Only child by choice but feeling guilty

Lori - posted on 04/20/2009 ( 42 moms have responded )

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I had always wanted a big family - 4 kids like I had in my family. My husband didn't want that many kids so we agreed on two. After our daughter was born we both decided that having a baby was more work than we imagined, especially since we are both in out late 30s and our closest family is 10 hours away, so we decided to stick with one. Recently several friends have had babies or are trying desperately to get pregnant again & I wonder if there is something wrong with me for not wanting another. I tell myself all of the good things about having an only child but the next thing I know I feel like a wimp for not wanting another. I love my daughter & can't imagine life without her but can't imagine doing it all again. Does anyone else feel this way??

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Daisy - posted on 05/27/2009

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I feel that way all the time! I had my son at 35 and now he's 5. I cannot imagine starting all over again with a newborn... I just know I would not have the patience for it. Honestly I think it would make me depressed because I am enjoying the freedom we have now as he gets more independent. Alot has to do with age.... if I had gotten married younger, perhaps I would have had another, but life did not work that way for me. I trust God knew what he was doing in planning my life this way. I think being honest about our needs is key and many, many people don't do this! I see Moms with tiny babies, toddlers and feel NO desire to do that again and just feel relieved that part is over! Our society puts a tremendous pressure on us to have more than one (based on old, outdated stereotypes which are unfounded). Most people cave in and have more, but what I witness is that people are exhausted, unhappy and just let things go (themselves, do not discipline their children appropriately, etc.). I think we all just need to respect the choices that we make and what feels right to us. Afterall, parenting is the toughest job in the world and the most important..... there is no half way in parenting. It's all or nothing and I can only give my "all" to my wonderful little boy that I have been blessed with. I refuse to feel guilty about this. Cheers to moms of only children!

Kim - posted on 04/29/2009

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I too always thought I would have at least 2 kids, but my husband and I know that we really can't afford to have another one. We both work and daycare is expensive. I don't know how people can afford to even pay for 2. I'm fortunate that I have summers off, but during the rest of the year, I feel like I don't get enough time to spend with my daughter and can't imagine splitting that precious time with another one. My daughter is 2 1/2 and she is my world. All our friends have already had 2 or are trying for their 2nd one. Seeing their babies makes me feel guilty at times and also makes me want another one, but then I think -- I'm almost 38, do I really want to start over? Could we possibly afford it? and Where would I fit pictures of another baby? My walls are displayed nicely with my daughter's pictures and I don't want to take any of them down. My ending thoughts always remind me that it's not another baby I really want, I just miss my daughter being my baby. She is growing so fast, and I miss her sweet chubs and that baby smell. I do get people asking (ever so rudely),"Don't you want to have a sibling for your daughter so she can have a friend?", but I know from experience that a sibling doesn't guarantee a friend. My sister and I fought when we were younger and unfortunately, we still don't get along. The advantages of having one, is being able to afford healthier foods and being able to afford frequent fun outings. I'm glad to hear that there are other women out there that choose to have one, but still have that same back and forth guilty feeling. It makes me feel better and less guilty.

[deleted account]

Ladies, stop feeling guilty! My son is my an only one and I (and my husband) wouldn't have it any other way. I have experienced everything you have experienced over the past 15 years. I have had 'friends' (and family!) ask me why I have only one child, one of whom asked me infront of a large group of people in a very loud voice. You could have heard a pin drop because they were all waiting for the reply! Other people can be very insensitive so just take it in your stride and show them you are the better person by remaining dignified. Would I do it all over again and have another child? No, it is very hard work and my son has now reached an age where I can enjoy his company, but also enjoy the freedom I have regained. Fortunately, my son has never asked why he's an only one or for any brothers or sisters. He had a cat instead, who will be 11 in December and is a lot less trouble than a sibling! :)

Michelle - posted on 06/09/2009

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We have a son who just turned 5. I too always wanted a big family. I'm diabetic (which developed from gestational diabetes), I also miscarried after my son was born due to a a growth on my thyroid ( i had to get my thyroid removed), l have suffered depression and finacial problems. I love my son but feel that having another child will just throw my world into caios. I'm so scared of having another child. My husband and l decided not to have anymore. My son feels like he is missing out and keeps telling me how lucky other children with siblings are. He is suffering from low self esteem which has added to my guilt. Family and friends can not understand why we have decided not have anymore. I'm studying and working and have no support from anyone.
There are so many benifits of having one child but l think the most important thing to remember is the best thing you can dofor your child is to look after yourself, your relationship and happiness. Children that have siblings usually don't want them and visa versa. Only children usually have a great ability to make strong lasting relationships and will more then likely have all the company and support they need throughout their life. Make choices based on your well being and your child will thrive no matter what, and so will you and your partner!

Beth - posted on 02/04/2013

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Hi Lori - I used to feel the same way you did when my daughter was young, My daughter is now 14 and am still occasionally have guilty feelings about her not having a sibling, but when you think about it, why do parents have more than one child? most of the time, the parents are stressed out (breaking up sibling fights, meeting their needs, etc.) when they have many children, especially close together, and they can't provide for them like parents can for one child.When i see parents in that situation, i feel relieved that i don't go through that, and glad that i can devote my whole time to my one daughter and provide her with all of her needs and wants.

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Dina - posted on 08/31/2013

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The guilt I feel on a daily basis is just becoming very stressful, my husband and I have a 2 year old son and the love we feel for our small family is just a beautiful thing, at first I wanted two children after marriage but that changed after my son, because as much as I love being a mom, I started to feel EXTREMELY OVERWHELMED from being a stay at home mom and I started to get mild depression which affected everything in my life. Now that I am working and back on track I'm really starting to think that my son will wish he had siblings when he get older. I am 1 of 6 and I LOVED my childhood and it's because of all my brothers and sisters and I feel that I am sacrificing his happiness for my selfishness oh and did I fail to mention I am 34 so time is definitely of the essence.

Jennifer - posted on 08/01/2013

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Can I just say thank you thank you for this post!! I have the same thoughts and worries as everyone here. I have a beautiful little 2 year old boy and I am 32 this year. I constantly hear when is number 2 coming!? And I HATE it. My son is really busy which is totally ok and healthy but with a second I might lose my mind. I work part time shift work 12 hr nights & days 2-3 days / week and my dad has helped us out with our son when we work. Having a second would be stressful financially for us as daycare we would need as well:( and daycare stresses me out as I am really hands on and have trust issues with strangers changing my babies diapers. Also my hubby and I definitely have to work extra hard to have time for ourselves .....seems to be quite a bit less than when we were sans child. I would hate to stress our relationship as having 2 kids I have heard adds so much pressure stress and fights with couples I know:( I have a brother I am super close with so the guilt really stems from that. I don't want him to be alone when he is older:(

Adele - posted on 04/25/2013

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Yes! I am on only of an only (who is now 6). We were TTC #2 for a year when he turned 5 but it didn't work out and I need to get off the TTC roller-coaster for my sanity. I am embarrassed to say that there is a piece of me that is relieved (Please don't judge!!!) When I sat down to work this through I have come to the conclusion I wanted another baby to go through all of those baby things again-not necessarily to have all of the work (and for us marital discord) that comes with another child.

Melissa - posted on 01/29/2013

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Hi, I know this was 4 yrs ago that you posted this but I just came across it when googling raising only children. Saw a link for moms who choose onlys but feel guilty about it. I just wanted to say I could totally relate to your entire post like I was the ne to have written it! The picture comment, the sibling comment not being a guarantee of a lifelong friend, and what finally what brought tears to my eyes was the the fact that it's never a feeling of wanting a second but missing the stages tht have passed with the ne that you have. My son is 5 and he is so sweet and loves me to pieces and I don't want this sweet stage to end. Thank you for posting your thoughts. It's helpful reading positive things about onlys. There is so much judgement out the on it. I like to joke and say those people are just jealous that I stopped at a number that was more tolerable! I hope your daughter is well and thank you again.

Shana - posted on 02/01/2012

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I am an only child, Well I was an only child until the age 19 then my half sister came a long. I was very social and always the most outgoing in my grade. I had lots of friends and lots of cousins. it was fine and fun. I think the best thing to do is live in a neighboor hood or close to cousins. My cousins envied my life so much the all went of to just ONE!! I did get the perks of traveling all over the world, going to special events. I have on daughter too. I wanted a second yet i didnt not want to interupt the poor fun i was have with my first. Finally when she was 4.5 i went for it!!!

After 10 weeks i had a miscarriage. It was REALLY SAD. Especially bc the whole time i was pregnant i kept saying to myself "Is this the right thing"i m not sure i doing the right thing.just because life with my daughter was getting to be SO MUCH FUN!! I m still not sure she will be my only one but at the same time i really enjoy the intimacy i share with her and attention i can give her.

Erica - posted on 06/09/2009

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You have to do what's right for you...i too wanted a big family and when i had my daughter i was a single mother with her "father" not wanting anything to do with her. i love her more than words will express and i am soooo glad i had her. i am now in a relationship 4+ years and we talk about having a baby, he's got 2 from a previous relationship and we get them every other weekend and a lot during the summer. i think i have made my peace with just one child but i do get that what if feeling and my daughter is always wanting a baby brother. it's a tough decision to make i think would i love another child as much as i do mine and what if things didn't work out. it's tough, my best advice is follow your heart. doing it all again would be hard and is one of the reasons i don't want more. mine is 8 and it'd starting all over....ewwwww!!

Angie - posted on 06/03/2009

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To Dawn Curious,

i'm your same sitiation, I have one seven year old son. He was a perfect baby,O.K. to potty train, since he strarted preschool every teacher says how well behaved he is. I also thought we would have two kids but never chanced it. My husbend at one time did because he was an only child but after my son grew up he decided at age three i'm happy with how blessed we are. he does not have to tell me twice we both agree that stage in our life is over. We love know the school programs, T-ball, soccer games, camping trips. Geting out the door is no longer a challenge meaning you don't have to grab a diaper bag and change of clothes and half your house. Our son is know having friends spend the night and going over to friends houses to spend the night. All his friends love to come to our house because they want to get away from there siblings. When our son does have a freind here you don't know he is here he is so entertaied. I am glad we have made this decision about our family i think our son is blessed in many ways. Oh we do have one more family member a dog a great second child!! I must ask you one of our family members had a baby the other day I was holding her one of my cousins looks at me and says " Angie it's your turn" why is it everyone thinks you are the one who is suppose to have a baby? I was so mad then looks at my sister who also has a only child like what about you. It makes me so mad!!!

Angie - posted on 06/03/2009

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I have one son. My husband and I also love it that way. I call my dog my second child. My son just turned seven and I just can't imagine doing it all over again. With homework and sports it seems to get harder when they get older not to mention cost more. I am able to be a stay at home mom. I would not be able to do that with more than one child. We also have my son in a great private school. We always said we would do that no matter how many kids but it would be hard. I do not think you are a wimp at all I have felt this way also since James was born. I love him but don't want anymore!!

Paula - posted on 05/29/2009

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i was 44 yrs. old when i had my daughter. she is all my husband i will ever need. if i was way younger maybe 2 children would have been my choice. i have many friends who were only children and are very happy today.
enjoy every moment, kids are such a blessing.

Kia - posted on 05/28/2009

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I have felt the same way at some stages, but I just try to think of it in other ways, for example some people have 8 children and want more, some people don't. Just as there are some people who are guitar enthusiasts and are passionate about playing guitar and could play it all day and make a career from it and some people love to play guitar but not go nuts.I don't even know if I am making sense *lol* but it helps me to think that way for some reason and I feel better about my choice, just to remember how different we all are.

Kate - posted on 05/27/2009

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oh god i feel exactly the same!!

i feel like i should have another child simply for the sake of my daughter.... simply cos others make me feel like i need to...

Gill - posted on 05/27/2009

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Hi Lori! Yes, I feel EXACTLY the same. We didn't choose to have just one though. It took us 5 years to conceive our daughter (who is now 7) and I think we just kind of thanked our lucky stars that she came along when she did. However, through fear of putting ourselves under too much pressure we never came out and said we were actively TRYING for another. I would have loved another - a couple of years back! Now, however, I love the freedom I'm feeling and just could not imagine doing it all again. My brother and his wife have a 2 year old and a new born and their lived are CRAZY. I sometimes feel a bit selfish but Leah is very happy, she's has friends and cousins who we can "borrow and hand back" - it's all fine by me.

Vicki - posted on 05/27/2009

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I agree, feeling guilty is counter productive. I too am happy with my decision to have only one. I love having one. He is outgoing and makes friends easy, and his friends also enjoy our single family home. Playdates go more smoothely, not having to negotiate with friends and siblings. I have more time to volunteer at school and get to know my childs community. Single children have many advantages, but there are cons too. Like lack of practicing social skills with their siblings. I feel it's very important for single children to have opportunities to socialize with other children.

[deleted account]

I have one child and he is now 7. I was 26 when he was born. I always planned on at least 2 and after he was born. I never wanted another one. There were so many reasons why I didn't. I went through so much guilt and anxiety. Every rare once and a while it sneaks back in. But recently I went to a public event and was around a lot of other Moms. Most of them with multiple children....and let me just be honest. I was never more proud to be the mother of an only child. My child was well behaved, courteous, has great speech, and his "older sibling" wasn't raising him for his mother (which I saw a lot of). I'm not saying there aren't great parents of multiple children out there, but I was proud of my choice. My son gets all of me as his mother. Now that I've accepted it, it get it. I get all the joy I'm so blessed to have. All the moments that are just as special, just as real, just as important. Just be a good Mom - cause who EVER said being the Mom of more than 1 is better???

Maritza - posted on 05/24/2009

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Quoting Dawn:

Isn't it "funny" how it is just assumed that every Mother should WANT a 2nd, 3rd... child after the first one? As a girl when someone asked me I had ALWAYS answered 'I want 3 kids when I grow up." Then when I married my Soul-Mate we thought 2 were the best choice.. then we had oru daughter. She was always the happiest baby... never gave us trouble, so bright, gorgeous... and during the next 5 years I never felt it was the "right time" for a new baby in our life... There was 1st EVERYTHINGS (for my daughter AND for ME) that I just did NOT want to miss out on ~From foods,steps, and words... to Doctor Visits, Mommy & Me classes, Pre-School, Swimming, Dentist Visit, PTA, Dance Classes & Recital, and then Kindergarten began... and now she is going into 1st Grade next year and I think I may still want to just be a mother of one. I have actually surprised myself with this revelation... It is funny.. Now that I my daughter is almost 6 people don't ask me ask much "when are you going to have another one?" (When she was 2-3 years old EVERYONE asked me) And the few people who do ask me are the ones with lots of kids themselves.. it is almost like they just WANT me to have a life as hectic as theirs! LOL With 1 child - especially as they age - you can come & go easily.... be quick on errands... and if they need something you can provide it. There is no sibling rivalry (although I do hear "I have no one to play with today" sometimes) and I can actually enjoy some "Me" time when she is at school... I also worry that SHE was SUCH a GREAT baby and she is SUCH a WONDERFUL KID (polite, smart, etc) "Would I be so lucky the next time around?? Why push-it?" Is there anyone else out their who has "changed their mind" since becoming a Mom - as I did.. thnking "One CAN be enough?"
.....~~*Curious in CT :0)


WOW its as if I could have typed this myself.  I did go thru a time when I wanted another child, and still get people saying "when is the next one coming"?  But after discussing it together my husband and I chose to keep our family as is.  And I wouldnt have it any other way.  Also I think that even though I have been told that every pregnancy/every child is different from each other.  You "would be so  lucky the next time around" I believe its the parent and the way we PARENT that makes the kids who they are and how they behave.

Cathy - posted on 05/23/2009

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I will say that my daughter used to ask me when I'm going to give her a little sister or brother...but about 4 years ago, I dated a guy for about a year and a half who had 5 kids...thats 6 between the two of us. Although I loved the large family, it was stressful and difficult. After that though, my daughter quit asking me for sibblings and is quite happy being an "only" child. lol Although she still talks to my ex boyfriend (were still friends, we just can't make it dating), she is quite happy not having sibblings. Trust me when I say, you should not feel guilty having only one child. I actually feel kind of guilty that for a year and a half, my daughter had to share me. lol

Lori - posted on 05/23/2009

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Definitely I changed my mind! Like I said I wanted four but now I can't imagine why someone would put themselves thru this again. I do wonder if we were younger or had family close by if we would feel differently but with the situation as it is one is best for us.

I am so glad to hear that I am not alone in feeling this way. Thank you all for responding.

Dawn - posted on 05/23/2009

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Isn't it "funny" how it is just assumed that every Mother should WANT a 2nd, 3rd... child after the first one? As a girl when someone asked me I had ALWAYS answered 'I want 3 kids when I grow up." Then when I married my Soul-Mate we thought 2 were the best choice.. then we had oru daughter. She was always the happiest baby... never gave us trouble, so bright, gorgeous... and during the next 5 years I never felt it was the "right time" for a new baby in our life... There was 1st EVERYTHINGS (for my daughter AND for ME) that I just did NOT want to miss out on ~From foods,steps, and words... to Doctor Visits, Mommy & Me classes, Pre-School, Swimming, Dentist Visit, PTA, Dance Classes & Recital, and then Kindergarten began... and now she is going into 1st Grade next year and I think I may still want to just be a mother of one. I have actually surprised myself with this revelation... It is funny.. Now that I my daughter is almost 6 people don't ask me ask much "when are you going to have another one?" (When she was 2-3 years old EVERYONE asked me) And the few people who do ask me are the ones with lots of kids themselves.. it is almost like they just WANT me to have a life as hectic as theirs! LOL With 1 child - especially as they age - you can come & go easily.... be quick on errands... and if they need something you can provide it. There is no sibling rivalry (although I do hear "I have no one to play with today" sometimes) and I can actually enjoy some "Me" time when she is at school... I also worry that SHE was SUCH a GREAT baby and she is SUCH a WONDERFUL KID (polite, smart, etc) "Would I be so lucky the next time around?? Why push-it?" Is there anyone else out their who has "changed their mind" since becoming a Mom - as I did.. thnking "One CAN be enough?"

.....~~*Curious in CT :0)

Maritza - posted on 05/23/2009

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I never really planned on having kids. I was one of those that would cringe at the sound of a crying baby. But was blessed with becoming a mother. It has really become the joy of my life. She is now 7yrs old and in the past did ask for siblings, however, we are blessed to have family and close friends that are extensions of that family that she is very close to. She seems to be content with the situation as are we. Now on the other hand i have a sister that has 4 children and I just wonder HOW IN THE WORLD does she manage and not go crazy!!! Also i wonder about the amount of time and attention each one of them gets from her. None of us should feel guilty or ashamed for making conscious decisions on the size of our families. Its a personal choice we all have the right to make. And shouldn't be judged for it.

Sue - posted on 05/22/2009

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Thats how I feel its hard My son is 3 1/2 and hes busy busy busy all the time wants my attention so much I cant imagine how I would do with another one and I want to give him a good life and times are hard these days

Julie - posted on 05/22/2009

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Sometimes I have the same thoughts. My daughter was a pretty easy infant and now toddler. I wonder if she would miss out having a sibiling but I have a younger brother and we hardly talk. I think if my husband and I have a stronger relationship with her than our parents had with us she'll be fine. My daughter will be 3 this summer and we can already tell she'll be popular in school with lots of friends. In this day and age, it's hard enough raising one so we're stopping there.

Lori - posted on 05/04/2009

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that's a great idea. I had thought of that before b/c my dad would often take the neighbor kids with us when we went places.

Jennifer - posted on 05/04/2009

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borrowing kids is the best. The great thing about OPK (other people's kids) is that they go HOME!!! I borrow kids, dogs, take neighbors kids to the petting zoo, circus etc.. a lot cuz my daughter loves company and it's fun. Especially wen I know they are going home or I have the option of sending them home if they are being snotty, rude or disobedient.

Sue - posted on 05/04/2009

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Im so glad to know others that feel like me I can always "borrow" kids then send them back thats the best of it all LOL

Jennifer - posted on 05/03/2009

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Hi all!! I'm kinda in the same boat, my daughter is 6. She has an older half sister who lives with her mother, so she's also an only child. I don't know how people with more than one handle it. I often feel guilty about having only one, especially since she constantly asks me to have another, but with my medical conditions ( I have 3 herniated discs and also suffer from severe anxiety disorder) I just couldn't imagine having 2. I had so many problems while i was pregnant and delivering, then suffered bad post partum depression for a long time afterwards. I just couldn't do it again, especially now that I'm divorced. I wish she would understand the whys but she keeps asking. Any advice?

Heather - posted on 04/25/2009

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Hi all, I'm new here. :D
We only have 1 as well. We always wanted 2 once we decided to have kids. But when I got hyperemesis at 5 weeks pregnant and had to give up work and lay in bed for 4 months or so, I know I couldn't do that again with having a child who needs my care. I would basically need full time care as I couldn't do anything or hold anything down! Then we had a child who cried non-stop for the first 4-5 months, had weight issues and was a nightmare for the first 12-18 months (is fine now). We honestly thought we'd go bananas. We love her SO much but we just can't take the risk of another pregnancy or child like that as it's the hardest thing I've been through in my life and I'm still recovering!

I often feel guilty though as I watch all my friends have their 2nd and 3rd children, seeing how much the other kids love their siblings. I wonder what is wrong with me that I couldn't cope (even though everyone I know says they couldn't have gone through what we did). I beat myself up though. I feel sad for my daughter she won't have siblings to run around with and play with, console in etc. I loved my brother so much growing up. But then my husband and his brother never got along, they were like chalk and cheese, opposites. And a friend still hates her sister to this day who picked on her her entire life. So nothing is a given I guess.

Sue is right, that a lot of parents I know with more than one (especially if there's a close age gap) do struggle.

Heather - posted on 04/25/2009

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Hi all, I'm new here. :D
We only have 1 as well. We always wanted 2 once we decided to have kids. But when I got hyperemesis at 5 weeks pregnant and had to give up work and lay in bed for 4 months or so, I know I couldn't do that again with having a child who needs my care. I would basically need full time care as I couldn't do anything or hold anything down! Then we had a child who cried non-stop for the first 4-5 months, had weight issues and was a nightmare for the first 12-18 months (is fine now). We honestly thought we'd go bananas. We love her SO much but we just can't take the risk of another pregnancy or child like that as it's the hardest thing I've been through in my life and I'm still recovering!

I often feel guilty though as I watch all my friends have their 2nd and 3rd children, seeing how much the other kids love their siblings. I wonder what is wrong with me that I couldn't cope (even though everyone I know says they couldn't have gone through what we did). I beat myself up though. I feel sad for my daughter she won't have siblings to run around with and play with, console in etc. I loved my brother so much growing up. But then my husband and his brother never got along, they were like chalk and cheese, opposites. And a friend still hates her sister to this day who picked on her her entire life. So nothing is a given I guess.

Sue is right, that a lot of parents I know with more than one (especially if there's a close age gap) do struggle.

Sue - posted on 04/24/2009

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I know what you mean.. but I do see a lot more frustration from some parents that have more than one

Lori - posted on 04/24/2009

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Thanks everyone! I feel much better after seeing that I am not the only one. I never realized how "hard" raising a child is. Now I am amazed by people who have several children.

Cathy - posted on 04/24/2009

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You shouldn't regret having only one child. I love children...but one is plenty for me. She is 17 now, so she isn't a baby anymore, but I love that I only had one. There are alot of positives for having only one child. I think my bond with my daughter is stronger having only one child to contend with. I could spend more one on one time with her. Although I've never had alot of money, I didn't have to split it between multiple children, and possibly decide which childs necessities had to come first because money was tight that month or something. I could focus on helping my daughter with homework and other things without feeling guilty that another child may need my full attention as well. There wern't multiple sports events, and extra activities with conflicting schedules that I have to worry about. My daughter is in culinary arts school and attends acting classes. She will soon be in modeling classes. I could never have afforded these things with multiple children. I don't feel guilty at all about having only one child, and you shouldn't either.

Sue - posted on 04/24/2009

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Im glad to know other people feel the same way I do. I have a son who wil be 4 in Oct and I always thought I would have 2 because I was an only,,.. but we chose to stick with one. My husband works alot and it would be mostly on me to take care of them and just with one its hard to get things done and spend enough time with him. I have anxiety and it wouldnt be fair (in my opinion) to deal with more than I can handle. Also, with the economy its not something we can afford to do. I want to be able to go to my sons games and whatever he gets involved without worrying about if another one has something going on.

Lara - posted on 04/21/2009

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I am right there with you. We were also already in our latter 30's (husband 40 actually) when we had our son. We have flip-flopped ever since, but a month ago said, this is it. We are done. But the last couple of weeks I feel myself wondering if we are all missing out. Not just my son. It's the early years of a child's life that scare me. I don't know that we could do this again. But I keep getting this picture in my mind of having two children who are older. Could we deal with the early years again? I don't know. I do know what we can do w/one and that makes me feel secure. But then that "what if" sneaks in again.

Jackie - posted on 04/21/2009

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Quoting Kim:

I am in exactly the same boat as you, I had my one and only at 38. I love him to bits, but could not do it again.
We often wonder if he misses out, not having a brother or sister, but since he has started school, at the beginning of this year, he gets to hang out with other kids all day, and not have to share his parents at night.
Who knows whats right or wrong, we can just be the best parents we can be.



This is exactly how I feel. I am very happy with just one child, but sometimes I do wonder if he is missing out. Then, I think about all the sibling rivalry that my husband has to deal with and it makes me happy again that we only have one. LOL!  We are able to provide very well for one with me staying at home, it might not be so easy with another. Don't feel guilty! You made the choice that is best for you.

Kim - posted on 04/20/2009

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I am in exactly the same boat as you, I had my one and only at 38. I love him to bits, but could not do it again.

We often wonder if he misses out, not having a brother or sister, but since he has started school, at the beginning of this year, he gets to hang out with other kids all day, and not have to share his parents at night.

Who knows whats right or wrong, we can just be the best parents we can be.

Lori - posted on 04/20/2009

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Jennifer - thank you. You make a lot of sense. One of the things that my husband tells me is that it's better to regret not having another than to regret having another. You are right I need to stop comparing our situation to others b/c we did what is right for us. I wish I knew someone who has an older only child by choice (rather than fertility problems) so I could talk to them. Then again maybe I'll meet someone her.

Jennifer - posted on 04/20/2009

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I'm glad to hear that you made a choice about the size of your family before you decided it was too big. Don't let yourself believe that you need to keep up with others or make someone else see you in a certain way. You did the right thing by making a choice with you husband -- before you let yourself get caught up in something that is permanent and unchangeable. Don't feel guilty. Feel proud that you are trying to be the best parents you can be to the child you have been blessed with.

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