What does having an only child mean to you?

Sam - posted on 12/31/2010

We had our son 10 years ago. It was a difficult pregnancy, complications were on my side but I am so happy to be Ken's mum.

Having made that choice, I was sterilised 6 years ago which is lovely. I really didn't like being on the pill.

My son goes through periods of wanting a brother or sister but he understands it's not possible and he's happy. He's an only grandchild on one side of the family, so he's a little spoilt.

I went back to work when my son was 4months old: with two children that would have been much harder both financially and just in terms of time taken to get more children ready and out.

If you'd have asked me 15 years ago if I felt that only one child was a better option, I would have said no. We have such a close family without any of us feeling suffocated or obligated. I'm not saying it's fun all the time, but we spend good time together.

My normally fit and healthy son is due to have an operation next week (if all goes to plan) and it's really easy to organise that without needing to give a similar amount of time to a 2nd one.

Brandi - posted on 12/19/2010

Having an only child to me means you have time to prepare for the next (if any). I became a mom at the age of 21 and had no idea what I was doing. I have learned a lot in the past almost two years. But I know that when my husband and I do decide we are ready for more, there will be just that more love to go around.

Bernadine - posted on 12/18/2010

My husband and I made the decision to have only one child so that we could provide everything that we possibly could to him. Some people look at this as being selfish but we are just realistic, we love and adore our son but realize that he is all that we can handle and adding another child would not be the right decision for our family. When I would think of having another child it was with the thought that my son needed a partner and I did not feel that was a good enough reason to bring another child into this world. We have no regrets about just having the one child and to tell the truth f we do feel the need to add to our family there are soo many children that need a good home and adoption would be the way to go.

Beqi - posted on 12/16/2010

It means that we can take care of him properly, and give him the time, attention, room, activities, and financial help that he will require. It also means I can continue my clothing and jewelry design business and contribute to the household so we aren't broke. All in all, a win for us!

Jana - posted on 12/16/2010

I never wanted my 14 year old son to be an only child, but that's the way it worked out for me. When he was small he would beg me for a baby brother or sister. I wanted that badly for him and God knows my husband and I tried. It just wasn't meant to be. Now, I am thankful for only one. He is involved in a lot of things, he has a lot of friends and we are very close. He's a great kid and I've been told by teachers and other parents that if they didn't kow him, they'd never have guessed that he was an only child. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Sylviane - posted on 12/16/2010

I currently have an only child, a boy who is 12 years old. Having one child in life was never my intention. In fact, I always hoped I would have lots of kids! Unfortunately, I found out after an unsuccessful marriage of 10 years, with no kids, that I had an ovarian disorder, and that I most likely would never have children. I was devastated...
I later remarried, and my new husband, who believed in God as I did, told me to trust in God, and not just in man. So, I did, and miraculously, I conceived naturally and gave birth naturally to a 9 lb 4oz. big baby boy at the ripe old age of 44.5 years! So, this one and only child is actually a 'miracle' child. I have been blessed! I will forever be grateful to the Almighty God, the ultimate Giver of Life, who blessed me with this one, beautiful, child. He is a handful, mind you, but that's another story...!
So, the bottom line is: "Be grateful for what you DO have in life." I have learned to be grateful for whatever the good Lord gives to me, although, believe me, I have often gone down on my knees in prayer & supplication many times. He has answered many of my prayers (not all...) and I am grateful! This is a Bible verse that expresses the way I feel about the Lord having answered my cries to Him:
"Psalm 9:1-2 I will praise You, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will tell of all Your marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." In closing, I would like to wish all you mothers out there a Blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Sylviane - posted on 12/16/2010

I currently have only 1 child who is 12 years old, but this state of affairs has never been my intention... I never planned to have only 1 child in life. In fact I always dreamt that I would have lots of kids! Unfortunately, I found out rather late in life (late 30's), after an unsuccessful marriage of 10 years with no kids, that I had an ovarian disorder. The specialists said I would probably never have children. I was devastated... However, I remarried a man who believed in God as I did, and he said to trust in God Almighty and not just in man...Lo and behold, out of the blue, at the ripe old age of 44.5 years, I gave birth to my only child (conceived naturally, miraculously) - a boy! He weighed 9lbs.4oz. at birth, a big baby! I was so blessed! God answered my many prayers and cries to Him, although I only received the wonderful, miraculous GIFT of ONE child...I have learned to be grateful for everything that God has given me. So, the bottom line is: even though I have received an only child from the ultimate Giver of Life, I will be forever grateful to Him for that and many other blessings received.
Thanks for reading. Wishing you mothers a truly Blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Deborah - posted on 12/16/2010

I am an only child of a single mother.

I never wanted kids, but when I found out I was pregnant, I wanted a boy, I had a hard time as a child and for my own personal reasons I wanted a boy so I wouldn't have to worry about the same things happening to "him".

I had a girl.. I love her to bits, and now find myself a single mum of an only child...

I have to say that my whole life it was always me and my mum against the world, she is my confident, advisor, mother, and most of all my best friend..

If my and Laura are half as close and me and my mum are I'll be happy for a long time to come :)

Suz - posted on 12/02/2010

Always only ever wanted one child, and now I have him. We are strongly bonded and I intend to keep it that way, doing it alone too. At least no jealousy issues with older siblings this way for him, and he gets all my undivided attention :)
I put him first importantly and ensure he gets his needs met, and time to socialise with other toddlers.

Shel - posted on 11/22/2010

i was the last of 7 children... big family ... and there was always someone there. me having only i worry a lot about her being lonely. especially since i won't have anymore. i had her when i was 35 and i am now 41.

Peggie - posted on 11/21/2010

Having one child to me means that I got to raise my daughter with the most attention and the best of everything that I could give her.

She is incredibly bright, attentive and she is 17 and my best friend as well as my daughter. She talks to me about everything and comes to me for advice on her relationships. Her friends like to hang out at our house because they think we are cool. When they ask why she is so close to her mom she looks at her friends and tells them its weird to her that they are not as close with their own mothers. I wouldn't give her up for anything.

I do not regret only having one on most days. Sometimes I still wish I had had a second child so when I am gone she would have had a sibling. But if I had had another child I would have ended up in a wheel chair and I figured better an excellent mom to 1 than a so so mom to 2.

Angel - posted on 11/17/2010

My son is more then enought sometimes for mama.thats why he is all i want for now since i am 34 and hubby will be 36 in dec.

Michelle - posted on 11/03/2010

i like having and only child, because i can give, her my full attention to her, im responsible for only one person i brought in to the world, and im doing it myself, my daughter is three years old, and i love just being a single mom with only one child, they say that having one child is alot of money, but that not true, if you buy food in bulk and and used clothing, then your good.

Karla - posted on 11/02/2010

My daughter is an 'only child' and will ALWAYS be an 'only child'. I do not feel like I need to have any more. I am very happy and blessed to have my beautiful daughter. She is nearly 6 years old now and I love the fact that it is just us (I am a single mum) - we can have great chats together, I can afford to take her out and do things she enjoys, we have FUN. I see my friends who have more than one child and there never seems to be enough money to go around, the children are always fighting with each other and the mum is always telling them off and looking extremely stressed. I am a happy mum and my daughter is a happy child. What more could you want???

Melody - posted on 10/21/2010

I made the choice to have just one the minute I found out I was pregnant. It turned out to be the right decision because his Father and I are no longer together and one child has been the perfect number for me as a single Mom. I find that the ability to focus all my love, attention and special times with just him is the right fit for us. He has had pets at his Dads which has helped I think, and now has a baby sister there as well. With the age difference I dont think he will share many sibling experience until adulthood, perhaps. There is almost 8 years between them. Recent studies have found that only children have great confidence, focus and determination. The formerly negative stigma has been lifted and we are discovering that our only children have a great sense of self worth and self love. I dont regret my choice, though if my finances ever allowed I would love to adopt an older child. Why have more when there are so many kids in need of love who are already here? But thats just a dream of mine. An only child is by definition, a child that grows up without any other children present but in today's world there are so many other dynamics.

Jade - posted on 10/19/2010

i was an only chilk=ld and i would like more but nathan will be my only child biologically i hope to foster in future

Kelly - posted on 10/17/2010

wow, whats with all the comments about who should be in "the single baby club?" take it easy, I figured the site was referring to where the parents life is right now. you have one child, for what ever reason, and you want to talk about it. so what, if they are thinking about another one.-- right now, they have the one. that's their "only child" - lighten up.

Sinclairbrooks - posted on 10/14/2010

My son is an only & will remain an only. I guess only means they are an only child at the time & that status could change if another child is born.

Katie - posted on 10/13/2010

Before I became pregnant I didn't want any kids. I had younger brothers and sisters that I took care of while my (single) mother was working-this made me not want children of my own. Then I had my beautiful princess that totally changed my world. Then I thought, 1 is perfect for me. Hmmm, now that she is 9 I sooo miss the days when she was a baby. For the past 2-3 years I have really been contemplating on having another child. However, my daughter seems to think this would be the end of her world lol. Not that this is her decision, but she feels very strongly about this. Kyra thinks that we will not love her anymore or that a new baby would replace her in our family. How do I make her see otherwise?

Stephanie - posted on 10/11/2010

My daughter is newly 7 and asks almost daily for a sibling. I do feel a bit guilty, especially since my sister is my best friend. Growing up with a sister was amazing for me and a big part of me wishes I could give that to my daughter. BUT, the reality is I am a single mom, and it is tough. I live in Guatemala because here I can afford help around the house and don´t have to work so much which allows me to take and pickup my child from school. There is no way though that I could get pregnant and have another child on my own. I love my child but those first 2-3 years were tough. I can´t do it alone again. So, now I am still trying to swallow the idea of having just one. I am grateful to be a mom and have this wonderful experience. It is a switch from how i envisioned my life. I am looking forward to the day when I really accept that this is it. I need more info about raising on only child though... I have never really known any. It is nice to read the other posts.

Jane - posted on 10/05/2010

Honestly, my husband and I both wanted more children before we had children. But I am 35 and my daughter is 2 1/2, life is good. Soon I will be able to go back to work full time, when Abby is in Kindergarten. We will not have to worry about our finances as much. Abby seems very content being a single child to, she likes other children and plays well, but when she comes home she knows she's in her sanctuary.

NeQuitta - posted on 10/04/2010

Having an only child means that my son will have my undivided attention and love. I won't have to worry about sibling rivalry or jealousy. My son will be my one and only. I can shower him with all the love in the world. Not saying that if I had another one, I wouldn't love him or her. But since I don't and don't plan on having another one, my son will have to benefits of being my center and I revolve around him. But not to the point of outrageous spoiling

Kimberly - posted on 10/03/2010

It means that I am most likely past the age of having a second child -so I'd better do the best job I can since she'll be taking care of me when I'm old. It also means she will be spoiled. Respectful, well behaved, obedient but definitely spoiled.

Hailey - posted on 10/03/2010

i think my 2 year old a handful for nw but i like havin attention for only 1 child tht way i dnt think she gettin left out or jelouse

Dawn - posted on 09/26/2010

I always thought I wanted two children but after having a life-threatening problem during pregnancy (most likely caused by my pregnancy) and experiencing all the joy of this one child, I think I stand at having this one. I do ride the fence from time to time though.

Ann - posted on 09/25/2010

Well said Lori!!!

Lori - posted on 09/25/2010

Having one child...an only child...means all good things. I say that bcause I am blessed to have my son. I went through the trenches to get pregnant, then to give birth. Andy is the reason I breathe, and knowing he will be an only child is fine with me. He has a daycare family, play dates, but most importantly a loving family, which includes all family. The only child myth certainly doesn't phase me!

Jennifer - posted on 09/24/2010

I have always been very torn on this. My son is a wonderful 5 year old. I never thought I would have an only child but due to problems in my marriage I am now a single mom at 37. I work full time and my son is a very active little boy, and anyone out there with a son knows what I'm talking about. I am grateful for my son and know that I would have a hard time if we had more children during our marriage. And i also realize that as I'm getting older the likelihood of me having any more kids is unlikely. I hope that someday that is not an issue for my son and that we always have wonderful friends and family to surround ourselves with so he never feels lonely. And like every Mom out there I worry about every possible scenario in his life, what if something happens to me, what if he's lonely, what if... But for today my son is the center of my world.

Ann - posted on 09/22/2010

Michelle,
My son went through that stage as well only he wanted an "older" brother. Not a younger one which was kind of funny. Please just savor every minute you have with her. So many women out there cannot get pregnant at all. I was one of them. It took me four years to get pregnant and I am so grateful I was given the opportunity to become pregnant and give birth. You are a COMPLETE family. Families come in all sizes and I think yours is just perfect!!

Sheri - posted on 09/22/2010

Michelle, give yourself a break. You did the best you could. Guilt is a wasted emotion and solves nothing. You tried. Case closed. Have a great day and continue to love the child you have!

Michelle - posted on 09/22/2010

I had several miscarriages before I had my 7 year old daughter & never got pregnant again. I'm a single mom since she was 2. I always wanted another child, it just never happended. I have so much guilt because Hannah asks me all the time why I only have one baby & her Aunt has 3, or talks about friends brothers & sisters. I know she wants a sibling & it causes me great guilt. I feel that she deserves that & it breaks my heart, I feel like somehow I failed as a mother to give her a complete family.

Joy - posted on 09/21/2010

I am the oldest of three girls. I love my sisters immensely and had wonderful parents, but I always knew that I would prefer to have an "only" when I started my family. My daughter is now 5 1/2 and I has Essure impants (permanent sterilization) put in right after her 5th b-day. I am so glad that I only have one child. It allows me to focus all my energy on her (what's left after working all day, LOL!). My husband and I are able to afford the sports and classes she wants to take. Someone posted about making sure an "only" isn't spoiled, and its true, that is a constant battle, but it is my desire to provide generously for my daughter while teaching her to provide for others. I am NOT sorry I decided to only have one child. She is charming and precious and I would hate for my attention to be divided between her and another!

Ann - posted on 09/19/2010

Hi,
Having an only child (or as I prefer to say, "single" child) has been an incredible experience for my husband and me. As a mother though it means that it is much harder having one than it is having two, three, four or more children. It means you are responsible to be your child's playmate when no one else is around. It means that when you go on vacation you always invite a friend along so they will have someone their age to play with or as a teenager, to hang out with. It means holding on loosely is harder (since he/she is the only one you have) and it also means that when it's time to let go it is much more difficult than it is for mothers of multiple children. It also means that you try and not feel guilty that you couldn't or chose not to give your single child siblings since the day will come when your child will not have a sibling to share happy times as well as sad times with. But it also means that you gave birth to the most incredible human being ever known to you and you have an incredibly special bond that a mother of multiple children will never know. I know all this since I am the mother of an magnificant young man that is now a senior in college. I have given much thought on this topic over the years so I was thrilled to see this post and so honored to be able to write about it from my perspective. I hope it helps some other mothers out there of single children. I am so blessed to have my son. I thank God everyday for him

Ann - posted on 09/18/2010

Hi,
Having an only child (or as I prefer to say, "single" child) has been an incredible experience for my husband and me. As a mother though it means that it is much harder having one than it is having two, three, four or more children. It means you are responsible to be your child's playmate when no one else is around. It means that when you go on vacation you always invite a friend along so they will have someone their age to play with or as a teenager, to hang out with. It means holding on loosely is harder (since he/she is the only one you have) and it also means that when it's time to let go it is much more difficult than it is for mothers of multiple children. It also means that you try and not feel guilty that you couldn't or chose not to give your single child siblings since the day will come when your child will not have a sibling to share happy times as well as sad times with. But it also means that you gave birth to the most incredible human being ever known to you and you have an incredibly special bond that a mother of multiple children will never know. I know all this since I am the mother of an magnificant young man that is now a senior in college. I have given much thought on this topic over the years so I was thrilled to see this post and so honored to be able to write about it from my perspective. I hope it helps some other mothers out there of single children. I am so blessed to have my son. I thank God everyday for him.

Rosemarie - posted on 09/18/2010

having an only child to me means at the present moment i have only 1 child. who knows what the future holds i might want another

Karen - posted on 09/18/2010

In my case, an only child is an only child. I am 49 years old and my only child is almost 26. I just wanted to share my experience with all of you younger Moms! My son is an only child due to several factors; ie: the pregnancy was normal but I was told before I got pregnant that I would probably never be able to have any children, so that was the first miracle. One child, to me, was better than none at all! After our son was born he was very sick and one Dr. actually diagnosed him with a terminal illness. Thank God, it turns out the Dr. gave a wrong diagnosis, but we didnt know that at the time, so that was miracle number 2. So several months of his early life seemed to be on borrowed time anyway. Then as he got older it seemed that he was very accident prone and we went thru numerous surgeries and injuries. Miracle number 3 that he survived all of that. We still thought we wanted at least one more child but about the time we decided to start trying again I began to have numeorus health issues my self which prevented us from getting pregnant. One thing led to another until I was forced, for health reasons, to have a hysterectomy. A part of me truly mourned the fact that I would never have another child, but at the same time I was so proud and happy of the one child I did have that I decided not to let my problems get me down. I would just put everything I had into the child that I did have! He graduated from High School and had his entire life in front of him. He was making plans for college and then, about 2 months after graduation he was in an accident that almost took his life. At this point, during the first year or two after his accident, I totally understood why God had not allowed me to have another child. It took every fiber of my being to be with him and love him and help him thru his recovery process. Today, I am just so thankful that God allowed my son to live. I am so happy that altho he will never be where he was before the accident, he is ALIVE, and he does have a future! My son is partially paralyzed and has mild Traumatic Brain Injury from his accident. He still lives at home with us, but is looking forward to the day when he may be able to move into an apartment of his own. So, to sum this up; often an only child holds all of our hopes and dreams for the future. . . sometimes, so much so, that we hope to live our own lives through our child. I have learned that this is too much of a burden to put on any one child. I have also learned that God always knows best. In our case, having an only child has been a blessing because it allowed me to quit my job and be here with our son during this long recovery process (this journey continues). If I had more than one child (these last 7 years) someone would have gone lacking. So, to answer the question, my only child is EVERYTHING to me. He is the best of me and the worst of me! He is all my hopes and dreams altho those have been altered many times since his accident. We often joke, now that having an only child means. . he is our sweetest child and our meanest child, our most well-behaved child and our most rebellious child, our worst child and our best child etc. As I said, he is our EVERYTHING!!!

Sheri - posted on 09/18/2010

I had my only child at the age of 41. When he was 18 months old, I contemplated having a second child but realized I was too tired to go through another pregnancy and infancy stages again.

Alexis - posted on 09/18/2010

Planning or no planning if you only have 1 child then this group is for you. Life doesn't always give us what we want.....so we work with what life gives us.

I don't want anymore children because I wanted all my kids to have the same father. Because I'm young and unmarried I can change my mind if I find a great man. I'm glad this group is open to all of us.... Planning or not.

Holly - posted on 09/18/2010

My daughter is nearly 4 and I love her to bits, but I definatly dont want anymore. I watch my friends with their children and sometimes feel slightly jealous they play together. But I know how hard it can be. I know there is just me and my daughter and I can give her all my attention and can afford to buy her what she wants. I also think this group should be for parents of an only child and not parents planning another child

Alexis - posted on 09/17/2010

Being the parent of an only child does not mean "forever" It means just that.... you are the parent of an only child. We can change our minds and have more kids if/when we feel it is the right time.

I am the single parent of a 6yr old daughter. I lost my job and I know if I had more kids it would be harder than it is right now. I love my daughter but sometimes I feel like I'm cheating her out of something.....Just cause she's an only child.

Divina - posted on 09/17/2010

well i love kids and i adore them really but being a single parent i dont know i can afford to raise two or more kids, and i wond be able to have more kids for the fact that i am single eheheh

Michelle - posted on 09/17/2010

I am the mother of one boy, now five. I have always wanted two kids, but as each day passes I sink more into the reality that I will have one and only one kid.

Divina - posted on 09/17/2010

it only means you will be with your only child forever.. changing my mind is always an option, I am single parent and i love being likes this.... so no more additional child anymore.....

Jerri - posted on 09/17/2010

I am an only child myself. I only have one child. The biggest regret that I have is leaving my son to take care of me when I am old and dying. When my dad died it was very hard on me because I was the only one there to take care of my mom. I would have loved to have siblings to help get through that tough time. On the other hand when my grandparents died I saw how terrible it can be when there are siblings fighting over everything. There are pros and cons to have only one child.

Amanda - posted on 09/17/2010

My husband and I have no intentions of having another child. We don't intend to do any tube-tying, but we won't "try" for any more children. When I was young and naive I always thought I would love to have 3 children. Then I gave birth to Oscar (15 months) and cannot possibly imagine myself with any more children. Oscar is very social, very happy, and get's along with other children and babies very well so I do not worry about negatively affecting his social behavior by not giving him a sister or brother. Plus, he has plenty of cousins and buddies to pal around with. My husband and I understand that we need to be sure we give him plenty of opportunities to play and share with other children in order for him to develop into a well-rounded and well-behaved little guy.

Anjali - posted on 09/17/2010

having only child means having ur only one child. My son is now 20 and I regret leaving him with no siblings. The value of having ur own brother or sis is very great. This I am realizing now when my parents are no more and the emotional support and the security I get from my sisters. Though we meet hardly once in a year as we stay miles away from each other but the feeling of having someone who is just a call away in time of need give me and my husband so much peace at this stage when th children are gone. But to my child I am not able to give this security.
It was forced decision to me as I had bad history of pregnancy. 2 miscarriages and a pre-mature birth of a girl child. She succumbed to lung infection in a day. Even I could not bear it any longer. but I think it was very selfish of me. one must have atleast 2 children. Taking care is equally important and i think all of we mothers can do it if the gap is not long. and it is financially not burden as most of the things of the older child id reused for the younger one. except for few disposables.
So those who are planning to have a change of mind please go ahead before it is too late. only there should not be any medical complications.

Heather - posted on 09/16/2010

My son is 2 and I am not planning on having anymore children, more so because of the financial responsibility. I have outrageous school loans and I am hoping to be able to help my child through college so he doesn't have the loans like me. I also enjoy only having my son and it works for me and my husband. we are asked constantly if we are going to have more...while I never say never, I can honestly say we are not planning on it. That is what having an only child means to me...only 1.

Christina - posted on 09/16/2010

I would like to say that "only" means "only". My husband and I decided that after my daughters first month that she completed us. Unlike others I had an extremely easy pregnancy and quite truthfully an easy birth (no drugs and she was born within 5 hours of checking into the hospital). We decided that financially we wanted to provide her with experiences that we were never able to have. What drives me nuts is that when people ask when are you going to have another and I answer we are not, they look at me like I am crazy. I don't judge if someone wants to have more than one, so I don't understand the judgement on only having one.

Julie - posted on 09/16/2010

i have taught him to be gentle and tolerant playing with babies, understanding when he is playing with girls( because we all know girls can be a little huffy sometimes-teaching him to be tolerant and understanding now, his gf's will love it), accepting when he is with friends that have issues, and to be everyones friend.......

Julie - posted on 09/16/2010

thanks gill, although i never said he was perfect! hahaha, he certainly has his moments, and it is hard work but when i only ever get positive praise and comments from parents of other children that WANT him to come back to their house, his customers (yes, he has his own car washing business on the weekends) love him-he makes a fortune on the tips-and i see him with his new mentally challanged friend a few years older than him, well, who could ask for a great son that i know will grow to be an even greater adult...i look forward to seeing what he will be like in the next ten years and how he will change peoples lives by just be such an accepting, generous and loyal person that he shows he can be now......