How much time are u suppose to spend with a 9 year old?

Lynnette - posted on 09/26/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I try to give my nine year old as much of my time as I can. She says it is not enough. She thinks I am to busy. What do I do to make her see that I give her time and love her very much? Is there any suggestions?

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Christine - posted on 09/30/2010

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I have a 10 yr old and I know what you mean. But, I think the quality of time is most important than the quantity. pick out an activity that your child really enjoys and do that with them, make it as special as possible. Then, when time permits explain to your child how you feel about them, and that just because you are not spending all day with them, doesn't take away the fact that you love them.

Laura - posted on 09/28/2010

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Your daughter sounds like she may be bored and wants someone to do stuff with. As an only child, parents often become the go-to person for entertainment. This, of course, is not always possible! She seems to be trying to "guilt" you into spending time with her; this is manipulation and you do not need to accept this behavior from her. You have to set limits with her about when she can and cannot approach you for entertainment or playtime. She may not like it, but that is the structure by which you and she need to operate. This includes time for her to entertain herself. Believe it or not, kids DO like structure!

Consider getting her involved in other activities or arrange playdates with her friends on a regular basis. This will give her something to look forward to. Local libraries and parks departments often have progams for kids that are either free or very low cost. Have her invite a friend to participate in an activity or program. Again, set the limits and provide for some outside activities with or without friends and you should be fine. Good luck!

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Melanie - posted on 11/02/2010

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I would suggest you let her own the problem instead of you. She is the one who feels she is not getting her needs met. Why not put the ownership of the problem with her? Ask her to submit a request of dates/times/activities. Giving her this control--with you having the final say since you are the parent--should help fill her love tank.

Try looking up information on Love & Logic on FB & Youtube. It's working for me! Good Luck. :)

Kathy - posted on 09/30/2010

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I have an 8 year old and hear that I should be home more like her friends mothers. I do work later than my husband and I'm exhausted when I get home but I make time to spend with her, painting pumpkins, playing games or barbies, etc. I explain that if I didn't have this job, we would not have nice things or be able to go nice places. We have play dates usually every weekend and she recently joined gymnastics 1 day a week. This makes a big difference.

Jennifer - posted on 09/26/2010

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I have a 9 year old who feels the same way. I sat down and compared my schedule with a "normal" working moms schedule and showed her that she gets more of my time than other kids get. If that didn't work..... I give her my time and then make her spend time with herself too. Set aside an hour of silent reading time... She can stay in the room and read or write in her journal but she cannot be in my face. just a thought

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