i am loosing my mind!!

Elizabeth - posted on 10/03/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Okay so I need to vent my husband is a very loving and hard working individual he works and goes to school at night, i am left with the babysitting arrangements plus working my full-time job and i also attend school online and I am also studying to take my state nursing boards. so with all of this going on I had a break down last week and my son would not go to sleep he is turning 2 in a couple of weeks. I wanted to hit him and this is NOT my parenting style i felt so horrible for even thinking about wanting to hit him i started crying and my husband came in and put him to bed in a matter of 15 mins when I had been trying for about an hour and half. So some might say ok get over it move on, but things from there went downhill, I am now frustrated with my situation I feel complteley overwhelmed and I dont know what to do. I feel like such a bad mother for what I felt last week. Has anyone ever felt this way before where u are so frustrated and even though u know u would never strike ur lil baby u just think it? or am i just loosing it! I am so bent out of shape because of this, Jordan (my son) is my first child so this is my first time encountering his tantrums and refusals to go to sleep it is very hard to set a schedule for him since i work different shifts at the hospital but i try my best...how have some of you managed tantrums?? I need help in coping methods because my husband will start his schooling again next week and i will be by myself again during the nights.

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Dora - posted on 10/04/2010

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Take a deep breath. You are defintely NOT a horrible mother at all. If anything you are a superb mother for knowing you needed your husband's help at that moment before you went overboard. To me that just shows what a loving and caring mother you truly are. You took control of the situation evern though it was extremely difficult and found a solution that would avoid harm for your baby. I think if anything it was normal to feel what you were feeling seeing the stress you and your husband are under right now. If you have someone in the family or a close friend that lives near you give them a call. Don't be embarrassed to get help from them. Hopefully they can help with putting him on a good sleeping schedule that will help you with your changing work schedule. I do recommend putting together a routine for you and your son. I would say 1/2hr before you want him to be sleeping, sit him on your lap and read him a book, after that talk to him about his day and when the 1/2hr is up put him in his crib/bed and see how he does. While going through your routine try to keep the environment as calm as possible and make sure it is not to bright in his room. This type of routine help me with my sons bedtime schedule. We were in the same situation and it was tough. But as soon as my son got used to the schedule it was a piece of cake. I hope things get easier to you and just remeber the next time you get frustrated and feel the need to hit him just put him in his crib and walk out. Letting him cry with never hurt him.

Laura - posted on 10/04/2010

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First of all, know that the situation you discribed was handled appropriately--you got your husband to take over parenting duties since you were emotionally unable to continue at that time. This is good! Know, too, that you are not the first mom that has felt this way. The schedule you discribe for your family is a tough and stressful one to be sure. When my daughter was born, my husband (who was in school at the time) and I worked at the same facility, on different shifts, so we could switch off child care. I was working the night shift, then coming home to watch our baby while my husband went to school before his shift! We did have to get a sitter for two days a week just so I could get some sleep. We did this schedule for about a year before the stress became too much and things had to change. There were times when I was exhausted and my daughter needed attention, as all infants do, and I just let her cry in her crib. I can understand your frustration! My husband finished school and got a descent paying job, "9-5" type, so that I was able to quit working to become a stay-at-home mom. We made it through!

You and your husband need to utilize the number one parenting tool in this situation: COMMUNICATION! You need to sit down with him and share your feelings, frustrations, concerns, etc. You need to talk about your schedules. You need to discuss parenting styles and figure out how to share more parenting duties. Have him share with you, too! My husband handled nighttime baths and bedtime while my daughter was little and I was working. This was what worked for us. You will need to figure out what will work best for your schedule. That's the game planning part...

Next, you need to make sure that you and your husband are also on the same page with routines for your son as much as your schedule allows. Ask him what he does when he puts your son to bed and do the same. Kids are VERY observent and one little difference, one little behavior from you can make all the difference between struggling and ease of bedtime. Get on the same page with bedtime routines and stick with it. In this case consistency becomes your parenting tool of choice. Don't worry about crying either! Let him cry! Eventually he will realize you are not returning and fall asleep. Practice your "mom non-listening" skills with the crying--hear it and ignore it! It really does become easy to do.

You have to also remember that your son is entering "the terrible two's" where he is exploring his environment and learning how to be independent and is not neccessarily going to want anything to interfere with that. Thus the potential for tantrums. You need to be the boss, the authority, and set the boundaries for his behavior. Again, consistency on your part will be your best tool. This goes for your husband, too. You both need to work as a team so communicate and be consistent with how you deal with behavior issues from your son. Communicate what works, what isn't working and make adjustments as needed then be consistent.

You need to schedule some "me" time! If you wish to manage your stress and keep from going "insane", then make some time each day just for you to do your thing. I'm not talking a lot of time, 15 - 30 minutes as an example, but some time in which you can do something just for you. You may need your husband to watch your child or you can schedule it into work breaks. This can be as simple as going for a brisk walk in a local park! Excercise is an excellent way to reduce stress and feel better, but it could be a hobby you enjoy, too. Your "me" time doesn't have to be every day either, it could be an activity or group that happens weekly. The point is to make time for you. For me it was learning how to knit. I could take my knitting anywhere and knit when I had breaks. To me it was relaxing (even when figuring out mistakes!), fun and enjoyable. This was just for me! Now I knit whenever and also joined a weekly knitting group. My family knows that when the needles come out leave mom alone! : ) Remember that this stress filled schedule is finite--it will eventually end when school finishes--and you and your husband will be working on creating a new and different family schedule. (knit one, purl one...)

Finally, if you try these suggestions and are still having difficulty managing the stress and frustration, consider seeking professional help. Start with going to your family doctor. He can do an assessment and make recomendations to you if needed. I hope this helps and good luck to you and your family!

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Brandy - posted on 10/15/2010

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you just have to much on your plate! its ok to fall apart sometimes everybody gets stressed and has thoughts like that at some point im sure. and you know your baby picks up on that stress so you definately need to find a way to relax maybe you can fit something into his bed time routine to calm you both down.

Jessica - posted on 10/08/2010

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You are definitely not the only person to have ever felt that way! I'm a single mom and I work 12 hrs a day. By the time I get home, get dinner ready, homework done and showers taken, my son is ready to play and I'm ready for bed. I get really short tempered with him and I hate myself for it because I know he just wants to spend some time with me. I still struggle with managing tantrums and my son is 9. Hang in there. When you get frustrated walk away and take a few moments to gather your thoughts and try again. Try giving him a warm bath and afterwards rubbing some lavender lotion on him (Johnson and Johnson has lavender baby lotion). Even though he's only 2 read him a story it will give him the opportunity to wind down and get ready for bed. Just hang in there!

Phyllis - posted on 10/07/2010

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When the bedtime tantrum starts, some coping tools:
1) DEEP slow breath in and out x3
2) Sniff some dried lavender/oil, it known to calm. The kid too.
3) Enya is known to have a calming effect. Especially with dimmed light
4) Rub your hands together to get them warm and give gentle back rub to your child. Long and slow with a firm touch. If it's tickly (too light of pressure), it will stimulate not relax the child.
5) Warmth has a sedating effect. The child will be less likely to tantrum if they are cozy.
6) Hot Chamomile tea for you. When you feel overwhelmed. It is known to calm. Drinking hot liquids in general are stress relieving. (Think soup, hot chocolate, milk.)
Just some tips from a Massage Therapist.
Breathing helps me when I feel like I'm about to lose it. You totally can get through this temporary tough time.

Allie - posted on 10/06/2010

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Well simple put most parents have gone through this whether it is admitted is another story. Your baby feels that you are overwhelmed and frustrated which is one reason he is acting the way he is your husband came in calm and he went straight to sleep. The lack of sleep stress of work school and trying to take care of your family emotionally and financially is hard. When you come home at night try to do something t relax take a shower walk sit outside even if you're reading for school walking with your little one or all by yourself it will relax and maybe tire out jordan. Once you're calm he will be and you can get a little more done. Everyone needs a break and being a new mom i know it can be hard to leave your little one, but you handled the situation well and things turned out great just relax and take a breather every once in a while.!

Elizabeth - posted on 10/05/2010

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Thank you ladies!! your suggetions are very helpful, today was a way better day as I type my son is looking sleepier lol. I appreciate all of your suggestions and encouragement on parenting. I will let you know how it goes!

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