new here! I was just wondering everyones reasons for having 1 child, and who is 100%, or undecided.

Laurie - posted on 04/30/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I am always on the fence about having another but now that my daughter is almost 4 I feel that I do not want to start over and go through those tough infant and toddler stages again (and childbirth!) I finally am pain free from childbirth, just recently. We did try for another when she was 2 but then had to stop trying because my husband, who is in the military, was leaving again. Many, many days I think THANK GOD I DONT HAVE 2!!! Also, i think I am pretty scarred from childbirth and from raising her by myself with no help. My husband was always away. He recently had a spinal fusion from a injury, a stomach tumor removed, and a diagnosis of diabetes, I always joke and say "I already have 2!!". I feel that when he is out of the military I will just want to spend time with the 3 of us and finally enjoy each other. On the other hand, I feel that the second one will not be so bad because dad will be around way more and we will be home with our family and friends. My little girl would be a great big sister....AHH there is always a debate going through my head!!! I do have to get through nursing school first...so by the time we are ready my daughter would be 5 or 6 and off to school! On the other hand, I am a big fan of that age range! I like being a younger mom and did not really want to have a baby in my 30's. Would love input, advice, and stories!!

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We chose to have only one child, he is 5 now. I do not think being an only will scar him for life, make him lonely, or feel resentful towards us. I had a sibling growing up and it was more of a horror flick than a fairy tale, so I guess I just don't feel like he's missing out. Also, we have planned our retirement carefully so that he will not be over burdened by caring for us, we are adequately prepared for hired in home help as we age, and a nursing home if needed towards the ends of our lives. If, god forbid, something happens to both of us, a sibling couldn't care for him anyway, but we have a wonderful support system in place so he would be with people he has known and loved all of his life including our parents, my sister, John's sister, and 2 beloved friends.

There are a lot of pluses to having an only. First off the financial aspect is awesome--we live in a small home, but still have our own rooms (hubby & I share a bedroom, but we still enjoy our own offices, extra kids would eliminate that or burden us with a bigger house payment). College expenses will be insane by the time Jake is in college, there is really no way we could pay for two, and I won't have him paying for his own schooling.
We get to take tons of awesome trips that we couldn't take with multiple kids--he is finally getting old enough to go to Disney and to take internationally easily. He gets to do more activities than he could if I were working around the scheduling of two kids. He has lots and lots of friends and I don't have to keep up with two sets of friends for different ages. He gets all of our attention and never has to act out or perform to get it--he knows we are there no matter when he needs us, not just when we are not occupied with the other child. And most importantly, our family is just perfect right now--we're finally out of the bottles and diapers and not knowing what they want stage, the terrible two's with the tantrums and meltdowns are over, potty training is finished, why start over?? :)

Meegan - posted on 05/12/2010

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I am an only, and have only one by choice. I have always loved being an only and wanted my daughter to have as many opertunities in life that I have had. My parents included me in everything they did. I want that for my daughter, having more then one would make that much harder and more expencive. I don't want to limit her by being tied down to a siblings opinions.

Joy - posted on 05/08/2010

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My daughter is 5 and when she was around 2 -3 we debated having another. However, as time went on, we realized how "good" our family was and we did not want to take the chance of changing that. My preganancy and childbirth were easy, although the first year of her life my husband and i did have sort of a rocky patch in our marriage. (Nothing dramatic, but having a child was a HUGE adjustment for us!)
The week after she turned 5 I got ESSURE - the permanent coils that are a newer alternative to tubal ligation. As soon as it was over I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders - I know my family is complete and now we can move on.

Amy - posted on 05/05/2010

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We have one and we are happy with our decision. She is happy, healthy and well adjusted. We seem to always have other kids over so she has plenty to play with. Because we just have one, we welcome others to come play so she doesn't get lonely.Then after the others go home, she gets all the attention from us. We are also able to give her more opportunities because we just have one. Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you. make your decision based on what is best for you and not what all of us strangers tell you! :-)

Lindsay - posted on 05/03/2010

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I have one 19 month old.As of right now we are waiting until she is getting ready for kindergarten to have number 2. But the older she gets the more I'm considering not having another! I enjoy when I'm with her being able to give her all of my attention or when we are out getting her that something that she wants. So I guess I'm undecided, but I have 4 years before I need to figure it out:)

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Tonya - posted on 07/09/2010

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I have an almost 13yr old only child. For me it was purely a medical issue as to why he doesn't have any siblings. When I was in labor, my blood pressure skyrocketed to the point the dr thought I may have a stroke. 2 weeks after my son was born, my OB asked what kind of birth control I wanted to try because I didn't need to risk having another child. Fine with me!

Morgan - posted on 06/28/2010

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My bf and I were never planning on having kids but I got pregnant with our son. We don't want to have anymore kids and I feel bad sometimes thinking that my son will miss out on so many joys of having siblings. I have 2 older brothers and we had great fun as kids. But he also has 5 cousins who are close in age so he will have them to play with.
My pregnancy was easy but his birth wasn't so easy on me. I had a hard time delivering him and don't think that my body could take hard labor again. There are days when I wouldn't mind having another baby but then there are other days where my son is driving me up the wall and then I'm glad that I only have one.

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We wanted more, but I had an emergency Hysterectomy when my daughter was 10 months old. The decision was made for us. She is now 8 and the joy of our lives.

Amy - posted on 06/27/2010

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I never wanted only one child. My pregnancy was not easy. I had a fibroid tumor that grew to the size of a grapefruit around the 3rd month. I had pre-term labor problems for the rest of the pregnancy and had to be on bed rest until the 36'th week. After I gave birth, the fibroid shrunk, but was in a location that surgery to remove it was practically impossible.



That was the start on my journey into medical hell. I was diagnosed with cancer at 30 when our son was almost 3. Then it was one thing after another until I started having severe, chronic abdominal and pelvic pain 4 years ago. I had to have a hysterectomy at age 35 and that was all she wrote.

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I am 16, I love having one kid so far cause it is easier to stay in school, but after I am done with school I will try having another, and I wish you good luck for the future

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It took us 3+ years to conceive with 3 miscarriages in between. My son's pregnancy was unexpected but I needed medication to sustain the pregnancy. I delivered a month early and suffered post-partum depression for just under 2 years, for lots of reasons. This soured any desire for more kids. I simply do not have the urge or yearning for more kids. I know my husband wants another one, but I'm sure as hell not getting pregnant ever again! If and when we may want another child, there are plenty of options for an older child via foster care adoption. For now, my 5 year old son is well rounded and happy.

Nicole - posted on 06/23/2010

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I wanted lots of children (6 at least) but I got pregnant at 18 and deveoloped Preeclampsia and haven't been able to get pregnant since. I've come to accept just having my little boy. He's the light of my life. If we get pregnant again then great! If not, then oh, well.

Ebony - posted on 06/12/2010

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I only have 1 because I can only afford 1! I originally wanted two boys but after my 1st...HE'S ENOUGH! LOL! If I decide to have another kid, it will most likely be by adoption or my significant other has one!

Phyllis - posted on 06/03/2010

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For us it was medical issues. We didn't get married until I was 34 and and I was 35 when I had my daughter. I had gestational diabetes, corporal tunnel, high blood pressure,. The doctors said I would never be able to carry another child, so I had my tubes tied. So it was pretty much decided for me so it was a 100 % decision.

Risa - posted on 05/13/2010

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I like being able to give my daughter all of my attention when we're together.

I want to be able to give her everything she needs and wants, without having to worry about what may or may not be "fair."

I don't ever want her to feel like she has to do more, or be better, or any of the things that I worried about as an older sibling. I want her to just be able to enjoy being her.

Robbin - posted on 05/11/2010

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Didn't really have much of a choice here - I had my first at 40 (failed first marriage during grad school meant I started late!), and couldn't manage to conceive another after that. We had hoped to have two, but the one we have is great. I wish I had started a bit sooner - but I do not regret being an "older mom". I have a lot more patience and perspective on life than I did when I was in my twenties!

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Well I guess it is a relief and somewhat not to read some of these posts. I am struggling because I really do not want my child to be an only child but my partner does not want anymore children. Our son was a surprise as I was on the pill when I got pregnant. We were in a fairly new relationship and he was not sure he wanted kids ever so having one has been a big adjustment for him. We are both from families with more than one sibling, I have two and he has four. I feel like I am very happy with my little boy and if that was all that was meant to be then so be it, but I feel that it is so important for him to have a sibling. I don't want him to be alone, feel lonely growing up, or be left alone if god forbid something happened to us. It scares me to death and I often wonder if leaving him an only child will scar him or make angry at us for being too selfish to have another child. I am so confused about this, my partner will not budge. I really don't know what to do because what are my real options here right? Leave him and find someone else to have kids with? What would the ramifications of that be for our son? Stop using birth control and say oops? I am just so confused and do not know what to do anymore. Our son will be two in July and I know he would be an awesome big brother. I would welcome any advice, I know this is a lot thanks for any help!

Jana - posted on 05/06/2010

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I am a mother of a only child who is now 10. Before having him, I was not one of those women who felt like my life would be incomplete if I didn't have any children. I had him at the age of 29 and had told myself that if I didn't have kids by the age of 30, then I wasn't going to have any. A personal choice as I felt that the older you get then the less energy you have to raise a child. I definitely do not want any more. One is plenty and costly enough. Told him if he wants a sibling, it's out of my hands!

Kristen - posted on 05/05/2010

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I've always wanted a big family. Until recently I was sure I would have anywhere from 3 to 6 children.

It seems, though, that God, the Universe, Mother nature, take your pick, is telling me that I am going to have just one child.

- It took us several years to get pregnant. Really, we shouldn't have been able to get pregnant without major medical intervention. It was nothing short of a miracle that we did.

- My body apparently doesn't take pregnancy well. I was quite ill and essentially on bed rest all 8.5 months. Thankfully I had a wonderfully diligent and proactive doctor that kept us both safe.

- Shortly after I had the baby I had an issue with my back. So far no treatments have helped, and I'm not holding out much hope that any others will. I'm in constant pain and have trouble doing simple things like getting in the floor to play with him.

So, it will likely be extremely difficult to get pregnant again, once I do I will be bed-ridden for 8 or 9 months and have to pass of 24-7 care of my son to someone else. I already cannot give my son the attention he deserves or needs, and it doesn't seem right to divide that attention yet again between two or more children.
I am slowly, but surely coming to the realization that it is probably best for us for me to focus all of my attention and love on him and give him the best I can.
Plus, with having one child, we are in a financial situation where I can stay home with him, and when the time comes I can either home school him or get a job and put the money towards getting him in to a public school to ensure he gets a good education.

It isn't at all what we had planned, but I think we are going to have to accept that this is what's best and turn it in to a positive for us and for our son.

Michelle - posted on 05/04/2010

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I have only 1 child and it is not by choice. My husband and I are both from large families and we wanted to have at least 2 children.

We were married 15 years before Jas was born. We have never used birth control and so far she is the only child God has blessed us with. We would love to have another baby; however, unless God intervenes a second time, we are not able to have anymore children.

I hate that Jas has no siblings and I have a laundry list why she needs a brother or sister, it's just that it's not meant to be. I am rapidly approaching 40 and the older I get the more thankful I am that I have siblings to help me with our parents. I pray that we will not have the health issues my parents have because I dread Jas having to care for us by herself.

I pray that whatever choice you make, it will be the right one for your family.

Laurie - posted on 05/03/2010

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thanks everyone, for the input...you are all saying what i am thinking!! still undecided though!! we will see when the time comes at the end of next summer we will know for sure!!! either way its all good!

Mattie - posted on 05/03/2010

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Mostly for us, is the finances, I stay at home and my husband works. We could not afford #2, and we really don't like daycare, so our decision is pretty much concrete. We also are reminded by our niece and nephew that two means fighting and arguing, and not a fairytale. We both had sibs and I can tell you that my brothers and I are lucky to be alive. Stitches, bruises, black eyes and split lips. I watched my mother slowly go gray and insane!! I had a bad experience with siblings so I don't look at it in the lonesome way. There is actually a ton of info on raising an only child, and there is a movement now that focuses on global concerns and over population, it's worth looking into!

Jessica - posted on 05/02/2010

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Pretty much 100%. I had my son when I was young and will be done with active i.e. clean your room, brush your teeth parenting when I am 38. I am pretty on board with only being an advisor parent. It would take something pretty spectactular to talk me into a 2nd.

Paula - posted on 05/02/2010

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im a single mom i love the time i have with him sometimes i want another but then i babysit some other kids at times i love having the one on one time with him hes 7 and a great kid i babysit others some alot younger some the same age hes great with the lil ones loves to sing to the babies id love to have another someday just not sure if its right for me

Joyce - posted on 05/02/2010

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Our reason for only having one is simple. We only wanted one. This is 100%. 150% actually.

Kyle - posted on 04/30/2010

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I am the mother of two kids, but joined this community from the perspective that I grew up an only child, so I thought I could have some input in this category.



My son is 4 yrs 9 mos older than my daughter, so they have quite an age difference. It is hard to get back into the diaper thing again and the constant care. I had my son when I was very young, so that's the reason that we waited so long to have another child.



I swore that I would never just have one child. As a kid and even teen, I always wished that I had a brother or even sister. I longed so much to have that easy friend, someone to always be there for you. Even now, I wished that I had a sibling. It was always quiet growing up, that's for sure.



I would have liked my kids to be closer in age, but yet it is kind of nice having them spaced out because of being so busy with sports and their activities, running them around. Also, hopefully by the time they get to college, I won't have two in college at the same time because that gets expensive.



My kids are now 8 and 13...and there's always that thought that I would just love a baby, but then reality sets in and I think about how nice it is that they are able to watch out for themselves and each other, without total constant supervision.



Good luck with your decision! I guess you got my vote, have more kids!!!...but that's really only a decision that you can make.

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