my son is 6 and i am wanting to have another one......

Jessica - posted on 09/25/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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i had my son kaden when i was REALLY young (16) and knew that i wanted to go to college and have a stable career before i thought about having another one. and i am wanting to have another one hopefully within the next year. i just want to hear some similar stories of having 2 children spread out in age?? i dont mind "starting over" my sister has a 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old and she always talks about how close the 2 of them will be when they get older! and my son wants a baby brother or sister :) and i guess i kinda feel guilty because he is an only child. ??

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Laura - posted on 09/26/2010

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First of all, you shouldn't feel guilty for having only one! Only children can grow up quite happy, healthy and socialized with good parenting. Having a younger sibling is no guarantee that they will bond and get along, especially when they get older! My younger sister and I got along well when we were younger kids, but developed very different personalities as we got older. When we were in high school we barely talked to each other! Your sister is expressing HER desires and wishes for her kids--no one can predict what the future holds so just be mindful of that.

That being said, if you are in a position where having another child is an option for you then go for it! It is your life and decision to make. The age difference between siblings shouldn't be a big issue--there is 5 years between my niece and nephew and I have a friend with kids 7 years apart. They all act like siblings--sometimes they fight, sometimes they are very loving.

There is something that you should be aware of with your son wanting a baby brother or sister and that is HIS perspective of what he thinks this means. Young kids his age have not developed their sense of time/age--ask any little kid how old an older person is and they are likely to say anything from 15 to 100 ! Should you have another child you will need to talk to your son about what a little brother or sister is actually going to mean: An infant that will need a lot of your attention and will not be able to play with him. His point-of-view about a sibling will most likely be someone he can play with from the start, someone who will be a live-in friend and playmate. In terms that he can understand you will need to explain siblings have to start out as babies (unless adoption is involved, but that is something different). There is no choice in this. Babies also take a lot of mommy's time because they require special care until they are older. He is old enough to help care for his sibling, but playing isn't something a sibling will be able to do with him, at least not for quite a while. Hope this helps and good luck!

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Tracy - posted on 09/06/2011

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I have 3 older kids and then a 9 1/2 year gap between my youngest, now 4. He is the joy of all the kids and they have loved him since birth. The adjustment of having to go back to diapers, stroller, diaper bag... has a little bit hard for me (but I was over 40 when I had him) but well worth it. If you are in a position where you can afford another child and want to have another child then you should. But don't feel you have to have another one just because you have an only child.

Candy - posted on 01/30/2011

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My son is an only child but has a step-brother and sister 11+ years younger than him. He absolutely hated it at first- sibling rivalry gone totally feral!!- but now his step-brother is one of his favourite people in the world because they have very similar interests and IQs. You really can't tell whether siblings will get along, it depends on who they are, so it's best not to make a decision based on the assumption that it will be good for your first child, or because he thinks he wants a sibling (he really has no idea of how it will affect his life).

My son was perfectly happy being an only child, and ended up marrying an only child, and if they have kids they want an only child. Guilt about having only one kid is useless, throw that out the window and ask yourself if YOU want another baby and can support two kids fairly and equally, including the possibility of rivalry.

Rebecca - posted on 01/30/2011

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I'm 5 years younger than my sister, 7 from my brother, and my sister is my best friend. When I was younger I idolized my brother. (Much to my sister's annoyance) ( ; When we were all kids, they LOVED having this baby sister - I think I was kind of like a little doll to them. We had our normal sibling issues and such, but we're all very close as adults. I don't think space makes a huge difference - at least not in my experiences and what I've seen of other people.

Azza Jamila - posted on 01/26/2011

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I feel the same.

I also have a 6-year-old son and he wants a baby brother or sister too. Maybe we'll have another one in a year or two, that's why I'm gonna work hard in order for us to save money for our family's finances.

Jessica - posted on 09/26/2010

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thank you sooo much fina and laura for your advice and helpful comments!! it really helps just to hear what someone else thinks!!

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If you're in a place in life where you want to have another child, and can have another child, then by all means, go for it! I definitely wouldn't worry about the age spacing. Sibling bonding has nothing to do with how close in age two siblings are, it's all about personality and parenting. You can have two kids that are only a year apart, and they loathe each other, or you can have them 13 years apart (as my neighbor does) and they love each other fiercely! Just make the best decision for yourself and your family and it will all work out :-)

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