shoving and hittin

Laura - posted on 08/17/2010

You don't mention how old your child is--very young kids express themselves (their feelings) much more physically than as they get older. Once they learn to vocalize (use words to express how they feel) it becomes easier to seperate the behavior from their feelings.

Either way, the behaviors of hitting and shoving are unexceptable and need to be dealt with firmly. Often times people are afraid to use one simple word--"no!"--as a means of teaching that some things are not done. When my daughter was a toddler this word was very important in teaching what behaviors were not appropriate to do. With hitting (which she briefly did as most little ones do) I would gently take her hands and simply say "No hitting". As she got older the consequences for hitting became more strict with brief time-outs. I never had to resort to anything more than that, but loss of priveleges could be a next step. I would never use corporal punishment (spanking) as a means to stop a child from hitting! It will confuse the message you are trying to teach!

When my daughter was able to vocalize, I encouraged her to use her words to express herself rather than physical actions. This gets to the point where the child's feelings can start to be expressed separately from their actions/behavior. If your child is old enough to tell you what their feelings are, then encourage them to talk to you about it. If they are shoving and hitting because they FEEL jealous (or angry, or afraid, etc) then you can talk to them about appropriate ways to deal with and express those emotions. You can then let them know that their BEHAVIOR of hitting/shoving is not acceptable and that there will be consequences (time-outs, loss of privelages, etc) for the behavior. You can use this conversation to re-assure your child that you love him/her and that doesn't change even if other children are near.

Finally, the most important part of all of this is consistancy! Be consistant with your approach to dealing with this behavior and should see improvement fairly quickly. Good luck to you!

Tracy - posted on 08/16/2010

it would be their jealousy and it is normal my son does it too but i took him aside and explained that pushing and hitting isnt nice and that mommy needs to be shared just like you share your toys and ever since he comprehended that mommy isnt just his and that he needs to share mommy