The debate - only children? Where do people stand. I constantly have people down my back!

Tracy - posted on 12/16/2011

This is what you need to say, and say it nicely with a smile on your face. Be proud of having only one!

She's my one and only child

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiC1prhEyDQ&feature=related

Aren't you having another child?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6uWcNeo8cQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiC1prhEyDQ

Jessica - posted on 12/10/2011

Oh yes, I deal with it mainly from my mother and mother in law. It's getting old, especially when as of right now I'm the only one who's got a child.

I wish I could give you witty remarks, I can only say to take it in stride. I'm sure they mean well, but telling them to "shut their pie hole" probably isn't the best thing to say. Maybe. Lol!!

http://whimsicalmusingsofamom.blogspot.c...

Tracy - posted on 12/06/2011

Aren't you having another child? I like the response in this video, it is funny when said nicely. I think it is terrible when people are so preachy, it is none of their business if we add another child to our family!

Liz - posted on 11/27/2011

Least you have that. When I said about having another baby my sister said WHY?!? you cant cope with 1 but we're going to wait a few years before we do have another no matter what people say. If you dont want another then who cares your the one who will raise the child not them so just shrug it off.

Kellie - posted on 11/22/2011

Hi, l am a mum of ivf twins and l get asked all the time. When are you going to have another one? lts not fair on them? You should have another one. People need to think before opening there big mouths. l would love to have another babie. We can try, but its not always up to us. l am just starting my 9th cycle. lf it does not work l am so blessed. One or two children, we are all blessed. We get to spend quality time with our children.

Sara - posted on 11/17/2011

Really, people still worry about this?

I'm a single mom. I refuse to be outnumbered. End of story.

Stella Ella - posted on 11/16/2011

i had one child and i have never regretted it,she has my undivided attention,raising her the way i want,provide for her every needs,she does not lack,if i have a second one i wouldnt afford

Jacki - posted on 11/14/2011

I have a beautiful 8 year old only child. Not by choice...but that was Gods plan for us. I wish people understood that having one doesnt make it any easier, in fact its the opposite you are there everything. Not a spare second, no one to play with but you. I run a daycare so she has lots of people here to play with but after 5 its me. One day she looked at me and said Mom, I will never be an aunt, I wanted to cry, but instead I looked into her perfect little face and said, you certainly will when your married your husbands siblings become yours and when they have kids you will be an aunt. I think of who will be there for her when my husband and I are gone and I get upset. Only certainly does not mean easier. And for those who think its cheaper...I dont agree you still have one home to pay for, its not all that much more, have more if you can, or dont just love them with all your heart God gave them to you!

Jacki - posted on 11/14/2011

I have a beautiful 8 year old only child. Not by choice...but that was Gods plan for us. I wish people understood that having one doesnt make it any easier, in fact its the opposite you are there everything. Not a spare second, no one to play with but you. I run a daycare so she has lots of people here to play with but after 5 its me. One day she looked at me and said Mom, I will never be an aunt, I wanted to cry, but instead I looked into her perfect little face and said, you certainly will when your married your husbands siblings become yours and when they have kids you will be an aunt. I think of who will be there for her when my husband and I are gone and I get upset. Only certainly does not mean easier. And for those who think its cheaper...I dont agree you still have one home to pay for, its not all that much more, have more if you can, or dont just love them with all your heart God gave them to you!

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2011

I like and use the one my mom came up with for me when I started facing this same dilemma. "Well, she's our miracle, and sometimes you only get one miracle."

Stephanie - posted on 11/11/2011

I am a mother of a 12 year old and I wont have any more.... i had people ask me that too even my own sister who has 5 right now and I tell her ... i only want one. my son is a huge blessing and i love giving him all my time and energy. I love that i dont miss a thing he does and the one on one talks are amazing. I take out to dinner just us every wk... he is only getting older and i believe that I use my time very well being a mom of one... i am a single mom and I dont know if his father will have more but all i know is...I dont feel bad for him, He is blessed! I am there when he needs me and there when he wants to talk or cry or shout or even when he wants me to play cars with him...cause I have the TIME!!! I will always have the time. dont worry about what others think... some can have more then one and then theres those like me...who just cant or wont. Im just happy I get to experiance being a mom in this wonderful life... it really is the biggest blessing God gave us. I will miss him when he leaves to be an adult but I will always be right here. God Bless!

Stephanie - posted on 11/11/2011

I am a mother of a 12 year old and I wont have any more.... i had people ask me that too even my own sister who has 5 right now and I tell her ... i only want one. my son is a huge blessing and i love giving him all my time and energy. I love that i dont miss a thing he does and the one on one talks are amazing. I take out to dinner just us every wk... he is only getting older and i believe that I use my time very well being a mom of one... i am a single mom and I dont know if his father will have more but all i know is...I dont feel bad for him, He is blessed! I am there when he needs me and there when he wants to talk or cry or shout or even when he wants me to play cars with him...cause I have the TIME!!! I will always have the time. dont worry about what others think... some can have more then one and then theres those like me...who just cant or wont. Im just happy I get to experiance being a mom in this wonderful life... it really is the biggest blessing God gave us. I will miss him when he leaves to be an adult but I will always be right here. God Bless!

Elizabeth - posted on 11/09/2011

My daughter is 7 and an only child. There are 3 other kids in her class that are only kids too. While she would like a sibling, she is ok about it. Very few people have ever dared ask me about having another child!

Teresa - posted on 11/03/2011

As a 41 year old with a 7year old and pregnant again, I deal with, "are you going to try again for a girl". We lost one 2 years ago and my 7 year old spent hisfirst 2 months in nicu (born 28 weeks). No i will probably be done now. I don't go into details though. It's none of their business and down right rude to persue.

Rosanne - posted on 11/02/2011

I had that happen to me when my cousin told me 'he needs someone else in his life'. My son was about 2 yrs old at the time. He is now 14 and still and always will be an only child. If you would ask him today if he's happy about it he would tell you that it would have been nice to have a brother or sister around but it's not a terrible thing. I know I'm loved and I don't have to share LOL. When people decide to interfere in my life and give me these quotes they should also feel free in helping out financially in raising them. My son is an only child and so were both my parents. So my suggestion to you is just smile and tell them that there are many happy people out there that are only children. My child will be just fine :)

Christine - posted on 11/02/2011

I can totally relate. My daughter is only 4 weeks old and I have already been asked at least 25 times when we are planning on the having our next child. The look of udder shock and distress I am given when I say we will not be having any more children is always a little funny, yet rather maddening to me. I am always asked, "why would you do that her?" or "she will be so lonely" or my personal favorite "well I guess some mothers just aren't cut out to handle more than one. That is so sad." The thought first crossed my mind to explain I have several heart conditions that prevent me from having any more children, but then I decided I didn't owe any explanation of my decision to these opinionated on lookers, and I am proud to have an only child. I love that I am able to give her all the attention and that she is totally the center of my husband and I's world, as well as our extended family. I also love that I have lots of time to spend with her and really get to pay attention and see the world through her eyes. (even after only 4 weeks :) )

Pam - posted on 10/31/2011

I have two children, and I'm happy too. They are both bright and are both well educated, have equal attention, they are no less or better off than they would be had I decided to be a one child family. That being said birth order or only child status does have an effect on the personality, and the world needs many personalities to be complete ;-)

Kathy - posted on 10/28/2011

I don't deal with it too much. Our families are both really great about it. In fact, we have other only-child families in our extended family. It's outrageous that other people give their opinion on family size. Something that doesn't matter at all! The research on onlies shows that they turn out the same as kids with siblings, in fact they turn out better in some areas. It is way more important for kids to have two parents that love them. But you don't hear about people saying "oh you really shouldn't be getting divorced, your poor kids" or "you really should get married for the sake of your kid". No way! People would be up in arms if you said that. I think we all need to stand up for our families and our only kids. Question people when they make rude comments and give them some facts if you feel like it. The judging of only kids needs to stop. People are so ignorant.....grrrrr. As far as you child being alone after you are gone? I don't know about anyone else but I am hoping that my child marries and has her own family someday. That's who she will have. And I think she will have some wonderful friends, aunts, uncles, cousins....when I am gone someday. Probably nieces and nephews, sister in laws, brother in laws, etc...also. Why do people think that a sibling equals a lifelong friend? It's nice if that happens but there are no guarantees that it will.

Ann - posted on 10/28/2011

YES!!! and I hate it!!

Tomekia - posted on 09/17/2010

I don't really want my daughter to be an "only". It is not by choice (well, not really). However, I do not want to have another child and I am not married. It is way to hard doing this on your own without help. I love my baby, though. I can't imagine life without her. Am I ready to give her a brother or sister?? Not right now. Also, I am knocking on 35 - and they say risks and complications go up after that age. It frustrates me when people keep asking too. I'm like, "Are you going to help me with the baby?" They get quiet then : )

Julie - posted on 09/16/2010

having only one child is the greatest thing in the world...you have the time to explain why they should not do certain things, spend your time enjoying them, and are able to provide them with what they need. They have the time to listen to everything you say, take it all in and become the most stable, well loved and very informed children, without having to fight for your attention, time and love.......they are a very special type of child, but make sure they are thoughtful, caring and to think of others and you will be able to stand up to all the negative people and say " what a great job i have done"...does not matter what they say, eventually it will stop, just do your best because they are the most important thing in the world.....not someone elses comments.......

Raisa - posted on 09/12/2010

funny ya i too constantly have people asking me same i sometime things its just a habit of people to know ur plans.but i kip them in doubts lol...said maybe i dont know but soon hahaha some people but it is not in my plan to have another child plus my partner also says one is enough for the time being we never know things change maybe after settling all our goals and will c our budget and all.

Corky - posted on 09/12/2010

You know I've heard that line your not a real mom with only one child well goodness I didn't realize i was pretending for the last 5 years in fact I was pretty sure I was a mom I do all the mom things I take care of her I love her I buy her the things she needs etc I think that's a mom oh yeah and I've also cleaned up every bodily fluid that can come form a person now granted I don't plan on having only one child but if that's what's intended for me then I'm grateful I have a beautiful intelligent energetic wonderful 5 year old daughter and I wouldn't trade her for a whole basket of kids. I think there is a definate advantage to being an only child you get more attention you get more affection and you don't have to share your parents grandparents etc with anybody.

Danica - posted on 09/09/2010

I state that my daughter has 2 four-legged siblings (We have two labs). She fights with them and gets upset when they want to snuggle with her and she is playing...it's the same as having a younger sibling!

Angel - posted on 08/30/2010

I deal with this quite often, I am only 22 and decided when my daughter was born that we would not be planning for anymore. In our case we always knew we didnt want more than one, but the other major factor is my health. Having my daughter put me in grave danger and herself as well, it took a lot of work to get her healthy after my pregnancy complications. I dont care what anyone says about all pregnancys are different, I dont want to chance it, we feel blessed just to have recieved the one we have and that Im still alive.

Audrey - posted on 08/14/2010

I read a study on posted on yahoo, don't rememer which medical group did the study, that said only children are generally better educated, have better vocabulary, and are closer to their parents....so I don't worry with what other people think. we are a family.

Angela - posted on 08/10/2010

My lad is nearly 7 it used get to me when people say are you havin more, it's none of their bussiness i just say yes or no depending on my mood at the time lol.

Jonetta - posted on 05/31/2010

Ok everyone don't jump on me I'm just expressing my feelings. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. I am a single mom with only one child and was happy with that until I was reading a story where the child had grown up and was all alone in the world with no other family. It made me start to think about my son. Do I want him to be all alone when I'm gone?



Because of that thought i've decided if I can't have anymore biological I will try to adopt because I don't want my son to be an Only.



I think it's everyone's prerogative to have as many or as little children as they want. If your satisfied with your only more power to you. You do what is right for you and your family and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because in the end you will be the one having to raise these kids.

Amber - posted on 05/30/2010

Studies of only children show that they are slightly better off than children with siblings due to factors like more time from parents, more money availible, and more opportunities that they are able to have. I was an only child and my husband and I are raising an only child. It was the best decision that we ever made.

Sapphire - posted on 05/30/2010

My son is now 5 1/2 and I have to say that the people who KNOW me, no longer comment about the choice we made for 1 child. Even strangers really don't question much anymore, which is nice. I have never felt like I had to explain my circumstances to a total stranger-ever. It's usualyl small talk in a cashier's line when someone will ask my son, not me, "Do you have brothers or sisters"? I love my son's reply," I have cousins!!" My son is very close to his cousins, and the one 6 months older than him really behave more like brothers. But over the years, I honestly have to say that no one has ever been rude or made snide remarks.

Sarah - posted on 05/29/2010

my favourite so far has been from a stranger saying to me when i told her i only want one child she said "its not all about you though!" I responded "well it is, because i have to go through IVF, i am the mother and its my choice" how rude! i hate people making comments when they have no idea of your background let alone reasons!

Kendall - posted on 05/25/2010

I am an only child of divorced parents that neither have remarried and it is tough for me to handle everything on my own. thank god i have a great hubby but that is one reason why we are having 2 and my bro in law has no desire to have kids so if we only had one she would be the only with no sibs or cousins and that just seems lonely. but to each their own and you make the right decision for your situation.

Stefany - posted on 05/25/2010

All my friends have more than 1 kid most have 3 and when I am around them it seem like the middle or the oldest gets the shaft because the other are younger or have something important to do. I have a child he is 7 months and I dont want to have anymore children but fiance does. but i just feel i want to spoil him and do everything i didnt get to do and more! Why is it that we have to have more than one to be happy? Why aren't we allowed to be happy and satisfied with one child!?

Amber - posted on 05/25/2010

Especially with the grandparents I deal with this...I love constantly spoiling Trinity though and another baby right now would take away things from her and we wouldn't be able to give her quite as much...I just simply tell them that we are waiting til she is a little older and independent to have another baby

Vicki - posted on 05/24/2010

I just ask people who put in their 2 cents......Are you going to pay for my childs diapers, clothes, food, education, extra activities outside of school, etc.????......then I usually get....it's not that expensive to add 1 more (you just adjust and spend less)....Yeah Right!! As a "working mom" I could barely afford daycare for 1, much less for 2 kids! I have time, money, energy,and ambition and it all goes to my husband, 1 child, & family!! :)

Emily - posted on 05/21/2010

i think you just need to know where you stand on the situation.tell your reasons to the people you love.demand mutual respect.its not esy having 2 kids

Lynn - posted on 05/15/2010

I just tell them that I can't have anymore children as I choose to only have one. On the plus side I can't afford anymore. I was an only child myself and I didn't turn out bad. My son gets all the love and affection he needs. I just tell them that if they want to pay for a second one I'll have it, love it and take care of it.

Angela - posted on 05/14/2010

I can rember people asking when my husband and I were going to be having our second before I even gave birth our first. I just told people it wasn't going to be anytime soon. My husband I and have decided to have a second child, but we know that we don't want to have another one for atleast another year or two. But wheather or not to have another child is your choice and I think that people need to learn to except that. It's up to you and just stay strong and stand up for how you feel. Don't let anyone make you feel pressured into having another child.

Judy - posted on 05/13/2010

God I get that a lot I tell them to have 1 child is more then a blessing , because some women can't have any.They say "she's 5 already it's time you have another one". I tell them " with 1 you are able to supply the child and parents need with out struggling, specially in this economy.

Meegan - posted on 05/12/2010

I am an only child and love it!!! I got so many more opertunities then any of my friends with siblings, and my parents included me in everything they did. I got to travel, go to summer camp, better schools, etc. All because there was only one of me. My daughter is an only and will stay that way. My parents made me promise, when I was pregnant, that I would do everything in my power to give her a better life then I had. I don't know if that is possible, but I do know if we had more then one it wouldn't be! I will give that little girl every ounce of love, attention, and support in life I have to offer! You need to tell the people who are giving you a hard time to back off!

Amy - posted on 05/10/2010

My son is 10 and people ask all the time when we will have more. I just explain that we have made a conscious decision to only have one because we can't afford more. It is the truth and to the point. Or I joke that I am almost done...only 8 years left, why would I want to start over? ;)

Sherry - posted on 05/07/2010

I still get this once in a while, which is totally crazy. My only child is 10 years old, and I'm almost 44. Hello? If I was going to have another it would have been years ago. I'm totally fine with one child, and people need to stop telling me I need another. Really.

Kirsten - posted on 05/07/2010

I have never dealt with that with people being serious. My friends ask me when we are going to have another one but they aren't being rude about it. I would tell people that make that comment to me that they need to mind their own business and not worry about your family life. If you only want one child then that is your choice.

Sara - posted on 04/30/2010

yes dont worry - when we sit down at night after putting our one child down with a glass of wine - I think they are a little envious....

Francesca - posted on 04/26/2010

My daughter is only 12 months and people are already getting on my case.

I tell them that when they can pay for baby number two''s upbringing from birth to college, then maybe I will consider it...

Its funny because I am at an impass. I have all of Ella old toys and clothes in boxes and am not sure to give them away or not...

Dianne - posted on 04/24/2010

This will probably sound odd, but I got so sick of answering this question (my daughter is 2 1/2) that I started responding back with, "I don't know, whenever you want to pay for the next one!" and that pretty much killed the conversation right on the spot. I have told people repeatedly that we are not going to have more children due to complications I had when I was pregnant, but even knowing that, people were still pushy with the topic with me. I figured this would be one response that would catch them off guard, and it did. Ever since I started using this answer, the people who would repeatedly ask me have now stopped completely.

Leisha - posted on 04/21/2010

i do get this alot and i say to them when imn ready i will have another kid, just remember its your life and your way of raising your child if you dont want to have another child then dont if you do then do!! dont let anyone push you into stuff because of there beliefs :) i am going to have another child once my boy has grown up abit but not untill then :) hope this helps

Bethany - posted on 04/21/2010

I think it's hilarious how many ladies who are single mums are getting asked this! What do people think? You're going to up and nab a fella just to get pregnant? Do they even know where babies come from?!

June - posted on 04/20/2010

So far I just have people saying 'don't worry, you'll change your mind'; my response is that it took 18 years with my husband to have the first, we won't be having a second.

I'm really not sure why people think that you must have 2 children. It's quite judgemental to assume that an only child will be negatively affected by their parents decison to have only one. If anything I think that having 'only one' frees me to be more focused & attentive to that child.

Shweta - posted on 04/19/2010

i loved the last line "we used up all our good genes on Charlotte, any more would be too much of a gamble". got to use it when somebody pokes me again........he he will change Charlotte to Hazel ofcourse....lol