Zhanna - posted on 06/18/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )
Hi, my daughter is 5 this October and up till about 2 months ago I’d felt that I had to have at least one more child. My husband has always said that he’d have as many as possible :) and I felt ‘obliged’ to ‘produce’ at least two. I never thought much of it, just knew the second one was in our plans. I am 36 now, so I also started getting worried if I’m leaving it too late (possibility of genetic problems, etc), yet not being able to actually start trying. I then decided to look into myself and understand why thinking about having another child makes me feel scared, unhappy, heavy in a way, something that HAS to be done. It is not the way to plan for a child, I thought. I found many reasons why I felt that way. One of the issues was my pregnancy – it was very hard, I felt broken, it took me a lot of time to recover after giving birth and I suffered throughout the whole experience immensely. Then, I love my daughter SO SO SO much, she fills up every particle of my existence with such joy, I feel NOTHING lacking in my life. I admire people who can share and give enough love and attention to multiple children, but I have no excess of love, time, attention or money to think that someone else is needed in my life to benefit from it. I do not want my daughter to be deprived of my attention while I am attending to other child’s needs. I have two younger sisters myself, I had very little time to play when I was a child – had to help looking after them, and even though I love them dearly, I don’t think my childhood was filled up with as much fun and lightness as it should have been. The dilemma stays – joy of siblings or joy of mother’s undivided love and attention. This is for each individual to decide. My biggest problem is of a different kind – when I told my husband that I would like us to at least CONSIDER having only one, he got extremely upset, he acted like if I’d told him I was cheating on him, didn’t talk to me for a day. He calmed down later, said I must do what is better for me as it is my life and my body, but I can see and I know how unhappy he is. Should I have another one just to keep him happy?? And will not having the second child actually brake our family?