Only child is 16 yrs - Considering a 2nd?

Brandi - posted on 12/19/2010

I am only 22, but I think you should go for it. As long as you ahve your husband are on the same page. Don't let anything hold you back if it is what you really want.

A - posted on 12/19/2010

hi dear!!
we women think too much in life...thats a good sign and a bad sign ;)
well, i do agree with Laura & Michelle about the concerns they shared.
ruling out the concerns...a chat with ur husband and son..let ur heart take the call!
let the destiny unveil whats is store..enjoy ..whatever is the outcome..dont let anything dampen ur spirits..faith..belief..

stay happy...be positive..
good luck and well wishes...
take care

Andrea - posted on 12/10/2010

The decision is completely up to you and God. If you feel that you and your husband are in a place for another child, and starting over, then by all means, contact your doctor and go over the risks of having a child at such a late age. If you still feel the benefits outweigh the risks, or want to leave it up to God, then go for it. As a mother of a 14 yr old, and in my 30's, I feel that starting over is tiring. I am a single mom, and I went through college with a toddler with adhd all by myself. I almost feel like, now, that I could foster or adopt a child, perhaps an older child my son's age, or a bit younger. I feel like now, I am old enough, wise enough and patient enough to deal with a child. I am not married, and have no plans to marry any time soon, which obviously puts me at a disadvantage. I do know as a RN, that having a child at 37-40 has increased risks, not only prematurity, but down syndrome and other birth defects. If you are willing to take the risk, and feel ok in life to handle whatever God gives ya, then go for it! I have several friends that have had healthy children late in life, and they do seem more apt to handling their children with more patience and more appreciative of their young children as they can enjoy them more now at this point in life. Good luck with whatever you choose! Let us know!

Michelle - posted on 12/10/2010

Laura is correct in the thought and truth that the children will have little in common as siblings; however, they will still be connected thru you as parents. My mother is #4 of 5 girls, the oldest being 20 years older than my mom and the youngest is 7 years younger than my mom. As you can see, there are 27 years total difference between the oldest and the baby! My mom and aunts love each other tremendously and are spread out all over the US (some are in Michigan, Georgia, Florida and even California!) They talk regularly, visit annually and even FB each other. I say all this to say - so what if there's 20 years difference in your children!

Now to address YOUR age - talk to your doctor. If you AND your husband are healthy, you both really want another child AND your son is ok with another sibling, then I say GO FOR IT! I was 34 when I had my only child; I am now 40 and would love to have another!

I am praying for your family and may God Bless your decision, whatever it may be.

Laura - posted on 12/09/2010

First, that decision is entirely up to you and your husband and what will work with your family. You are wise to be putting a lot of thought into this decision, however, as it will create changes in the family dynamic in big ways.

You are quite correct in understanding that both kids will, in essence, be "only" children when growing up. They may be siblings by birth parents, but will have little else in common. Your son may very well be in college before you even have a second child! My husband is the youngest of 7 and was, for all practical purposes, an only child. His oldest brother, now deceased, was 20 years older than him. He never had close relationships with his siblings until after he became an adult. Even then the relationships are not what you would call close because there is a generation between them. His nieces and nephews are married with kids of their own and our daughter is the youngest cousin by a whole generation. It's a good thing we all live in the same small town and see each other in passing otherwise we would have little in common to bring us into contact. Except at holidays--then the whole "clan" gets together! This is not an uncommon family dynamic to have with siblings so far apart.

The only other point that you should really consider is your age and the health risks associated with being pregnant after the age of 35. Your doctor can go over all of the details with you; suffice to say that it becomes riskier for both the mom and fetus. If you have good health insurance and are, yourself, in good health then it becomes a less risky option to consider. Hope this helps and best wishes with your decision!

Nicole - posted on 12/08/2010

Hi Robin. I'm 33 years old and my only child is 11. I also wanted a second child. I wanted my children to be close in age like my brother and I. We're a year apart. Initially, I didn't want my son to be the only child. I wanted him to have someone to lean on just in case something happened to me. My mother did when I was 17 and having my brother was comforting. Then year after year passed. Now my son is older and more independent. At times I feel as though I still want another child, but then I think in 6 and a half years my son will graduate high school and go on to college. I will only be 40 years old. I'll be able to have (my life) back. I'll be able to focus on my career which, I've pretty much put on hold because I raise my son on my own without much of a support system. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my son more then life it self; however, I've come to realize that I've completely lost myself and need to refocus my life now that he is getting older. And who knows, maybe I'll become a foster parent or even adopt once my son "flies the coop." :-)

The choice is yours. Just make sure if you do decide to have another child it's because you want to.