letting your child sleep in your bed...?

Brandy - posted on 07/18/2010 ( 36 moms have responded )

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i am a single mom and my son is my first born, now 7 weeks old. after he was born, he was put in the NICU up until he was 13 days old. i have his crib set up, but he does not sleep in it. since the first day i brought him home, i have put him in my bed, and he sleeps with me. one of the main reasons is due to him stopping breathing when he has seizures (the reason he was in the NICU). He hasnt had a full blown seizure since he was 3 days old... but i still have that fear that if i put him in his crib, im going to wake up in the morning and he will have quit breathing all together.
my question is, how many other moms let/have let their children sleep with them, and what problems did you have when it came time for them to move to their own bed?

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36 Comments

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Eugenie - posted on 10/22/2010

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Hi Brandy, I think you should do what feels right to you. There is nothing like a mother's instinct.

I would feel more comfortable having him in a crib next to my bed so as to prevent any accidents happening.

Congratulations on your new baby, and all the best!

Kayla - posted on 10/12/2010

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I let my son sleep with me and that's because he had problems with breathing. He was on a breathing machine. He's ok now and it is so hard to get him out of my bed. I'm working on that now because he thinks he's going to lay up on my cheast and go to sleep and me rock him to sleep at age 2 almost 3. I would try letting him sleep in his own crib in your room and just get up doing the night and check on him.

Cameryn_nc - posted on 10/10/2010

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With our preemie we used a Close and Secure sleeper from First Years in our bed--it has mesh/padded frame that prevents rollovers. It's almost like a travel bed in that it's completely self-contained. When we put the tether between the mattress and box spring like the directions indicate, there was virtually no way we could roll over on her (since we don't drink). Because she didn't have a pillow, she was actually closer to the head of the bed than we were, but in a perfect position to comfort if need be. It also made the overnight feedings much easier to have her right there. We used it until she was too long for it (@21 inches) and then moved her to a bassinet next to our bed.

User - posted on 10/06/2010

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If you can put a stop to it early. I started my daughter in my bed early, and now she is 2 1/2 and still sleeping with me. It is not her, it was me, and now I have to deal with the reprecussions everyday..

Luz - posted on 10/02/2010

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I can relate, my daughter is 4, will be 5 in Nov. She had problems breathing one time around a year old and I called the doc and he had just said at that time since it was after hours to give her some cough medicine and see him in the morning. I was so scared for her that night I had her sleep with my husband and I because I didn't want to take my eyes off of her. Long story short, she had bronchiolitis. Today she has asthma but it's not severe. She falls asleep with me, daddy will move her to her bed when he comes to bed but she always ends up back in our bed. For me, I figure, she's my only child, she'll be my only child, she'll get to the point where she sleeps in her room all night. We're not stressing about it too much. The other night as she was sleeping with us, her wheezing woke me up. I ended up having to give her a breathing treatment at 3am so I'm glad she was with us so that I was able to hear it and not let it get to the point where she's in a full blown asthma attack.

I figure as long as she's in her own bed by the time she starts school next year, I'm good.

Ashley - posted on 10/01/2010

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I actually let my now 4 week old take naps with me sometimes during the day. She sleeps in her crib most of the time, but sometimes I will put her sleep positioner on our bed and she'll sleep with me. I know they say not to let them sleep in the bed with you, but she does sleep with me sometimes during the day. She did today actually!

Leonora - posted on 09/30/2010

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My son is six and still sleeps in the bed with me every now and then he says he has nightmares but i think it is bcause he like to be near me. At grandmas house it is different he has to sleep by hisself its funny i hope he grows out of it soon

Deeanna - posted on 09/30/2010

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I have experience with this issue and I must tell you, if they were worried about him, they would put him on a breathing monitor. If they didn't, then he will be okay. It's also unsafe for a baby that young to sleep in a regular bed. It greatly increases the risk of SIDS.



Anyway, my son sleeps in my bed when he is invited. He was never invited until his dad started working 3rd shift, unless he was sick. Sometimes my bed feels empty or I know he is having a rough night (two days ago he got his fingers pinched right before bed), so I let him sleep in my bed. I don't lay with him while he falls asleep, but when I come in he knows I'm there cause he cuddles up. The day after he sleeps in my bed, he'll whine "Mommy's big bed," when I'm carrying him upstairs. I explain to him "No, Bear's little bed tonight," and that's about all there is to it. He sleeps in my bed once or twice a month because I know attatched he can be like that.



Everybody I know who slept with their child is having trouble now. One of my friends had gotten a new boyfriend, but she was afraid to stay at his house because she has to breastfeed her 18 month old and then let him sleep with her at night. I do not reccomend it as a regular thing. You will regret it when he's bigger, not to mention the strain it will put on your relationship!



My little sister and I were talking about this conversation and she was telling me that she went to school with a 14 year old, who slept with her mom her whole life(and her sisters), and her mom still sleeps in their room. So her and her little sister(who is 11) can hold their mom's hand while they fall asleep. The 14 year old just started going to a cyber school so she didn't have to leave her mom. Her older sister quit sleeping with the mom in 7th grade. The dad pretty much has his own room. Now that's just dysfunctional.

Amy - posted on 09/10/2010

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Mine slept with my hubbie and I until she was about 1 1/2 - We were both fine with it. She was always a horrible sleeper wiht colic forever so it just made sense for all of us to be able to get some sleep. She did ok with the transition, but I really think it was just her personality not the fact that she stayed with us for so long.

Beth - posted on 09/09/2010

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I just read an article stating the number of babies that die each year from sleeping with an adult!!! It's just not safe! They're more likely to die THAT way than in their own bed! (Set up a playpen or bassinet right next to your bed instead!) There are other reasons NOT to sleep with your child that I won't go into right now but I KNOW it is a very bad idea and that's why I never let my son sleep with us. Unless, of course, he's older and scared of something. Then I wouldn't turn him away but it MUST never become a habit!

Keysha - posted on 09/09/2010

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well my son is now 2 1/2 and i still can not seem to get him out of my bed i have tried everything and he will not sleep in his room i will never put another one of my kids in my bed again!!!

Crystal - posted on 09/07/2010

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Once you start it is hard to get them to stop. Mine is 9 and sleeps with me! Maybe keep him in his crib in your room... Good luck!

Brittany - posted on 08/28/2010

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HI I hava a 2 year old and when she was born i put her in her crib and then when she was like 18 months i put her to sleep with me 2 or 3 times and now she dont like to sleep by herself i have to be where she can see me when she gets up or she starts to scream i was just able to start to get her so sleep in her own bed

Jennifer - posted on 08/27/2010

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my daughter slept with us from day 1 until about 9 months old she didn't like the crib so we put a queen size mattress on the floor and had no problems with her sleeping we just converted her to a toddler bed she was 18mo and the first few nights she would roll off but she got used to it and now she sleeps in her own bed. i know its difficult but you know whats right for your baby sudden change worked best for my daughter with everything but it may not with yours just try out a few suggestions until you find what feels right also my daughter didn't like her crib because she had no room to move

Kathy - posted on 08/26/2010

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I would be very afraid to have a new born sleep in the bed with me. My son was in his crib from the day he came home until his father left and we had to move to another house. Then he was 2 1/2. The new house didn't have airconditioning so in the summer he would come in my bed because I had the only window air conditioner in my room. He just turned 6 and is still sleeping with me and I love it. He will only be little for a while and will soon want to be in his own room. For now I love reading to him and falling asleep together and waking up in the morning by him touching my face and saying good mornng mommy. He has bunk beds in his room and I know as soon as he starts having sleep overs with his friends he will be back in his room. For now I don't see a problem with the co sleeping, especially when he's sick. I'm right there to take care of him. You do what you want and what is best for him.

Shondi - posted on 08/26/2010

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When my son was 18 months old they took out his tonsil it was very bad all he did was cry for 3 weeks the only time He or i got any sleep was to put him in bed with me he is 3 now and I am still fighting to get get him back in his bed.

Christina - posted on 08/26/2010

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My daughter slept with me until she was 3 months old, then in a bassinette next to my bed until 5 months (when I stopped breastfeeding), in her cot next to my bed then finally in her cot in her room at 6 months. I think this was a great transition. We have never had a problem.

Lyndsay - posted on 08/25/2010

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My son slept in my bed up until he was 6 months old. It was not all night, every night.. after the first couple of weeks he slept in his bassinet beside my bed, but sometimes I would pull him into bed with me in the mornings. He went into his own bedroom around 6 months so thats when it stopped.

Kristi - posted on 08/25/2010

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My son had a febrile seizure for over an hour when he was 18 months. Scariest thing ever & I completely understand wanting him to be right by you all the time! However, I knew it would only make things harder when he got older... so he still sleeps in his own bed. I think since your little guy is still so young it wouldn't be a big deal for him to sleep with you but sooner or later he probably needs to be in his own bed. Best of luck! :)

Jaye - posted on 08/25/2010

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hi Brandy,
Im a young mum of a beautiful boy of 4 months and he did use to sleep in my bed when he was first born but then i got scared that i would roll over onto him even though i would always feel when something was wrong but when i started putting him into his own bed he started sleeping through the night!! best thing i ever did :) hope this helps
take care jaye.

Samantha - posted on 08/16/2010

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My child also had a seizure scare and I was already terrified of sids and everything else as a new mom and My daughter slept in bed with me until quit recently she is now 14 months old and sleeps in a toddler bed, she slpet in cribs off and on before that but I do not regret letting her sleep with me. They are only that little for so long. She cried and cried at first but quickly adjusted to sleeping by herself. I remember being so terrified of her not being alive not breathing and it really put me at ease with her in the bed with me. I say if you do it safely then do what makes you comfortable. it's your child.

Amy - posted on 08/16/2010

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My daughter and I intermittently coslept and even now she'll occasionally spend a night in our (small) bed. She has the most relaxed attitude towards sleeping I've ever seen - at around two she put herself to bed on the odd occasion, I'd get tea ready & go looking for her and she'd be sound asleep. She's six now and goes to bed happily, reading with the light on for a while. I wasn't officially a regular cosleeper, but I'd consider it if I'd had another child, depending on the circumstances.
Just make sure, as I'm sure you're aware, that cosleeping is done safely - this means not drinking or smoking (or not cosleeping if you're a smoker), not having a lot of loose bedding or an overly soft mattress, sleeping baby beside mum, not in the middle, removing wedging hazards etc. There's a lot more about it here: http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/...

Emily - posted on 08/14/2010

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my son is four and sleeps with his dad and i maybe once or twice a month but when he was an infent i had a playpen that the side came down so he would not get hurt and if your worried i know the have a machine that he can bee hooked up to that will beep when and if he stops breathing good luck

Megan - posted on 08/12/2010

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For the first 4 months my daughter slept in the bassinet next to our bed. Then she would sometimes sleep with us. From about 8 months onward she has slept in bed with us. I love it!!! I love knowing that she is safe there with me and if anything did happen she is right there.
One of the major benefits of co-sleeping is that the baby learns how to properly breathe in their sleep from hearing the mother/fathers breathing. My daughter has slept throughout the night (12 hrs) from 6 weeks old!!! I am a light sleeper so there is no chance of anything happening. She is almost 2 now!!! And still sleeping in my bed!!!
I think that if you feel more comfortable with him next to you or in your bed then go for it!!! If you have any reservations you can get the co-sleeper for in your bed as well.

Sheryl - posted on 08/10/2010

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I'm also a single mom to an almost-21-month-old girl who has slept with me since day one. I bought her this beautiful mahogany wood crib that she's never slept one night in! There are physicians on both sides of the fence when it comes to co-sleeping. One of the most respected pediatricians who is a proponent of co-sleeping is Dr. Sears (http://www.askdrsears.com/). Please check out his site for advice about co-sleeping to allay your fears. One of the benefits of co-sleeping is that babies tend to breathe on the same rhythm as their moms. Check out Dr. Sears!

To be honest, I adore sleeping with my little one, but now that she is bigger, she's taken over my bed. I'm going to convert her crib to a toddler bed with rail this weekend and try to get her to start sleeping in it. If it doesn't work, I'm going to have to buy a king-sized bed!

On a safety note, make sure you don't share your blanket with your baby--use blanket sleepers for him so he can have his own covers.

Wishing you the best!

Dawn - posted on 08/07/2010

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Our son is 8, and still sneaks in bed with us. We don't mind. We've got a king size bed, and he won't do this forever. :-)

Deureka - posted on 08/07/2010

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my son was the same way nicu but he is 2 now and has a problem sleeping by hisself...he will start in his own bed then i wake up in the middle of the night and he is right there holding me or hidden under the covers...its cute and funny so i make the best of it and enjoy the times he wants to spend with me b/c he will grow up and no longer need me

Bethany - posted on 08/01/2010

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I do not agree with co-sleeping especially with newborns and younger babies because it is EXTREMELY dangerous! So many babies every year are smothered by their mothers or the blankets because of co-sleeping. My pediatrician, a friend of mine who is a pediatrician, and the doctors at children's medical center in dayton Ohio have all warned me about the dangers of co-sleeping and there are several studies to back this up. I would rather be safe than sorry. However I definitly wouldn't put him in another room than you! I had some problems with my son and his breathing when he was born, so I put him in a basinet right beside my bed, then a pack n play when he got a little older. I put it right up against my side of the bed. At night I could hear him breathing and put my hand down into the basinet to feel his breathing if I needed to. Mothers are usually very in tune to their child's sounds too, so it is highly probable that you would wake up if he stopped breathing. When my son was a year, I put him in a crib in his room and bought one of those "summer" brand camera monitors. I put the monitor right next to my bed where I could hear every sound he made and could turn the monitor screen on to see him in his crib. I still use it now and he is 3 years old in a toddler bed! Best thing I ever bought for my piece of mind. I hope this helps.

[deleted account]

We've been playing "ring-aroud-the-beds" for years here at my house! My son is 5 1/2 now, and quite frankly sleep is a battle I don't fight with. We all need sleep. I set my alarm for 4:45 am and I'm not going to fight with my son to ensure him sleeping in his bed every single night. He jsut wanders into our bed every single night. Sometimes we hear him, sometimes we wake up with a kid in the middle of us. Sometimes my husband goes into my son's bed. My mentality is this: I don't care where you sleep. Pick a bed, and just sleep! Besides, if it is comforting for my son to snuggle in with us to sleep, why is that so bad? It's not like he'll be a 13 year old kid wanting to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed!

[deleted account]

o/ Our daughter slept in our bed and then on a cot smooshed up against to my bed until she was 4yo. Then we pushed the cot away from the bed. She was concerned for the first few nights, but then did all right. She moved to her own room when she was 8yo, but only held out so long because we didn't have the room ready for her before that. She has not had a problem separating from me for the night.

Maura - posted on 07/26/2010

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If breathing is already a problem, I wouldn't put him in your bed because of SIDS. My best friend's baby died in her bed. He suffocated from the covers. I recommend putting the baby in a basinnett right next to your bed. Always sleep him on his back, never stomach. Good luck and congrats!

Raziya - posted on 07/26/2010

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I've let my son sleep with me. When they are ready they'll want their own. But it's better especially now to sleep with your child. Even if he didn't have the seizures. LIke you said you can check on him immediately if something was wrong. He is comforted by your breathing and closeness. Touch is sooooo important and the closeness and the bond you share co-sleeping makes you love him even more. Look up benefits of sleeping with your child. Especially if he had complications as a new born. He needs you right next to him even on your bare chest when you are say, sitting on the sofa. It's Very healing. There are studies that show the progress of newborns that had medical problems. Babies that were touched lovingly and stayed close to their moms were 100 times better than babies who were left alone.

Sheryl - posted on 07/22/2010

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My daughter was put in her crib right away. Best advice my mother in law ever gave me. My sister in law and cousin had their kids in bed with them for 7 years. Although I am not a single mom, if I was maybe I would have done it. Anyway, you do what you feel is good for you and your son. It will all work out in the long run! Congratulations on your baby boy!

Deborah - posted on 07/20/2010

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I've never had any problems with my baby's breathing or anything and he does sleep in his own bed mostly, however, if he has problems sleeping I bring him in bed with us, and my husband, or I, (or both) often nap with him. Despite all the advice I have had not to bring him in bed with us I am very flexible on the issue. He does sleep better with us and I love having him close. When he is in his crib I have a monitor - it's the Sony babyCall, it is pretty good so I can hear him roll around, suck his thumb, etc. and these noises comfort me to know he OK and I will hear him as soon as he cries.

User - posted on 07/20/2010

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hello,
I still sleep with my daughter...she's 3. I have the same core fear but I think mine stems form her being the only child I have. I worry about her so much. My husband and I both are on board with this. It's a personal preference. Don't listen to others who discourage you. Just do what feels right to you. You will never regret it. It's truly a special bond.

Shraddha - posted on 07/19/2010

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hi brandy
i have gone through this exactly like u . so i really sympathize my son now 7 yr was admitted to NICU immediately after birth ... i too was scared to put him to sleep in a crib
i had let him sleep with me for almost a year. little because he would not want to go more because i started having separation anxiety.i did have some problems that after words he would climb into my bed in middle of the night .. but the mental state at the time of his birth was such that i could not think of not keeping him near him..so even if i could change my decision i wouldn't.
i thinjk u should see what works for u the best
whatever u decide im sure u will think abt the pros and cons

wish u luck and blessing to the little one
take care
shraddha

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