We can only have one baby?

[deleted account] ( 20 moms have responded )

Our doctor recently just told us that we are not going to be able to get pregnant again and I'm so upset! My husband is very supportive and said "all we need is one" I was one of 3 children and so was my husband, we want to adopt but we cannot afford it! I feel so horrable that I cannot give my daughter a sibling or my husband another child! Are there any other moms in this or a similar boat?

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Joy'l - posted on 04/28/2014

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Please join our group....Families With Only Children....F.W.O.C We would love to get to know you all and discuss topics related to having an only child. I would love if we could fins some people who live near each other to get to know and bond with.

Ariel - posted on 05/11/2010

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Hang in there sweetie. I am 18 years old and I was told at the age of 15 that I would not be able too get pregnant at all. well bout a 3% chance. and I just gave birth too my beautiful baby girl. She is now almost 3 months old and she is a perfect healthy baby. She is my miracle baby. And now I am looking forward too having another in a couple years. Miracles happen and just remember. everyone makes mistakes and doctors are only practicing medacine. So keep your head high and stay positive sweetie. what is meant too happen will. Goodluck!!!! wHERE THERES A WILL THERES A WAY!!!!

Cynthia - posted on 05/11/2010

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My dr told me I couldn't get pregnant either, I have advanced endometriosis and pcos. I miscarried in Dec 2000. We tried and tried for 2 years, nothing. Then I had the dr appt. that changed my life, no kids. I was devastated and angry. I hated anyone I saw with a child, pregnant women. But eventually I accepted it and moved on with my life. 8 years later after thinking I had the flu for 2 weeks I took a pregnancy test, crossing my fingers the whole time because I knew it would be negative. Lo and behold PREGNANT!!! My son is 10 months old now and unfortunately he will be our only one because after waiting all those years I am now 40 and my husband is 46. If we were 10 years younger, we would definitely try again. So all I've got to say is if you really want more kids, just let things happen, Dr's don't know everythng, I am living proof of that. If you cannot get pregnant again just look at it the way I do. At least I have one little angel to smother will all the love I have in my heart and I'm not completely childless. God bless, and I will pray that your able to achieve the family you desire. :0)

Robbin - posted on 05/11/2010

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Yep. I had my first at 40, and couldn't have anymore. It was a tough adjustment from it being a choice to having NO choice. We looked into adoption, but adopting an infant is tough and expensive, and most agencies will not place "out of birth order". Considering the expense that we would have to go through to either have another child by assisted reproduction, or adoption, and considering that I am saving for retirement and my son's college at the same time, we finally decided that the fairest situation for the one child I have is that he be the ONLY. Truthfully, two years after I found out I couldn't have anymore, I am perfectly content with my family as it is!

Nikki - posted on 05/01/2010

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I am one of 4 children,so always grew up wanting a large family of my own.I am v. close with my siblings and wanted this for our child.Unfortuanetly are plans of 5 were put on permanent hold because of health problems.It's too risky for me to have another baby. I worry alot for my son being an only child,but I also see the benefits.He is 13 now and we have a very close relationship.What worries me most is when we die and he's left with no siblings. People also think they have the right to judge or make a comment about u having JUST the one.I find it hurtful,and am suprised at peoples ignorance...The most important things u can give ur child are love and ur time...and that is something only children get alot of.nikki

Laura - posted on 04/22/2010

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Our daughter so wanted a sibling when she was 4-5 yrs old. Because of health concerns on my part, my husband and I decided that another pregnancy would be too risky so we chose to only have one. We started looking at adoption as a means of making our family bigger (and foster care has been mentioned as a good option) ; then my daughter started school. Many of her friends have siblings. Half way through Kindergarten (and about 3 sleepovers) our daughter announced one day that she no longer wanted a brother or sister because they were too much trouble! She complained about the behavior of her friends' siblings and stated that she was SO glad to be an only child because she didn't have to share her mommy and daddy. So don't feel horrible about not giving your child a sibling--your daughter might not feel the same way!

Our daughter now has "adopted" younger brothers-- good friends of ours have two sons, 10 & 6, and our 12 year old has become their older sister. Relationships can be nurtured with other children! Plus she has the bonus of being able to leave them when they finally get on her nerves! : ) Take courage and know that one child can make a family and that they can turn out just fine without siblings...

Lisa - posted on 04/21/2010

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Hello. I am one of the ones that cannot have anymore. I have no baby maker. I was told that I could not have any in the first place, HA I have a beautiful daughter. I would love to have more but times today are hard enough with one. I thank God everyday for the one I do have. She has plenty of family and friends to be with her so she plays well. She is the only one but she does not act like it. As long as family and friends help out and spend time with them it should not matter about a sibling. I still want one today but I know that my daughter needs me now and not some siblings that are not here. Your daughter and husband are not going to disown you they will love you no matter what.

[deleted account]

We tried for 10 years until I finally got pregnant. I wanted a bunch of children. I cried for a long time when I figured out that I was only going to have one. My son is now 7 and he keeps me plenty busy. I thank God daily that I was able to have my Jamie. Yes I'm sad that he is an only child, but I am trying to raise him not to be spoiled and selfish. We too wanted to adopt but finances would not allow us to increase our family. I guess we need to be thankful that we are able to be parents. Everything is for a reason, I guess one day we will understand.

Nadine - posted on 04/19/2010

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I used to feel immense guilt that i wouldn't be able to give my son a brother or sister. then i came to grips with it & I also remind myself that there is no guarantee they would be friends or even like each other :) . It's especially easy when I see siblings fighting. Sometimes I wish I could have another baby but for the most part I've accepted the fact that we're only going to have one child and in a lot of ways it's very nice. Try to look at the positives.

Laura - posted on 04/18/2010

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As an adoptive mom, I can assure you that cost doesn't have to be prohibitive when it comes to adoption. My husband and I adopted our daughter through the foster care system, and thanks to reimbursement from the state, and the adoption tax credit, it ended up costing us nothing. You should check with your local child protective services office. There are currently 129,000 children currently in foster care in the US awaiting adoptive homes, so the states tend to try to make it as easy as they can financially for families.

Sabrina - posted on 04/18/2010

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After we had our little girl I knew I wanted more kids I always said I was going to have 5. But I have 2 and thats all I can have because when my little boy was 1 1/2 I was rush out to the hospital and I had a full historectomy. So I will never have any more kids. I just thank God every day for my 2. A freind of mind was told she would never have kids she didnt have any eggs so they put on pains and her had a little boy he is 5months younger then my little girl. Then we tried again it was harder she had a little girl and my little boy was born 1 year later. We both are now 35 and she called me about 3months ago told me she hasnt been feeling well so she went to the drs and they told her she is going to have a baby. My oldest is 11 and hers is 101/2 and my youngest is 5 and hers is 61/2 and she is going to have a baby in Sept. Its when God says its time then its time.So just pray and dont worry it you try to hard it wont happen. I will pray for you and enjoy what he gave you for now and put what you want on the hold for a while. It will come.

KC - posted on 04/17/2010

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I am in the same boat. We have been trying for about three years. We both have a child each from previous relationships and have been trying for years for number two (in '08 we had two MC) and my doctor has mentioned secondary infertility. Not something I wanted to hear. I am already high risk but the MC's factor in and this just sucks. I have charted for years-just fed up with it. Than people mention that it just isn't in Gods plan; than why would He make me yearn so bad for baby number two? Sorry you have to deal with this. I'll send yo truckloads of baby dust!

Sabrina - posted on 04/17/2010

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It's up to the Lord for the miracles he gives to us. See when my husband and I got married we wanted a baby.So we started trying but nothing ever happen so we both went to the doctors. When I went back they told me my chances in having kids was so slim to none. I was so up set I went and found my husband I told him I was going to leave him and he ask what the hell is going on I told him what the dr said and he said that is find it will be just us. We never gave up and 2 years later I have a little girl. I was rush to the hospital when she was about 6 mths. and the dr told me if I want anymore babies I should start trying now. So we did but nothng after happen after 31/2 years so I said I can't do it any more. So I told the dr I was ready to have the surgey. I was going to have the surgey on Monday but I was feeling alittle funny so I took a test to see if I was pregant and I was now I have a little boy too. So don't give up.

Mere - posted on 04/17/2010

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So sorry to hear and i can feel your hurt. Ummm, i'm 34 and my partner is 52 we have one child together. For 5 years we tryed hard out to have a child and when we did we were over the moon. I didn;t want stuff anything up during the early stages of pregnancy and played everything more or less by the book. A year or so after having her we decided to try for number 2 and 3 years later we are still trying. And at this stage i am giving up on trying. Our doctor has told us that because my partner is diabetic and high blood pressure that we can not have another child. Its sad news to me as i have always wanted to have more children but can't. My partner think that because he is the reason why we can not have any more that i might leave him for someone who can give me another child. I have told him no i am loyal to him and him only. I have spent so many years with him that i feel lost with out him. Anyway, we love our daughter very much and we are considering foster care. I know couples who have been told by there doctors that they can't have anymore children and only months or years later are pregnant with another child. Do not give up on hope my friend, it does happen. Bless you and your family xoxox

Julie - posted on 04/15/2010

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I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Our situation is similar but not exactly the same. After 6 years of getting pregnant and losing pregnancies (7 over the 6 years), we finally were pregnant and although a difficult pregnancy, had a beautiful baby girl 8 weeks early. We started trying for baby #2 when our daughter was about 1 1/2 years old. Did 3 rounds of fertility drugs and IUI's, and tried on our own for about a year. When we decided to give up, I turned up pregnant 2 weeks later. Everything was going fine, saw the heartbeat at 5-7 weeks, and figured that the doctors had figured out what the "problem" was (that caused the 7 previous losses). At 8 weeks, I went in for my 1st pre-natal appt with my OB, and there was no heartbeat. At that point, I decided that I simply couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep getting my hopes up and the hopes of all my friends and family, and then have them be crushed so terribly over and over again. I am turning 37 in May - advanced maternal age for people who have easy pregnancies, so for me who knows!? We really wanted to have a sibling for our daughter, but after our 8th loss, decided we would rather enjoy the one baby we do have, and are so LUCKY to have, than to keep going through the heartbreak of trying to have another. Obviously, this is a decision that we sort of made on our own (although not TOTALLY-if we had it our way, we would have had at least 1 more) and are settled with.

Maybe just give yourselves a little time to let the news settle in and then re-evaluate. If you decide that you still want to have another baby, there may be adoption options that come up or your financial situation may adjust.

In the meantime, love that sweet baby you have :) I wish you all the best. Heartbreak like this is tough and people who haven't gone through it simply don't understand how much it hurts. Good luck to you.

Kel - posted on 04/15/2010

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Oh Christie, I'm so sorry. I understand your pain. I am an adoptive mother. I spent ten years trying to have a baby. I am simply unable to carry a child to term. Adoption doesn't have to be expensive. We adopted our daughter through foster care. The only cost was our attorney's fee and the filing fee with the court. It was a total of about $650. Of course that was 7 years ago, but I can't imagine it would be too much more than that now. If you are serious about considering adoption, I would check with your local Child Protective Services.

Josslyn - posted on 04/15/2010

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Miracles do happen!! Hubby and I choose only to have one. I was told after my miscarriage I had a only 25 % chance of falling pregnant, and behold, I'm 5 months pregnant now!



I pray God blesses you with another bundle of joy!

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