How can I get my 4yr old to help clean her room?

Sandra - posted on 08/29/2009

I've had a heck of a time with this. I finally discovered that a prize at the end is good ... NOT a prize that you purchase and "bribe" them with, but what I did/fell into accidently was having a special toy or item in the car that I picked up on my lunch hour for him. He saw it in the car and started to inquire ... "Who's that for." I kept putting him off (b/c he was nosing through my things) and telling him it wasn't his concern and to stay out of Mommy's things. Eventually after a week of inquiries, I told him it is for boys that clean their room the right way. He wanted that thing soooo badly that he actually did it! And day by day I have him pick up the few things that he messes up with a promise of allowance at the end.

Not sure if it will work with your child, but it is worth a try.

Alison - posted on 08/29/2009

Try making it fun. If I ever have to pick up my sons toys, I will lock them away for a period of time. This has not happened yet because the threat has been sufficient, but I am prepared to follow through with the threat if I have to.

Ashley - posted on 08/28/2009

I have a 4 yr old daughter, and we had the same problem. Now I have her go in her room, and she's not to come out (unless to go potty of course) until it's picked up. She knows the routine now, and I give her a lot of encouragement when she's finished and usually give her a prize. It's been working good.

Kim - posted on 08/26/2009

I always told my dauther that she could only get one thing out at a time and she had to put that away before getting anything else out...other than that, I like the idea of taking things away that are on the floor and her having to "earn" them back by keeping her room clean - she'll learn pretty fast that if she keeps her room picked up, she can keep her toys.

Melissa - posted on 08/26/2009

Bribe her lol thtas what we do hahahaha... Tell her that if she does it so many times by herself during the week she gets a special treat at the end of the week.. eg. ice cream or a small toy it works for us

Angie - posted on 08/26/2009

Make it fun, put on some music and make it into a game. When my son was that young he didnt like to clean his room either, so I would tell him lets see who cant clean up the toys faster. It worked for me hopefully it will work for you to! Good Luck!

Anita - posted on 08/18/2009

this is hard. my four year old is so helpful some days and others not so much. I tell her its not fair for me to clean it up since I didn't make it. I help her sometimes, but not most the time. I do let her know if she comes to me to help find something that she lost, that it would be easier to find if her room was clean. This works if she's rough on her toys, too. She doesn't get more toys if she doesn't take care of the ones she's got. It sounds harsh, but she is doing better. Remember, progress, not perfection...is the goal

Sherry - posted on 08/17/2009

cleaning a messy room might be too overwhelming. try by having her pick up one group of toys at a time. and all her toys need to have a home. all my daughter's toys are labeled in plastic or canvas bins. when she got a new type of toy ex. littlest pet shop i bought a new bin. it keeps all the toys organized and easy to put away. good luck

Tina - posted on 08/17/2009

If you find the answer to this let me know. My daughter is 9 and still won't clean her room on her own. She does help me sometimes but not always

Lucy - posted on 08/16/2009

My 3 year old son drags toys out all over the house and we generally make him pick them up every evening before bedtime. When he was younger he would pitch a fit and not want to pick them up and I wasn't having that so I made him pick them up. I would take him by the hand and use his hand to pick up a toy and walk him to the toybox and put it up. There was generally screaming involved, not that I hurt him, he can just be a drama king. I would tell him that when I say pick up your toys I meant it and he was gonna do it one way or the other. And it worked. Now if he protests and cries I wont help him, but he mostly just does that when he's really tired and cranky.

Krystal - posted on 07/25/2009

It seems extreme but it works. I started when my child was 3. I helped her clean up the room but when I felt she was ready to keep the toys off the floor any that were left I put in a trash bag. She lost it, screamed, kicked and yelled, but I explained when she cleaned the room right the next time I would give the toy back. When it's time for her to clean the room, she does a good job because she knows I'll take and hold onto one of her favorite toys until the next time.

Karen - posted on 07/25/2009

Well, if the rewards don't work, then I agree with Karen about not fixing dinner and see you child understands it better if you decide not to do something. Maybe not dinner, but something that they want to do....pitching-in is very important...everyone in the family has to do his/her share for things to work and be balanced so that everyone is happy. Luckily my daughter likes coins, so I give her a couple of pennies when she cleans her room the first time I ask her. If she doesn't, then I use the same approach as Karen. Good luck!

Brittany - posted on 07/23/2009

I remember when I was younger that my mom and step dad couldn't get my half brother to clean his room. They finally got to the point that they said, "If it's not where it belongs, we are coming in with a garbage bag and filling it up and giving it to boys and girls that aren't as lucky as you." She might be a little young for this, I don't know because I only have a 16 month old boy. But I know it motivated my brother to clean up more than he did at first. I think they only took stuff once.



Does she have most her toys in her room? Is everything labeled in her room? Maybe try getting the clean plastic files that you can see in and print out a nameplate for each drawer-ex. crafts, doll outfits, dress up items....I don't know what a four year old would have. lol Help her organize her room. Maybe it's just confusing to her. Try moving the room around (if possible) and ask where she would like certain toys to be (and in the middle of the floor is not an option). Tell her how all children don't have as much as she does and teach her how to give to others. Weed through her things with her and get rid of a couple things. Are there broken toys? Is there trash? Is there a toy she hasn't played with for a while that she could bless another girl with? Setting a day or weekend a side to do this with your daughter will not only be rewarding quality time, you will be teaching her orginizing skills, a giving nature, and it might motivate you to "spring clean" other parts of your house. Living by exaple is the best way to teach our children. You might be keeping a clean house but she might just need your help still on focusing on the task at hand. Hope this works!

Robin - posted on 07/23/2009

Make it fun somehow......but by all means do not cave in and do it yourself!! I did this when my daughter was 4 and she learned really fast that if she pitched a fit I would just give up trying to get her to help and clean it myself. This behavior carried over to a lot of other unwanted behaviors. It's so easy to get frustrated in this day and age when we are all so overwhelmed with life in general. Pick her best time of day energy wise and make challenges or games?? Just don't give up.....kids learn to control us in a scary way......we don't even know its happening until it's too late.

Brenda - posted on 07/23/2009

Make a game out of it.

Karen - posted on 07/23/2009

I had that problem with my daughter. I took a really harsh tack - I didn't fix dinner. When my daughter complained of being hungry, I sympathized with her and then told her that, just as she doesn't want to help clean her room, sometimes I don't want to fix dinner. Since she thought it was okay to not help with her room, I decided it was okay to not fix dinner. I then explained that we are a family and in order for the family to work, we all need to pitch in - I need to make dinner and she needs to help clean her room. We ate dinner a little late that night and then she helped clean her room. Every once in a while she would "forget" the lesson and start whining or not wanting to help and I would just say that maybe I didn't want to fix dinner that night....