Mother-in-law has me in tears.................

Lauren - posted on 03/10/2010 ( 26 moms have responded )

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My boyfriends Mum thinks its awful I wont have another child and that Im being unfair to my partner expecting him to get the snip as apposed to me. She also finds it highly ammusing that we are not married and constantly puts me down infront of people. We are not married cos I wont marry him not the other way around and when I told her this she said ''oh well I bet Ste is relieved''!!

Yesterday as she showed off the baby one of her friends said her daughted had just married, her reply was ''our ste wont marry her ha ha''. Even her friend was embarased for me!!! She is very clever and anytime my partner pulls her up on something she says she just says she never ment it like that and im being over sensitive. Last summer when I was pregnant I made a remark on a loverly summers day how loverly it must be for the people who live in spain, she then told my partner I was planning to take the baby to spain away from him!?! I have had my fill of her and now wont answer the phone to her for fear of what I will say, Im a very fiesty person and am only biting my tongue for my partners sake, HELP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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Bethany - posted on 04/18/2010

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Remember that your BF is her little man, she nursed him and raised him, and has certain things set in her head for him, like we all do, for our own kids.



There is no excuse for rudeness, on her part, or your own, but there is a place for open conversation. You be the grown-up, if she won't. Whether in private or in public, if she hurts you, name her behaviour (that's really spiteful, or, that comment wasn't necessary, or, I found that comment really offensive...*use her name*) , and tell her that whether she meant to or not, she has hurt your feelings. Use her name each time, and put a name to the behaviour that you find offensive. Be specific, and always say something, every time.



Stand up straight, chin up, and speak politely, and honestly, every time. She won't appreciate being pulled up for her behaviour in front of other people, and if she thinks you're going to do that to her every time, she might start to think again before opening her mouth. You'll also be setting a good example for your daughter.

Andrea - posted on 03/11/2010

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Just ignore her and keep her away from you and the baby, unless your partner is there with you. My MIL is a terrible person as well. She has called me names and told people some pretty awful things about me. We have been married ten yrs and it gets worse every year. So I just cut her out of our lives all together. My son is six and doesn't know who she is. On the rare occasion we see her, he simply refers to her as Veronica. Don't let her get to you, just remember she must be really miserable in her own life and thats why she acts like that.

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26 Comments

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Catie - posted on 04/23/2010

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Would your partner really not want you to say anything? Talk to him about it really talk to him if he doesn't want you going off on her then he needs to put her in her place or you will do it for him. I know my boyfrien would applaude me for going off on his mom if she said something out of line. You and your child should be his first priority not making sure his mommys feelings don't get hurt

Kara - posted on 04/23/2010

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I love stephanie's idea I think it's pure brilliance and you can have fun while your at it.

In all seriousness though, does your child have a close bond with her?
It's just wrong wrong wrong for her to do that. Your child is going to grow up seeing her belittling you and think that is a normal thing to do. You have more will power than me hunny because I would have to bite her head clean off x

Arrow - posted on 04/23/2010

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If your partner is aware of the angst this woman puts you through, and even slightly is on your side, then you need to discuss with 'Ste' about perhaps cutting her off till she can be polite, respectful and loving to the baby, him and YOU. You bore her grandchild and if she cannot see past her snide, mean, and cruel ways, then honestly, and pardon me, but screw her! Remember, you have "Ste' AND the baby, she has .....a phone!

Cyn - posted on 04/23/2010

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Just ignore her...u can't change her or how she feels, right now anyway. If a wedding is what SHE needs to be happy, SHE can WAIT!!! When you are ready, you're ready. Nobody has the right to talk to you or about u that way, however, the other moms have it nailed!!! She is only making herself look bad by saying these things, simply let her talk. Keep on killin her with kindness...she'll either come around, or she won't, but YOU don't need her comments. If she won't keep them to herself, just ignore her. Let her make an azz of herself!!! Hang in there, Love, Cyn!

Savanna - posted on 04/19/2010

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~ Well What I Think You Need To Do Is Get Ur Boyfriend And His Mom Together And Talk And Let Her Kno Who U Feel And The Way She's Treatin You Not Rite ~

Claire - posted on 04/19/2010

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I was in exactly same situation. Luckily I live in UK and she lives in NZ...so easy to ignore her and avoid her negative influence over my son!!! Good luck

Carrie - posted on 04/17/2010

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I hate to say it, but I have a feeling she might not have liked you from the beginning she just didn't say anything, because she thought you wouldn't be around long-term. She might have feared if she told him to break up with you he would rebel against her and want to be with you even more. When you 2 got serious (moved in together & had a baby) she prob. knew you were there long-term then. She might have even felt like you got pregnant on purpose to "trap" him. This might be why she is acting the way she is towards you. Since it is your bf mother it is his responsibility to talk to her. If he has any issues with anyone in your family it is your responsibility to talk to them. As far as the surgery goes there is less down time for the man than there is for the woman. You 2 just do some research and talk to your dr.'s and figure out which one works best for your family. Good luck with everything. :-)

[deleted account]

OMG! I wanna punch her in the nose! She sounds like a real B_I_T_C_H! I think you should seriously explain how ur feeling to ur partner because I just don't see this ending well!?? Make him understand how upset you really are and that you're NOT just being sensitive!

Mary - posted on 04/05/2010

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I have been with my boyfriend for 22yrs. His mother has never liked me. Your boyfriend needs to grow some b*lls & stand up to his mother. That's what it took for us. You are starting your own family & he needs to cut the apron strings.

Chelsea Cleo - posted on 04/05/2010

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I havent been in your situation so im not quite sure how to help, but if i was in your situation I think I would stick up for myself. I wouldnt let her talk to me the way she does you, I dont see a problem with asking people to stop being rude, if your partner cant accept that then hes being selfish. I dont think I would be able to bite my tongue and let it go for my partners sake! I have had a few comments about marriage before and why arent my partner and I married so I told them how it was. Sorry if this doesnt help, its just what id do lol

Joni - posted on 04/05/2010

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Sounds like you and your family need to become suddenly very busy. "I'd love to see you Mommie Dearest, but the baby has the sniffles." or "Yes, listening to your idiotic mouth during foie gras sounds delightful, but we are unfortunately headed to the dr for an apendectomy!"

If that doesn't work, either your partner tells her to back off, or you have full rights to tell her yourself.

Stacey - posted on 04/05/2010

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oh my god she sounds awful u must have the ptients of a saint because if it wer me i wouldnt put up with this your the mother of her grandchil she should respect you im in different suitation my mother in law is lovely would do anything for me and her grandchild but stay strong and away frm her der no need to be so rude to u

Diane - posted on 03/21/2010

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I know someone else said it before- but I'll say it again; Separate yourself and the baby from this woman. Only see her if your boyfriend is there. Turn down any invitation to see her if he isn't there and don't invite her to anything (make your boyfriend do it if he wants her to be there).
I know it sounds petty but really...you have to look out for the best interest of your child.
This woman belittles you in front of everyone and if you allow yourself to be in the situation your child is going to see you allowing yourself to be belittled; or getting angry and yelling at grandma all the time. Or conversely this woman will poison your child against you by being the "best grandma in the world" to your child and then trying to convince your child you are a horrible person.
To be healthy and to have a healthy child you have to stay away from her. Either she will get the message that her way is wrong and change it or she will be the only one at fault for not being able to see her grandchild grow up.

[deleted account]

hi lauren, u shouldnt have to put up with this especially as it is botherin u soooo much, ur boyfriend should say somethin to her im afraid even if it is his own mother an make it clear to her that you dont like the comments and shouldnt have to put up with them. Many lads mothers im afraid are funny devils as they often feel no one is good enough for their precious son...i hope u manage to sort this out, please dont put up with it its not fair on you...good luck!!

Lauren - posted on 03/14/2010

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That is totally what I feel like doing Lyndsay and im sure it will happen one day when she keeps pushing me but she had an anurism a few years ago so all the family are scared of upsetting her incase she gets stressed and gets ill again (and i think she knows it too). I dont want to scream at her and then if she got ill they would blame me (well my partner wouldnt but i would feel guilty). I think ill take your advice tho lindsay and tell him its his job to sort his mum out and if he dosent i will and that wont be the easier option for him. Thanks to you all for your support and understanding, reminds me other people have the same issues xxx

Lyndsay - posted on 03/13/2010

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Well, if I were you I would not be holding my tongue. First I would tell my partner that he better tell his mother to back off or I am going to, and if he doesn't then I would.

Jaimie - posted on 03/13/2010

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My mother-in-law is similar to this. I don't answer the phone when she calls either. lol. I just tell my husband when he gets home from work to call her. I try to ignore her because I know it hurts my husbands feeling when her and i aren't getting along, but then again, if i dont stand up for myself to her, then i just end up bottleing up and yelling at my husband about how much i hate his mother. so, its kind of a lose-lose situation. On the issue of the "snip". I agree with you that the man should be the one to get it. I think that if the woman has to go through 9 months of pain and being uncomfortable and then has to go through the pain of giving birth to the child, it is the least that the man can do!

Ashley - posted on 03/11/2010

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Stop spending time with her.. you need your mental health and you child needs to be around positive energy not negative stuff from his mother. And if he won't stand up for you now he never will so please don't marry him or your life will be horrible.... sorry its so hurtful right now but life will not always be that way... GL

Anne - posted on 03/11/2010

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Sounds a very sensible plan and that you've got the right priorities. Sorry you've been having so much stress. Last thing you need with a new baby! Good luck with the tuning out thing! Wish you guys a happy life together xxx

Lauren - posted on 03/11/2010

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Thank you so much for your support anne-marie, I think you could be right I need to tune her our and maybe stop even giving her the opportunity to voice her oppinions on such personal matters.

About the marrage thing my partner would like to get married at some point, its not like he has asked and Iv said no or anything. We have been together since I was 18, have bought a house together and have a baby. When we do marry I want our wedding to be fab and at the moment we have other things to spend our money on. I want us to enjoy our baby not be scrimping and saving for a wedding just so we have a bit of paper. My partner understands and will prob ask in a few years and of corse I will say yes but I just dont see the hurry so Iv told him not to ask yet. Me and my partner have already decided he is getting the snip so its decision made and he is happy ith it too (it was his suggestion cos i am so scared of getting pregnant again).

Your right ill just tune her out and from now on when she asks things im just going to politely say its private between me and ste.

xxx

Anne - posted on 03/11/2010

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Sounds like she is jealous of you. Don't think there is anything you can do about it. Best you can do is just ignore her. She's only showing herself up so don't worry about the comments she's making. You say she is clever but it doesn't paint a very good picture of her son and how she raised him to tell people he won't marry the mother of his children. It will be hard for your BF to take sides against his mum so just try to tune her out. It's difficult to do when you're fiesty by nature but really you are putting to much value on her opinion. Does your BF want to get married? If it's a big deal to him are you really set against it? It sounds like you are committed to eachother so it's just a formality. It's up to both of you and you should do what makes you both happy (perhaps even if you have to compromise and give him a wee ceremony that is trivial to you? ;-) )I think that contraception is always easier for men. Condoms or the snip - that's their choice. Women have much more ramifications if they meddle with their bodies. So stick to your guns.

Lauren - posted on 03/10/2010

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Me and my partner are a long term thing. I dont want to marry him because I have my fairytail already I dot need a dress and a big day to seal it just yet.



I have been with my [artner since I was 17 and im now 25 almost 26 so she should know me byu now ha ha. She only started being like this when me and my partner moved in together, or at least thats when I started to notice it. She was vile to me throughout my pregnancy and I thought it was cos she felt pushed out so I invited her to be involved in loads of things, invited her over for sunday lunch all the time, took her meals round when she broke her leg and have really tried to kill with kindness but it seems the nicer I am to her the more she pushes me as if she is tryig to get me to break and I dont knowhow much I can take before I push her out of our lives (which isnt what I want for my partner and my daughter)

Stephanie - posted on 03/10/2010

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not sure if you have ever heard the phrase - 'kill her with kindness', or 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer', but I think both apply in this instance. If you share a life with your partner, then your partners' family will always be part of the picture. You must find a way to get along with your boyfriends mom. it's clear you and your boyfriends mom do not know each other very well. She continuously hurts your feelings, which means she probably doesn't understand you. Try to get to know her better and let her get to know you better and after you two get closer, you can begin to share more together.



Otherwise, if your relationship with your boyfriend is not long term, then you have other things to consider.

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