Second child to keep husband happy????

Julie - posted on 06/26/2009

Zhanna, you have a right to say, "One is enough" and have that view appreciated and respected by your husband. He might not be ready to let go of his dream just yet or he might just need a little longer to finally accept your wishes and make this decision ok with himself too. He needs to accept that it is ok to give up his dream of having more children. But so what? We all have to give up some dreams in life at one point or another - and face what the reality of life really serves us. That's just life, and as women (who normally do the lions share of raising the children) - we usually 'get' that notion, a lot quicker than men do, but some never really catch on. This is often as good as it gets, you know?! He might have to just accept that in time. I agree with the last lady. I think if you had another baby primarily for his sake, I think you would feel a lot of resentment towards him, especially when things go wrong, eg. like baby gets sick and you're up all night with bub while he is snoring his head off, since he has to go to work in the morning, etc. It's possible you might even resent the baby itself. A baby needs to come into a world where it is really wanted, even longed for, in order for both of its parents to be able to care for it without any resentment, whatsoever.



What would happen if you both decided to put a time frame on your talks about parenthood for the second time around? A make or break for a new baby year... What if, for example, you decided to take one more year to chew on the idea of having another baby and consider your feelings and also whether things change over the course of a year. Then after a year if you still feel you don't want another child then you will know that it is time to stop talking about it anymore and to make the decision that one child is more than enough... By the way, don't listen to those 'over 35 pregnancy doomsdayers' - you don't need to take on any more pressure than you're already under.

Zhanna - posted on 06/26/2009

Thank you so much for your advice ladies, you've looked profoundly into the issue, and I feel less lonely with it. I will indeed talk to my husband and to a third party, to get our prospectives right. Thank you once again!

AmyBith - posted on 06/22/2009

i agree with sharon. you are definitely soul searching and trying to listen to yourself, but this isn't just about you. you're in a family and you need to work this out together. imagine your husbands point of view. he'd been dreaming of another child, it had to hurt to hear you say you didn't share that dream. you have already had one child so you are not too old to take some time and think this through. also it seems like your childhood experience is affecting your decision. you don't have to create the same scenario for your daughter. especially since there would be an age gap. they would have plenty of their own interests and time with you and your husband. and you have plenty of love for more than one based on the way you describe your daughter. and maybe she would like a sibling. have you asked her?

also, it's have your first child after 35 that causes most of the medical issues.

be blessed.

Sapphire - posted on 06/18/2009

You wrote such pure emotion, I started to get teary-eyed. Don't ever feel obligated to bring more children into this world if there is any thoguht of hesitation. You may end up resenting that baby, hating your husband, tearing apart your marriage, suffering deep depression, and even affecting the relationship you have with your daughter. This is a very senstivie issue between you & your husband, and it's a topic that needs to be discussed more than once. His reaction to your feelings was less than understanding. You might even consider a few sessions with a marriage counselor becasue your hsband cannot validate your feelings and desire for just the one child. Your own words are filled with sadness, and I fear that this issue will escalate until you really reach a breaking point. {{{HUGS}}}