One Daughter, One Husband

Shelley - posted on 09/03/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have been married for 30 years and my daughter didn't come until after 15 years of marriage. My daughter is now 16 years old and will be graduating H.S. this year. The problems I have are one, I wish my daughter was closer to me than she actually is. I mean we are close but because of my husband, she is not as close as I would like. He is 54 years old and is like a child, I love him dearly, but he is so jealous of my daughter and my relationship. I don't know how to handle this anymore. He doesn't seem to understand that she needs me more than he does.

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Michele - posted on 09/25/2009

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Quoting Dr. Phil, "we teach people how to treat us". I knew i had married a mamma's boy but I didn't really know what it meant until we got married and I moved in. The best advise I got when I was engaged was, don't do anything once you don't want to do forever! Wow was that ever true. Over the years I have told him: I am not your mom, your priest or your psych, you are a grown up-figure it out. That is not to say I don't listen and be there for him but it is as a partner not a child/parent relationship. I am not perfect either, he has taught me how to treat him too, he is not my father or my best girlfriend. We have grown to respect each other and now we are raising our son, who needs a grown up father and a grown up mother. Its never too late to change a relationship, with your daughter as well as your husband. Do some soul searching and I'm sure you will know what to do. Maybe even go to a councilor to help you sort out your feelings. Good luck:)

Bobbi - posted on 09/21/2009

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My extremely firm view on this is simply, never ever put a man before your kids.

My Hubby went through a bit of that jealousy you speak of when our son was born, but soon got over it. It was hard for him to adjust to the new baby litteraly sucking up all my time. :-) Eventually he admitted he was being silly. I've never seen that jealousy carry on for 16 years though.

You aren't his mom, you're his wife. It almost sounds like he can't sepparate that. Some men want mommies instead of wives. I don't know your whole situation, so I don't know what else to say, but best of luck. Your daughter won't be home that much longer, and I promise she will never forget the choices you make now.

Christianne - posted on 09/04/2009

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Hi! I have the same- one daughter, one husband. My daughter is in middle school and I had her right off the bat. My daughter and I are very close and do everything together but I have been learning how important it is to seperate the mom/friend. My daughter is very close to her father as well but I am now making sure that she knows that we are a united front when it comes to ANY problems or ANY decisions. Once They leave the nest we have only each other left and we don't want to ruin that! Not to mention they need a good example of parents/marriage for them to model by. My only advice is the three of you should spend some fun/quality time together and TALK to each other about this huge milestone in her life- graduating high school. Hope this helps :)

Jacquelyn - posted on 09/04/2009

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Make sure you set aside a special day during the week or the weekend for both that includes doing something they like so they feel like your taking an interest in what they like. Try encouraging your husband to go and hang out with friends. But, no matter what make sure you give your daughter all the attention she demands and deserves, because remember, you only have one daughter, and she only gets ONE MOTHER and u cant afford to push her away(girls rebel).....You can get another husband or boyfreind!! I know that sounds bad, but if he cannot get over his jealousy of his own daughter then something is wrong. Have you talked to your daughter about this?? Think about doing that also......She NEEDS YOU. There is nothing like a mother/daughters bond.....make it better! I hoped it helps....

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