Is it wrong to love her too much?

Rosa - posted on 11/06/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I have a 4 year old daughter whom i treasure very much. The thing is that i LOVE HER WAY TOO MUCH and my family and friends have also observed it. They tell e to get another child because the love i have for my daughter can be dangerous and nice at the same time.
She stays with her Dad (my Boyfriend) and see her on weekends but once am with her, i dont want anyone taking her or going out with her except me. She still sleeps in my bed dispite the father's disapproval.
Is it wrong?

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I really cannot speak enough on this. we need to also have our own lives. I am telling you all.
It sounds so poetic that you cannot love too much but the truth is that you certainly can and to the detriment of the child.
open your mind and really research this topic intelligently. we love them too much because they give US a sense of purpose and we think we have the best child of them all and if we do things just right they will be super humans, etc. Be honest: those thoughts and feelings are in your head somewhere.
We are all OVER-"LOVING" our children & creating generations of narcissists or young adults with attitudes of entitlement, etc. We need to be a bit more like the moms of the old days who had more kids, less time, stricter rules, and none of this adoration crap.
we treat them like little gods.
that is wrong and harmful to all involved.
they are not priceless little toy dolls.
they are human beings and we do them a great dis-service by trying to make their world perfect.
a huge disservice.
my daughter is drop dead stunning gorgeous blonde with dark eyes and every male on the eastcoast drooling over her with an IQ of 140 graduating from an ivy league college and she is spiraling down with depression, no sense of purpose, direction, or self and mad as hell at me.
It's a mess.
Trust me. Please, do your home work. Talk to an extremely highly qualified therapist and learn what you are doing.

Sonya - posted on 11/21/2009

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You love her too much? That is not possible. The love you feel for your child is a natural thing, and being as you only see her on weekends, it is NATURAL for you to want her all to yourself. For about 2 months, I was working all week, and only got to be with my daughter on weekends. Her father kept her during the week, and it killed me. When I got home, I would spoil her rotten. We would go out to eat, I'd buy her small presents, anything and everything. Most of it was because I hadn't gotten the chance to spread this all out over the course of a week, so all the love was crammed into 2 days. My family had gotten furious with me, because when I was finally home with my daughter, we became recluse. She and I did everything together, and no one else got to see her, regardless of what they wanted. Now that I am home all week, it is no longer a problem. Her father is seeing her once a week and I have her all the time, and I can love her all week long. Discipline had gotten easier, and my family gets time with her as well.

My one rule is everything you do in regards to your child, do out of love. If you are letting her sleep with you out of love, so be it. (My daughter often crawls into bed with me early in the morning, and we cuddle.) If you spoil her a little during your time with her, so be it. Don't rush into having another child, simply because you want to love the one you have less... it won't work that way. You'll have less time, but not less love, and you'll end up spoiling her more to make up for the missed time together. =)

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17 Comments

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Jane - posted on 12/04/2013

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you can love someone so much that you prevent them becoming in life what they were meant to be, they wont know how to share, or to behave. When someone loves them, they wont understand what love is because you have spoiled them.
My mom loved me too much, let me get away with too much, I didn't understand how much it hurt me until recently.
children need boundaries, they need to be told no, otherwise they think the world revolves around them and it doesn't. please be careful, im a testament to what happens when you are too spoiled.

Rhashell - posted on 04/26/2013

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WHAT how could you love her too much? I have an only son. Who slept with my husband and I till he was 5. My whole life is lived for him, I gave up my job when he was born and am now homeschooling him. My husband is 100 percent in support of me being available for our son at all times.

[deleted account]

yes it is wrong. it backfires and blows up. they frequently become narcissistic. go research that - it is a horrible thing: you don't want to go near the risk zone for that to happen. additionally, your adoration of her will cripple her in the real world. she won't have a sense of reality that is realistic.
take it from me: i did it ; not quite as extreme as you, but pretty intense.
its a need in us to love.
right now i am researching and wondering what issues i have that i am so intense and was regarding my child.
she is 21 now. she has become distant cold and has broken my heart over and over since my mother died in august. i am trying to be fair here and see what part i played in her acting like a heartless monster when the first time came that i needed her (just to be a kind presence).

Rita - posted on 12/05/2009

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my daughter is six years old I don't beleive you can love your children to much if you don't do it who will?I want to be with my daughter all the time to I think the danger will come when we HAVE to cut that cord. school was really hard for me.I pray jesus will keep her safe when she's not with me that does help alot.

Laura - posted on 12/05/2009

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I tell my daughter every day that I am head over heels in love with her. I am and I am proud of it. She is confident and is very independent and by the way she is almost five and still sleeps with us. As a matter of fact, America is the only country that does not promote a family bedroom. My daughter is doing well with other children and I feel as though what I am doing is just given her that much more confidence in the fact that she never questions our love for her. She can go out into the world and give of herself with no doubts. There is no wrong amount of love. There is inappropriate love but as long as you are not crossing that line you are fine. Love her but when she wants space give it to her. That is how we give them wings.

Lyndsay - posted on 12/04/2009

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I don't think its an issue of you loving her too much. She is your child, you are supposed to. I personally don't think she should be sleeping in your bed, but I guess thats up to you and her.

Rabecca - posted on 12/03/2009

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I think not enough kids these days feel treasured and thats sad my son is my world and I adore him I tell him all the time of course hes almost 9 and says ya ya but hes funny that way or I will say guess what and he says ya I know you love me you tell me all the time but he tells me all the time to and blows me kisses if he thinks hes been to independant all day .

My son slept with me till he was 4 which is the way in alot of coultures so I wouldnt worry to much about it but by the time my son was 4 he was just to big and I was getting uncofrtable with him in the bed too so we got himinto his own bed but seriously that was like pulling teeth he was so dependant on being with me he cried so much he would vomit over and over which of course gave me the mother of all mommy guilt because really for the most part he was with me was for me and I was the one who didnt help him become more independant by that point and the habit was hard breack and really felt like a bad mom when I had to make him sleep by himself because he was so sad and I think he felt lik eI was punishing him for something which of course wasnt the truth but he coundnt sleep in mommies bed till he was old enough to move out haha

Evelyn - posted on 12/02/2009

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There is never to much love between mother and daughter.When my daughter was born I told myself that not a day would go by that I wouldn't tell her how much I love her and to this day (she's 8 now) we tell each other how much we love each other some days she tells me more than I tell her. There is no greater feeling than knowing that your little girl loves you, Show her everyday ,in everyway and MOST IMPORTANT of all TELL her EVERYDAY.

Natasha - posted on 11/21/2009

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It is not possible to love your children to much..it is however possible to show love for a child to get to her dad. Just a thought...

Jessica - posted on 11/21/2009

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I'm with Jennifer. If I only saw my son on the weekends I would stake out that time as mine alone, no sharing. Your famliy telling you to have another baby is rather short sighted. Without opening a whole can of worms there is probably a reason your time with your daughter is on the weekend. Having another baby will not change those things.

Jennifer - posted on 11/19/2009

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I don't think that there is a such thing as loving a child too much. I can understand how you would be protective of your time with her, when you get to see her on the weekends. If I could only see my daughter on the weekends, I wouldn't want to hand her over to someone else and not be included in their activities either.

As far as the bed, I think that you should provide the best that you can. If you are able to provide your daughter a bed of her own, that sounds like the best option. I think that would help her feel like she has a more solid place in your home. :o ) Not only that, but it would also help to make things easier on your daughter's father. My mom used to sleep with my daughter all of the time, and it made things very hard on me, because my daughter would come home and couldn't get good sleep in her own bed. When we really love our little ones, it means doing what is best for them, not what makes us feel the happiest (nor them, for that matter. lol).

Talaisheus - posted on 11/06/2009

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no it is nothing wrong with that. u have to show a child u love them.and by u loving them that much more is a blessing for them.some kids don't even have parents to love them..

Arletta - posted on 11/06/2009

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Yes I feel it is wrong to let her sleep in your bed. By doing this you are making her a codepent on you. She can not on you to always be there. Her father is right at the age of 4 she should be sleeping in her own bed.

Arletta Enyart

Arletta - posted on 11/06/2009

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I don't feel it is wrong to love too much. I feel that is what this whole socitay is miss now a days. When I was younger family's shared the good times and the bad times. We are a very closes family. No matter how apart we are we know we can count one each other to be there when we need to cry on someone's sholuder. It is great to love as much as you can...



Arletta

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