Supriya - posted on 03/30/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )
As I just mentioned in one of the conversations to a friend here that although I DO NOT HAVE AN OPTION of bearing a second child, I still wish to share n discuss to just kick out that guilt out of me of depriving my daughter of a sibling. Its only only children who are now adults who can give mums like me that emotional support. I need that, for sure...and those who wish to share your inner self even though you know you have no choice are welcome to pour in.
I know I have no choice but that just ain't helpful enough for my mind, heart n soul. Im 31..hubby is 34 and we have a wonderful 5+ yr girly. Ever since we've been married, 6 yrs+ now, i have been not well healthwise...we are a happy couple anybody would envy...no one ever sees us sad...we count our simple pleasures and blessings and do not have high expectations from life whatsoever...DD goes to a very reputed school and just when we bought her a fancy pencil box(Rs.200)...when we move out for a walk and I can pick up a dress that I just liked(Rs.250)..just when we made her join skating(Rs.700/mth)..just when we are looking for a dance class for her(Rs.1300/mth)..just when we can take her out every fortnight at least to get her rides...just when we cut down on our personal expenses to strike the balance between...family of 5...DD...personal..socialising...official....once a year trip to just close by hill stations for a week max and trying to save for unseen circumstances ..higher studies...marriage and our old age, so as not to get burdened on her PLUS just when I have been suffering from Brain TB and am on medication for last 2 yrs!!!
Me- have 2 siblings and am very close to them..parents are 55+, still struggling as youngest is still into higher education..studies and marriage is still there to do with. Their health doesnt keep well..I dont remember them having ever gone on a vacation other than family functions or weddings that too with a li'll stress of expenditure..they have never had a so called luxurious life..still looking for better work oppurtnities to be able to save for old age but we 3 sibs love them like anything.
Hubby - has a younger sis married and who was always a daughter to him in all aspects , from her studies to marriage and for lifetime, he being the only earning member and me a support..they are close cos they are sibs..they are not friends like I am with mine.Any parental needs in our house for in laws..is our responsibility. Inlaws are very loving otherwise.
AFter all these years of responsibilty and health deterioration and hubby having cared of me like a baby...I dont feel energy enough to bear another one physically or mentally. He doesnt feel energetic enough to get into more responsibilities..Me and DD have both been struck with severe health conditions and he says I cannot keep myself scared of another kid's wellbeing cos if there would have been another, I would love him/her equally. I feel he's been a perfect son, brother, father, friend, human...and another baby means adding more and for-ever..
We will have to cut down all expenses including DD's...he will have to work more as I might not be able to support in work with 2 kids and my weak health...more work means less family time..less personal life..more stress..Would a company to DD with all these situations be worth??!! We felt NO!! We want now to be a happy healthy and together family once my treatment is over, another 2-3 mths may be. We wish to be able to spare to move out here n there with DD and not just keep fulfilling requirements of life. We wish to be able to save for ourselves and for her future. WHat if she doesnt get along well with her sibling? Wont that be hurtful?WHat if my body does not bear the physical stress and that would again affect our family life...Hbuuy has always been clear on this..I need to be settled again n again..may be thats how mums are!!
DD - lovable, empathetic, sharing, helpful, intelligent, giving yet possessive, adamant at times, cranky, gets bored tooo soon, shy, moody, very emotional, gets insecure too soon about others getting upset with her....has till yet never asked to have another baby at her own home but longs for friends...cousins live too far can visit only during vacations..would not stay anywhere without me.
We try to keep her busy through activities at times...playdates just once in a while it gets possible as good friends are also not too close by or have sibs or working parents..just that situations didnt really favour till yet. She's fine in school days..off days..specially long vacations are troublesome.
SOme say all this is just age phases...others say cos shes the only child. We wonder even if we went for another...by the time the other child would be 3, DD would turn 7-8....again age gap...if its a boy, interests would be different...what company would she have. WHat if she says - Mumma..you give me reponsibility to take care and so I miss my me time!! What if we would have to say NO to her for what we can afford now. Buying that fancy pencil box, a school gadget for her...brought a smile on our faces and me and DH shared..our school mates had things like this..we couldn't...happy to get this for her :-) Such are the simple pleasures we count.
We are very particular of not fulfilling all her demands...limits are set for her..going out- any 2 rides for a day...we choose 3 dresses of a range and she can decide one of them. DIscipline, humanity, love is what we are trying to instill in her.
STill the fears within pinch me at times!!