only child wants a sibling!

Takara - posted on 02/11/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My daughter just turned 8 yrs. old last month. Ever since she was 5 she has told me on numerous occasions that she wants a baby brother or sister. Grants she has a brother and sister on her fathers side. I sometimes feel bad because all of my close friends have two or more children and some of them even dress their girls alike and my daughter will say things like " Mommy i cant wait until you have a baby so I can have a twin". or "Mommy I know what we can get from the hospital...a baby brother or sister". Ive tried explaining to her that it's not that easy, but i dont think she understands. I NEED HELP!!!!!!!

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Misty - posted on 02/12/2010

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My son was about 5 or 6 when he initially asked about a sibling. My response (and I know it was manipulative) was: "If we decided to have a brother or sister you would have to share all of your toys and we wouldn't have enough money to afford all the things you have if we had another child (ex. his quad, kayak, bikes, etc.). Plus, I want to be able to spend all my time and energy on you and not have to split it between both of you. So, you have mommy and daddy all to yourself." Needless to say...it worked.



About a year ago (he is 8 now) he started to ask again, caught himself, and said "wait, then I would have to share all my stuff, nevermind."



I was initially unwilling to have anymore children and am now unable, so this conversation worked for me.

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Katelynn - posted on 05/30/2013

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My situation is a little bit different from most of you mom's on here, but I'm hoping I could find some advice.
My soon to be Step-daughter is 4 years old, and has been stating that she wants a new baby sister. Now her biological mother is not in the picture, and I am no where near ready to bring a new child into this world. At least until I've graduated college, and her father and I officially tie the knot. I don't know what exactly to say to this sweet girl. I devote all my time and energy into her life. and I love her like she's my own.

Roberta - posted on 02/27/2010

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I agree with Misti Lyn. My son was 4-5 when he asked and i had been divorced for 3 year and no serious relationship in site. I told him that if mommy had a younger brother he would have to share all his toys and if he had a younger sister he would have half of what he had because a little sister would want toys for little girls. when he was 10 i was babysitting a friends 3 children( 7yo boy, 5yo boy, 3yo girl). He was attempting to play a board game with the boys will i entertained the little girl. I only had them for about 3 hrs. when they left he told me he was glad he didn't have any younger siblings because they didn't listen. i laughed. He is now 17 and he has never mentioned it again.

Imania - posted on 02/16/2010

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Join the club girl I think that 5 is the number that most kids put in their order for a sibling because my daughter is 5 and she is asking me very often as well, she has cousins but its not enough she wants her own baby brother or sister.lol. What i told her is simply the truth I sat her down and we had a great conversation I said ,I am a single parent,a student and I have a part time job so a baby cannot come soon but when I finish my studies I will give you a baby brother or sister so negotiate if you choose she will understand.Hope it helps

Pamela - posted on 02/15/2010

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Yeah I feel bad for my 9 year old son...he's wanted a baby brother for years...even picked out a name!! But my husband and I are divorced, and I also found out I am unable to have another child. I feel so sad for my son...I wish I could do something for him..I never wanted my child to be the only one...I feel that having a brother or sister helps alot when things get rough when they are older....they are not so alone. But I can't do anything!!! I guess we will just have to live with what is..:(

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There really isnt much you can say to make them them understand our reasoning as to why there isnt a baby brother or sister. My daughter is 3 and continues to ask for a baby brother and as of yet I am so not ready. Try explain that to a 3 year old!!! You get Why? Why? Why? There are so many reasons and we all have one as to Why we dont have another addition in planning or on the way - Mine is that I am a single mom - Its been hard but it paid off as I have a beautiful daughter whom I love so much and I have this terrible fear of sharing that love with another child - selfish - maybe? One day when i am absolutely sure Id like to have another I am sure i will but as of now - "mommy isnt ready" is as about as good enough answer I know how to give her along with all the alternative answers that come along with the whys? Just be sensitive and understanding that they dont understand and try ease it with giving them more of your devoted time or giving them a resposibility of looking after a new puppy = this should cease their curiosity of a new sibling for awhile. Good Luck

Erika - posted on 02/13/2010

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I think this is very normal for only children to want a sibling. My 8 yr old has been asking for one for as long as I can remember. I do want another one but, I am still trying to finish college + get situated first. I just remind him that when the time is right, he will have a sister or brother. For the time being, I explain to him that the older he is when I have another baby the more he will be able to help with it. I love Misty Lyn's idea though, especially if you don't plan on having any other children. Reverse psychology usually works unless you're kid is too smart for that!!

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My son is 4 and has asked about this too. We tell him that he is so great that no other child could be as wonderful as he is, so we don't need another baby. This has satisfied him so far. Also, he has lots of friends at daycare who he really looks forward to playing with every weekday. My mother was an only child but never felt she was deprived by not having siblings. She hung out with her cousins she says.

DIANE - posted on 02/11/2010

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My daughter will be 9 in March and has also been asking for a sibling since she knew about brothers and sisters. Unfortunately my hubby DOES NOT want any more children, even though we are happily married. I would so love to have another child but I just turned 37 so I think it may be the end of the road for us. I have tried changing his mind but he will not budge. Any suggestions?

Amy - posted on 02/11/2010

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my 8 year old is the same way i'm divorced and have been for 5 years, although i am engaged to a great man who steped up to be my daughters dad when her real dad took off after the divorce, and a friend of mine just had her 4th and when she found out she was having another child i found out i was to but, i miscarried and as hard as it was i had to be strong for her, and she still to this day ask for a sister and says well u know mom when you get married you have to have babies, and i said well thats not what marriage is about if the couple wants kids and can afford them then thats something they will choose, but i said you do have 2 sisters even if there in heaven.

Joy - posted on 02/11/2010

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My son will be 7 soon and he's been asking for a sister since he was 4 also. I'm not married, or even in a serious relationship, so I'm a long ways off from even trying to have a second child. All I can think to tell him is when the time is right, he will get a sister but that mommy isn't married so we both just have to wait. It satisfies him temporarily, but he always brings it up. I don't think there's much you can say to make them really understand at this point.

Eugenie - posted on 02/11/2010

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This is such a tough one. I have a seven year old who has been asking for more siblings since he was like four years old. I would like to have another child but there are many factors to consider. Unfortunately, our seven and eight year olds just do not understand why they can't have siblings when their other friends and families do. I do feel guilty whenever he asks as I cannot imagine what it would be like if I was an only child. I do not believe that there is anything you can say to her right now to make her understand and not ask anymore. Just try to be gentle in your responses.

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