How can I help my 4 year old with separation issues?

Natasha - posted on 11/25/2010

All the suggestions are great, but I have another one. As a dayhome provider myself, I say to check with your provider and see if it is possible for you to take him over for a few hours when you aren't working and have him show you around. See what is going on at the dayhome, and get involved while you are there. I had a little girl last year who was in a similar situation and this really helped her anxiety. I even arranged for them to come over after hours, so she could get used to being in the house and I could talk things over with her mom. I know that it is difficult on you, and your son, but with time and working on it daily things will get better. Just remember you are not the only one who goes through this.

Laura - posted on 11/24/2010

This is a security issue with your son. His routine has been drastically changed and he is feeling terribly insecure about it. He has even voiced his fears to you as well (afraid you will leave him or forget him). This is not uncommon behavior in kids of this age. Keep reassuring him that you will be there for him and keep encouraging him to express his feelings to you. Open communication will help this situation in the long run.

Allie makes some excellent suggestions! Providing him with something familiar from you can help ease his fears a bit. Another option you might try is keeping track of his behavior on a chart of some sort. Create some goals for behavior, but keep them simple and achievable, he's not yet 4. If he reaches his goals for the day, he gets a sticker or star for the chart or some sort of reward for positive behavior for that day. You will need help from the day care with this to keep track of his behavior. Having goals to meet can help your son re-focus his attention, too.

Finally, this is generally a phase most children go through and it, too, shall pass. This requires patience and consistency on your part though. Keep communicating with your son about expectations of his behavior and the fact that this is part of his new routine. I have no problem with using a bit of "tough love" either! Let him know that he is nearly four and children of this age do not act the way he is acting and you expect better behavior out of him. I would also consider weaning him off of the phone calls too--hearing your voice may trigger his anxiety again. In time this situation should resolve itself, especially if you make a few changes in your approach and your expectations for his behavior. He is not a toddler any more and needs to learn how to be separate from you. You need to let go, too! Hope some of this helps and best of luck!

Kathy - posted on 11/24/2010

sorry to hear that your having such a problem
our daughter will be 4 in jan and she has always loved her daycare. all I can say is he will get used to it. my daughter cousin used to be like that and he's fine now.

Allie - posted on 11/23/2010

well since he is older try getting a recordable book and have you and your husband read it together and he can take it and hear your voice he needs a security blanket something he carries around or even try giving him something of yours that you aren't worried about losing or it braking get a bracelet or ring from a quarter machine and tell him hold it for you until you come to get him little things that will ease him into it