Is it unfair not to allow a seven year old boy to sleepover at friends' house?

Eugenie - posted on 02/08/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

72

18

4

I am a mom of an only child - seven year old boy - and he always wants to have sleepovers as his classmates have regular sleepovers. I am somewhat nervous about it, as so many things could go wrong. I mean, things could go wrong at my house too - like a fire for instance, but I would be left with the guilt of "if I was there he would be okay'" Because of this I do not have sleepovers at my house either.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lyndsay - posted on 02/22/2010

2,008

19

175

I definitely think this is unfair. I totally understand that you want to protect your child, which is cool, but you've got to cut the umbilical cord sometime. You need to let him out of your reach so he can experience the world in his own way, not just by clinging to your skirts.

Cindy - posted on 02/22/2010

1

16

0

lol, I have the opposite problem. My 7 yr old son will not sleep over at anyones house. He has a friend 2 doors down, whose family I know well and he slept over once and refuses to again. He has many cousins that sleep over regularily, I often have 5 kids over for the whole weekend but he refuses to spend the nite at their homes. He likes to "go over their houses" but not sleep over. He insists that I must spend the night too. I have done this once or twice hoping it would make him feel comfortable enough to stay on his own the next time but it didn't help so no more couches for me. I figure when he is ready he will do so. If your child is willing to sleep over, I would take advantage of it. Meet the parents, the kids, check out the home, make sure you have phone numbers and have him call you before he goes to bed. Start with family or really good friends first if you can. Then take a bubble bath and read a good book or watch a favorite show. Or have a night out if its been awhile. Ilike all that Misty Lyn said. Good luck!

Jennie - posted on 02/21/2010

1

13

0

You have to let him go, but do it smartly. Meet the parents of the other kid ahead of time so you know what they are like. Talk to your child and let him know that he can call you anytime day or night if he is scared or does not like something that is going on. If you do not let him have some freedom now, when he gets older and is on his own he will go wild. Trust me, I speak from experience. My parents sheltered me so much that when I went to college I went buck wild! I did not know how to handle myself so I got into drugs, promiscuous behavior...you name it I was into it. If you teach your child good values and let them have the freedom to make mistakes when they are younger, they will make better choices when they are older.

Caprice - posted on 02/16/2010

1

31

0

No my mom was the same way when I was young. I am the same way with my daughter. If you know the parents and you are comfortable with you son being over there then yeah let him stay the night. I know some say you gotta give your kids room to breath but things happen that you dont forsee or have control over so I think that its okay and wise to be protective of your son.

Misty - posted on 02/10/2010

5

12

1

I had similar reservations when my son became interested in sleepovers. My son is 8 and I only recently allowed him to stay the night at a friends house. The only reason I conceded to allowing him to do so is the fact that we are really good friends with the parents, have been to their house on numerous occasions, and trust them with our child. I am still not willing to allow him to stay the night at school friend's houses until I attain a relationship with the parents as well...at least enough to make an assessment. I have a Masters degree in Counseling Psych and have co-facilitated sex offender groups, thus my opinion and actions may be tainted by my awareness. My advice would be to think about the situation, the individuals involved, your gut feeling, and make sure to weigh the pros and cons. Just make sure to take your son's opinion and your reasons for being apprehensive into consideration. Are sleepovers something that can wait a year or two?..absolutely. Hope this helps and good luck.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

12 Comments

View replies by

Eugenie - posted on 02/11/2010

72

18

4

Thanks for responding Misty and Sherry. I will definitely get to know the parents as much as possible, and I will take it in stages as outlined above. I appreciate your input.

Sherry - posted on 02/10/2010

9

6

1

no not really i dont let mine do sleep overs unless there at nanas because there not mature enough and have behavior problems but if ur kid is well behaved and mature for his age then i see no reson why not get comfortable with the other kids parent to help ease ur worries good luck

Eugenie - posted on 02/09/2010

72

18

4

Thank you all so much for replying. I really do appreciate.

I need him to socialize and as you said Taryn, I certainly don't want him to be afraid of his shadow (he already has a tendency to be). You are also very helpful Renae, in giving personal insights as to why I should do my part in getting to know the parents and letting him socialize. So, as you said Maura, I'll start with sleep parties and pick him up at bedtime. Then the next step as you said Tianti, is starting with one friend sleeping here and vice versa. I will also have a long talk with him and observe as much as possible. I feel so much better. I'll do my homework and use caution. Thanks again, and thank you Circle of Moms for bringing us all together.

Renae - posted on 02/09/2010

2,209

23

154

I was never allowed to sleep over because my mum was terrified I would be abused (long story with history of family abuse that made her paranoid). To this day I believe she was being too overprotective and should have allowed me to socialise and learn how to be with other people without her watching over my shoulder all of the time. In grade 7 I was only allowed on school camp because she came along and she came into the kids dorm several times throughout the night to check on me. If I was you I would try to let go. Perhaps you could get to know the mums of your child's closest friends and then you might feel better leaving him in their care? You have to let go eventually or your child will pull away desperate for some form of freedom and independence. So just dont hold on to him too long. You dont have to let him have sleep overs just yet, he is still only 7 years old, but its something to think about for the future.

Maura - posted on 02/09/2010

104

2

7

I think you have to trust your own instincts. Maybe you don't know these families well enough. The best way to start is to have a child sleep at your house, then you are in control. But you need to choose a child whose parents you think you will eventually trust with your own child. In my cousin's area they have sleep parties where they kids get in pjs and bring sleeping bags but the parents come pick them up at 9pm It's a good way to start with young kids. My daughter is almost nine and she hasn't slept at anyone else's house yet. I frankly don't know any of the parents and I wouldn't trust strangers with my precious daughter. I'm lucky that she understands and isn't hounding me about it. I don't believe you can harm them because of this...there's plenty of time for the big bad world. Good luck.

Tianti - posted on 02/08/2010

31

29

2

I was weary at first as well, but my son has one friend, on the same block, who he is allowed to spend the night with. I also allow this friend to spend the night. Before he had his first sleepover, I talked to my son. We talked about safety, rules and all sorts of things that I was scared could happen. (Without letting him know I was afraid.) Then I made unexpected trips over to his friends house to see how the household was. Was it clean? Who lived there? Did they smoke in the house? Anything that was on my mind as a worry I either asked the parent or saw for myself. I feel comfortable, today letting my son go to his friends house. One friend at a time..

Taryn - posted on 02/08/2010

20

31

5

if you don't let him out of the house now, he'll be afraid of his own shadow by 2011. If you want him to be a functional adult you need to let him socialize now. if you don't let anything happen to him then nothing will ever happen to him. If nothing ever happens to him he will have a boring terrible life and someday he will resent you for not allowing him to socialize. he is old enough now to call you if something is wrong. trust your son. and trust other parents. No matter what something will hurt him someday. at leats try to prepare him now.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms