaReNTS LoVeD HiM DeaRLY. i HoPe eVeRYTHiNG W0RKS 0uT &ND i H0Pe i HeLPeD Y0U. G00D LuCK!!! 

Wilma - posted on 03/18/2009

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I do not feel selfish. Our reasons for having an only are both medical and personal. Even if there hadn't been issues with his birth we still would have stopped at one even though we had originally planned for two. We just felt that our family was complete. I am an only child myself and so is our son. I honestly feel that children don't think much about it one way or the other unless it is made to be an issue in their lives. Our son (age 9) hears the babies crying in the complex and says, "Boy, I'm glad we don't have that in our house." LOL As far as him questioning you when he's older, just tell him the truth. Tell him that you wanted to be the best parents that you could be and you felt that the way to do that was by focusing all your love and attention on him rather than having to divide it up among more than one.

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11 Comments

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Rabecca - posted on 04/16/2009

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you know only children dont usaully care after they get a bit older my son who is 8 has been asking for a sister for alomst 5 years now and to you tell you the truth for him having a sibling would have been much better for him but for me there was no way my son id ADHD and has been very much a handful most of his life but i lov him more than anything and just wanted to be able to get his ADHD under control before my attention is not able to be focused on just him we have finally come to a point of it being even a possiblity so maybe in a year or two but inthe past I just needed to focus the one i had . plus being the 2nd youngest of 6 that is not something i would ever do that to a kid to hand me downs older kids always ignoring you we never got to do much cuz there was just to many of us to take out in public so it can go eaither way as long as you show love and attention they will be happy

Sue - posted on 04/14/2009

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Lisa... friends are just as important as family.. Im an only and my son is fine he has friends and now that hes almost 4 we are getting into the sleepovers so he will always be around people. Sometimes friends turn out closer than families do

Lorna - posted on 04/12/2009

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we only have 1 son my husband has 2 older childen but 2 dont see then we made the choice 2 only have 1 but i still get asked if we are going 2 have any more i dont feel guilty our son is very happy and has never asked about any brothers or sisters as long as u and your family are happy thats all that matters

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Oh I'm so glad I found this group my daughter is 7 and I feel guilty all the time. I let her have playdates whenever she wants I almost started babysitting just so kids would be around. I kept thinking of this one girl I went to school with who was an only child and was a little different not bad just different and I kept thinking oh my goodness what am I doing to my baby.The worst part is my family is not close at all so I always think when her Dad and I are gone she won't have any family.Wow I worry too much.

Alycia - posted on 03/30/2009

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I feel slightly guilty about only have one child. She's four years old right now, and has turned to inventing an imaginary brother and an imaginary sister. I feel bad that she wants siblings so badly, but I simply cannot afford another child. Nor do I feel I'd have the patience for another child. My boyfriend agrees to some extent, he would like to have another child SOME day, but he's certaintly not rushing me to stop birth control any time soon...

Sue - posted on 03/27/2009

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I think being an only makes you more outgoing and when you have some good friends you keep them because they are like your family Im sorry about your child Kathleen thank you for the advice I agree with it

Kathleen - posted on 03/27/2009

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I used to feel guilty about it but my daughter saved me. My first child died from leukemia years before my daughter was born but she used to ask for a sibling and I'd feel bad. She is 11 and a half now and her best friend is the eldest of six. The other day I overheard someone ask her if she wished she had siblings and she said "No way! I don't have to worry about anybody messing with my stuff and I get my parents all to myself." Only children tend to do better in school (less chaos at home?) and providing they have the opportunities of group daycare and so forth, the old myth that they can't relate to others is just that - a myth. Like Patrice said, just love them to pieces and watch what happens!

Stephanie - posted on 03/26/2009

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Well i dont feel selfidh cuz i noe i cannot afford 2 have anotha child, & personally i dont want  anotha, im the second child  of 5 kids, but i onlii live wit 2 sisters & growin up we would fight all the time, i dont wanna deal wit dat so i chose 2 stay wit 1, anywaysz my son has his lil cuzzin they r basically like brothers so i noe he wont have a prb

Sue - posted on 03/20/2009

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Thank you Patrice that does help just yesterday one of my friends who has 2 kids was talking about breakfast with the Easter Bunny and how 1 kid didnt want to go and the other did so the Dad was going to take the little one and she would stay home with the other one.. THIS is another reason I wouldnt want to have more than 1 I wouldnt want to miss out on things like that

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